Everyone Hates Tousen
Extended Version
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"Captain Aizen?" Gin said one particular gloomy day after an espada meeting.
"Yes, young Gin." Aizen said in his typically kind yet evil way.
"There are no cookies here, are there." Gin said with a pout. Aizen froze. He had been having this feeling also, but was hoping that it was just his imagination.
"Yes Gin, they lied about the cookies. But this is all we have now, we can't go back, it's too late, even if we wanted to, there's no way we could go back." Aizen said depressed. Gin looked sadly at the floor.
"Not to mention the espada, what would they do if we were to up and leave." Aizen said. Gin thought about it.
"We could take 'em with us." Gin said happily. Aizen sighed.
"Most of them wouldn't go, plus even if they wanted to come, there's no way Soul Society would allow any of us back, especially after we took Orihime." Aizen sighed again. He missed his glasses, even if the feeling was tempered by a new awesome hair curl.
"We could take her wit' us too, then Ulqui-chan would come for sure!" Gin said. Aizen shook his head in confusion before deciding to ignore the last comment. Gin heard the silence and pouted again.
"Besides, ignoring all that, Soul Society would never let us back, let alone as captains." Aizen said. Gin brightened.
"I got it, we blame the whole thin' on Tousen." Gin said. Aizen's mind reeled as it had never reeled before.
"Tousen?" Aizen asked. Gin nodded vigorously.
"Ya, Tousen, we say he asked us to join him on the Lane of Slightest Carnage," Gin started.
"Path of Least Bloodshed." Aizen automatically corrected. Gin waved his correction away and continued.
"He forced ya ta act as the leader ta take suspicion off of him, like ya did with me, and we joined him ta minimize the damage and eventually overthrow 'im." Gin said. Aizen started.
"And just why would two very talented and powerful Gotei 13 captains not be able to take one Captain, or at least turn him in." Aizen brought up. Maybe Gin was on to something. Gin paused for a bit.
"Cause we were trying to help him find the right path, but now we give up and return with promise of a truce in Hueco Mundo and Tousen's head." Gin said. Aizen gave Gin a wary look. If he was willing to cut off Tousen's head so they could go back, what else would he do.
"Cut off Tousen's head? Isn't that a bit drastic?' Aizen asked. Gin happily shook his head. Aizen rolled his eyes.
"You know, we could just say we convinced him he was wrong, then bring him back with us, hope they don't execute him, maybe jail time at most then he gets out, everyone's happy. We put one of the espada in charge of Las Noches, have Szayel split the Hogyoku, give half back, stash the other half here, in case we need it, go back with hogyoku and a truce with Hueco Mundo and I can get my glasses back." Aizen said. Gin shrugged, he was good either way.
"Who do we leave in charge of Las Noches?" Aizen mused to himself. Gin thought along with him.
"Can't be Starrk, he's too lazy, with Barragan there would be a chance of rebellion, Harribel would be a possible choice, but so would Ulquiorra." Aizen mused.
"But I love Ulqui, can't we take 'im with us?" Gin whined. Aizen sighed.
"Alright, Harribel it is, Ulquiorra can be our diplomat and check on things. Starrk can stay, so can Barragan, Ulquiorra with us, we'll let Grimmjow will probably just come and go as he chooses to find young Ichigo, Nnoitra can stay, Zommari can stay, as we need loyal people here, Szayel wouldn't leave his lab if his life depended on it, Aaroniero creeps me out, he can stay, and Yammy is loud. Wonderweiss can come." Aizen said. Gin grimaced at the thought that Wonderweiss would come.
"So, all we're takin' is Ulqui and the kid." Gin asked. "What if Yamamoto won' let them stay?" Aizen smirked.
"That's what Kyoka Suigetsu is for." Aizen said. Gin cheered.
"We're goin' home, I can' wait to see Ran-chan's face. And mini-Taicho's, and Yamamoto's, and mah Izuru!" Gin said. Aizen smiled proudly at his protégé.
"Let's go tell the espada and Tousen our plan." Aizen said, then he and Gin made their way to the meeting room to wait for the next meeting.
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"What is that?" Yamamoto asked suspiciously. Aizen, Gin, and Tousen had spontaneously appeared in his personal quarters with Orihime in tow, 2 arrancars, and the hogyoku. Normally, his first instinct was to burn them alive, which he attempted to do, but a small blonde arrancar messed up his zanpakuto while Aizen and Gin ran around trying to avoid squad 2 while yelling they were innocent. The sad looking arrancar fought off squad 2 while Orihime tried to protect all from any fatal blows. Finally Yamamoto gave the order to hold and now the three were kneeling in front of him and all the other captains and lieutenants. Not to mention Ichigo and co.
"Tousen." Yamamoto said. The story they had just given was unbelievable. All the remaining captains and their lieutenants were assembled as Aizen, Gin, and an unfortunate Tousen kneeled in the middle. Orihime had long since rejoined her friends and the hogyoku, if it was the actual hogyoku, was in Kurotsuchi's hands. The whole hall was silent.
"Tousen." Yamamoto said again slowly. Tousen looked up at his name again. Komamura looked down sadly. Hisagi looked away, Hitsugaya eyeballed Gin distrustfully, Rangiku was three seconds away from beating Gin to death for scaring her like that. Zaraki looked bored, Byakuya gave no sign of emotion besides suspicion, once again aimed at Gin. Kira looked lost.
"Yep, it was all Tousen, but we managed ta show 'im the error o' his ways and convince one of the espada ta take control o' Hueco Mundo and make a truce wit' us." Gin said.
"Truce with Hueco Mundo." Yamamoto rolled the phrase around in his mouth. Aizen and Gin exchanged a look.
"Tousen, is this true?" Komamura asked. Tousen gritted his teeth, but nodded all the same.
"So, can we come back now?" Gin asked. Yamamoto sighed.
"Fine, it's not like we had anyone to replace you with anyway." Yamamoto said. Gin cheered loudly.
"But Tousen has caused many problems here and will be sentenced by Central 46, after he has served his punishment, we will consider giving him his division back." Yamamoto said. Tousen breathed a sigh of relief.
"Now, what are these?" Yanamoto said while casting a stern eye on an awkward looking Ulquiorra and Wonderweiss who was chasing an imaginary butterfly. Yachiru was curious about him, to say the least.
"They are friends, Ulquiorra here is a powerful and obedient ally who has graciously agreed to be out official Hueco Mundo diplomat. Orihime will also vouch for him. Please don't kill him." Aizen said. Orihime nodded vigorously. Ichigo looked at her like she had three heads.
"And Wonderweiss, well, he's special, we couldn't just leave him there alone, he also likes Tousen, and we figures little Yachiru can have a new friend." Aizen said quickly. Yamamoto eyeballed the blond arrancar and sighed. Yachiru cheered and went over to him and shoved him.
"Tag you're it!" Yachiru yelled and took off. Wonderweiss looked at Tousen, and Tousen nodded and Aizen scooted Wonderweiss in Yachiru's direction with his foot. Wonderweiss giggled and disappeared. Aizen and Gin smirked together, thanks to Wonderweiss, some of the more gentle captains and Zaraki were already warning up to them.
"May I be excused, I'll be right back." Ukitake asked. Yamamoto rolled his eyes and nodded while Ukitake ran after them to see if they wanted candy. Unohana cracked a smile and Shunsui tipped his hat knowingly. Zaraki was liking the thought that both he and Yachiru had a new playmate, Yachiru and the special boy, and Zaraki couldn't wait to play with the sad espada who was sure to be a good fight.
"Meeting adjourned, they can stay, but one sign of trouble, and you're all ash." Yamamoto said as he went to take a nap. He wasn't as young as he used to be. Squad 2 went away with Tousen while Gin cheered them on. Then Gin ran to Rangiku.
"Ran-chan it was horrible there, here were no cookies, they lied. They lied about the cookies." Gin said in a traumatized voice. Aizen rolled his eyes and went to go apologize to Hinamori. He figured it was coming sooner or later. He could only hope to regain her trust before Hitsugaya realized where he was and tried to turn him into an Aizensicle.
"Yay, happy ending." Gin said. "Well, except for Tousen." Ichigo and his friends got ready to leave and Ulquiorra watched Orihime turn towards him.
"Bye Ulquiorra-kun. See ya soon." Orihime called and she waved dramatically. Ulquiorra nodded towards her and remained in position.
And everyone was happy…except for Tousen.
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Gin: Iffin it made ya laugh, review.
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