Forks, Washington. A small town in the Olympic Peninsula of Washington, in the United States. It's one of the rainiest places in the USA, and certainly in the continential US. It's much different than always-sunny Phoenix, Arizona, but I have very little choice. I'm doing it for my sister. It's all for Allie.
So here I am, sitting in the front seat of Charlie's police cruiser and staring out the window at the driving rain. Charlie's silent, and so am I. Though, Charlie probably feels awkward, and I'm just silent because I'm upset about Allie. The rain streaking down the window looks like tears, I note as we stop at one of the few stoplights. The main road in Forks has two lanes on either side of the yellow line. I bump my head on the window, and then sigh. With my luck, it'll bruise and I'll start high school here with a black-and-blue forehead. Charlie hits the button for the radio and fiddles around until he hits the country station. A song begins playing that makes me start crying. If I Die Young by The Band Perry. We played the song when we scattered Allie's ashes. I can almost smell her perfume as I listen, and silently let the tears fall. Charlie notices and goes to turn off the song, but I slap his hand away. I want to remember Allie, not push her away. The light turns green, and we're off again. When we get to the house, I climb out and sling my duffel bag back over my shoulder. I pay little attention to the house (though I can't help but notice the old Chevy truck in the driveway), just go upstairs to my room and close the door. Just as roomy as before, but more so without the bed Allie slept in. Instead, Charlie had put an old desk with a computer older than most dinosaur fossils. I set the duffel bag down and unpack.
The thing on top in the bag is my photo album. I search for a loose floorboard and stuff it in there, along with my coffee can full of savings. I throw my clothes in the drawers and set my books in the shelf. My MP3 player goes on the nightstand, as does the photo cube with pictures of me, Renee, Allie, and Charlie. Once I'm satisfied, I lay down on my bed and pick out patterns in the ceiling. Charlie comes in once; a joint visit to ask if I want dinner, and to tell me that I'll be starting to school tomorrow. Joyous.
When the afternoon light starts to fade, I shower and go downstairs. Charlie's invested in a few pieces of fruit, lucky for me. I grab an apple and go back upstairs. Today is a day to be alone with my thoughts, not to be out and about and pretend I'm OK. That's tomorrow's job.
I lay there on my bed until the late afternoon light gives way to darkness. It may be only eight, but I turn over and give sleep my best shot.
=X=
I wake up at four o'clock. I click on my bedside lamp and look around. After taking a moment to wake up, I heave myself out of bed and grab my clothes. Yes I'm aware that school doesn't start until eight, but I can't go back to sleep. After making my shower last for a half-hour, I get on my computer and check my email. None of course. I spend an hour watching CNN. Then I get my school stuff together, and grab a granola bar. It should last me until lunch. So I drive to school and sit in the parking lot until the secretary arrives. She lets me in and gives me my schedule. I study it quickly along with the school map and head to my locker. By the time I get everything in and straigthen it out, I have an hour and a half left. A few students have arrived, and there's a petite pixielike girl that has the locker to the left of mine. I catch one good look at her, and my heart twists. She looks so much like Allie; the choppy hair and angular features. I turn away quickly, fighting tears. The day passes slowly, but it's a blur by the time I get to Biology. I'm one of the last to walk in. The fan blows my hair into a disorder, and I step out of the way of it. Mr. Banner signs my signature sheet. I sit down, and there is a boy sitting beside me. He's glaring at me like I've stabbed him or something. I frown. The last thing I need is someone on my case!
Mr. Banner runs through a PowerPoint, and I carefully take notes. We finish early, and everyone talks while Mr. Banner listens to music on the radio and does paperwork. The same damned song comes on again, and I put my head down on the desk, feeling like it's a sign.
"I'm trying, Allie," I whisper to the black wood. "Give me strength."
A single tear falls down my cheek. A few girls are singing along.
A penny for my thoughts, oh no
I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more
After I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear
The words I've been singing
Funny when you're dead
How people start listening
I keep my head down on the table until the song goes off, and then I just keep my chin on the table, feeling glum. Finally, finally, the bell rings. I sigh in relief and flee the room. My safe haven is gym. It's a horrible subject for me, but all I have to do to pass is show up. That brings the slightest trace of smile to me. A smiling blond boy offers to be my partner in volleyball.
"Thanks," I say, keeping my voice breezy. His name has slipped my mind.
He grins again. I decide that I like him. He's a perpetually happy person. His name comes to me. Mike Newton! His family owns a sporting goods place in town. I smile. "Thanks," I tell him again.
Mike nods. "No problem. Might as well practice my chivalry."
That causes me to laugh. My somewhat good mood causes me to excel in the game. On the first turn, I spike the ball over the net and it hits someone on the other team, on the head. They try to hit it over the net but it hits the ground. Mike high-fives me, as does a petite girl with wildly curly dark hair. Her name is Jessica, I recall. She's probably only 5'1" but her hair makes up at least an inch of the difference between us. Coach Clapp decides to call time after my team is up by six. He lets us change and go home early. I race to the truck through pouring rain, and slide inside the cab. As soon as I'm able to put the key in the igntion, I carefully navigate the streets home. There, I do my homework in silence. I turn on my music and lay on my bed. I feel like I'm waiting for something.
The thing is, I don't even know what I'm waiting for.