A/N: If anyone is still interested in this...Many, Many apologies for the huge delay! :( Real life pulled me under, and when I finally came up for air I had a massive case of writer's block. I mean for everything; this is the hardest I've ever had to work in writing essays, reports, and speeches, lol. It also didn't help that with no new Lucas/Peyton on my T.V., interest in the fandom kind of faded, which is sad.

Anyhow, I got my writing mojo back! I don't like unfinished things, so I'm reviving this to wrap it up! There will be 2 more chapters after this. Thank you everyone who reviewed ch12; I really do appreciate them!

Chapter title comes from the song "This Girl" by Nikki Flores. Anything in a "'quote'" like that is not mine either. I don't own OTH or it's characters, only this path I took them down.

Enjoy!

Ch13: The Longest Journey Always Starts With One Step At a Time

Peyton studies the picture of Lucas and Haley that sits atop his dresser, absently humming the cloying tune quietly emanating from the television. The movie has long since been over, with the screen now stuck at the DVD title page, repeating the same short tune over and over; she'll probably never get it out of her head.

With a small sigh, she takes a peek at the boy sound asleep in the bed. She can't help the wide grin that covers her face at the thought of last night.

He said he loves her.

On one level, she's still having a little trouble wrapping her mind around it, still finds it a little hard to believe. But she could tell he meant it. She meant it, too. And the freedom of sharing her emotions with him, the heady rush of knowing he feels the same...well, she'll grin about it all she wants to. Despite the sorrow and harshness of everything else going on, because loving and being loved is a big deal.

Turning back to the dresser and another frame, she lightly traces the grin on a young Lucas' face as he sits between Karen and Keith. She knows the picture has to be bittersweet for the blonde boy, but she likes that he has it on display. It's a good sign. He's healing, at least a little. It had taken her dad months to be able to look at a picture of Anna, though Peyton had had a frame hidden under her bed since the funeral, sneaking it out whenever she missed her mom.

She jumps lightly when the door opens, turning to see Karen peek her head in before entering. She watches the older woman approach the bed, reaching out to lightly nudge her son as she perches on the edge of the bed next to his hip. "Lucas?"

"Hmm? Peyton?" He mumbles, twisting around and rubbing at his face before sleepily opening his eyes.

His mom only quirks an eyebrow and muses, "You know, that's the second time recently you've had that reaction when I've woken you up. I thought you'd outgrown that when you were thirteen, fourteen."

"Ma!" It emerges as a squeak, a dull red flush covering his skin as he scrambles to a sitting position and stares at his mom with something akin to horror.

Peyton's jaw drops, turning to regard him with wide eyes, but he purposely refuses to meet her gaze. She's not sure what to say right now, or how exactly to take that statement. They didn't even know each other when they were that age.

"I was just commenting." Karen shrugs lightly, "It's not like I said that in front of her."

This time Peyton sees Lucas' eyes dart in her direction quickly, before he just groans and turns back to his mom, abruptly changing the subject. "Um, what's going on?"

But his mom's attention is caught by the TV, a wistful smile coming and going. "The Princess Bride? I've always loved that movie." She turns to him, "Do you remember when we used to watch it all the time when you were younger?"

"Yeah." Lucas gives a light chuckle. "Haley always wanted to watch it and try to recreate the adventures in the living room. You'd manage to find your way into the room after the first few minutes and say that you'd only stay for a moment. But you never missed the movie."

She laughs, too. "Yeah. It's an easy one to get caught up in. I'm surprised to see…I haven't seen you watch this in years."

Lucas shrugs, avoiding looking at the blonde teen still standing by his dresser.

Peyton smiles at his obvious discomfort as he mumbles something she can't hear. The Princess Bride has always been on her top-favorite-movies list and she knew they had it, so she had cajoled Lucas to put it in for her before he fell asleep last night. He'd been exhausted, but she had wanted to stay with him rather than leave; they figured a movie would be more entertaining than watching him sleep.

Karen grins, patting Lucas' leg. "You don't have to blush, Lucas. I knew you always secretly loved this movie as much as I did."

He merely rolls his eyes, objecting, "It was the first thing I grabbed! It's not like I went hunting for it."

Except he had.

Her gaze turns worried. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Little restless." He brushes off any reason for concern. "I only made it as far as Westley throwing himself down a ravine at Buttercup's orders, so…it worked as a sleeping aid."

He grins at his mom as she swats at him for his teasing tone. Then he sobers, bringing the conversation back to his original question. "You doing okay, mom?"

Karen sighs softly, answering, "I'm…yeah, I am. I know I didn't see you yesterday, but…are you doing okay?"

"I'm...good, actually. It—it wasn't bad, like I thought it might be. And I feel better for it."

"Yeah? I'm glad." Karen grasps his hand with hers, letting a moment of silence pass before breaking it, "Anyway, I thought I'd go down to the Cafe today."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Lucas asks, shifting his legs over the edge of the bed and pushing blankets away.

His mom smiles at him. "No, but thank you. Deb's opening and I'm only going to check in, see how she's holding up." Standing, Karen sends him a half-shrug. "I don't think I'm up for being there all day, but I just want to do something. I'll probably head to the hospital around lunchtime and bring something for Larry…are you gonna stop by and see Peyton later?"

"Yeah. Probably." He shrugs casually. Peyton rolls her eyes at his forced nonchalance; his mom apparently already has a lot of ideas in her head, so she doesn't know why he's bothering to pretend he really doesn't care.

And maybe his mom has the same thought, because she turns around once she gets to the doorway, "Well, I guess I'll see you there, then. Maybe going to see her will help with the worrying. And that habit of asking for her when you wake up."

A raised eyebrow accompanying a smirk is the last sight either blonde has of Karen as she shuts the bedroom door behind her. A short burst of silence hangs over the room, before Lucas drops his head back with an embarrassed groan. "It wasn't like that."

"Like what?" Peyton strolls over to the bed, looking down on him with a curious manner. "And what did she mean by you used to do that when you were thirteen?"

He ignores her question, hastening to a standing position and busying himself with putting the movie in the case and shutting down the TV.

"Luke." Peyton probes, joining him and trying to meet his eyes.

He huffs loudly, snapping his gaze to hers. "Lately, when I've fallen asleep after talking to you, I automatically think you're the one waking me up, since you were with me last. At least, as far as I've been aware."

She gives him a moment, then quirks her eyebrow. "Okay…now. But I'm pretty sure that wasn't the case before. We didn't even know each other when we were thirteen!"

A light blush covers his face again, but she doesn't let him avoid her eyes, turning with him when he tries to sidestep around her. He sighs, "Maybe we hadn't actually met each other yet, but I knew who you were."

Peyton thinks she'd probably be blushing now, too, if it was possible. "Oh." This time, she's the one who lowers her eyes and desperately searches for a change in topic. "So, um, what're the plans for today?"

He laughs, visibly relaxing at her reaction to his implication. He moves to start digging through his dresser drawers in pursuit of something to wear. "Well, I figure, we can head to the hospital this afternoon. Since I told my mom I would."

"Can't we just stay here?" She pouts a little, dropping onto the bed. "Avoid the real world for a little longer? Watch movies?"

"Nuh uh." He piles clothes into his arms, straightening to face her. "I fear for my life if I have to stay locked in here with the weird movies you've been watching. They might attack me or something."

She makes a face at him as he heads to the door. "Hey, Luke? You're a real comedian, you know that?"

"Thanks." He laughs. "I'm here every night."

"If you survive getting dressed that morning." She quips sassily. "With the way I've seen you do it."

He turns and levels her with a look. "Ha ha. As long as people don't pop in at their whim." He sends her a smirk, "Try to resist, okay? Even though I do shower naked."

Her jaw drops, but before she can respond he sails out the door and heads down the hall. She stares at the doorway, flabbergasted at his audacity and a little amused by their bantering at the same time. Plus, the image or two that formed at his words...which probably shouldn't be in her mind at all.

With a small groan, she flops onto her back, staring at the ceiling. And seriously contemplates popping into the bathroom after his shower. Only to see him trip. No other reason. Really.

0.o o_o o.0

"Ready?" Lucas murmurs once they reach the door to her hospital room.

She bites her lip, "Not really, no." If she's honest, she doesn't want to face reality at the moment. She wants to revel in her little bubble of bliss for a while longer.

Seemingly following her thoughts, Lucas gestures to the door with an encouraging smile. "I love you…and it'll be fine. Come on."

She only nods, preceding him through the door quickly and taking in the scene. Her dad and Brooke are seated in chairs next to the hospital bed, idly chatting. Conversation stops as they bring their focus to Lucas, who shuts the door before turning to face the room.

"Hey." He gives an awkward wave.

Larry offers him a smile and gestures to the chair on the opposite side of the room. "Hi, Lucas. Pull up a chair and join us."

While he does as directed, Peyton settles herself comfortably on the end of the bed, right next to her unconscious self. Brooke scoots her chair over a little bit, making room for Lucas. It also brings her closer to her best friend, so she unthinkingly covers the sleeping girl's hand with her own. Peyton has to smile when the faint sensation surrounds her hand. "Guess what, Luke? I can feel her holding my hand now, too."

A hint of a smile in her direction is his response, as he fits his chair in the spot they opened up.

"How are you holding up, Lucas?" Larry questions politely, giving the boy a quick smile.

Lucas smiles back, "I've been...doing okay. You?"

"Okay. Peyton's doing fine, too. The doctor says tests are looking stable."

"She's strong. Always has been." Lucas agrees. He turns to the brunette on his other side, "Brooke. How are you?"

She merely nods in acknowledgement, giving only a clipped, "Fine." It causes Larry to stare at her in confused shock, apparently not sure what to make of her new attitude.

Peyton sighs heavily, running the fingers of one hand over the other, absently outlining the 'feel' of Brooke's fingers around her own. "Don't take it too personally, Luke. That's how she's always been when a person's not in her good graces." She's not sure if he's going to let it slide, but a barely discernable nod lets her know he will.

Her dad clears his throat, eyes darting between Lucas and Brooke. It almost makes Peyton want to laugh; he looks like he's waiting for a war to erupt at any moment.

The door opening dissolves the mounting tension as everyone turns to watch Karen walk in; she's earlier than she said she'd be that morning. She gives them a soft smile, lifting a paper bag and saying, "Hi. I brought you something to eat, Larry. Thought you might appreciate food not from the cafeteria."

Larry smiles, "Thanks, Karen." He stands up and offers her his chair, which she gratefully takes. Lucas retrieves another chair from the other side of the room and adds it to the circle while everyone else greets each other.

"I brought extra, too. I figured you might be here." Karen tells Brooke, rummaging in the bag and extracting a wrapped sandwich. The brunette teen takes it with a murmured thanks, but sets it aside as she reaches again for her unconscious friend's hand.

The little group starts making small talk, which Peyton mostly tunes out. Instead, she chooses to focus on the sensation around her hand and her unconscious body sitting scant inches from her. She lets her mind wander a little, touching upon some of the things that have happened since she fell into a coma. Things with her friends, things with her mom and dad, things with Lucas. The conversations she overheard and the lessons taken from other people's situations.

It isn't a lie. To say that having people there for you is a wonderful part of life. That it matters.

She knows it does. She also knows that letting people in can be one of the hardest things to do. And that it's probably harder to keep people out when they're so insistent on getting to know you. The group currently sitting in her hospital room is a perfect example of that.

It also definitely explains Lucas, when they first met. She hadn't wanted him in her life at the time, hadn't wanted him to keep chipping away at her defenses. But she hadn't been fully successful in turning him away from her. It had proved to be much more difficult to make him go away than to make him stay around.

"I was thinking, when she wakes up, we can have a small get together to celebrate. Like a dinner or something." Larry offers tentatively, bringing Peyton's attention to him. "When she's up to it."

Karen nods, "I think that sounds like a great idea. I'm sure she'll love it."

"Definitely." Peyton agrees with a small chuckle, "I never say no to dinner." She grins mischievously at Lucas as he practically strangles on a laugh.

He sends her a quick and subtle look, saying, "Peyton loves food. It should definitely be a dinner."

Larry laughs at that, agreeing whole-heartedly. "You're right, my girl sure can eat, can't she? Now I just need to think about what kind of food."

"Well, I did do a cooking school in Italy." Karen reminds them.

"Yum!" Brooke breaks in, "Please say you learned how to do tiramisu or zaba—zabali...something."

"Zabaglione." Karen fills in with a low laugh. "And yes, I did actually."

At her confirmation, Brooke gives a little squeeze to the hand she's holding, a sensation Peyton fully feels. She's excited too; she and Brooke had first tasted that dessert when they were ten and decided it was very a 'grown up' type of food. They'd had Brooke's housekeeper make it often during that summer vacation, eventually claiming it as 'their' dessert. Unfortunately, they hadn't had it again after that housekeeper left.

Peyton knows Brooke's taking that as a good sign, that they will have the chance to share it with each other again. She's secretly holding onto the same hope.

While Karen describes the dessert to Larry, Peyton shifts her attention from Brooke. Lucas catches her eye, slyly making a face at her, which has her wrinkling her nose right back. She's kind of having fun watching him try to interact with her while avoiding bringing attention to himself. Honestly, she's surprised no one else has noticed anything, because sometimes the boy just isn't as subtle as he believes himself to be.

"And I was thinking that Peyton and I could have a couple of sleepovers once she comes home." Brooke throws out with a hopeful look at Larry, who simply nods.

"I know she'd love that." Her dad grins in the direction of the bed.

Peyton smirks, "And it's basically Brooke-code for needs-place-to-live-so-Peyton's-bed-will-do-fine."

Lucas laughs out loud, drawing the attention of everyone else to him and earning confused looks. Peyton's not really sure how he's going to explain that reaction, but she stifles her own laughter at the sight of his brief, wide-eyed panic.

"Um," He shrugs sheepishly at Brooke but settles his gaze at the bed, "I heard you gave Nate and Hales their key back, right? So isn't a sleep over practically code for you're homeless and need a place to crash?"

Peyton doesn't even mind that he stole her words because they send Larry into a laughing fit at the expression on the brunette teen's face. She hasn't heard her dad laugh like that in a while.

She's missed it.

Once again her eyes fall onto her unconscious self, intently studying one of the reasons for her dad's lack of laughter lately. Her gaze absently drifts to the table pushed against the wall next to the head of the bed, where the day's newspaper lies.

She zones out of the conversation occurring around her, the earlier giddiness fading away into a serious contemplation. It's a weird thing, to experience the world while not being in it. It's odd to note that it's barely been half a month since she fell into a coma, since she effectively stepped back from living.

It feels more like a lifetime has passed with her existing in this weird limbo. She's experienced so much, in such a short time.

At the same time, she also hasn't experienced anything at all.

Because while Peyton has been popping into people's lives and witnessing her friends dealing with issues…her 'actual' self has been stuck in bed unable to relate to anything her friends and family have gone through recently. 'She' is still frozen in time, her only interactions with the world being extremely one-sided. No one knows what she's experiencing because she can't tell them.

And if they don't know, if they can't reciprocate, how meaningful can she claim it is?

Nathan doesn't know what his being there means to her, or that she heard his thanks for doing the same for him when he needed it. Haley doesn't know that she's grateful to the girl for being there when Brooke needed someone to talk to. Brooke doesn't know that Peyton is now aware of her best friend's feelings regarding last year, or that Peyton understands why she may feel that way.

But, paradoxically, for the first time since she woke up next to herself, Peyton feels grateful for going through this experience. For getting to step back from the world and work through her thoughts. For discovering a lot of things she never would have found out otherwise. For having the chance to help the boy she loves in a way she might not have gotten to if she'd physically been there.

And for the opportunity to be a little more honest with herself as well.

A tapping rhythm on the back of her hand has Peyton's gaze flying to her other self. Brooke's absently keeping a beat with her thumb while she discusses a trip Rachel invited them on once Peyton is recuperated. The absent gesture makes Peyton smile; albeit somewhat sadly.

She's learned a lot in this limbo, but she thinks one of the more important things has to do with trust.

As she explained to Lucas, she trusts him more than most people and on a deeper level than anyone. He says he trusts her the same way…and they can fully interact with each other while she's in this state.

During Nathan's visit the other day, he extended an offer of support and openness that she gave back just as deeply. It may have had its limits, but the mutual trust was there. He was able to partially connect with her on this limbo-plane.

And Brooke. Peyton was able to find out a lot about her best friend's state of mind. She learned a lot about the level of open honesty they didn't share with each other. She learned it and she thinks Brooke realized it a little, too…but the brunette doesn't know that Peyton's aware of it. She thinks that probably explains why she can only feel Brooke a little bit and why her best friend can't sense her at all: that lesson wasn't reciprocated.

"…she's alone too much, and that's really all my fault."

Her dad's statement shatters Peyton's thoughts. She shifts her position, sitting cross-legged fully facing the group by 'her' bed.

"Larry, I'm sure she understands." Karen softly tells him, laying her hand on his arm. "You're not abandoning her, you're just working."

He grimaces.

Lucas nods, "It's more…independence, actually. You know? She's learning how to do for herself."

"Yeah." Brooke agrees, with a look to the girl in the bed.

Peyton simply sighs. She knows her dad loves her. She just wishes he could be around a little more. But at the same time, she doesn't totally hate her situation, either.

Larry shakes his head. "It's not fair to her, though. And I'm starting to think it's only having a negative impact on her. She's…I dunno…becoming withdrawn maybe?"

"I don't think so." Lucas argues. "Maybe she doesn't have a million friends, but the ones she does have love her. She lets us in…and she's not alone."

His quick little flicker of his gaze to her lets her know that statement is meant for her; a reinforcement of previous conversations. She nods at him, letting him know she received that message loud and clear.

"He's right." Brooke doesn't look too pleased to be saying she agrees with Lucas. "And anyway, I think P. keeps the world a little at bay because she's scared. But for her, that's not a bad thing."

Larry jerks a little in reaction to that, but Karen speaks up before he can. "Inner strength comes with a healthy dose of caution. Knowing your limits but also exploring the boundaries and trying to push beyond them." She turns more fully to the man beside her. "And Peyton…she's a strong young woman. You know that, Larry."

"I know."

His tone is soft and his countenance becomes a little less distressed. She wants to reach over and hug him, but knows any attempt will only end in failure. She doesn't want to bring her mood down, so she contents herself to blowing him a little kiss; something she would do as a young girl watching his boat float away from the docks.

And oddly, their conversation makes her think about Ellie. A woman who blazed into her life, turned it upside down…and managed to make Peyton open up and love her, when she tried so hard not to.

That woman had inner strength. And she tried to teach Peyton to not be afraid of life.

With that thought ringing in her mind, Peyton stares at her unconscious self bemusedly. She's been thinking about herself as two different people; her 'actual' self and her…for lack of a better word, spiritual self. The self everyone can see and talk to, but who can't interact with them. And the self that the majority of people can't even see, but who can go out and learn about life.

And…she's happy to now think of herself as these two separate entities. Because that means 'she' will never be alone; she'll always have 'her' to depend on. That no matter what happens in life, no matter who does or doesn't show up, Peyton will always, always have her own strength to make it though the bad stuff.

Lucas was right the other day; she does tend to see the positive possibilities for other people. Her problem is that she never considered them for herself. Sometimes she has to make the first move…for herself. No one else will do it, if she can't do it for her.

Peyton's mind spins, thoughts flooding in almost faster than she can process them.

Ellie, with her decision about drugs and having to fight the battle of quitting them. Not because someone did it for her, but because she did it. With her choice of adoption and the strength it must have taken to deal with it all. Not just giving up a baby, but staying sober during pregnancy and choosing a family to raise her child. And from what Peyton understands, Ellie went through the process alone…no family, no boyfriend, no real person to confide in. Ellie fought hard through the drudges of life and ended up at peace with herself.

There's Karen, who only had a handful of people to support her while she single-handedly raised her son and built a business. Another person in Peyton's world who exudes inner strength.

Peyton absently lets her eyes fall on the woman in question, but doesn't break from her musings.

Karen's still exhibiting that; now having to deal with losing the man she loves, right before they were to start their life together. And yes, she does have many people willing to be strong for her…but she needs to do it, too.

Because sometimes people can't. Like Jimmy.

Peyton ducks her head, falling deeper into her thoughts.

She realizes Jimmy struggled with himself. She can't say she knows with what issues or why or for how long. But she can say that outside influences didn't help him any. With everyone around him fairly shouting that he was nothing at all, he needed to have a solid core of strength. He needed to know he could depend on himself to get through it. But instead, he fell and couldn't find his way out again.

It's natural, especially at their age, for self worth to be tangled up and built around other people. It's natural for people to get caught up and do something they never would have done before, simply because others valued the act. Or devalued it.

It hurts her heart to think about all the kids who can't see past that. The kids who do things that lead to self-disgust. The kids who fall and never recover. The kids who cry out to the world for help…only to be ignored. Or brushed aside. Or not even heard.

Jimmy was one of those kids. Who fell so far, he believed a desperate act was his only choice. He hadn't had the chance to build a strength that could survive everything he suffered.

She can learn from that. She has learned from that. To trust herself. To know when it gets really bad, she can find the strength to keep pushing through because it will eventually get better. Life usually does.

She doesn't have to be afraid of that. It hits her again, that fear is exactly what she's been feeling. Fear of dying, fear of living. If she fears both ends, then maybe that's how she got stuck in between.

Maybe this limbo world is simply fear. And the lack of trust she has in herself to handle really living life.

She idly raises green eyes, meeting the slight worry in blue. Lucas has a tiny frown on his face as he watches her. She offers him a smile, but his worry doesn't dissipate. She shrugs and shakes her head simultaneously, aware she's sending mixed signals but not knowing how to say what's on her mind. So she opts not to speak.

"What do you think, Lucas?" Brooke asks, diverting both blondes' attention.

Lucas sends her an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Brooke, I didn't hear what you said. My mind wandered."

The brunette frowns, but repeats her question. "I asked what you thought about having a beach party for the whole school when Peyton wakes up?"

He makes a face. "I don't know, Brooke. Doesn't seem like something Peyton would like."

It isn't, but Peyton loves Brooke for the thought. And for the fact that—though stilted and a little cold—she's making the effort to be civil towards Lucas. Because she loves Peyton and Larry; she doesn't want to cause any additional trouble for them during this time.

Her best friend just shrugs, "Well, we can always ask her later."

Karen changes the subject to Nathan and Haley; asking the two teens about what's been going on with their friends.

While they talk, Peyton closes her eyes and returns to her musings; letting the voices of people she loves wash over her. She picks out her best friend's giggle as she recounts for Karen the day they all shared funny memories. She hears her dad protest the idea of her dating a musician. And Lucas' insertion that she would find a certain idea hilarious instead of embarrassing.

Peyton smiles to herself, taking a moment to savor the feelings in that room. These people currently sitting by that hospital bed are there for one reason only; they love her. They believe she can regain consciousness. They believe she can handle living.

She knows she can, too. So she'll do better at seeing that. She'll do better at not letting fear win; at trusting she can handle what comes next and be okay.

Their voices meld into a somewhat indistinguishable cacophony, making her frown slightly. She struggles to focus on an individual voice, but it's difficult. Confused, she attempts to open her eyes and sit up straighter.

Neither happens.

She feels…heavy. And tired. And more than a little confused. Everything feels disconnected and overwhelming. She can barely wiggle her fingers, though still strangely comforted by Brooke's hand surrounding hers.

There's a burst of sound before silence falls.

0.o o_o o.0

"Oh my god!" Brooke's cry draws everyone's attention as they fall quiet. "She just—I felt—she—her hand moved!"

Larry darts up from his chair, leaning over his daughter and gently cupping her head as he croons, "Peyton? Sweetie, can you hear me?"

Lucas holds his breath, heart pounding as he watches riveted from his seat.

"P. Sawyer? C'mon, do it again, okay?" Brooke's voice cracks, as silent tears track down her cheeks.

Peyton's eyelashes flutter and her head shifts a little.

"Peyton? Baby, wake up." Larry murmurs, leaning closer over her.

And he lets himself cry when he sees green eyes hazily focus on his face.

A/N: Like I said, there's 2 more chapters after this; the next one is about 85 percent done, so look for it in a few days. Let me know what you thought!