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A/N: Hello Darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again. So, anyway, here is chapter numba 5. I feel confident in saying that I believe this is the best chapter I've ever written in my young author career. Yeah. That just happened. Of note: keep a close eye on the timeline of the chapters. It seems like everything is happening so fast but in reality everything is happening in a very spaced out manner. The timeline is especially crucial in this chapter. Enjoy. Love and be loved. Read… and review!
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The Others

Thanksgiving was a week ago. A little more than that actually. 8 days. It's Friday again, the worst day of the week. I can't bear having to endure two whole days of solitary confinement. There is no work for me to do, nothing to keep me busy, nothing but the nothing. I have an imposing feeling that I'm being watched. Not just by adults, but also by other people. Those others. The others. The ones who have carefully been preparing my hell hole that I live in now. I know they're watching because they want to see me react. They want to paint me as a loose cannon, as the villain. They want me to explode, to let loose and prove to them that they're getting to me. They want real, hard evidence that they're inside my head.

But I won't give it to them. I won't give them the gratification. I won't give the anything. I keep my head bowed down, looking only at my hands in my lap. Even staring down at my hands, though, I feel a seething hatred for all of these people, but also, strangely, for myself. I completely blame those people for me hating my hands; they are making me agitated and self-conscious of my hands. They forced this upon me. If they weren't constantly watching me then I wouldn't even have to think about it. But they are. They are always watching me. So I have to silently be perfect to show them wrong. But my imperfections, my hands, prevent me from being perfect. Which is why I blame myself for it, a little bit. If I took better care of these tools, then I wouldn't have to worry about the others examining them. But still . . . it feels strange to blame myself.

When was the last time I hung out with any of the others? I truly can't remember. It was so long ago. None of them have even bothered asking me. They simply go about their lie-filled lives. They are lie-filled because they are based on lies, consist of lies and sustained by lies. Ask them if they are loyal to all of their friends? Ask them if they would ever reach out to a friend in need? Ask if they would ever befriend someone who no one wanted to befriend? They would lie and lie and lie. Ask if they tell their parents everything about their lives outside of home? Ask if they ever really cared?

How did it come to this? Yesterday we were all so close and everything was perfect. Today they are distant and foreign. They're so close to me- just a few feet away… but I can't stand the sight of them and they've never been further away. My circle of friends has deteriorated into nothing. How could they just leave me like this? How could they be so treacherous? Henry had been the friend who would never betray me, who would always faithfully be at my side. Now he is the friend who betrayed me, left my side and who stole the object of my heart- Jeri.

And what about her? Jeri had been my longest and most loyal friend. I loved her and never wanted to let her go. Now she is a lost and gone friend. I can't stand the sight of her and we don't even speak. But she's not the only girl who is leaving my life.

Rika had been the princess in my life. So warm and yet so untouchable. I could laugh with her. I could smile with her, and I can't help but feel our relationship was all the better because of its awkward start and the coolness with which she used to act towards Henry and me. Now she is virtually nonexistent in my life. Now she is the one person I can't look at without wanting to beg her to be my friend again… to come back into my life. But… she hates me. She said I was cruel, right? It's been almost 2 months since our fight and we haven't said a word since. It's starting to hurt. I really want her back, but how can I get her back? I was the one that was so unkind- she told me the truth and I didn't want to hear it! And in turn I was vicious and she told me so! What was it she said about me, again? I have to be the hero… something about feeling entitled… she said she hated me… she said I was cruel… and then I said that thing about her Dad and she slapped me.

She was… so right. About everything. The hero… I was so busy trying to lead my friends… to be the ideal leader and friend at the same time… I can never be both. I can only be one or the other. The entitlement… I felt so entitled to Jeri… and Henry ignored it… he knew I wasn't entitled to anything. But I just… I deserved her… after everything I did for her… after everything I felt for her… Rika… Rika… she was so right and I just… I never knew. I was vicious and cruel and just awful… now… she hates me. What… what have I become? I would never say such a horrible thing… if I could only… just for a moment… take it back… do it over… maybe then she wouldn't shove me away… and embrace Ryo… that bastard… he took my best friend away from me. Henry and Rika… my friends… now… it's like they've just disappeared… it's almost as if

BRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG

they just faded to black… or maybe… maybe like in that dream… they just turned their backs on me before they knew how much I wanted them… how much I needed them… and simply disappeared into the nothing. Maybe that is how this came to be…

I suppose school is out again. I stand up slowly and grab at my jeans before they can fall down. It's the strangest thing- in the last month or so it's like all of my clothes got bigger or something? I still wear the same stuff, but none of them really fit any more. My jeans look baggy now because they're too big, to the point where I have to move my belt buckle along another hole. I really don't know how to explain it, but I'm not really worried about it; I like my clothes baggy anyway so it's cool.

I pack up all of the books I need for the weekend… which aren't many. Not too much homework this week… not too much work at all. Nothing to distract me from myself. It's quite bothersome… knowing already how the whole weekend is going to be spent… alone in my room, no one to talk to, no one to look at, no one to laugh with. Why does it have to be like this? Why do I have to be alone? Why can't I enjoy my life with… with… with the others…

I file into the usual Friday afternoon traffic and slowly begin to try and whined my way around them all… all the awkward people. They gross and enchant me at the same moment. They annoy and entertain me and they make me smile only to make me grow fierce with rage. They are the awkward people that surround me. They are everywhere, on every side of me… and I can't stand them… and yet, at the same time, I feel attached to them. They complete me. All things in nature and in the world in general seek completeness… all things wish to be whole. That's why opposites attract… because if a positive is void of a negative, it seeks and out and finds that negative to complete it and give it a certain wholeness that it otherwise does not have. A cause seeks out an effect in response to what created the cause. The light seeks darkness to overtake the world for a period of time. The seasons change to adjust for the planetary life. The villain creates a world that needs a hero. Wants find desire. The yin and the yang. The awkward people and myself.

I am the only normal one amongst them all and so they both attract and repel me. It is just how the world works. I look around at them and see girls who are unnecessarily skinny because they suffer from anxiety which they project out as eating disorders. I see kids who have no life outside of school who because they are shy, bashful or depressing to be around which is projected out as being antisocial. I see 'cool guys' who are pretentious and overly self-confident because they are entirely self-centered which they project out as cockiness. I see right through all of these people. I look at them and I just know.

I fish my way through the crowd and reach the entrance finally. As I head down the stairs I can't help but feel as if I might as well not exist in that school. I go, I do whatever I'm told and I get out. I'm just a number. Simply sifting through the static. Yeah… that's exactly it. 'Simply sifting through the static.' I don't think I could put it any better.

"Hey Takato." A distant voice says to me.

I look up and someone stands before me. They are tall and built, but they almost seem lanky. He protrudes a warm aura but to me it feels cold. When I stare at him, his outline blocs out everything else. He seems imposing but friendly. I feel as if he could hold the keys to the future of the world in his pocket, but would never dare disturb it. As if he holds the key to my future… but wants no part of it. He has short brown hair… bright brown eyes… fair dark skin… it's him… one of them… of the others. "Henry… hey."

We stare at one another for a few long awkward moments. I feel like this is the first time we've seen one another in a very long time. He seems brand new to me; fresh and pristine, so calm and unsettled, the smile plastered to his face, ready for action poses and unthinking movement. He seems just like that- out of this world to a great extent, untouchable because he holds the key. But the key to what I still am not sure. "So… what's up?" he asks me.

I stare emptily at him. Why does he care? Since when does he give a fuck? Since when does my life matter to him? He's wanted no part of me since the beginning of the year, and yet, all of a sudden he cares? No… he doesn't really care. He wants to talk. Perhaps make amends for the sins he has brought against me? He turned his back on me and now he's come crawling back… strangely I want to hug him and tell him it's all alright. That I forgive him. That it's all fine so long as we are still friends. I just… I want it all to be the same again… I want everything to be so happy as it was in that summer air… I don't want the autumn leaves. I want the happiness. I want the joy. I want… I want to smile again. But… I am compelled to not do any of this. He hurt me. They hurt me. They did this… the others. "Not…much."

"Nice. So, how've ya been?" He says unflinchingly.

I want to throttle him. How dare he be so cool and calm? How could he be so righteous as to think that absolutely nothing is wrong and we have no broken bonds between us? I just… I hate him right now. Once again I find myself swiftly jumping to extremes of how I feel for him. I just… I want him to be sorry. I want him to feel bad for how he treated me. I want him to realize on his own what he has done to me… but I can't wait for him without feeling like I'm gonna explode. "Umm… well, not much. Just tryna get by in class, ya know?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course." He says, smiling.

Smiling! Just standing there without a care in the world! As if nothing has changed, as if it's all the same! As if he is completely unawares that I am feigning for his attention. As if he is completely unawares that I can't stand looking at him. As if he has no idea that I want to hug him. As if he has no idea that I want to thrash him. As if he wants to be friends. As if he wanted to be dead. "And… how's about… yourself?" I say reluctantly.

"Not much, pretty much the same..." He says and pauses before going on, "But umm, Jeri and I were wondering if you would want to umm come hang out with us later today?"

They... they want me to… to hang out? Today? The others want me?! Do they really miss me? Is this there way of saying sorry? By indirectly reeling me back into their circle of friendship? With no apology? And no remorse for how I was treated? With complete disregard for my thoughts or feelings? They just want me to move on and pretend like none of it ever happened, like they already have? They want me to forget about it, which I don't know if I could ever do? But on the other hand… they want me, again. I would give anything to be with them again… to call them friends… I want to forgive them… but they don't want to be forgiven. How do I forgive those who don't want to be forgiven? Who only continue to shame me and make my life that much worse? How can they simultaneously want me… but not want me? If they wanted me then they would apologize and ask to be friends again… but no… they just want me… they want the cardboard cut out of me… they like what I stand for… their long time friend whom they used to consider the leader of their group… they don't like me… they like the idea of me. They want me to forget about it all and forgive them… but I cannot forget… I will never forget… and I cannot forgive what I cannot forget.

"Tonight? I… can't… I have… work and stuff." I say slow and dull, as if I am already dead.

The smile is wiped clear off his face and replaced with a mixed look of being upset and unbelieving. I do not know what he expects. If only he knew the inner-workings of my mind. If only…, "Oh… okay. Umm… well I guess, if you get any of it done or if you just want a break… umm, Jeri and I are meeting Rika, Ryo, Kazu and Kenta at Old Jenkins' Lake around 6-ish. We're gonna help him set up the store for the coming winter, ya know? He always asked anybody who can help to swing around on the first and second weekends in December to prepare the store and lake. Umm… so yeah… if you want to…"

I begin to walk past him and try and block out his voice because I know how the conversation will end. I wait a few seconds until the sound emanating from his faceless mouth stops and then I call out, "Yeah… if I can…"

I walked away from that member of the others… and tried to wipe the encounter from my memory. That was… so odd. So strange. So invading and gut wrenching and yet… I felt close to him. So close I could almost feel him… but no… instead his aura was cold and he again felt distant. But… he still wanted me… they wanted me… the others wanted me… but no… they wanted me. Not me, but the very idea of me, down to its very core, breaking down to the thoughts of what I am and what I stand for. The very fabric of my makeup was all that they sought, not my essence and my being. They are better to look for someone else to stand in for the person that they once knew. Because I am not that person… not anymore.

I walked the rest of the way home feeling that I had blissfully dismissed their misguided attempts to try and indirectly rope me back into their circle of hell. I refuse to be part of that symbolic retribution… no more. I push my way through the back door, unconcerned with what sort of work and stuff that I have due for Monday. Just a little while ago I felt burdened by not having anything to keep me busy, and now, after my defiant defeat of the others, I feel overjoyed at having nothing to keep me busy. I immediately head up the stairs and drop off my book bag in my room.

I head straight for the computer, and boost it up. Mom and Dad are busy working the bakery down stairs, so I'm sure they won't notice if I use the computer for a little while. I fire up some video games and start playing, blasting away the brains of several hundred alien guts and stuff. I love these games, they're always time consuming, but at the same time they're totally worth it! It's a classic RPG, and, of course, I always name the main character after myself. I have a bunch of em, but this is prolly my favorite, because once you beat it once it let's you start from the beginning with all of the same stats and abilities and guns and stuff from the first time. There's also a little timer thing that tells you how long you spend playing that time, so I always try and break my previous record. But… but the clock slips away and I forget what my entire objective was in all when I started in the first place.

I don't remember what I was really planning when I sat down… perhaps to only play for a little bit and then do some homework. Or to just play all day… or something… but I find myself still sitting at the computer playing video games a few hours later… what… what did I do? I find myself bored with the game but unable to draw myself away. I feel like I've wasted away my day… wasted away my time… wasted away…

Like myself… I wasted my day away just like I am wasting away. Of course I know that I personally am wasting away… I've always felt that way; since my birth I have been wasting away until the day I die and nothing will matter anymore. However… I am wasting away in a different sense. I am just… nothing. I have done and consist of nothing. I have had no purpose and no objectives and nothing to be excited about for so long. I am very much wasting away. Where is my fun? Where is my joy? I can't even smile anymore… I am purposeless. I am dead, already. I… am wasting away in my heart as well. I will some day die and be sent to the dirt. But I am on a much quicker path to being dead to the world… I… I… I am wasting away…

I close out of the game quickly. Well… what now? I look outside and… and it's pitch dark. I look around the room… looking for anything to give me a sign of life. Something to make me feel alive… something…

I open up my instant messaging on the computer… it loads up slowly and I get impatient very quickly… I can almost sense the people waiting for me… it loads up everything…

No one is waiting. I see about 3 of 5 names in my "BEST BUDS" category are online… and all of them are "BUSY." I click on the first, "CardQueen418" and it reads;
"Out with Ryo 3 Helpin set ^ Ol' Jenkins Lake!!!!!!"

I frown. 'So… she's out with Ryo… and at Old Jenkins' Lake? Oh… that's right. It's the first weekend in December… he always asks kids to come by and help set up the store and stuff before the actual season starts.

Disregarding this, I move onto the next name, "LionzHeart23AngelzFace6" and it reads; "

"And I don't want the world to see me
Because I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken/
I just want you to know who I am"
—Iris, Goo Good Dolls.
Out with Henry. Settin up at The Lake. =]"

Wait… she's at the lake too… urgh, I mean… they're at the lake too? So… everyone went to the lake… and no one bothered to tell me? What the fuck?! What am I to them? I understand that they're mad at me right now… but this… this is so low! I feel… I just… I feel so removed. I feel so cut off. They really don't want any part in me anymore… I guess it's true… they just… they see in me some horrible things that I never saw before…

"…Fuck off, Takato. You are exactly what you just said…"

Rika! Her voice… it rings in my mind… so fresh and wet… so clean cut and clear… she was… so right… I am exactly what I said about Ryo. I have to be the hero… I think I'm so much better than I really am… I'm an asshole… I feel entitled to everything… I treat everyone as if they're lower than me… I hate people before I even get to know them… I judge so easily… I just… I'm awful…

"You know what you are, Takato?" She says viciously. "You are an awful human being. You are truly horrible. I really don't know why I was ever friends with you… just… don't talk to me, ever again. I hate you!" she yells coldly.

She… she hated me. I realize I'm staring down at the ground and a few tears well up… how… how could I be so heartless?! How could I be such a terrible person? How could I treat her… that way? How could I?

I feel a sudden shuffling of organs. My stomach churns with distaste. I stand up and run to the bathroom, lift up the toilet seat and vomit. The grotesque mess is hideous. God… where did that even come from? I guess I haven't eaten anything since I got home… well… actually… when was the last time I did eat anything? I flush the toilet, turn around and start to ponder. I didn't have an after school snack… I didn't eat lunch at school because I forgot to pack it… I was running late this morning so I didn't have breakfast either…last night Mom and Dad had to work on some taxes stuff so I didn't eat anything then… I skipped the after school snack again yesterday… I was too busy doing homework to eat lunch… I didn't have breakfast… Oh my God… the last time I ate was dinner on Wednesday night… what the fuck is wrong with me?!

I go to the sink and wash my hands. The cold water rushes over my hands and sends goose bumps up and down my arms. I finish washing my hands and rub them through the towel near by, and then look up to a stranger. I stare at my reflection in the mirror… who is that? The image of a boy with dark brown hair stares back at me. He has heavy dark circles around his eyes, his dark hair is a wild forest. His eyes are blue… but they show no emotion… and appear pale. His skin is discolored and his cheeks are sunken into the skull. He looks like a skeleton… who… who the hell is this person? I raise my fist to eye level and lightly punch the image of stranger in the face… and realize that it's me. There he is… that complete oddity is… me. This grotesque mess… is me?

I stare for a long few moments… which turn into seconds… which may waste away into minutes… I just keep staring at this… this… me. He is no stranger… he is me. I am me. I show no remorse to myself for looking the way I do. I don't know who I am anymore. I really don't…

I open the door to the bathroom without taking my eyes away from me… I feel a need to blast this stranger before exiting… to damn him before myself before I leave and not return until later… when it may be too late… I open my mouth, but no words come out…

'I hate you' I mouth… to myself.

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A/N: WOW! I loved that chapter. Honestly, probably the best chapter I've ever written for anything. So much going on, so much happening and yet… nothing is happening. Takato is slipping further and further away from his friends. I appreciate everyone who is commenting and saying that it's confusing sometimes to read. That is what I'm going for. You are literally inside Takato's mind, so when he is confused, then you should be confused too. Well, like I said, keep track of the timeline because it's spaced out over a good period of time. Oh, and one more thing: No, I did not forget that Henry invited him to go the lake after school. Takato forgot. That entire encounter with Henery was wiped away from his memory. He simply forgot. On top of that I should mention; All that stuff with what Rika is "saying." That's not me screwing up, that's Takato forgetting what was said. He's starting to fill in the blanks of his memory with things that Rika neither said nor probably felt. He is simply putting words in her mouth because he feels that it was how she truly felt but didn't say. That's why the timeline is so important; it's been a whole 2 months since that fight… of course he's forgotten what she said, word-for-word. Anyway, I hope you all liked this chapter and PLEASE REVIEW. IT IS GREATLY APPRECIATED. Alright, that's all! Okay, peace!

Love Always. Rukato Forever!

Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
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