Ok so I realize that usually you aren't able to know the gender of the baby until much later, but this is the future so just pretend!
Also, I am really sorry that it took me so long to update but now that it is Christmas break I will have much more time to write so expect more updates
I wake up to my own screams and Peeta's comforting words. "Shh Katniss it's alright calm down, it was only a dream. Sh Sh its ok" just a dream, it was just a dream. Even though I know I was dreaming, I can't get the image of Prim standing in a mess of flames, screaming for me to help her. I keep hearing her pleading calls begging me to save her.
I finally calm down after a few minutes and weakly smile up at Peeta. He smiles back at me and brushes my cheek with the back of his hand "Only six more months" he whispers, before patting my stomach. Suddenly, my stomach lurches and I jump up from the bed "Katniss? Katniss what's wrong?"
I can't answer as I am violently sick in the bathroom. That's weird I think, usually only scents set off my morning sickness
I pick myself off the floor and wash my mouth out in the sink. "Are you alright?" Peeta asks as he walks into the bathroom.
"I don't know" I reply "My stomach still really hurts" most of the time, when I have morning sickness, I feel fine after wards. Now, it feels almost unbearable as I feel wave after wave of pain washing over me.
I grab hold of the sink for support and close my eyes. "Katniss? Are you alright?" with my free hand I clutch my stomach, which feels like it is about to explode inside of me.
I sink down to the ground in a sudden rush of pain and clutch my stomach. "Ah – ah Peeta, call the doctor"
"What? Now? Why?" my frustration is growing as Peeta just stands there looking frightened.
"Ow! Peeta just call Dr. Spruill, I-I it's the baby, something's wrong"
I can just make out Peeta running out of the bathroom, before everything goes completely black.
"I'm so sorry Peeta, I'll leave you alone to tell her" I can hear a familiar voice whispering as I feel myself regain consciousness.
"Ok, thank you doctor" Peeta's voice sounds so rocky and full of grief, that even though I am still in pain, I will myself to open my eyes.
"Peeta? What happened, where are we?" I look around and before I am through my sentence, I see that I am in a white hospital room. Peeta walks up to me and grabs my hand in his; tears begin to stream down his cheeks.
"Katniss, something happened to the baby and –and" his voice breaks off as more tears begin to fall, some landing on our intertwined fingers.
"What? Peeta, what happened? Is he ok?" he shakes his head from side to side slowly
"He's gone" more tears stream violently from his eyes, and his clutch on my hand tightens before he finishes "You had a miscarriage"
With that, he falls to his knees and buries his head in the bed sheets. I can't stand to see him this way, but I don't know what to do; I don't know what to say. I just stroke the mess of hair on top of his head and try to calm him down.
"Katniss, I already loved him so much. H-how could this have happened?" I can barely make out his raspy words. I know how much Peeta cared about our baby, and even though I loved him also, I could never love him as much as Peeta did. He wanted me to have his children from the moment he realized that he loved me, and even now I'm still not sure if I ever really wanted kids.
"Peeta, I'm so sorry…I loved him too" I couldn't think of anything else to say
"No, Katniss. You don't understand, I've wanted this baby for so long and-and I was finally going to be a father."
Peeta finally lifts his head up enough for me to see his eyes, and the pain in them is unbearable. I hold open my arms and signal for him to come up onto the bed with me. It's odd, like our parts are reversed. He climbs slowly onto the hospital bed, and lies back. Slowly, he closes his eyes and I rest my head on his chest, his arms encircling me.
"I'm sorry Peeta" I whisper, before we both drift off to sleep.
Two Weeks Later
Peeta hadn't been coping well with the miscarriage. He spent all of his time at the bakery and wouldn't let me down to visit him there. He'd been acting so detached, and he wouldn't even let me talk to him about it.
It happened one day when I came back from hunting. I walked in to the house and was surprised to find a fire lit in the living room, Peeta wasn't supposed to be home from the bakery for another couple hours.
I walked in to the kitchen to find him and immediately wished I hadn't. His back was to me and he was clutching on to the counter so hard that his knuckles were turning white. His breathing was jagged and his shoulders were heaving up and down.
I could tell that he wasn't himself. He was the hijacked Peeta, the Capitol's Peeta.
He turned around and when he saw me, his eyes grew wide with terror. There was different stages when Peeta would go into his hijacked mode. The first one would always be for him to get frightened. He wouldn't just get frightened of anything, it was always the same thing that set off his terror; me.
"Don't kill me…please don't kill me" he started backing away from me and when his back hit the counter, he stopped and looked around, trying to find a way to escape.
"Peeta, listen to me. I am not going to kill you. We are married and we love each other. Please remember Peeta. I'm not going to kill you, I swear." His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and then his eyes narrowed.
"You killed my baby. You are a monster" my breath caught at his words
"No Peeta, it-it was our baby. I had a miscarriage, please remember"
"Ours? I would never have a baby with you, you disgust me" Oh no. Now he was getting angry. He always got angry just after he was scared. His nostrils flared and his hands clenched in to fists.
"Peeta please! Please come back! I can't take this right now" tears started streaming down my face.
Then, Peeta started laughing and I could feel him walking closer to me "Aw is poor little Katniss crying?" when I didn't answer, he shoved me. I was so surprised at his actions that I barely realized when he pushed me again, this time my back hit the wall.
"Peeta, stop" it was barely a whisper now, I could hardly breathe with my tears falling in a permanent stream down my cheeks.
"You want me to stop?" he screamed, incredulously "You didn't stop when you killed my family. You killed everyone and you are a terrible person!" his words cut deep into me, worse than any knife.
"You killed everyone and now, now I'm going to kill you" he snarled before trying to grab hold of my neck.
I ran, ran from the kitchen and ran from Peeta. This was the worse stage of all. Once he got angry, if I didn't get him to snap back to reality, he would become murderous. He would try to kill me, and it was always the hardest to bring him back once he slipped into this stage.
One time, I had tried to show him a picture in our memory book. It was a picture of us along with all of the other tributes we had come to love, Peeta had drawn it himself. When he saw it, he ripped it up and told me I was lying about loving them, that it was my fault they were dead.
Now, I didn't know what to do. I heard him come bounding up the stairs, so as I closed the door to our room, I made sure to lock it as well. He began banging on the door "Katniss come out! We can do this the easy way or the hard way!"
I looked around the room frantically, trying to find something to bring him back. My eyes fell on a little box. A little box that I kept by my bed.
Peeta always asked me what was in the box, but I never told him. Now, it seemed like the perfect way to bring him back. I grabbed the box and clutched it in my hands, before yanking the door open.
He was there, snarling and pacing, murmuring to himself.
"Peeta, look" he turned around at the sound of my voice and stared at the little box in my hand. "Remember? You always ask me what's inside this box. Do you want to know?"
I knew that he remembered because a look of recognition crossed his face and then he frowned. "What do you think I am? An idiot? What's in there, some sort of mini bomb?"
"Peeta, just look" I opened the small velvet covered box to reveal a tiny, perfect pearl.
"You gave me this pearl in the Quarter Quell and I kept it. I kept it through everything, and while you were gone, it was the only thing that kept me sane – it reminded me of you; I kept fighting because of you. Please Peeta, I need you. Fight this for me, just remember"
Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I felt a warm, calloused thumb wipe one away. "I remember. I gave it to you on the beach. Real or not real"
"Real" I whispered, I looked at him and saw that tears were also falling from his eyes.
"You kept this?" he says it as a question but it comes out more like a statement.
"Yes" is all I can say.
"I'm sorry Katniss. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for not being able to control myself, for slipping away like that. You know I didn't mean any of what I said, right?"
"I know Peeta. I'm sorry about the baby. I know you don't want to talk about it, and I know that you didn't mean what you said about me killing it, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry and that I really did love him." A final tear escapes before I can finish "And I love you"
Peeta breaks down. This always happens after he has one of his hijacking episodes. I consider it to be one of the stages – the final stage - but it only happens after he's brought back to reality. He cries. He sobs. He tells me how sorry he is. I always want to help him, but I know that he just needs to cry himself out.
So I hold his hand in mine and lead him into our room. I carefully put the pearl back into its box and lay it carefully down on my bedside table. I crawl into bed next to Peeta and wrap my arms around him. He tucks my head into the space between his collarbone and chin, and his tears soak my hair.
These kinds of moments are the ones that remind me why I did any of it. Why I worked so hard to defeat the Capitol, to defeat Snow. Because seeing Peeta like this – so hurt and vulnerable, it makes all of the anger come back. It reminds me why the Capitol was so terrible. What they did to innocent people-innocent children, it makes everything worthwhile.
It makes me want to keep living. To give Peeta a child, to make Peeta as happy as I could ever possibly make him. I want to have a baby and give that baby the life I never had. I want to give hope and joy and love to Peeta and to the baby that I know will be here someday.
So, when Peeta asks me "Can we try again?" I know exactly what he means.
"Yes Peeta. I want to, I really want to"
And with that, he stopped crying.
Thank you everyone for reading and please review! I barely got any reviews for the second chapter and I really would like to hear what you guys think
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