It was a Wednesday afternoon when Kurt was finally released from the hospital.
Feeling better than ever, Kurt made his way out of the hospital with this family at one side, and of course, Blaine on the other. The doctors actually planned on keeping him locked up and snuggled underneath those white sheets for longer, but Kurt's progress was better than when he'd arrived, so he was able to claim his early release. And the next day at school, Kurt was welcomed back easily into the glee club, where regular practices could resume. Kurt seemed to be back to his normal self, dressed back in his regular brand named clothes, back to the bitchy but loveable quick wit, back to the high pitched voice and bright eyes that made Blaine swoon. It was hard to believe that a few days ago; he was sick in a bed and coughing up a storm every second. Almost like there were two people in one body. But still the same old Kurt Hummel. Did that make sense? Blaine thought it did.
Still. Even though Kurt was fine now, Blaine couldn't block out the nightmares that would disturb his sleep and make him jump up with fear and confusion. Once, Blaine had a nightmare regarding Kurt so bad that tears almost threatened to spill over his eyes. It took several long minutes before he could catch his breath, and even longer for him to fall back asleep.
The dreams were bad. Blaine didn't even know if this was normal, but knowing someone you love is terminally ill does things to you. In his nightmares, Kurt would be unconscious, hooked up to a million little beeping machines that kept his heart beating and his blood warm. Blaine would be standing at one end of the room, unable to move and frozen in his sunbconciousness. The machines would start getting louder, pounding faster and faster until he would see Kurt's body go completely limp. Then, the machines would go completely silent, the screens turning blank. The last sound would be a breath being sucked in quietly, almost like a gasp, and then nothing.
That's when Blaine would have to get up, run to his bathroom even if the tiles were freezing cold against his feet, and splash cold water on his face to wake him up. He didn't even feel like returning to his bed where it was safe and warm.
Kurt often dreamed of Blaine, too. But unlike Blaine, they were happy dreams. Nice dreams full of love and silliness, a kind of dream that you'd never want to wake up from. They never told each other about the dreams, because it didn't seem like it mattered. But of course, to Blaine, they frightened him. One loom at Kurt, however, and they disappeared.
One day, while Blaine was rummaging through his mountain of clothes o the floor near his bed, he paused. While looking for a pair of his jeans (he had to dive into the pile and pretty much get devoured by all the fabrics. Usually Blaine's room was very neat and tidy, like himself, but ever since his sister started learning how to do laundry it was like she needed to put a shit load of clothes in at the same time. Thus, more clothes for Blaine to fold.) He came across one of Kurt's sweaters, a long sleeved one the color of snow with tiny wooden buttons at the front. Blaine had no idea how to pronounce the name of the guy who designed it, but he smirked, thinking of how Kurt insisted he tried it on.
"Come on, Blainers," Kurt laughed, buttoning the final button near the neck. "It looks great on you! It brings out your curls!"
"As if I needed those brought out more!" Blaine rolled his eyes. "Kurt, this looks silly on me! Of course it's great on you, but I just feel so...un-Blaine like!"
Kurt pouted. "Are you sure? I mean, I love your simple jean-and-occasional-bow-tie thing, but I mean it when I say you look fabulous." Kurt winked.
"I appreciate your generosity, but I'm afraid this just isn't for me. Now help me out of this thing before I have to rip it off."
Blaine let out a silent chuckle. He always felt the most at home with himself whenever Kurt was around.
He lay back on his pile of clothes, fingering the soft sweater that kind of smelt like Kurt and laundry detergent mixed. He remembered the first time he came over to Kurt's house to practice lines for the school musical. The times when he and Kurt were just blooming into friends, when they were so shy around each other and only exchanged short hugs and smiles. How different it became.
Blaine was scared that one day it would all be taken away from him. When he was a little boy, not any older than four, he asked his mom what death was. She told him death was something that everyone went through at one point and that there was no way out of it, but that it was okay because it'd be safe and secure. When Blaine asked her what this meant, she replied,
"There's a beautiful place that we go to after we die. Some people think it's called heaven, and some people think that there is a God in heaven. But not everyone has the same thoughts. All I know is that when we go there, everything will be fine."
"Do you know what heaven looks like, mommy?" Blaine would ask her.
"I don't. But I promise that you it's magnificent, and no one can hurt you once you're there. But you should always appreciate your life, because there are lovely things down here, too."
He knew that some people didn't believe in heaven. Blaine didn't believe in it, either. However, he did think there was a life after death. You had to at least go somewhere when you died. It's not like you can blink out of existence. That would make no sense.
Blaine didn't know how much time Kurt had left. He didn't like thinking about it and though he thought the afterlife might be a fascinating place, he'd rather Kurt just stay here with him forever.
Blaine sat up from the pile of clothes on the floor and tossed Kurt's sweater onto his bed, making a mental note to return it to him tomorrow. He sighed and started folding his sweaters and shirts, opening his drawers and putting them away neatly. He came across a few crumpled pieces of paper that were shoved in the back of the drawer. He reached his hand in and pulled them out. They weren't very old, so thankfully no dust flew all over the place. Blaine got rid of most of the wrinkles on the paper, and he smiled to himself when he saw that printed on the paper was some sheet music from the spring musical. Blaine didn't know if he was supposed to give them back or not, but whatever. It was too late now.
He lay back on his bed, folding and opening the paper so many times in a row that the creases started to rip. A fat square of paper was trapped between Blaine's fingers, and Blaine reminisced. The first time he went through this song was with Kurt. He could have easily read the music back at home with his keyboard, but he figured if he was going to spend time with Kurt, he might as well make the most of it. He was glad.
Blaine thought about the time when Kurt really opened up to him for the first time. Blaine thought this was spectacular for someone he only knew for not even a month or so. He still remembered everything about that conversation, how Kurt wanted to do many great things. Great things such as performing in front of a real live audience. Or reading a bunch of novels that lasted a billion pages. Or getting married.
Getting married. This made Blaine freeze on his bed. He was eighteen years old, and so was Kurt. Eighteen going on nineteen. Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two… the counting went on. Age was indeed just a number, because age didn't stop anyone from doing whatever they wanted. However marriage was a huge thing. Getting married means more than having a huge celebration and buying fancy rings. It means committing yourself to one person and one person only for the rest of your life. Being there for good and bad, and growing old with someone. It means having a future with the other half of your heart.
If you asked Blaine if he loved his boyfriend, he would smile and said of course. And if you asked Kurt if he loved his boyfriend, he would give you his signature bitch face and ask is that even a question?
It was something strong, something that wouldn't go away. The question buzzed in the back of Blaine's mind, thoughts bouncing around and trying to break free. But Blaine wouldn't let them escape so easily. Not yet, at least.
He grabbed his phone off the drawer that he had abandoned and called Kurt's home phone number, but he was secretly praying please don't let Kurt answer, please don't let him answer…
"Hello?" It was Burt.
"Hello, Mr. Hummel."
"Blaine," Burt said, "Hold on just a second please, I'll call Kurt down."
"No, that's alright sir, I actually really needed to talk to you alone, if that's alright."
The curiosity bubbled in Burt's voice. "Yeah? What can I do for you, kid?"
"Sir, I need to ask you a really important question. Do you think I could stop by later?"
Cliff hanger! If you've seen or read A Walk to Remember, you probably know what Blaine is going to ask Burt. And if you haven't… you can probably infer what's going to happen. If you can't, then that makes me happy so that you can be surprised.