This is not an actual journal for any of the people listed here. Nor will it ever be. This is a journal for my muses.
January 15th 2012
Dear Diary-Thing,
I'm not sure why I'm even doing this. I found this book in a box under the bed, so I decided what the hell and decided to write in it.
Today I got a phone call from Chris. It was the first time I had any contact with him since we broke up, and he attacked me for it. Yeah, he didn't take that very well. I guess I can't blame him, but at the same time, it was his fault. If he hadn't ignored me for other things, other women, then I wouldn't have dumped him. To think I was cheated on by him with a woman. And here I was thinking he was gay.
In my frustration over it, he called me a gold digger and a slut, I got drunk. Now, I haven't drank much lately, I try to stay away from it. Last time I got drunk, Sorensen and Kash tried to get way too close with me. It didn't work out for them, but still, I try to avoid the drinking. But, I was so upset by what he said. Plus, after all of it he said he wanted me back. As if I'd go back to him. I may be stupid sometimes, but I know when someone is trying to hurt me. Well, most of the time.
I got drunk, he called me all sort of names, and he said Austin would cheat on me just like he did. And no, he wasn't Chris. It was someone else. There was someone long ago that I was completely devoted to before Chris, someone that I saw myself with forever but things like that don't last. I haven't seen him in years, but he really destroyed my stability. That's probably why I'm such easy prey for Sorensen and Kash, and such a pain in the ass for Austin to care about. But I love my Austin. I love him more than I love myself, and that's saying something. He makes me happier than I ever have been, but there's always that bit of doubt, that bit of me that makes me wonder if it's all too good to be true. Whenever that happens, I just glance at the earring he gave me, in place of an engagement ring, and it makes all the doubt go away.
I'm so far from sober, I probably sound nuts. Well, if anyone could hear me over my pounding music and singing. I'm drunk and dancing around our hotel room while singing at the top of my lungs. I think I scared off most of the workers, but I know I'm gonna pay come morning in more than one way. I don't care though, I'm drunk. My thoughts are everywhere on this thing, guess I should get back to my point. Chris Sabin tried to hurt me. He tried to make me think that no one would want me again, just like he's done before. I, Alex Shelley, know I'm a slut. I take pride in it, I know I've been around with a lot of people but I don't care cause…
Austin Aries loves me, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.
Alex "Lexy" Shelley