So Canada enacted his first plan: sleeping with England.
'Oi! America! You were bloody quiet at the meeting today,' England called to Canada.
'Oh... um... yeah,' Canada said.
'It's really unlike you. It's actually quite... AROUSING...' England said, groping him.
Canada whimpered and prepared for a night of pain.
LATER...
America, who was not at the meeting because he was taking care of Japan (nudge, nudge, wink, wink), wandered into England's house for a sesh of sex (wow, what a whore).
'Hey England, I just got back from Japa-I mean, a foreign relations meeting and WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?'
'AMERICA? THEN WHO-' England looked down, and found that his partner had DISAPPEARED. 'You know, I expected this to happen.'
THE NEXT DAY...
With Canada's previous plan a COMPLETE FAILURE, YOU CAN'T EVEN FUCK SOMEONE WITHOUT SCREWING IT UP, he decided to try plan two: sending Kumauma to blackmail America.
Kumajewma (yes, you read that right) went to a world meeting in Canada's place. No one noticed the difference. Everyone... except...
'Oh hey Canada,' Russia said. 'You look cute today, kolkol.'
Kumalooma didn't like the way Russia was looking at him like he was dinner, if dinner consisted of a healthy dose of sex. (How healthy is too healthy? Find out at 10.) So he kicked him in the nuts and ran away, screaming 'STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER!'
And no one cared.
THE NEXT DAY...
Canada was pissed. None of his plans were working. He was running out of ideas.
'I AM SO PISSED! NONE OF MY PLANS ARE WORKING! I'M RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS!' Canada shouted, but I believe I already covered that. 'I'M GOING TO FACE AMERICA RIGHT NOW!'
He power-walked to America's house, pulling out Japan's katanas. He kicked the door open and sliced his way to his bedroom.
'ALL RIGHT AMERICA I'M SO FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR SHIT AND OH MY GOD KILL ME RIGHT NOW I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS AUGH!' Canada committed seppuku.
America and England gaped at him-er, his dead body-from under the covers.
'Um... okay...' was Amurrika's intelligent reply. 'That was... um... weird.'
Igirisu scoffed. 'Well, of course it was WEIRD. What ELSE would it be? DELICIOUS?'
'Well, actually-'
'NO. DON'T ANSWER THAT.'