A/N I apologize to all of you for the lengthy break but I had some personal things I had to attend to and then I had a mean bout of writers block. But I have a clearer idea how I want things to go now. This story is look back at Arizona/Marks life for the past four years before her "death" . It will be written in 3 time lines which will come from Arizona's voice. Arizona's thoughts in heaven will always be prefaced with "Heaven". Flashback chapters will be prefaced with the title of the chapter and Year One, Two etc...and the events that took place 9 months earlier before her fight for her life will say Present or 9 months Earlier. This is very ambitious of me to try and tell the story this way which is why I've been gone for so long. But I will give it my best shot and I hope you all like it and I don't confuse you too much… thanks again and here we go!

Pairing: Mark/Arizona, Alex/Aria, Addison/Derek

Rating: M for language, sex and lots of sex!

All the days of my life.

Heaven

No one tells you that when you're caught between life and death your life literally plays out before your eyes. Not exactly your entire life but special moments that are important to you. My brother was gone now and I was left in this brilliantly white space. He had said he didn't know what would become of me, that it was up to "him". At least that answers my question, there is a God, and he must love the gays after all since I'm not burning in hell. I chuckle at that thought. I know plenty of people who swore that I would be burning by now. But I'm rambling. I guess I'm nervous. Someone else is deciding my fate and I can't help but think of the last four years. Not that every moment of my life hasn't flashed before me, especially moments I shared with my Calliope. But my life has changed so much in the last four years. I feel like a new Arizona Robbins, or Arizona 2.0 Life is different since I became a mother and now I've become a mother again, to my two precious babies who may never know my touch. I can feel the pain in my heart even in this peaceful place at the idea of leaving behind Sofia and the twins and most importantly, Mark. The man I've come to love, my friend, lover and companion. Four and half beautiful, fun, hilarious, sexy , awesome years.

6 months earlier

Growing up in the Robbins family was never easy. Arizona's father was a proud man. She was raised to believe in family, God and country. Her brother gave his life for his country. She gave her professional life to be the savior of the tiny humans. She never thought she would have a personal life that could match up to that. Then she met Calliope. And then Calliope died.

And every hope she ever had for lasting happiness in her personal life died. She had resigned herself to growing an old brilliant but lonely savior of the tiny humans. Then Sofia's heart began to beat and the seed of hope sprung in her own shattered existence.

Things were far from perfect. She was still lost as to what was her role was in this child's life. She felt like her daughter. Calliope had felt like her wife. She had nothing but broken promises and dreams and a 1 pound infant fighting for every breath. And then there was Mark.

Thinking back on it now she can't help but laugh when she thinks about those first few awkward months. Even now with him lightly snoring against her neck she can't believe she is in this position. Not that she is complaining. She loves the man. It's just ironic that four years after the fact she still loves the man. They still fight and argue from time to time. He's still a smug son of a bitch but the makeup sex is worth the disagreements.

Sex… Another surprise. The sex is still utterly awesome. She still finds herself attracted to women which she never doubted would end. It's not enough to make her doubt her choice, her decision to love him, live with him, be in a relationship with him. They remain faithful to each other. Though he has hinted multiple times he wouldn't be adverse to a three way. But that's a story for another day. The main concern here is that her period hasn't shown up in two months. She knew she should take the damn test. But she couldn't bring herself to do it just yet. And there's something else. Mark is terrified of more kids. Ever since Callie died he gets so afraid of losing her and Sofia. But she knew she couldn't put it off any longer. She would have to take the test. This is all coming right at Sofia's fourth birthday, Callie's anniversary. And the Torres are coming to town to stay for the summer. Thank god for Aria. These past four years were rough but with her around she helped the family to finally gain some footing. The blond sighed. She had only been off the birth control for the last 6 months because of a bad reaction she had. Arizona stood staring at herself in her bathroom, her hand settling over her flat stomach. A small smiled formed at the corner of her lips. A baby? She , Arizona Robbins could actually be carrying a baby inside her right now. She had to find out for sure. And definitely before Carlos , Lucia, her father and mom showed up for Sofia's birthday. She closed her eyes and thought about how awkward Sofia's first birthday had been three years ago.

Reconciliations-The first year

Flashback

Sofia was turning one years old and Mark and Arizona had been invited down to Miami by Carlos. Aria had agreed to come as support and a buffer between Arizona and Lucia as well as Mark and Carlos.

Mark sat stiffly in his seat as the airplane experienced a mild shift and lurched forward then dipped down because of turbulence. His hand held Arizona's tightly as his fingers clenched against her smaller ones.

"Breathe baby" She smiled a reassuring dimpled grin at him. He nodded mutely willing himself to ease out a shaky breath. He really did hate flying. He had rather drive with a screaming one year old from Seattle to Miami than take the 3 hour flight. She brought his hand up to her lips and pressed a soft kiss to his skin.

"When is this damn plane gonna land" he ground out through clenched teeth.

The blond turned in her seat and leaned next to him, her voice lowered. "I think you just need a distraction hun" she sexily. His eyes widened at the innuendo and she smirked to herself that got his attention.

"Seriously, "he smiled weakly, his hand still clutching her smaller one from anxiety.

"Oh yea babe, I'm serious, I mean you know there will be NO SEX while we are in the Torres's home! " she whispered and leaned forward and kissed his lips softly. "wait about 3 minutes" she winked and pushed herself out of her seat straightening her shirt before she made her way down the first class selection towards the bathroom.

Mark took a deep breath and barely waiting the allotted time before he was pushing himself out of his seat. Just as he was making his way out of his aisle he heard someone clearing their throat. Turning he saw a knowing smirk on Aria's face as she held a babbling Sofia in her lap. "Freaks" she coughed with a smile.

A brilliant smiled appeared on Marks face as he brought his finger up to his lips saying "shush, that's a secret" with that he was off to join the mile high club with a certain blond.

Two hours later Mark, Arizona, Aria and Sofia were sitting in the expansive living of Carlos and Lucia Torres. Carlos had Aria's BMW waiting for her at Miami International with a driver. Mark usually was not easily impressed by wealth but Callie's parents were loaded it seemed. The driver had dropped them off at the Torres estate in Bal Harbor, Miami. The house was definitely had a Spanish look to it with a cobblestone path that lead through a beautiful garden with hedges that were 6 ft high. Mark nodded impressively as Aria let them into the mansion and led them through to the living room.

The ceilings were huge with a beautiful chandelier hanging in the foyer and literally a wall made of a plexiglass fish tank which separated the living room from the dining room. Arizona swallowed and asked shakily to Aria if those were indeed the smallest sharks she'd ever seen in the tank. The Latina laughed and nodded her approval.

"My padre's best friend got them for him as a present for the last business deal that he wrapped up before he retired. Said doing business with poppy was like swimming in shark infested waters" she laughed as she led them to the over sized plush burgundy sectional.

"I can't believe you and Callie grew up here" Mark said taking a seat next to the blond. Sofia reached for her mother out of her aunt's arms just as Carlos and Lucia entered the room from the foyer… "Aria! Quienes contigo?"

"Poppy" she said rushing to hug him and hold him tight. Lucia reached her daughter giving her hug also her eyes never leaving the Arizona or Mark.

Arizona could see her stiffen and then slowly breath out as if she were trying to control her emotions.

"Mama, poppy, I brought Arizona, Mark and Sofia, just like I said I would" Aria said proudly. Lord knows it had taken months to get the duo to agree to come to Florida and even longer to convince Lucia to be civil if she ever wanted to see Callie's daughter again.

Carlos swallowed and took a step forward extended his hand towards Mark. "Its good you could all make it, welcome to our home" he said sincerely

Mark managed a nod of the head before accepting his hand and shaking it firmly. "Thanks for inviting us down"

Lucia stepped forward.."You're looking well Dr. Robbins" she said softly. "Motherhood agrees with you I see"

It was a olive branch, small but still, Arizona would not snub her. She smiled a brilliant dimpled smile and shifted Sofia on her side. "Thank you but I'm just taking it day by day. I don't know what I'm doing half the time"

"Whatever you're doing Sofia looks well" the older woman smiled shyly.."You are welcome in our home.

"Thank you and you must call me Arizona" the blond said gently

"Then you must call me Lucia" the older woman agreed."

"would you like to hold your granddaughter" Arizona said as she motioned to place the half drowsy one year old into the older woman's arms.

Lucia quickly reached out for the child with Carlos right by her side as she held the little girl. They awed and oohed over her smothering her little cheeks with kisses and tears.

"thank you" Lucia whispered toward the blond, her voice thick with emotion

The men simply watched as the bridges were slowly being built. Aria smiled, her hand clutching the cross Callie had given her before she moved to Seattle. "Things might just be ok after all Callie" she thought

Heaven

Arizona sighed. Things did begin to work out for all of them after that trip. It was slow going…but they all loved Sofia and wanted to be in her life. But now, what kind of life would she have if she lost two mothers in the span of 4 ½ years? And what about her little twins. She covered her mouth to keep from crying. She didn't even get to hold them, barely even saw them. They had no name? Sure they had lost of possibilities but she and Mark were still deciding. She didn't even know if they were ok…

And all this time, Timothy was somewhere here! Callie was somewhere here! But she was alone. Alone in the white place of peace yet she couldn't quite give herself over to the feeling. Not with her heart still with her children.

And Mark.

Present

"What the fuck is going on Addison!" Mark bellowed as Owen and Derrek held him pinned back against the white hospital walls.

"Mark calm down you're scaring Sofia!" Addison snapped looking frantically down the hall at the little girl who was being held by her Abuelito. Carlos looked fearfully back at Addison who turned her attentions to a hysterical Mark.

"I'm scared out my fucking brains…what's happening to her! I need to be in there with her" he pleaded; his eyes were red rimmed with tears falling unchecked. "Derrek tell her" he pleaded with his oldest friend.

"Mark, we don't know what's going on right now. Let Teddy and Christina do their job. Bailey's in there and so is the Chief so just please. Ok. Just please" Derrek said almost begging. He hated to see his best friend like this.

Mark slid down the wall his face in his hands as he sobbed. Sofia broke from her grandfather's embrace when she saw her father in such distress. She ran down the hall falling against Mark, wrapping her arms around his shoulders…

"Poppy what's the matter, where's mommy." She cried.

Mark pulled her into his embrace, his face hidden in her mass of dark, wavy hair. He knew he must be crushing her slight frame but she was the last thing keeping him from jumping off a bridge at the moment. So he did the only thing he could do.

He held on to her for dear life.

Tbc…