Chapter 5: The Other Way
"I have many fears / about rejection / I have many memories of pain / I have always been a bit too shy / So I'll turn and look the other way"
"Mom, what would you think about coming back to The Rock?" Payson asked as the Keeler family sat down to dinner. Kim looked up, her eyebrows knit together in confusion.
"What do you mean?" Kim asked.
"Well, Sasha wants me to start coaching when he finds a new gym manager, only…he can't find a new manager. He wants someone familiar with the gym and how he works but none of the parents seem interested. He even asked Summer," Payson said, grimacing.
"Really? And Summer said no?"
"Summer said hell no. Well, not hell no because she doesn't curse, but she said no with vehemence," Payson explained. Kim sighed, biting her lip and looking at Mark, who just shrugged.
"I'll do it. If Sasha's okay with it," Kim said. Payson smiled.
"He'll be okay with it."
#
"Sasha? Can I talk to you for a second?" Payson asked the next morning at The Rock. His head snapped up, surprise written over his face, like he hadn't expected her to come in to work.
"Of course," Sasha sputtered, motioning to her chair. Payson sat down, trying not to relax too much. Though she had made the decision not to hide from Sasha, she had also decided to keep a little bit of distance. She didn't need to treat Sasha like her boyfriend (minus the sex) if he wasn't gonna be.
"You don't seem to be having much luck finding a gym manager," she pointed out, smiling a little bit. Sasha sighed, rubbing his forehead.
"I know," he answered with a groan. Payson sat back in the chair, crossing her arms over her chest and grinning.
"Well, I would kind of like to start coaching sooner rather than later, so how about my mother takes the job?" Sasha looked up slowly, his hand dropping to the desk.
"Kim? She'd do it?"
"Yes. I talked to her last night, she's more than happy to do it," Payson said.
"Great! Can she start Monday?"
"Of course."
"Good, good. Okay, I need to be on the floor, but can we get together tonight or tomorrow night to discuss training plans?" Sasha asked. Payson thought she saw a glimmer of hope in Sasha's eyes and it sent a thrill through her that she immediately pushed away.
"Nights aren't good. I can do lunch breaks," Payson suggested, trying to make it sound like nothing had changed between them. Like there wasn't a distance. She didn't miss the disappointment that crossed his face.
She hated herself for the distance. She missed him already.
#
Payson was just packing her purse after work on Saturday when Sasha knocked on the office door. He leaned against the door jamb and crossed his arms, just watching her.
"Can I help you?" Payson asked, laughing.
"Where are you off to?" Sasha asked, smiling and looking at the clock. It was four, but Payson knew he didn't have a problem with her leaving.
"Shopping. I closed on the house the other day and now I need furniture to fill it." Sasha nodded.
"Want company? You've seen my apartment, you know I have excellent taste in furniture," Sasha said with a smile. Payson shook her head, smiling coyly.
"No, that's okay. You should stay here with the gymnasts. I'll see you Monday," Payson said firmly. Then she slipped past him and out the door.
Her mother and Harper met her at the furniture store, but Payson wished Sasha were there too. He really did have great taste in furniture. Kim passed Harper to Payson and they set off around the store, Payson making notes about things she wanted so she could have it delivered.
"So are you going to have people over when your furniture comes in?" Kim asked as they looked at toddler beds for Harper's room.
"I don't know, I guess. You know me and parties," Payson grumbled. Even after six years of marriage to Jeffrey, which meant at least a hundred work parties, premiers, and club openings, Payson still hated large social gatherings.
"I know you and big parties," Kim sighed, sounding a little sad. Payson rolled her eyes. Her mother wanted to throw her a housewarming party, and the thought was sweet, but Payson wasn't sure she wanted a party.
"Mom…do what you like," Payson finally sighed. She jotted down the product number of a chair for Harper's room. Kim smiled and clapped her hands together.
"Great."
#
Payson's furniture was delivered Saturday morning, and she spent the rest of the day arranging it. She still needed the little things, and decorations, but that's what Sunday's housewarming party would be for. Her mother had really run wild with the "small party" idea and now all of her friends, even a bunch from L.A., were coming to celebrate her new house.
Sasha had texted her mid-Saturday afternoon and offered to help her clean and arrange; he was really making it difficult to keep that professional distance she wanted. She thanked him, and then called her Dad to come over and help.
"Your mom is really excited to start at The Rock again," Mark commented as he and Payson pushed her new couch against the back living room wall.
"Good," Payson said with a grunt.
"She also seems to think there's something going on between you and Sasha." Payson sighed heavily and straightened, hands on her hips.
"Dad…" Mark held up his hands in surrender.
"I'm not saying there is, I'm just saying what Mom said."
"Sasha and I are not together."
"She didn't say you were together, she said there was something going on between you."
"Well there isn't," she snapped, immediately regretting it."I'm sorry, Dad."
"It's okay. I can take it. Come on, let's get your room put together."
#
Payson hated parties, but this one wasn't so bad. And her mother certainly counted it a success; after only an hour there were at least thirty people in her house, and five more set to arrive soon. Thankfully, Kim had taken over hostess duties and insisted that Payson mingle and enjoy.
"So, how's it going at The Rock?" Emily asked.
"Oh, you know…its work," Payson said with a shrug. She was about to speak again when they were interrupted by Kim.
"Payson! Guess who's here?"
Before Payson could hazard a guess, she caught sight of Kaylie Cruz and Kelly Parker at the door. She and Emily started shrieking and the four former teammates embraced, jumping and hugging each other. Of course, Payson had seen each of them, but all four of them hadn't been together since Emily's wedding four years ago. It was hard to get everyone's schedules coordinated; Kaylie was working on a counseling Masters at NYU, Kelly coached in Miami, and Payson and Emily had been in Los Angeles.
"Just so you know, Pay, if you want me to I'll hunt Jeffrey down and rough him up for you," Kelly offered, stone-cold serious. Payson laughed.
"Thanks, Kelly, but I think Harper would miss her Dad, even if he is a piece of shit."
"We could always find her a different dad," Kelly huffed. Payson rolled her eyes, trying to pretend she didn't already have someone in mind.
"I can't even begin to explain how happy I am to see you guys," Kaylie said, changing the subject.
"Me too!" Emily cried happily.
"Well, well, the four of you just light up a room," Sasha said from behind them. Payson jumped, turning to face him and trying not to smile too widely. The other girls cried out happily and hugged their former coach before he stepped up to Payson, offering her a small bouquet of daisies and leaning in to kiss her cheek. She worried someone would notice the violent shiver that ran through her when his hand pressed against her hip for balance, but no one said anything.
"Sasha, how are you?" Kaylie asked. Payson tried to look away, look anywhere but Sasha's steel blue eyes, but he wouldn't let her. Something drew her in.
"I'm doing very well, thank you Kaylie. How are you? I heard you graduated?" Sasha asked. Kaylie beamed.
"I did! I graduated in June…God, almost a year ago, and now I'm working on my Master's degree," Kaylie explained.
"Last June? That was quick, wasn't it?" Sasha asked. Kaylie nodded.
"I went year round. I was eager to get school out of the way and start my career." Sasha continued to chat with the other girls, but glancing back to Payson every few seconds. Payson wasn't participating in the conversation; it took all her concentration not to stare at Sasha.
"Payson?" She snapped to attention, looking at Kelly.
"Huh?" Kelly laughed, shaking her head.
"You are a million miles away, Keeler." Payson blinked and grimaced.
"Sorry. Uh, I should go mingle." Payson hurried away, over to a group of her friends from Los Angeles. She felt Sasha's eyes on her the whole way.
#
Payson could feel Sasha's eyes on her as she moved around the room, mingling. It made her stomach clench in desire and her skin itch. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and excused herself to the kitchen, no one would miss her for at least a little while.
Bracing her hands against the shiny marble counter, she took a few deep breathes. Payson would need to learn how to be around Sasha in social situations or she would never survive; she'd crumble under her desire for him.
"You okay?" Payson jumped at the sound of Sasha's voice, making him laugh. "You're very jumpy tonight."
"I'm…stressed. I hate parties," Payson lied. Well, half-lied. Sasha was silent for a long moment, but she knew he was still there, she could feel him.
"Don't lie to me Payson," Sasha whispered. "I know I freaked you out when I told you I love you, but we need to find a way to still be around each other."
"We're around each other every day and we do just fine," Payson said, trying to keep her tone light. Sasha arched his eyebrows, telling her how much he thought that was bullshit.
"Things have changed between us Payson. We used to be friends and now I feel as though we're just…co-workers."
"We are co-workers."
"We're also friends. I know you don't love me…"
"Sasha," Payson interrupted. Sasha held up a hand and shook his head.
"I know you aren't ready to love me yet, but I also know that doesn't mean you don't care for me. I've felt this way for a long time, so it's not new for me. And I imagine your feelings towards me haven't changed all that much, so can we just go back to how it was before? You can even forget I ever mentioned loving you, if it helps," Sasha teased. Payson smiled sadly, wishing she could tell Sasha that she did love him.
"I don't know if I can just forget it, Sasha. But I will try not to let it interfere with our friendship," Payson promised. Sasha grinned.
"Good. I missed you, Payson."
He turned and went back to the party, leaving Payson to her thoughts.
"I missed you too."
#
The party lasted most of the afternoon and by the end, Payson had everything she could possibly want or need to decorate her new home with. Harper had toddled around the party, chatting off the ears of anyone who gave her even a moment's attention; she seemed to have none of the trouble with parties that her mother did.
As the guests trickled out, Emily came to stand next to Payson, who was washing dishes. She raked her hand through her dark hair and stared at Payson until she turned to look at her.
"Yes?" Payson asked.
"The girls and I were talking…" she trailed off.
"And?"
"We need a reunion. It's been so long since we've all spent time together, so how about we go out to dinner? You, me, Kaylie, Kelly, and Sasha," Emily suggested. Payson nodded.
"Okay," Payson agreed. Emily grinned widely.
"Great! We leave in ten. Kaylie made reservations at Le Privilage."
"Seriously? Don't you think we're a little too…boisterous for that kind of place?" Payson asked.
"Nah. Come on. And your mom already said she'd watch Harper."
"Perfect."
They all made their way to dinner at the nicest restaurant in Boulder, a place they could all more than afford post-Olympic success. As the waiter kept the wine flowing, they group got caught up; Kelly was her usual brash shelf, crass and harsh as she regaled them with tales of the gym she ran with Austin Tucker in sunny Florida. Emily was more serene than she had ever been as she told them about life with Damon, all of which Payson had already heard. Kaylie was animated, talking with her hands as she told them about working with teens in an eating disorder clinic as part of her internship. Together, they were all very loud, and very, very happy. Payson reveled in the warm feeling that spread through her while she was surrounded by the best friends she'd ever had.
"Okay you two…what's the story?" Kelly asked, motioning between Sasha and Payson. They both managed to keep their cool as Payson raised an eyebrow.
"What story?" Payson asked. Kelly rolled her eyes.
"I mean, now that you two are co-workers there have to be some good stories coming out of The Rock! Come on, we need gym gossip!" Kelly begged, stamping her feet beneath the table. Payson laughed, partly relieved that Kelly hadn't meant what she thought she meant, and partly because Kelly amused her.
"Steve Tanner came in the other day," Payson offered. The three other girls at the table gasped.
"Why?"
"Because Payson still doesn't know when to keep something to herself," Sasha joked, nudging her with his elbow. She rolled her eyes.
"I ran into Summer Van Horn…"
"Tanner," Sasha corrected.
"And told her about the divorce, and she told her husband Steve. He decided he needed to represent me. So, Steve Tanner is now my attorney."
"What?" Kaylie shrieked. Patrons in the restaurant turned to stare at the group and Payson ducked her head down just a bit.
"Shh. He made a good point. He's kind of ruthless, and I want him on my team."
They gossiped for a while longer and slowly Payson started to feel more at ease around Sasha, without that "professional distance" to cling to. Finally, after hours of conversation and laughter, Kelly bluntly told Sasha it was time for him to leave so that they could hate on men without feeling guilty. Sasha laughed and feigned hurt, but hugged them all goodbye. When he hugged Payson, he pressed a kissed to her jaw, just below her ear, and she didn't miss the way his hands lingered at her waist. She shivered and discreetly pushed him away.
"Goodnight, Sasha," she said. He winked at her.
"Goodnight ladies." Payson sighed as she sat back down, feeling torn all over again. The back and forth was driving her crazy. The girls all watched Sasha walk out and were silent for a few moments, a rare occurrence for them. As soon as he was out of sights, and earshot, Kelly leaned over the table and stared hard at Payson.
"Okay, seriously what's going on between you two?" Kelly asked.
"What are you talking about?" Payson asked, trying to pretend they were crazy. Her heart started to race. Kelly narrowed her eyes, studying Payson hard.
"I'm talking about all that ridiculous sexual tension that we can practically see between you and Sasha. Are you fucking him?"
"Kelly!" Payson cried. She was used to Kelly's coarse language, but as the parent of a small child that word still hit her the wrong way.
"Well…are you?" Kaylie pressed carefully. Payson took a deep breath and slowly shook her head.
"No."
"Well then what's going on?" Emily asked.
"Sasha and I…we love each other. He told me that he's in love with me, but I haven't told him that I feel the same yet," Payson explained.
"Why in the world not?" Kaylie asked, frowning.
"Because...I'm afraid. I've never had the best luck with men. I mean, first with Nicky who was practically my drug dealer, second when I kissed Sasha and almost ruined all of our careers, then Max which…well you all know how that ended, and now Jeffrey? Every relationship I've ever had has ended disastrously and I can't stand the thought that the same might happen with Sasha. I love him too much to lose his friendship," Payson explained. Every time she explained her reasoning, it felt more solid in her mind, more reasonably sound.
"Payson," Emily said softly, reaching across the table for her hand. "I understand you're afraid, and with anyone else I would say it was the smart way to go, but you're safe with Sasha."
"I agree with Emily," Kaylie said. "Sasha would never hurt you, and you love him. Why not give it a shot? Even if it doesn't work out, you and Sasha have a bond that won't ever be broken, you'll always be friends at the very least."
"Go for it, Keeler," Kelly pushed. Payson took a deep breath.
"Every time I try to tell him how I feel, it's like I can't breathe. My body just won't let me say it, no matter how badly I want to."
"Payson, you have got to trust yourself, and Sasha."
"I'm just so scared," Payson said slowly. Kelly smiled.
"Good, that means you won't screw it up."
A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you to JCI, iheartcam, Elli-Wyatt, goalie19, BearyFunny66, brochacho, Anisky, xxCrimexObsessedxPrincessxx, Blacksash, AngelWings8, and aVampireVixen for your reviews! I'm so happy you're all enjoying the story!
I hope you enjoy this chapter! I know it seems like the story might be moving a little slowly, but BIG things are coming in the next few chapters and this one was a lot of set-up for that.
If you loved it, hated it, or felt even in-between about it, let me know! Click that little review button right beneath this Author's Note! And thanks for reading!