Author's note: Thanks again to iamnumbernine and jekl for reviewing the last chapter. Chapter 13: Heartbreak
Why had I been such an idiot? I hadn't seen Jason since our argument, and it had been more than twenty-four hours. I regretted my words, and wanted to apologize, but that seemed impossible, since Jason probably was going to think of me as a heartless "female dog" for the rest of eternity. Not only had I ruined our romantic relationship, but I had ruined our friendship as well. What an idiot.
When the students came back from break, Jason still hadn't shown his face outside of his office. Had I really hurt him that badly? If I did, I couldn't say that I blamed him.
Before breakfast on the first day back, Minerva had an announcement to make. "Unfortunately, Jason Clearton is feeling ill today, so I need three volunteers to take over today's classes for him." She said.
Since I was sure I had been the one to cause Jason's "illness", I volunteered right away. It was only right, even though I didn't think I knew enough about Defense Against the Dark Arts to properly teach a class. The only class I was available for was the third-year Slytherin/Gryffindor class, so I took it.
When I walked into the Defense classroom that afternoon for my shift, the students fell silent and stared at me as if they had never seen me before.
"Where's Professor Clearton?" asked one of the Gryffindors.
"Professor Clearton is not… feeling his best at the moment, so I will take his place for today." I answered shortly as I walked to Jason's desk to look at his "sub notes". I skimmed the parchment until a came to a section labeled Monday, 1/5/09, Lesson: Gryffindor/Slytherin third years. I read Jason's instructions to find out the agenda for today's class.
Please have students read Chapter 7, pages 156 – 183 in their textbooks. They will need to read the entire chapter in order to write a 13-inch essay on the subject. Students are required to summarize the chapter (Werewolves: description and they challenges they face in the wizarding world) and their opinions of werewolves. I expect students to write about the following information:
a.) how to identify a werewolf (includes a description and how lycanthropy is spread)
b.)Every-day struggles and challenges werewolves face
c.) student's personal opinion on the treatment of werewolves. Meaning, do they agree or disagree with wizarding society? Do they believe the way werewolves are treated is fair?
This assignment is due this Thursday. If students are chatty and/or misbehave, feel free to add another three inches onto the assignment.
Thank you,
Jason
"Alright!" I called sharply, and the room quieted down. "You are to read pages 156 through 183 in your textbooks. I will write your assignment on the board. The assignment is due this Thursday. If there is too much talking and not enough working, I will add three inches to your assignment. I suggest you get to work."
After I had finished coping down the assignment onto the board, I sat down at Jason's desk and began to read the chapter myself, as it had a lot to do with my son. I never knew how badly werewolves were treated until I read the chapter Jason had assigned. As I read, I struggled not to cry, because I knew that someday, Nick would face the same prejudice every werewolf faces. Life was better for most werewolves now, but prejudice still existed. It made me afraid for Nick's future.
The class passed quickly. "You may go." I told the class. "I'll see you in Potions tomorrow, if not before."
Before I left the room, I left a report of the class's behavior underneath the day's lesson.
Jason –
Class today was quiet and respectful. They worked hard the entire class period.
Just beneath that, I wrote:
I am truly sorry about my words the other day. I was wrong. You are not a coward – far from it actually – and I love you. I don't see any reason for you to forgive me, but I sincerely hope you will.
Lucianna Pasen
Three days later, there was still no reply from Jason. I heard he had resumed teaching his classes, but I hadn't seen him around the school at all. I assumed he was avoiding me, and therefore was staying in his room whenever possible.
Meanwhile, I was still heartbroken. I needed the kind of advice one could get from their mother. Unfortunately, mine was no longer alive, and even if she was, there was no way I'd ask her for advice on my romantic life, or on anything for that matter. I decided to instead go to someone who was not only like a mother to me, but was also a friend as well. That person was Minerva.
It felt strange going to my boss and former professor for advice, yet Minerva was the only person I felt comfortable talking to. I went to her office on a Saturday morning and knocked timidly on the door, hoping she would be inside and alone.
When Minerva opened the door, a look of surprise crossed her face, but then she smiled. "Come in, Lucianna, come in."
I did as I was told and sat in a chair directly in front of the Headmistress's desk. Minerva sat down across from me and transfigured a plate full of biscuits in mid-air. "Have a biscuit." She said, and I politely took one.
"If you don't mind my saying so, Lucianna, but you don't look so well. I assume that is why you are here."
Minerva was right. Before I came, I had looked in the mirror. I really was in bad shape. There were dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, and my skin was paler than usual. Even Nick had noticed the changes.
I sighed. "Minerva, have you ever been in love?"
Minerva looked surprised. "Me? Well… yes, I have. Twice actually."
"What happened?" I asked, and then added quickly, "If you don't mind me asking."
"Well, first you should know a little about my family history." Minerva began. "My mother was a witch, who married a muggle. Because of her love for my father she gave up magic. Although she eventually told my father about her – and my – magically abilities because she couldn't hide mine anymore, she still felt trapped and was really quite miserable. When I went to Hogwarts, I couldn't help noticing she seemed a little envious of me.
"When I was eighteen I fell in love with a muggle farmer named Dougal McGregor. He was so funny and clever, and I fell head-over-heels for him. Then, one day, he proposed to me, and at first I said 'yes'. But not long after, I realized that if I married Dougal, I would have to follow in my mother's footsteps and give up magic, and that wasn't something I wanted to do. So, the following day, I was forced to tell Dougal I had "changed my mind" and left both of us devastated.
"Several years later, my former boss, Elphinstone Urquart, proposed to me, but since I still loved Dougal, I declined. He continued to ask me time and time again, and I finally accepted in 1982. Unfortunately, I was heartbroken again in 1985, when Elphinstone passed away from a Venomous Tentacula bite. Why do you ask me, of all people, about love? Does this have anything to do with Jason."
I nodded sadly. "Yes. I said some hurtful things to him, and now I regret everything I said, but I don't know what to do, or how to make things better."
"What exactly did you say to him?" Minerva asked.
I explained the entire story to her, starting from New Year's Eve and ending with the note I left him after substituting in his class.
Minerva hesitated for a moment and then said, "I think you should wait for Jason to come back to you. You've done all you can. It may take a while, but I'm sure he'll come around. That man really loves you, you know. He's been in love with you ever since I hired you both."
I sighed. "I know. That's why I feel so horrible."
Minerva was right. All I could do was wait for Jason to trust me again. He still might have forgiven me again, whether or not I deserved it.