Chapter Fourteen

October 15h, 2010

Kurt lay in the hospital bed, the majority of his scrapes and bruises had healed, most of his serious injuries were even beginning to heal. The only remaining obvious injuries were his broken ribs, his knee brace and the cast on his left arm and hand. His father visited everyday, sometimes twice, sneaking in when the doctors weren't there. Kurt appreciated that. He slept a majority of the time, but he didn't like being alone in the hospital.

Kurt jumped slightly when he heard a knock on the door. A man in jeans and a suit coat stepped into the room and gave him a warm smile. "Kurt Hummel?"

Kurt looked at him and gave a very slow nod. "Who are you?" He asked nervously.

"Dr. Spencer Leland, psychologist," he offered, holding out a hand in greeting.

Kurt didn't take it, afraid to touch him. "My dad told me you were coming."

He nodded and pointed to a chair that was a good distance from the bed, "Excellent, no surprises then. May I have a seat?"

"I'm not crazy."

Spencer shook his head, "Who said you were. I didn't say you were. Most people who agree to see me aren't crazy son. It's the ones who refuse that have the issues."

Kurt gave a small smile as the doctor took a seat plenty of distance from him. "So you can call me Spence or Sepncer, this isn't an offical meeting if you don't want it to be."

"Meaning?"

"Well an "offical meeting" would be me sitting here for an hour prompting you with all sorts of annoying questions about your feelings. This is me coming to check on and see how you're feeling, maybe give you a little background on why I'm the right shrink for you." Kurt's slow smile was a hint he was headed in the right direction. "So how are you Kurt? Is that okay, Kurt, do you have any nicknames or anything?"

"It's Kurt. I'm fine I guess."

"That's better than terrible," the doctor joked softly, "How much do you know about me?"

"Dad said you work with gay kids who've….who've been affected by hate crimes…"

"Like you."

"Yeah." Kurt's reply was so painfully soft the doctor realized part of the issue was getting him to label it for what it was.

"I know it hurts, Kurt. But's important to label the violence for what it was, it'll help you accept it, move past it, and ultimately it'll help you identify that it wasn't your fault."

"What if it was?"

"It never is son, believe me. Hate crimes are done because of ignorant hate. Calling it a hate crime will also help when the case gets to court."

Kurt looked nervous suddenly, "You…you think it'll come to that."

He sighed and looked at the ground, "I hate to say it, Kurt, but yes I do. Your father is pressing hefty charges-as he should. There's been a whole lot of media evolving around gay rights these days. The lawyers in charge of this case will take it as high as they can and try for a very lengthy sentence if they can."

"Oh."

"Don't worry Kurt, we'll get you ready for that when the time comes, for now, what do you want to know?"

"About?"

"Anything," he grinned. "Why the grass is green, the sky is blue, what makes me even remotely qualified?"

"That one." Kurt stated.

Spencer smiled warmly, "I thought so. I'm thirty-three years old Kurt, and I'm the victim of a hate crime."

"Can I ask about it?"

"You can ask me anything you'd like Kurt, anytime we're talking. I may not always be able to answer, but you're always welcome to ask. To answer your question, I was about your age, and this of course was around the seventies and eighties and I was kidnapped by several men of larger stature than me. Beaten, abused, and ultimately raped all because I was gay."

"Oh…"

"It's a hard road Kurt; don't feel guilty that you're so upset about your attack when it sounds like mine was worse. It isn't."

"But-"

Spencer cut him off, "No, Kurt. It's not a but. Any sort of physical violence, emotional or mental even is abuse all the same and it's violence and it shouldn't be accepted. Your exeperience is yours alone and it's no one else's right to judge how you choose to handle it. Your father mentioned that you're bullied at school?" Kurt gave a small nod. "How does that make you feel when it happens?"

"Like I'm garabage and shouldn't be alive…" Kurt whispered.

Spencer nodded, "Don't ever let anyone tell you that violence is lesser than someone else's its still violence."

"How did you get past it?"

"I talked to several pyschologists. A majority of which wanted to straighten me out more than they wanted to help. Until I found a really good one who helped me walk through the pain I'd been through. And now I have a house, a good job, I'm functional and have two beautiful children who are completely spoiled rotten."

Kurt gave him a small smile. "I was really scared," Kurt whispered.

"When?" Spencer asked softly.

Kurt closed his eyes, "It was hard because I was being forced to go to church. I didn't want to go with Mercedes-a friend of mine-but I felt like I owed her or something. So I went and these guys just came out of nowhere after the service…they acted like they knew my father and wanted help on a car, but…" He closed his eyes. "I had a bad feeling but I couldn't seem to get away."

"Those are normal feelings, Kurt. I'm glad your instincts were good enough to know that it probably wasn't safe. However, just because you weren't able to put a stop to it, doesn't make it your fault. I want you to consider something for a moment. Do you think that had you known, you would've been able to get away?"

Kurt opened his mouth to respond, but then it snapped shut. Spencer knew that Kurt was realizing he wasn't really at fault. When he saw that Kurt still looked very dejected he paused for a moment, "why don't we talk a little about you, Kurt, if that's okay?"

"I guess."

"How old were you when you realized you were gay?"

Kurt smiled, "Five is when I knew I was different…but really knew what it was called, nine when I kissed another boy."

"Clearly that's a good memory," the man chuckled softly as he took a note in the notebook he'd pulled out. "How old are you?"

"I'm sixteen…seventeen in March and I'm…I'm gay." Spencer nodded and made a couple notes, "I'm pretty recently out about it, though from the sounds of it I was never in it to begin with." Spencer smirked at that. "And I'm an only child or was up until about eight months ago."

"Why is that?"

"I hooked my father up with a friend of mine's mom because I wanted to date him."

"Really, how did he take that?"

Kurt looked down at his hands, "He called me a fag and dad blew up at him."

Spencer nodded, taking another note or two. "We're going to come back to that. How do you feel about the relationship now?" Spencer questioned.

"Honestly?"

"That'd be best," Spencer replied.

Kurt nodded slowly, "Scared, completely scared, jealous…hesitant, sometimes angry."

"Kurt did your mother pass away or did your parents divorce."

"She died when I was eight…well I was six when the car accident occurred and she was in a coma for 15 months, she died right after around my 8th birthday."

"I'm so sorry," Spencer offered gently. "I bet people say that a lot." Kurt nodded, "And you feel silly because it wasn't their fault. Do you know why people say that? Because they feel like something has to be said. Kurt, what do you find easier to accept, a gentle hand squeeze or sad smile, or an apology."

Kurt blanked for a moment, "I never really thought of it…I don't like it when people say they're sorry because most of the time they're not."

Spencer wrote another few things down, "Kurt, I'm going to ask you a serious question-I want you to answer as honestly as you can."

"Okay," he whispered.

"Do you blame yourself for the accident?"

Kurt looked at him surrpised and then nodded very slowly. "I just kept bugging her, and she wasn't paying attention." He stopped and shook his head closing his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"It's okay," Spencer offered gently, reaching out next to the bureru next to him he picked up the tissues and put them in front of Kurt, "These are the kinds of emotions we want to bring out. I'll be honest, Kurt you're going to do a lot of the talking, somedays you'll hate me for asking hard questions."

Kurt looke dlike he hated himself for crying, but Spencer chose to continue all the same, ""So, Kurt, the emotions you mentioned earlier to me, are typical emotions. Most children feel that way either after parents have divorced or one has passed away. I'd like to go through some of those emotions, can we talk about them?"

"I…I guess."

"Let me know if we need to stop, okay?"

"Yeah," Kurt replied gently.

"You said scared first, and I'm noticing it seems to be a theme, between just the way you sit, your arms around your waist, to the way you speak about everything. What's got you scared aside from sitting in a hospital and opening up to a complete stranger?"

Kurt laughed slightly, "I'm scared of…I'm scared that dad will forget I was first, that he'll forget mom, I'm really scared that when I move away we won't be as close. I'm scared of everything."

"Everything being?"

"Walking down the street, getting dressed, sometimes that someone will follow me home and hurt my family, that my dad will die and-" He stopped his eyes opening wide. Spencer was silent, positive he knew the next words.

When Spencer realized Kurt might need some prompting he spoke, "Afraid that your dad will die and what?"

"And that no one will be there to protect me anymore. Make me feel safe."

Spencer nodded, "I think that's why you're upset Kurt-maybe not why you're upset as a whole, but about this situation now, that's where it all starts. Tell me, if you could describe your father in five words, what would they be?"

Kurt gave a small smile and continued, "Overprotective, loving…um proud, open-minded and accepting."

"Why overprotective?"

"I'm sometimes afraid to tell him the bad things that happen at school because he once threatened to take a flame thrower to the school."

Spencer laughed out loud at that, "Goodness, remind me to talk to your father about his anger issues." Growing serious again he smiled, "When did you tell your father you were gay?"

"A year ago."

Spencer smiled warmly, "How did he take it?"

"He said he already knew…he'd always known, and then he told me loved me just the same."

"It sounds like you didn't expect that."

"You've seen my dad, he's not exactly the least intimidating man in the world," Kurt smiled, "I think deep down I knew he'd be okay with it. I was still me…but you hear horror stories about people getting kicked out of their homes…"

Spencer nodded, "You two seem to have the perfect relationship between a father and a son. Which for two so different would be surprising, but I think you still sometimes avoid the important conversations."

"He's not the most…demonstrative person." Kurt whispered.

"I understand that, I do. But I think when it comes to you; he'd surprise you a lot more."

Kurt nodded slowly as Spencer stood up; he moved closer and put his hand out. "Take care of yourself, Kurt. The next time we meet will probably be in my office or at your house, depending on your mobility at that point." Kurt shook his hand.

"Will I be okay?"

Spencer smiled warmly, "I've never met someone who wasn't. Time really does heal a lot of wounds. You get some rest."

"Thanks." Kurt whispered.

Kurt watched Spencer leave, feeling a little more at ease with everything. Taking a shaky breath, he closed his eyes and waited for sleep to claim him. He did his best to keep his mind from going back to that Sunday, but it was still far too fresh.

o0o

When Burt arrived that evening, he was surprised when he found the doctor standing not far from Kurt's hospital room, arguing with a man in a uniform. "We need to see him, it's been too damn long as it is-"

"Mr. Hummel!" Dr. Loyle called over, waving her hand. "Look you can see him when I deem he's healthy enough, and right now I'm not sure he is."

"What's going on?" Burt questioned as he stepped up to pair.

"My name is Officer O'Malley; I'm in charge of your son's case. We've caught all the perps, but we need a statement from your son, and at some point we need him to visually pinpoint his attackers."

Burt looked at the officer, "You do realize my son has only been awake a week and a half since the attack."

"We understand that, and believe me we've already waited too long. The closer to the date we are, the more important. I need a statement from your son. I understand your concern, and I promise to do what I can not to agitate him-"

"Agitate, you want to force him to recall exactly what put him here," the doctor snapped.

Burt held up his hand against Dr. Loyle, "I'm pressing charges, if Kurt doesn't make a statement, then we won't be able to," his words were caught off when a scream echoed from Kurt's room.

Burt turned and was the first in the room despite his heart attack, "He's having a nightmare," He stated as he gently gripped the side of his son's face. "Kurt!" He called.

The doctor came over getting ready to give Kurt a sedative, but Burt held up his hand, "Please, let me talk to him. Kurt, son, it's dad." He called gently. The crying had stopped as soon as Burt had reached his son and phyiscally touched him, but soon eyes fluttered open and he looked up at his father.

"Dad?"

"Hey kiddo sounds like a rough nightmare."

Kurt nodded very slowly. He looked around, seemingly becoming nervous at the other two people in the room. Dr. Loyle looked at the officer, "Why don't we step outside, and we'll talk."

Burt remained in the room looking at his son, "The attack?" Kurt gave a small nod. "Look son, I'm going to assume by now you've talked to Dr. Leland, so you know I'm pressing charges."

"He mentioned it…he also mentioned I may have to testify or something…"

"Son, there's an officer outside, he needs a statement," Kurt instantly tensed, Burt held out a hand. "Hear me out kiddo. First off with that doosey of a nightmare it's fresh in your mind and I don't think it'd hurt you to talk about it. But if you're honestly not up to it, then it can wait and I can tell him to take a hike. Either way you'll have to face this."

Kurt gave a small nod. "I…I can try," he whispered.

Burt looked at his son. "Okay, if you feel overwhelmed or can't talk anymore, let me know okay, you don't have to play hero."

"Thanks dad," Kurt whispered.

Burt headed outside and waved the officer in, a few minutes later he stood at the end of Kurt's bed. "How ya doin' son?" he asked gently.

"Been better," Kurt offered quietly.

"I'm here cause you're father has made the decision to press charges against the…jerks who hurt you. Kurt, I want you to understand that we're here to help you and work this case for you, okay. The first thing and most important thing we'll need is the statement of what exactly happened."

"What…what happens if they plead not guilty or something-"

"One of them was caught bragging about it, that's why he's caught. We've offered him a shorter sentence already if he squealed on the others. He's clamed up now, but if your statement matches what he was bragging about and he hears that, I think it's a safe bet he'll talk."

"Okay," Kurt offered, "Where do I start?" He said trying to act and look braver than he felt.

"At the beginning."

Kurt nodded; he began to explain indepth where he'd gone to church, what time and why. He went over how the service went and explained that he'd been seperated from Mercedes when she'd stopped to talk with some people. He told the officer how he'd been cornered by four or five guys and he'd orginally been nervous but it seemed like they'd had car trouble, despite his better thoughts, he'd followed them. He then went into graphic detail about how and what hit him.

Burt turned sheet white the further his son went, and he realized just how close it had been. His son should've died there. Kurt explained that he'd just barely been able to text his best friend Noah, but that he assumed he was dead.

"You've done well son. I do have to ask you a couple more questions, is that okay?" Kurt nodded, so Officer O'Malley continued, "Did they rape you, Kurt?"

Kurt closed his eyes, he remembered his clothes being ripped off, and he recalled the bruises. "I…I don't think they actually…" he was rapidly losing control as the tears began to fall. "I don't think so."

"That matches what the doctor's tested for, I just wanted to check. You're done kid." The officer offered gently once they were all finished. "We've spoken with Noah Puckerman as well as most of the congregation."

"I'm not sure that's comforting," Kurt replied softly. "But I guess by now I'm number one on the list of most popular googles in Lima."

The officer smiled, "Keep it up kid, that's what will get you through this. Thank you gentleman. Kurt get well soon, we'll contact if you need further information."

"Dad…" Kurt whispered once the officer had left.

"Yeah buddy?"

"Will you stay with me and…and help me to fall asleep?"

"Sure thing kiddo."