Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of the characters :D :D :D

Note: Thank you to everyone who gave me ideas for this chapter, I think I used all of them. So I have a few people I need to thank. *Clears throat*

* WhatDoYouMeanEdwardIsn'tReal (Love the name by the way!)

* Kree-on-toast

* LissaHuff

* IKNOWIMWEIRD177

* twilighterlostinNCIS

* TeAmVaMpS100

Phew :) I think that's all of them. Now that's sorted, on with the story ...

BPOV

Jessica and Edward were looking in the menus as Emmett took Lauren's hand after he had just picked his nose. Lauren looked truly revolted and pulled her hand away.

"Fine then, be that way. I'm just tryin to show you a little lovin." Emmett pouted and folded his arms. Lauren was looking fed up again. "I'm sorry Baby, I am tryin but this is all new for me. Rose didn't like all the mushy gooey stuff. I'm a bit out of practice." She looked up at him and grinned.

"How is the ho? Bet she flipped when you told her about us." I felt quite scared seen as I was sat directly across from Rose. Lauren really shouldn't have said that. Surprisingly, Rosalie managed to restrain herself.

"Errm." For once Emmett seemed at a loss for words.

"Just tell her that I totally flipped out and hit you over the head with a frying pan." Rose instructed her dumbstruck husband.

"Hey, it has to be believable! Make it a guitar or something. As if she's gonna believe Rose owns a frying pan." Jasper chirped up from the corner. I found that funny.

"Yeah! She totally flipped out. And then she started beating me around the head with my guitar. In fact, I'm still sore." Emmett sniffed and touched the back of his head tenderly.

"Awwww, my poor baby. I didn't know you played guitar." Lauren leaned forward and stroked Emmett's chin.

" I don't. And neither does she. We just used it in our love play, I would play the sexy lead guitarist of a rock band and she would be my biggest fan." Everyone at our table looked at Rose who looked as if she didn't care who just heard that.

"Nice. Thanks for sharing." Edward said with a disgusted face. I couldn't help but giggle.

"I don't know what you're on about bro. You and Bella have done worse. Remember that time when you were playing doctors and nurses. Or was that me and Bella? I can't remember. Oh no wait, we played cops and robbers. Man she looked hot with handcuffs!" I could feel my cheeks flaming. I didn't look up but I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I just kept my eyes on the monitor.

"By the way it's not true. Any of it." I mumbled still not looking up. Slowly the eyes dissolved away from me and went back to the screens in front of us. I could hear from the microphones that Edward was growling. He hated it when people joked about me like that. Well, mostly Emmett, seen as he was the one who always thought it funny to make inappropriate jokes.

"Hey, I don't want to hear about your sex life with you're ex-girlfriend or your affair with his ex-girlfriend." Lauren pointed to Edward who looked positively livid! "Okay, so you better say something nice or else I'm going."

"Sorry again." Emmett said, bowing his head.

"Compliment her, say something nice." Alice ordered from where we were sat.

"Hey, I love your dress. It's fabulous!" Emmett said in a very feminine way. I rolled my eyes. This could only get worse. "But I think little Eddie here would prefer it if I wore it." Big stage wink in Lauren's direction.

"Little Eddie? What the hell?" Jessica spoke from beside him. I think that was the first I'd heard her talk for ages.

"You know. Little Eddie." Emmett said staring at Edwards crotch. Okay, I didn't need to see that.

"That better be a joke." Lauren said rather sharply as their pizza arrived. "And if it was it wasn't funny."

"Hey babe, I'm sorry. Shut your eyes and I'll make it up to you." I think Lauren was expecting a gift or something because I could see from the monitor that her face spread into a smile. While her eyes were closed Emmett stuck his fingers into the pizza and started messing around with the topping.

"Oh dear, I can't imagine this going well!" I turned to Rose and asked, "What the hell is he doing?"

"Wait and see." She grinned and went back to watching her screen.

"Taa-daa! What do you think?" Emmett proudly showed a very surprised Lauren his masterpiece.

"What is it?" Jessica asked, full of curiosity.

"I think it's a pizza with Lauren written in pepperoni on the top. Except that he's mis-spelt Lauren. It now says 'Lorron'. And he's missed off the 'n'." Edward stated in a matter-of-factly tone.

"What? I ran out of pepperoni." Emmett explained himself. All the while I could see Lauren's face get redder and redder and redder. Then she burst, figuratively of course.

"YOU NOT ONLY STUCK YOUR FINGERS IN MY FOOD BUT YOU SPELT MY NAME WRONG EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE OUT ON A DATE WITH ME!" Everyone had lent back a little into their seats to escape the fury that she had just unleashed.

"I'm sorry babe, I did try, honest. But, you see, I'm as smart as Edward so I can't help but get things wrong from time to time. Sorry." Emmett did his best to look like a puppy dog but ended up looking more like a lunatic with his eyes glued wide open. And yet again Lauren calmed down and started awing and cooing like he was a baby. Why did she keep doing that? I would have left long before now. She must really like him. "Hey, can we get another pizza over here?" he shouted over to the waitress who was trying to serve Edward and Jessica. "Ooooh, hello there." The waitress giggle in response, to which Emmett replied, "Hey baby, was your mama a baker? 'Coz you've got some hot buns!" The waitress giggled again and walked to the kitchen occasionally looking back to give Emmett flirtatious looks.

"That better have been for the act or else I swear to God Emmett Cullen I will cut off your manhood with a blunt knife. Understand?" Rose whispered sharply while shooting evil looks at the waitress.

"Yes." Emmett whispered back. Lauren appeared to miss the whole episode, or else she just wanted to ignore it. The pizza was dropped off at their table with a note that looked like a phone number but Lauren grabbed it and chucked it behind her before Emmett noticed.

"So, seen as you need to make it up to me, maybe we could get to know each other a little better. Why don't you ask me something?" Lauren smiled sweetly. Emmett took a second to think about what to ask her.

"Ask her something really stupid so she looses it big time." Alice directed. My mind was swimming with possibilities. I mean, this is Emmett we're talking about. The same guy who once asked me 'Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off?' Yeah, he seriously asked me that. I'm sure he could think of something.

"Okay then. Answer this. Which one of these animals do you prefer? An animal that was half monkey and half unicorn or a chupacabra? Because I've seen both of them and they are both so beautiful." I have no idea how Emmett managed to keep his straight face because everyone at our table had erupted in laughter. You could almost see Lauren getting more and more wound up. When Emmett saw that he wasn't going to get an answer he asked her another question, "Hey did you fart?" That did it. Lauren stood up and marched towards the door. She didn't say anything to anyone she just got up and left. Emmett called after her, "Because you blew me away." When Lauren turned around her face was twisted in rage. She stormed back to the table and slammed her hands down onto it.

"I am sick of you and your stupid questions, your stupid ancient pick-up lines and your ability to not take anything seriously at all. There's only so much I can take and right now I've had enough. So I'm going to drive out of here and you are not going to follow me. You will not call me, text me, e-mail me or even visit me ever again. So you can go back to playing your pathetic sex games with Rosalie or Bella or both but just leave me alone." As she turned away Emmett grabbed her wrist but Lauren was having none of it. She turned around and bitch-slapped him across the face. She then practically ran out of the room in tears. Emmett stood up and followed her.

"Okay, Rose and I will go to capture the rejection scene. You wait here and wait for Jessica and Edward to finish up. I'll meet you back at home." Alice whispered to me over the table. I went back to concentrating on Jessica. Surely they couldn't drag this so-called 'date' out any longer. But I had a feeling that Jessica would do anything to spend more time with Edward. So I ordered something to eat and waited for my moment to jump in with the video camera. I sighed and turned to Jasper, "So, what do you prefer, a half unicorn, half monkey or a chupababra?"

I will do the same thing for the next chapter as well, If anyone has anything they want me to add then let me know and I'll do it :) It might be fun to see what Edward will do to annoy Jessica. Please review the chapter! Thank-you :D XX