15

Can't Stop

Inspired by "Can't Stop" by Mozella

"I'm losing sleep over you. And I don't know what I've got myself into.

You just have something that I need.

I can't put my finger on it. You can't put yours on me.

You have everything I could ever want. You have everything I could ever want.

You speak to my soul like you've known it before. And I just can't stop.

Lord, I can't stop myself. I can't stop.

Lord, I can't stop myself now…"

March 14, 2006 - 1 day until 'Patient Zero' is discovered

Claire woke in the dark of night to the sound of heavy wrapping on the door. She groggily rubbed the sleep from her eyes, turning over to see the alarm clock displaying a time of 3:30 A.M. in glaring red digital numbers. With a frustrated groan she rolled out of bed and shuffled into the living room where the sofa was conspicuously vacant.

"Gabriel?" She wandered into the brightly lit kitchen and had to squint through her bleary vision until her eyes adjusted to the light. He sat hunched over in a chair at the table working on some kind of project that was blocked from her view by his body. "Gabriel, why didn't you answer the door?"

"I couldn't leave her until it was fixed."

"What? Leave who?" Claire yanked the door open after another set of rapid knocks sounded, entirely ready to give the jerk on the other side a rude verbal lashing. "What the he-" A sharp stab of panic set her blood to freeze in her veins when she saw none other than Dr. Chandra Suresh patiently awaiting her on the other side of the door. She instantly slammed the door in the doctor's face. "Gabriel we have to get out of here!"

She rushed over to him meaning to pull Gabriel away from his task so that they could run, but the horror that Claire faced witnessing exactly what it was that he was feverishly working away at was more terrifying than anything beyond the apartment door. A doppelganger of herself was laid out on the table with the top half of her skull missing. "I have to fix it. I didn't mean to break her. I didn't want to." Claire helplessly watched her own body twitch while his fingers curiously rummaged around in the exposed brain matter. "It's not too late. I can fix this."

The incessant knocking sound vanished leaving a hostile silence in its wake to punctuate her worst fear coming into existence. Claire was losing control of the situation. Shrinking back from him as he rose from his seat, Claire clenched her eyes shut tight enough to cause dots to float behind her eyelids. Warm, sticky hands palmed the sides of her face. "Wake up, Claire. Claire, wake up."

"Please, wake up."

Claire bolted upright from the depths of her nightmare. Blinking her eyes a few times, she found Gabriel in the darkness. He had heard her fussing in her sleep and crept into the room to perch on the edge of the bed, stroking her cheeks in an attempt to rouse her. "You were having a bad dream again." The words, for the third night in a row, went unspoken but she could still hear them in his tone. Concern with a hint of agitation.

She released the breath that she hadn't realized she was holding and pressed her face into the open palm of his hand, holding it there for a long moment. Gabriel sighed heavily at her side, whispering, "Is something bothering you?" Fear of failing. "You know I'm here if you need to talk, right?"

"I know." When she had calmed down enough to begin slipping back into sleep he started to pull away. "Don't go." Claire felt him hesitate briefly but he didn't argue. The bed creaked slightly as his weight settled on the edge, reclining back against the headboard. Comforting hands combed knowing fingers through her hair until she clasped one in her own to tug him closer. With only minimal resistance Gabriel relented and pulled the covers over so that he could climb in beside her, resting a protective arm around her middle. "Promise me you'll never change," she requested from the fringes of slumber.

"Never. I'll always…"

6:59. Why is it still 6:59? Claire laid there wide awake with every second dragging on for an hour. Ticks and tocks from another clock in the living room measured the stillness between Gabriel's unconscious puffs of breath and her own hammering heartbeats. She had less than twenty-four hours to figure out a way to keep Suresh from discovering the man that lay beside her and subsequently unlocking the monster that lurked within him. Her mind was wracked with tumbling worries and half-formed ideas while simultaneously managing to burn that specific moment into memory. The easy way her leg lifted over his hip, or how his arm wrapped securely over hers to hold her closer to him. The fingers that tangled in her hair, the familiar comfort of his pulse in her ears as she rested her head against his chest like home. How he sporadically sighed her name in his sleep and reflexively clutched her a little tighter whenever she moved. Claire found herself desperate to remember every perfect detail before her minute was over and the sound of a bleeping alarm shattered the peace.

7:00. She saw it coming from a mile away knowing that nothing so tranquil could really last forever. Gabriel automatically broke his hold on her to reach behind him and hit the button that turned the alarm off. "Morning," he mumbled sleepily without opening his eyes, the slightest smile lifting the corner of his mouth. "You're still here."

"Where else would I be?"

"You're usually gone to work by now." A pair of foggy eyes opened to bring her into focus and the arm returned to her waist, bringing the warmth back with it. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too." She rolled over him for a morning-breath-be-damned kiss which deepened considerably when his hands grasped her hips somewhat suggestively. "I don't think I'm going to work today." He was quickly coming out of his early morning stupor as her lips moved down the path of his neck, awakening his senses. "Or ever again. I'm tired of fighting it. I quit."

"Just like that?"

"Just." Kiss. "Like." Kiss. "That." Gabriel used his weight to roll them back over, pressing her body deep into the mattress with his own, and almost vindictively returning the simulative favor.

"As much as I appreciate where this is going…" he rasped, voice thick with heightened hormones. "Some of us do have to work for a living." And with that he brought the palm that was tracing the contours of her stomach beneath one of his shirts that she was wearing to a standstill.

"Play hooky. Spend the day with me." It could be our last.

He furrowed his brows in preparation to reluctantly deny her wishes but seemed to stop in mid-thought process as though a cartoon light bulb had come into existence just over his head. Immediately reversing his decision, Gabriel gained steady confidence with the hand exploring her skin, successfully popping the bottom few buttons of the shirt in the process. Claire expressly felt just how much he appreciated her prior efforts as he allowed himself to sink onto her. "Remind me to thank your uncle for his business," he grinned.

"Never mention my uncle or," he interrupted her reprisal with a sharp nip at her ear that earned him a rewarding hiss of breath, "any other relatives again." Not when you're rounding second base. "Wait." She moved to sit up, forcing him to flop over at her side. Ignoring his low groan of mild frustration she continued with her own light bulb.

"Arthur's pocket watch… How much did they pay you for that?"

"I could probably play hooky for the next three months and be fine," he said with a proud smile, motioning to further his progress.

"Gabriel Gray will have a lot of traveling to do in the future."

That sneaky old bat. Claire took his face in her hands and locked their eye contact. "Gabriel, let's run away."

"What?"

"Let's go. Just pack up our stuff and run for it."

"Claire…"

"We can go somewhere where no one knows us. Get a new place to live. New names. We could start over with a whole new life," she explained in a rush.

He wore a contemplative crease in his forehead for a long time as he studied her expression, gauging her sincerity and reading into her intentions. And she hopefully watched the wheels tumble in his mind with mechanical ideas as he turned over endless lists of possibilities. "Okay," he finally agreed with a modest but bright smile. "Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere. It doesn't matter. Just wherever the road takes us."

"Alright." She could feel him start to become excited about the prospect of leaving his life behind for a new adventure.

"Get you're stuff. Let's go!" She bounced out of the bed and threw open the closet to grab clothing, leaving him behind in a daze.

"Right now?"

The sun shone brightly from high in the afternoon sky, beating down on them with warm promises of spring and a fresh start in life as they exited a small diner in rural Pennsylvania. They had hit the open road less than an hour after deciding to, packing only the essentials, and dashed out of the city. Gabriel had ended up being more enthusiastic about their spur of the moment escape plan than her, prodding Claire to leave decisions about shoes and curling irons for later. He hadn't even stopped to call his mother.

"We can go that way to reach Ohio," he half-gestured in one direction off to his side. "Or take that highway to Virginia," he pointed somewhere over his shoulder. They both subconsciously shuddered at the sound of Virginia and said, "Ohio," simultaneously.

"Maybe we can make it to Texas and visit your family."

"That would kind of defeat the purpose of a new beginning," Claire mumbled as she leaned back on the side of the car and turned her face up to feel more of the sun in the chill breeze. Not to mention becoming incredibly awkward with the sixteen-year-old version of myself running around.

"No Larry?"

She cracked a lazy eye open to see him peering over the edge of the map mischievously. "No Lyle," she teased back with a grin. "Come on. You're turn to drive."

He caught the keys where she had tossed them in the air but only stood there staring numbly at them. "Claire…"

"Come on," she waved, hopping into the passenger seat.

Gabriel slowly folded up the map and shuffled his way across the gravel parking lot to the driver's side of the vehicle and got in. "Claire, um, I…" He had to move the seat all the way back just to avoid being crammed into the steering wheel from where it had been set to fit her shorter stature. "I, um… Claire, I can't drive."

"What? Why?"

"I never learned how. We could never really afford a car after my dad took off, and living in New York… I just never needed to. I don't even have a license."

"Okay. Well…" She took the map from him and shoved it into the glove box. "These are your fuel and temperature gauges. And this is your speedometer and tack. Windshield wipers, lights, blinkers," she pointed out all of the basic components one at a time.

"Claire, I can read," he chuckled.

"Alright, Mr. Smarty-pants. Let's see you go then."

Gabriel frowned but moved all of the mirrors around for his convenience and turned the car on. "Okay, I understand what everything basically does. It's just the -" he mimed a movement with his hand and foot that she interpreted as shifting gears.

"This is a standard H. Here," she placed his hand over the gear shift and covered it with hers to guide him along, "is first gear, second gear, third… You always want to start in first gear."

"First gear. Got it."

"Your left foot controls the clutch. Your right foot controls the gas and the break. Don't mix those up."

"Right."

"The clutch disengages the gear so you press it, shift, give it a little gas, and then gently ease up on the clutch." And then the engine stalled out. "I said gently."

"That was gentle!" he whined

This must be the first thing he's never been able to do automatically. "This isn't something that you can just execute textbook style, Gabriel. You have to be able to feel it. Use finesse."

"Finesse isn't really one of my strong suits."

Knew that. "Try again."

"Claire…" Patience. Must have patience. He was pouting like a petulant child about to throw a temper tantrum.

"Gabriel, look at me." She took his face in her hands and used her most commanding tone of voice. "You can figure anything out. Anything. You just have to think about it and practice a little. Now look at it."

"Claire."

"Look at it." He did as instructed, taking in the physical construction of the car around him. She could almost feel the little click of understanding as pieces of information slid into place like parts of a puzzle coming together to form a picture in his mind. "Now try again." Gabriel gave her a nervous look. "Trust me."

"I do." He scowled at the car like it was the vehicle's fault he couldn't be instantly perfect at operating it, but carefully followed her step by step instructions. After a few tries and garbled curses he finally succeeded in getting the car rolling out of the parking lot. "I did it!" he proudly exclaimed with a shining smile. "I'm driving!"

"Yes you are. At fifteen miles an hour. Shift, Gabriel, shift."

"Oh, right."

Feeling giddily devious with their new found freedom, she gave him a few miles to figure everything out before testing his limits. Gabriel had been so completely engrossed in the task at hand that he had failed to notice her leaning into him, or even when she had tried to subtly blow in his ear. It took her hand creeping over his thigh to break his concentration. "Claire, what are you doing?"

She gave him a little squeeze that caused him to flinch and swerve just a bit. Her hand tiptoed up to his stomach and traced along the boundary line of his jeans for a tease. "What's wrong? Am I pushing the genius learning curve?" His mouth gaped open for a second and he looked as though he were having to mentally force himself not to close his eyes. But after taking a moment to grit his teeth and steel himself against her actions, he relaxed, giving her a grin full of dark intentions.

"Not at all." Gabriel turned the tables on her, taking her by the back of the neck and pulling her forward until she was nearly in his lap. "I'm a quick study." Between crushing lips and a flick of tongue she heard him power shift into high gear, revving the engine, and sending them hurdling down the blacktop at incredibly illegal speeds.

Once he had gotten started his natural ability took over, snowballing outward until it felt like he had always been driving. Claire even felt comfortable enough with him behind to wheel to fall into a light nap. By late afternoon however, the boredom that always seems to encroach on long road trips began to overshadow them resulting in mindless games of I Spy and arguments about which radio station to listen to.

"Worst job you've ever had?"

"That one is easy. Cleaning and maintaining the mouse cages in the Animal Science department for work-study credit. Yours?"

"Probably cheerleading bake sales. Those were always awful."

"You were a cheerleader?" He squinted at her with disbelief in his voice.

"Yeah, for like six months. Apparently it's what I'm best known for though because everyone likes to refer to me as 'the cheerleader'." She snorted in mockery of her own notoriety.

"I can't imagine you with pom-poms in one of those little skirts…"

Oh, yes you can. I saw that smirk. "Really? Why not?"

"I don't know. You're intelligent and funny. You're a lot stronger than I would ever give a cheerleader credit for being."

"Keep going," she shamelessly encouraged his flattery with a flirtatious smile.

"I guess I've only ever seen them as being vapid airheads that are incapable of compassion for anyone that isn't as hopelessly shallow as they are. You're too human to really belong with that crowd." Interesting choice of words all thoughts considered… "And you actually see people instead of just looking through them."

"Are those grapes tasting a little bitter over there?"

"Maybe a little. As you already know, I wasn't exactly a part of the 'in' crowd back in school."

"Oh, I've got a great question for you."

He rolled his eyes at her and leaned on his elbow against the window ledge. "Ask away."

"When did you lose your virginity?"

"You really make me hate this game," he sighed irritably.

"Gabriel… Are you still -?"

"No!" he glowered at her. Per usual with extremely personal matters, he had to take a moment to pretend that he would refuse to answer before falling off his high horse under the weight of her unrelenting stare. Nostrils flaring slightly, he gave in to her curiosity. "Twenty-two." She opened her mouth to speak again but before the words could come out he elaborated further. "I used to make a little cash on the side tutoring people after I had to quit college. A girl that I had a thing for back then asked me to help her out with her Biology so we met up at this bar. Naturally she chose one on the other side of town so no one she knew would see us together, but we had a couple of drinks and…"

"One thing lead to another?"

"She got what she wanted, and then she left. That's the end of the story."

Wow. Cold much?

"I believe it's your turn to answer one of my questions."

"Anything. I'm an open book."

"Name your deepest, darkest secret that you would absolutely never tell anyone." Gabriel gave her a sideways smirk like he had trapped her in a corner with no way out.

"Easy. I'm a secret agent sent back from the future to assassinate you before you become a super powered serial killer."

"Be serious, Claire."

If you only knew. "I used to have a crush on my Uncle Peter." His eyes opened wide to stare at her incredulously. "But it was before I knew he was my uncle. I met him before my biological parents."

"Is that why you're not speaking now?"

"No. That's an entirely different story."

"Did he… like you back?"

"I don't know. Maybe. We don't really talk about it. Ever. We just had a connection. He got me when nobody else did. But nothing ever happened between us if that's what you're getting at." He gave her an I certainly hope so look and went back to being quietly thoughtful.

Several hours later Claire was feigning sleep, keeping her eyes only slightly cracked open to sneak peeks at Gabriel in the driver's seat. The sun had set long ago leaving them alone in the darkness of the car with nothing more than the dull glow of the gauges and radio fixtures for light. She had to struggle not to break her act by smiling when her companion began to sing along in a barely audible tone to Salt N' Pepa's "Whatta Man" with the volume turned down low on the radio.

The man doesn't have a clue who Prince is but he knows all the words to this? "This song was impossible to avoid when I was in high school. And yes, I know you're awake Claire." He shot her a wry grin when she gave up pretending and pushed her seat forward from the reclined position. "You talk in your sleep. And drool a little bit."

"I do not!"

"I've watched you enough to know," he laughed, dodging the playful slap she had aimed for his arm.

They pulled into an out of the way motel in Indiana by midnight. After being on the road all day Claire was more than happy to wait by the car while Gabriel booked a room, utilizing her time to stretch and revel in the return of blood flow to her numb bum. The couple grabbed their bags and headed around the corner of the motel and up a short flight of stairs where their room was located. Outside of the appropriate door, Gabriel paused, dropped his bag and nervously fetched two sets of keys.

"I, um… I wasn't really sure. I - I know this is a little different…"

She flashed him a sweet, tired smile, taking one of the sets of keys from his hand. "You're kind of wonderful." Balancing on the tips of her toes Claire gave him a good-night kiss and headed to unlock the next room over.

"I'm just right next door if you need anything," he assured her.

The room was small with a single queen sized bed that looked like it would be heaven to sprawl out in after sleeping on Gabriel's cramped twin size. She flung her duffel bag onto the mattress and stepped into the bathroom. Even though the dim light was clearly close to the end of its lifespan and flickered, being able to splash cool water on her face was blissfully refreshing. With a mouth full of mint flavor from her toothpaste and brushed hair, she went in search of the remote for the little TV intending to catch up on a show she had missed in the absence of cable at home. Of course the control was mysteriously missing as they always seem to be, so instead she dedicated herself to digging through her bag for something to wear to bed.

I don't remember packing this, she thought to herself as she found one of her more scandalous pairs of white lace underwear. Feeling the soft fabric between her fingers, her mind wandered of its own accord as she stared at the bed which now felt too large for her with its emptiness. She had grown accustomed to tangling herself in Gabriel and the warmth that his body provided in the chill of the night. Even when he had insisted that she take his bed for herself out of some archaic sense of propriety, she would wake in the middle of the night and climb back onto the sofa with him. And usually found him patiently waiting for the event to occur.

He was always so concerned with not wanting to push her into anything that she may not want or regret that his slow pace had run its course. She had forgotten about his wants and needs. And he had stopped paying attention to hers, even ignoring them for the sake of modesty. Whenever the two coincided they were left on a plateau where neither knew what to do so they didn't do anything at all. The couple weren't moving backward, but they weren't moving forward either until one of them made up their mind.

Claire had to smile to herself. Quite possibly for the first time in her life she knew exactly what she wanted.

The light in his room was turned off and she was afraid that he had already fallen asleep when it took him so long to answer her knock. But sure enough, after the second time she had wrapped her knuckles on the hard wood the light switched back on.

"Claire?" he asked somewhat fuzzily, swinging the door open. Damn. Maybe he was asleep. "What's wrong? Did you have another nightmare?"

She couldn't find anything to say at first as she watched him rub his eyes. And then she didn't need to say anything at all. Gabriel quirked his head to the side, reading his open book with practiced ease. There was that familiar little click of understanding when he connected one idea with another. His mouth opened in an oh just before his eyes darkened a bit, and his arms were ready to catch her when she leapt into them. They shared a smile only for one another and he shut the door behind them.

To be continued...