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A/N: So here's chapter four, and I really hope you guys like it. No lie… this story MUST be done by Monday. So in 1 week, the rest will be released, whether you believe it or not. I don't have a choice. Enjoy. Love and be loved. Read… and review!
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The Nothingness

There they are. Happy as can be. Smiling, smiling and smiling. It makes me sick. His blue hair and her brown eyes… there seems to be something foreign about them now. They seem both so distant but so close. There they are, and yet they're not even here. They're not with me… they're not even human anymore. Now they're cancer cells in my life. Slowly and steadily they are breaking me down, turning me into a withered down piece of nothing. All they are... cancer cells. Viruses that are tearing me down. Eating at me from the inside, poisoning me. Just staring at them makes me feel weak in my stomach.

Just like a virus… Just like a virus they entered into my life without me knowing… until it was too late. Just like a virus they linger around for what seems like ever, both in reality but also on the inside of me; in my mind and trembling inside of my body. Just like a virus even when I think I'm free of them they find some way to remind me of their control over me… the way they smile at one another… they way they walk together… they way they laugh… just like a virus…

I turn away from them, looking for anything else to entertain my interest and tear me away from my virus. I lean back in my chair and look out the open door to across the hall and see yet another virus eating away at me. Across the hallway I can see into the next room over because the door is open and it's Ryo, sitting up in his chair, staring at the clock, directly over the door furthest from him. His knees are bouncing around, as if he's ready to explode from his seat, unable to control himself… ready to run.

The worst part is that I know why… I know exactly where he's going and why. He and Rika have a date together today… something I picked up through the grapevine of Kazu and Kenta. Albeit, I'm not 100% sure they're actually dating… but they're close enough…. They're just… URGH!

I rip my eyes away from him because I can't stand the sight. I don't want to look back at the other viruses in my life, so I just stare down. Looking down at my hands, I notice, above all else, my nails. Some of them are slightly longer than other. 'Damn it, I gotta cut them when I get home. It's just looks stupid with a couple longer than others.' I also notice that the skin around my fingernails is frayed slightly on some fingers. 'That looks equally as stupid! What the fuck is wrong with my damn hands!?' What's more, my hands are all dried out too… my knuckles look like they're on the verge of cracking and breaking open into real cuts, which would suck a ton. I also have sporadic cuts along my fingers… 'Jesus Christ, what…the… HELL is wrong with my hands?' I turn my hands over to try and drive the image from my mind but the issues follow me; I have ink stains running up and down the sides of my hands, which, I assume, is from writing all day in school. I really hate these stupid hands, they're such a nuisance. Fucking fingernails!

I bring the nails up to my mouth and begin to gnaw at one of the longer ones; biting at the nail until it seems equal with some of the others. But even then, that one I bite into is only more jagged than the other ones. God damn it!

BRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG!

The bell! Class is over… finally the weekend! I am out of my seat and at the door in barely a second, ready to get the hell out of this deathtrap. I run out of the door, however, Ryo comes right at me from across the hall as well. Do I knock him over or do I let him go? There are no two ways about it; either we collide or I stop and let him go…

I come to a screeching halt, and Ryo just flies past me, paying me no mind. I watch him go… what a jerk… he had no idea… I should have let him find out the hard way… but then he would have told Rika… and she wouldn't have liked that. She would have thought I did it just because it's him… but it wasn't… and I don't want to make things any worse for myself than they already are. As I watch him sprint down the hallway I also see the hallway slowly begin to fill up with people. Damn it! Now I'm gonna be stuck in the fucking traffic! I hurtle forward and being to navigate my way through the traffic, but I might as well be trying to drive a hummer through the rain forest. The people are everywhere and they are not moving, most are talking with one another, some are just slowly trotting ahead, their destination not quite known yet. They'll know when they get there, I suppose.

I push and shove my way through the crowd but it still sucks just as much. I shouldn't even have to deal with this! Stupid Ryo, getting in my way, slowing me up and putting me through such bullshit with the crowd and traffic and crap. If I could kill him and get away with it, I would absolutely do it. I just… I hate him. I just hate him.

About another minute of navigating the crowd later and I'm outside. I quickly slip down the steps up to the school, and started heading down the streets on the way to the park, but, for a change of scenery, I decided to take the back roads. 'Why not?' I reason with myself. Plus, it can be an adventure!

I pass by Suncrest and head down Poe, examining the bright green signs with white writing. However, I'm a bit surprised to find the street completely void of any people or activity at all. It's an empty street… a lonely street… it's eerie. It's so strange… school has just been let out for the weekend, shouldn't all of the streets in the entire city be bustling with people who are talking and hanging out and stuff? There is something incredibly mystifying about this quiet back street.

As I make my way down slowly I look around at the houses that line the black concrete river. Some are run down… some are on sale… some look brand new… they all retain the same sense of eerie silence and lonesome. This is quite the onerous road that I travel. I look around for someone… anyone to communicate with. I feel suffocated by the silence of this street. I feel so alone with no one walking home with me… I feel… so alone.

Like these seemingly empty streets, so are the people in my life; they are empty, gone… left for the time being. But the people in my life… just like everyone on this street… they'll be back. They always come back.

But… when the cars and the people return to this street, it will only to use it. To walk all over it… and those same people won't think twice about the street that they use. Only as a means of going or becoming something else… something better.

I turn the corner and up ahead to little kids are playing basketball. As I draw closer, however, one of them knocks the ball out of the others' hands. It rolls off of the driveway and as I go to pass the house it comes directly to my feet. I bend down and pick it up, and as I come back to a standing position with the ball, the kid who had the ball in the first place is standing a few feet away, "Hey, you wanna take a shot?"

I stare at him blankly. Me? Does he really think I am going to shoot it? "Go ahead… shoot it."

I continue to stare at him blankly. He must not understand… but he is young. He still has time to learn. I lean back over, put the ball on the ground and roll it over to where he is standing. I stand back up, and continue on my way, ignoring the confused gaze of the little kid. What's the point? If I make it, what good have I done myself or others? And if I miss it, then I've only embarrassed myself. Such pointless activities require no execution. They are simply futilities in search of futile goals.

What the hell am I talking about?! I don't even know what I'm saying! I'm such an idiot sometimes. 'Well, actually, according to Rika, I'm an idiot all of the time.'

No, wait, she didn't say that… did she? 'Well, she stopped just short, if she didn't.' But she didn't! She

CRUNCH!

I look around at once, and look immediately down at my feet. There they are again… interrupting and invading my thoughts… the autumn leaves. I turn my attention to the sky and look at all of the tress around. There are only a few leaves now hanging on… for dear life, that is. But what catches my attention are the ones clinging to the ground.

They're almost dead… again. It's just what happens, and it always happens. They come and go, just like the rest of Autumn. What a stupid season, anyway? There isn't anything good about it; everything is dying. Who would want that? When it's good, then it's good, it's so good… until it goes bad. When they're here… it's so picturesque. So beautiful… so welcoming. Until… until it goes bad. Till they start to decay and die off. Until they become autumn leaves.

The leaves in Autumn are beautiful, with their colors of gold, red, brown, and green. They make you feel safe, welcome, good… loving. They dance around your head when they fall, tempting you to reach for it, daring you to out reach and touch something real that won't be there anymore very soon. So soon you can't help but keep your hands away… to let the leaves be. Really? What's the point in touching something that won't always be there for you, that will leave you, that will be gone before your eyes in just a few short months, when the cold has turn them over for death. But still… the leaves are beautiful in Autumn.

Not much longer I find myself walking around the front of the bakery to the back, pulling out my keys so I can get in. It's still relatively early, but Mom and Dad always close early the day before Halloween, in order to prepare and protect the house from teens on Mischief Night. I guess now I fit in that teen-category, which I suppose makes me no better than any other teenager who actually does go out. As I go to unlock the door, I spot my hand again and the frayed skin on my fingers is irritating. All of it's imperfections… they infuriate me. The long fingers are especially damning.

I burst through the door and immediately begin looking for the finger nail clippers. I walk into the kitchen and find a slip of paper that reads;

Dear Takato,
Your father and I went to the convenience store to pick up some things for tonight. I left some fresh bed on the counter for your after school snack. Be back soon.
Mom

Disregarding the note, as well as my snack, I head upstairs to look for the nail clippers in the one place where I know they'll be; Mom's bureau.

I slowly push open the door and enter quietly, the last thing I wanted to do was to disrupt the peaceful silence of my parents' bedroom. I search along the belt high bureau, which is covered in dust, for the nail clippers. I find them secretly tucked away between two framed photographs. I look down at the images of the past; the first is of my parents soon after their marriage. They're sitting on a blanket in the park, smiling up at the camera. They seem so happy. I then turn and look at the other picture; My father holds me in his arms, not even a few months old, with my Mom on the phone in the background. My Mom looks busy beyond belief and my Dad doesn't seem all that happy with his current predicament. He seems even a little upset. In the one picture, they seem so happy, and yet, in this one, they seems so burdened. Do… do I depress them?

No! No way! I thrust the thought from my mind and turn away. I walk out of my parents' bedroom quietly, making sure to be careful as I close the door behind me. I become aware of the weight of my book bag on my shoulders, and head for my room. I push open the door and drop my bag to the floor right away, listening as it makes a rather loud thud when it hits. Without a plan or even thought I drop onto my bed, exhausted from my day at school, nay, from my week at school.

Oh how beautiful is sleep! It creates for us an opportunity to get back most, if not all of our lost 'energy.' But what per se is that 'energy?' And where does it come from? Is it really some sort of battery inside of us that keeps going until, like clockwork, it runs out of juice and we have to refill it? Or, perhaps, is it something more? Is the 'energy' just an urge to keep going? Is the energy just an inherent reaction to consciousness? What is it?

Images of dying flowers burst forth into my mind and, for some strange reason, I think of myself. As the winter air suffocates my flower, the flowers around me, those of my friends, flourish with energy and resolve, determined to weather the winter. What happened?

That summer air was so welcoming and so alive. Rika and Henry… we had so much fun. Everything was perfect and vibrant. Henry said there would be big things this year. I want it again. I want it back…

The autumn leaves used to be enchanting and enjoyable. Jeri and Henry… we laughed so hard. I had wanted Rika there so it would be complete. Everything was wonderful… but incomplete. The summer air was gone, but the leaves were still alive. If only it was complete. If only Jeri and Henry stopped flirting. If only…

That dreary air that created trouble and turmoil. Everything was so wrong… and insufficient. The lake was corrupted and insulting. Rika… she hated me. I was so cruel. She said… I have to be the hero. I feel entitled to everything. I was so cruel. I felt… she was wrong. But maybe…

Maybe she was right…

~*~

Can you imagine the feeling of weightlessness? The dizzying euphoria of having not even the weight of gravity to hold you down?? Well, what about the feeling of nothingness? Can you imagine that? No. It is inconceivable to try and force upon yourself the feeling of absolute nothing. Just as eternal light is unimaginable, so is eternal darkness. To feel nothing is to cease to exist. To cease being. Can you imagine that? The eternal darkness. The ultimate void. The forever falling. The end.

Yes, falling. That's how I feel. I am falling. I have nothing to hold me up. Nothing to support me. Nothing to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground. This empty feeling of nothingness within me is suffocating. But I must accept it, because I will never stop falling. From the very moment of my birth, I have been on a path of continuing decay, which will last until my dying breath. I must accept

BOOM

I hit the bottom of this ceaseless pit. Just when I was ready to accept that it was infinite, and it ends. I stand up at ground zero. Where am I? I was just in bed… and now I'm here? What happ-

"RIKA!" I shout, finding the redhead a few feet away.

She shows no emotion. She doesn't even acknowledge me. But why? I can barely make out her face and outline, but it's unmistakable. An orange glow emanates onto her and, wondering for the first time where it comes from, I spot a lit torch shivering in an unknown wind. I turn and find only one other torch, and-

"HENRY!" I shot again, shocked once more to find my best friend present.

He too is barely visible. I stand back and look at the two of them, both a good twenty yards away from me. I stare desperately at them, begging for any sign of recognition. I stare intently at them and, for the first time, notice there's something… off about them. They look… black. Not as if they changed race, but rather as if a grey tone has been added to them. What… what's happening to them?

Suddenly, however, they turn around. "Rika… Henry… What… What are you guys doing?! RIKA! HENRY!" I scream, but they don't hear me, or perhaps they're ignoring me?!

Suddenly, again, they begin to walk away! "Wait! Guys! Stop! Don't… DON'T LEAVE ME!" But too late. They disappear into the darkness. They are gone.

I want to move to them. I want to reach out and bring them back. But I feel entrenched where I am. Rooted to my spot. I want to reach out to them and let them know that I want them… that I need them. But I can't… for whatever reason. Then again, why should I?! They turned their backs on ME! Why should I have to call them back?

A blaze of glory bursts in front of me. I look around and find first that I was standing in the center of a stone circle, which is now on fire! The blaze of fire roars and the expands! It comes right towards me but I don't move. It engulfs me and the ultimate void begins.

~*~

I sit up straight. Sweat runs down not just my face, but also down my spine. Had I truly been engulfed in flames that I was sweating this badly!? What had happened? Was it all just a dream? But if all felt so real. Was it really just a nightmare?

I feel a sharp pain in the palm of my hand. I look down into my right, clinched fist. I slowly open my hand and the fingernail clippers slip out. However, it left a mark behind. Down the center, where the clippers had just been a thin, dark, heavy line is impressed upon my palm.

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A/N: Sick wit it. What a chapter. I am feeling on top of my game again. While writing this chapter in school, I realized I was on a roll of great writing, I turned to my friend who had no idea what I was writing and made him give me a high five. He asked what for and I said because I'm back! This was an interesting chapter, and I enjoyed writing it. Hope you guys enjoyed it too. Please review. I like that a lot. Okay, peace!

Love Always. Rukato Forever!

Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
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