Chapter Sixteen

Burt sat on the couch, looking at Carole who seemed to be absorbing the information he'd shared with her. "You think he's suicidal?"

"I don't know," Burt offered quietly, "I think he's upset and he's not talking to anyone…but the therapist made a deal that as long as he talked to me, shared duties with you and called him in an emergency that Kurt would be all right."

"Burt, sweetheart, of course I'm going to help, if you hadn't asked I would've offered. This is a lot for a boy to take on; I'd be worried about Finn too in this case. I'll come over here on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I can check in on you on the weekends."

"I think I can agree to that."

"Try not to worry about him too much, Burt, he's growing up and he does have a lot on his plate."

"I know, I just wish he'd tell me more about it," Burt offered as she scooted down and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"I talked to Finn the other day…you may not like this, but you should probably know."

"Oh boy." Burt offered smiling.

"He said Kurt was making advances on him last year and that's why he exploded. Finn seemed pretty embarrased about the whole thing, but it sounds like the entire reason Kurt set us up, why he wanted to room with Finn was to…to make him gay."

Burt closed his eyes and sighed.

"Honey?" Carole asked a little worried.

"Sorry, just wondering how I fucked up so bad."

"Burt, you didn't!" Carole corrected, "Don't you dare think that, he's a teenager and he's struggling to define himself, he was in the wrong-there's no doubt, but Finn is past it now, and I think he really does love Kurt like a little brother. As for Kurt, talk to him, I think once he realizes we all know and that we're ready to move on past it…he'll get there too."

"Do you think we're fixable?"

She looked at him, "I don't think we were ever really broken Burt, none of us."

"Thank you," Burt whispered pressing a kiss to Carole's forehead. "For everything."

She smiled and rubbed his stomach gently. "Happy to help."

"Dad I-" Kurt stopped as he realized Carole was in the room, he looked at her and suddenly felt his face burn with shame. "Sorry," He whispered as he quickly limped out of the room, not quite willing to be seen yet.

Carole looked over at her boyfriend, "What was that?"

"I think he's upset that he blew up at you-plus he hasn't really had time to adjust to multiple people yet. I'm not actually sure how he'll manage at school on Monday."

"Why don't I head out, call if you need anything. I'll ask Finn to stop by and pick Kurt up Monday."

"Thanks."

October 11th, 2010

Kurt was sitting quietly on the couch, staring at the wall when Finn entered the house, "Kurt-dude we're gonna be late." He looked at Kurt, Burt wasn't anywhere to be seen, Finn assumed he was in the bathroom. "Kurt, you all right?" His mother had warned him that Kurt wasn't handling touch very well yet, so he knelt in front of his soon to be brother.

"I…I don't think I can do this," Kurt whispered, his face was white and he looked completely panicked.

Finn looked at him for a long moment, "I'll be there, and anytime you need me…just call me or text me and I'll make an excuse and meet you somewhere, okay? And I'm willing to bet Noah would be glad to do the same thing. You aren't alone Kurt." He reached out, hand hovering over Kurt's knee. When the boy didn't appear like he'd jump away he placed it there. "Come on, Kurt; let us watch out for you?"

Kurt gave a very slow nod, standing he grabbed his bag and followed Finn out the door. Burt smiled as he stepped out of the kitche, good to know those were two doing better than they'd been doing last year. The summer had fixed a majority of their issues, Finn had learned a lot about the garage, and was getting a little brighter.

Finn and Kurt arrived at the school almost fifteen minutes later, Kurt was still pale, gripping the side of the door. Finn stopped his truck and looked at Kurt. "I can turn around."

Kurt shook his head, "I…I have to do this."

"You do, but it doesn't have to be today if you really aren't ready."

"I'm ready," He whispered. "Just…don't leave me."

Finn smiled, "Not going anywhere, I've got first and third period with you, Noah will be with you second, fourth and lunch, and Matt and Artie have the last periods with you. We'll make sure you get everywhere safe and sound. And again, you can text us."

"Finn…" He stopped and then shook his head, "Nevermind man."

"Only if you're sure."

"I…" Kurt sighed, "I wanted to apologize…for being sucha creeper last year. I honestly…I don't always know how to handle…" He closed his eyes, "Nevermind."

"I get it man, and its okay. We're cool."

Kurt looked over at him, "Really?"

"Yeah, we're good, you've kinda become my brother, and…look I know you think you can protect yourself, and I'm all about that, but don't hesitate to ask for help if you need anything at all, cause I wouldn't if I needed girl advice."

Kurt smiled. "Thank you."

"Any time dude."

"What is it with you guys and the name dude-"

As if on cue, as soon as Kurt closed the car door, Noah came up and grinned, "Hey dude."

"Seriously!" Kurt just shook his head, causing the two to grin.

Noah was one of the few people that Kurt didn't mind touching him, so when the Puckster came back up and put an arm around his shoulders he gave himself a moment to calm, and then smiled at the familiar smell that was Noah Puckerman.

"How ya doin' Hummel."

"Fine," Kurt offered gently.

Noah smiled at him warmly, "You look better, feeling confident."

"No," Kurt whispered, he was surprised when Noah drew him a little closer.

"You're with the Puckster now, I'll protect you."

If anyone asked, Kurt would deny the comfort that made him feel as he was flanked by two of his friends…friends. He wasn't really sure prior to this year he'd had friends. Maybe he would be able to make it through this.

"We've let the girls you're pretty much off limits for hugging unless you iniate, and they all seem to have accepted that-that said don't be surprised if Brit doesn't remember," Finn offered.

"Thanks," He replied softly.

"Hey Kurt!" Artie greeted as he wheeled away from his dad's van, his father waved to Kurt out the window, Kurt smiled and waved back before looking at Artie. "How are you?" He asked.

"Getting better," Kurt replied, and it was true, he didn't feel like a complete outcast, and that was comforting. Even as they walked into the halls and Kurt began to gravitate closer to Noah, he was comforted when he felt the arms around his shoulder's tighten.

"You're safe dude, Karofsky is with Azmio waiting for you by the dumpster, Finn and I decided to come at a different angle, they won't touch you today."

Kurt looked at him, "Thanks," He whispered. "I feel like I'm saying that all the time suddenly."

Noah smiled warmly at him, "Happy to help Princess, you have my cell, if you need it, the code is Silver for panicking, Gold for could use a hug, and green for good but not great."

"Do I want to know how you decided those colors?"

"You're always bright and different, we figured you'd want your codes to be the same thing. If it's the first three periods, we'll meet in the west bathroom, if it's the middle two the cafeteria or outside bleachers if you need space, and if it's later in the afternoon the choir room-Mr. Schuester has also offered his office any time you think you need to lie down."

"How long have you guys been plotting this?" Kurt asked suddenly worried as he looked at Finn.

"Long enough, we've missed you; Glee isn't the same without our other Diva."

Kurt made it through the first four periods without so much as a stutter, he didn't feel panic once, mostly because he hadn't run into the jocks. Artie or one of the girls was constantly with him, Mercedes was the only one he hadn't seen yet, but he'd see her after lunch. All of the teachers had greeted him warmly, telling him his homework had been well done, or needed a little work, and they'd all given him encouraging words about his father as well.

It was sixth period and he had it with Matt, Artie, Tina, Mercedes and Rachael as he stepped into the room, he grimaced slightly at the sight of his bullies. They didn't seem to notice him, he was about to move to the back, when Schuester gently touched his arm. "Hey," He offered quietly.

Kurt looked at him, he hadn't been expecting the hand, so that put him slightly on edge, but he turned, composing himself to Mr. Schuester and gave the man as warm a smile he could muster. "Hi Mr. Schue."

"How you doin' today?"

"Better than expected…I keep waiting for the panic attack. Thanks Mr. Schue."

"Let me know if we can do anything, and nicely done on all the homework. Also, are you going to be at Glee tomorrow?"

Kurt smiled, he hadn't thought about it, but Carole was caring for dad tomorrow night and he had a therapy session tonight and Wednesday. "Yes, I will be."

"Great, we can't wait."

"Thank you Mr. Schue," He offered before he finally headed to his seat, he smiled when he realized his friends had essentially created a wall around him. He wondered how long they'd have to do this before it drove him crazy. "Hey boy," Mercedes said, reaching out.

Kurt looked at her and gave her a hesitant smile, before gripping her hand. "Hi," He whispered. He hadn't been expecting the wave of sadness that hit him as he gripped her hand, not because he was upset at her, or blamed her, but he was just a little sad to think she probably blamed herself. "Can we talk after class?" He asked her lightly, wanting to talk with his girl.

"Sure," she replied smiling and squeezing his hand.

They made it through the whole class, Kurt kept fairly quiet for the majority of the class, as the rest of the group headed out of the classroom at the end, he grabbed his stuff, grumbling when he dropped his notebook under his desk. He bent over to pick it up and started to head for the door when he noticed Karofsky standing in his way. "Hey freak!" He grinned like an idiot.

Kurt felt the panic start in the pit of his stomach lot a terrified knot. He looked up, set his expression and took a deep breath. "Please move," He stated trying to seem braver than he felt.

"And what if I don't, all your freaky little buddies are gone, even your freaky little teacher," He stepped forward, fracking his knuckles in a neandthral way. Kurt backed up into a chair, the panic was beginning to send shockwaves of pain to his limbs as every muscle tensed, sore and not sore. He felt his heart beat speeding up, his palms began to sweat and it felt like the world was beginning to close in on him.

"What's wrong freak, feeling scared," He stepped closer, grinning from ear to ear.

As his heart sped up, he felt his breathing become erratic, it ached as he wrapped his arms around his lungs, trembling and feeling his eyes burning with tears, he couldn't see a way out. "Don't-"

Kurt didn't see what happened next, but as quick and Karofsky was there, he was gone. "Let's go you sick bastard!" A harsh voice yelled, Puckerman hauled the teen away from Kurt and punched him in the nose.

A moment later half the school seemed to be looking in through the doors as Noah Puckerman took on Karofsky blow for blow. Will Schuester and Principal Figgins hurried into the room, pulling the boys apart. They were so busy they barely noticed Kurt crouched in the corner trembling.

"Kurt?" Finn asked softly as he stepped over to the boy, "Kurt I need you to take a slow deep breath for me okay?" He asked gently, he reached out and carefully rubbed Kurt's knees.

Kurt looked up at him struggling to pull air into his lungs, tears had started to flow down his face as he shook, "I-"

"Shh, don't talk, I'll call mom to come get you, okay?" He asked, "She's working the night shift, she should be available." He whispered. Pulling out his cell phone he hit two and send and waited, "Mom…I'm okay but I think Kurt's having a panic attack," he explained quietly so not to embarras the boy. "Thanks mom." Hanging up he slid it into his pocket, "Think you can stand?"

He shook for a couple moments and then shook his head, every fiber of his body still shaking. He closed his eyes, struggling desperately to pull air into his lungs. He was beginning to feel light headed, "I don't feel good," He whimpered quietly.

"Okay, let's try and get you to the nurse, mom will meet us in the office."

With a very shaky nod, he held his hand out for Finn to help him out. Finn pulled him as close as he could, wrapping an arm around his waist and walking him out of the classroom. Kurt was shaking all over, and from what Finn could tell his heart was racing as well.

They stepped into the office, and Finn helped him into the nurse's office, "Oh dear, Kurt, are you all right?"

He gave her a very shaky nod, as his heart began to slow he still felt sick to his stomach and dizzy, "Headache," he whispered.

"I think he had a panick attack."

She nodded, "The symptoms match, who's coming to get him?"

"My mom."

"All right, why don't you go wait for her, I'll write you a pass to your next period." She sat down beside Kurt with a damp cloth and gently began to dab at his brow, "Take slow breaths for me sweetie, in and out," She continued the mantra as she rubbed his skinny back. "Does this have to do with Noah coming in here with a cut eyebrow and a split lip?"

"Prolly," He chocked as he closed his eyes against the wave of dizziness.

Just then there was a light knock on her door, "Speak of the devil," she said looking at Noah Puckerman who was standing in the doorway. Noah gave her a half ass smile as he moved to the cot and sat down, "I'm being suspended for two weeks," He offered weakly, I don't care though-was so worth it." He joked.

Kurt gave him a small shudder, Noah leaned over and rubbed his back, taking the nurse's place. "You doing a little better?"

Kurt gave a small nod, he was pale and still shaking, "I feel sick," He whispered.

"Yeah, mom says that's normal, she used to have them when she was a kid-says they completely wipe you out. I should probably go-" He began to get up, but Kurt grabbed his hand.

"Stay…" He whispered, "Till Carole gets here?"

"Sure."

They sat in silence, Noah holding Kurt's hand and rubbing his back while Kurt tried to desperately control his breathing and his heart. Carole walked into the room almost fifteen minutes later and smiled as Kurt lay there, he had a little color in his cheeks, but still looked sick. "Hey kiddo, ready to go home?"

He glanced up and looked at Carole, he gave her a slow nod. Noah smiled and helped him scoot off the cot and stand, his legs were still shaky but once Noah was sure he could hold his own he gave him a small pat on the back. "I'll call you okay?" Noah asked gently.

"Okay," Kurt replied softly.

Noah couldn't stop himself, he pressed his lips to Kurt's and pulled away, "You know where to find me." Without another word he headed back into the principal's office.

Carole gave him a small smile as she held out her hand. Kurt looked at it for a moment, before his face began to crumble. With a small 'tut' sound, she pulled him close as he clung to her. "It's okay Kurt, you're doing the best you can," she whispered rubbing his back.

Once he'd regained composure a few minutes later, he followed her out to her minivan on the road and got in. "Sorry," He whispered.

"Don't be sweetie, you're fine."

He looked at her for a long time, before speaking again, "No really…I'm sorry for everything, for hookin' you up with my dad with some ulterior motives, for lying to all of you, for getting Finn kicked out and hurting you and my father…for hurting you, for hurting dad…I'm sorry I was so upset-"

Carole could see he was working himself into a small frenzy, reaching out she gripped his hand, "Kurt Hummel, you listen to me," She offered pulling the car of to the side of the road and looking at him. "You've made some mistakes, we all have. Do you want us to be a family?" He gave a small nod, "Then we have to move past these transgressions. Sweetie, you're a teenager who barely understands yourself, let alone everyone else. Finn was upset at first, but he's over it now, he loves you like a brother and certainly like a friend. We're all going to be okay. You don't have to keep holding onto this guilt anymore."

He looked at her, "I don't know if I can stop."

"That's why we're here, Kurt, so that when you start feeling that way, we can all talk it out."

He nodded slowly and watched as she pulled back onto the road. He took a shaky breath, "Can…can you help me understand what it's like to have a mom again?"

She smiled warmly at him, "Kurt, I would love nothing more than to try and help you understand what a mom does."

"You feeling any better?" She asked lightly as she pulled into the driveway.

"I don't know," He replied honestly, he felt tired and exhausted, he still felt shaky. "Guess I didn't do so good for my first day," He whispered.

Carole looked at him, "Cut yourself a break, kiddo, you've had a rough trip lately. You made it through more than half the day without any trouble, you should be proud."

"I want to go to Glee tomorrow."

"I think that'll be great for you, come on then, let's check on your dad."

Kurt nodded as they got out of the car. They made their way into the house, Burt who'd been seated on the couch, glanced up at the door opened. "Kurt, you all right?"

The teen looked at his father, and suddenly felt his heart beginning to pound again, he hurried up the stairs as best he could for a shower, hoping desperately it would help calm him down. "Kurt, if you need-"

"Fine!" He cried down as he closed the bathroom door and sank down to the floor. Tears started and suddenly Kurt found himself unable to stop as he just cried.

"What happened?" Burt questioned Carole as she sat down beside Burt.

Carole sighed, "From the little Finn told me, he was cornered in the Spanish classroom, Noah intercepted Karofsky before he could do any damage, but not before Kurt didn't start having a pretty bad panic attack.

"How is he now?"

"Shaky…I think he feels embarrased, like he shouldn't feel this way or something."

Burt shook his head gently and closed his eyes, "He's confused," Burt offered, "I don't know if he realizes what he's feeling most of the time, and I don't even know how to begin to help him."

Carole looked at Burt, gently squeezing his thigh, "Begin with just being his father. He thinks the world of you Burt; it's no surprise to anyone."

Burt hoped that would be enough, but his concern for his son's wellbeing and mental status seemed to change daily. It was nearly an hour and a half later-his son still hadn't come downstairs, though he did appear to have finished his shower at this point because the water wasn't running anymore. The knock on the door alerted them to Dr. Leland's arrival.

Carole headed to the door, smiling warmly, "Hi Spencer."

"How's our boys today?" He asked smiling as he waved over to Burt who was sitting on the couch.

"It's been a rough day;" She offered quietly, "Kurt suffered a panic attack today at school."

"Has he ever had them before?" Spencer asked as he took a seat on the edge of the chair near the couch.

Burt looked seriously at the psychologist before, "Yeah, little, back after the car accident…then when his mother died, he's had them off and on since he was about six, but they barely ever happen, so," Burt shrugged, "We take care of them when they occur and don't worry about them the rest of the time.

"All right, so he's at least familiar with the feelings."

"Yes."

"Where is he now?"

"Upstairs," Carole offered.

"I'll go check on him." Spencer headed up the stairs, all the doors were open but on, so Spencer took a guess and knocked on it. He waited a beat and heard a soft 'come in'.

Pushing the door open he saw Kurt lying on his side in a pair of WMHS sweat pants and a hooded sweatshirt. "I hear you had a rough day." He offered as he moved into the room. There was a chair against the wall oppsite of Kurt, so he took a seat in it after closing the door.

"I panicked." Kurt offered. "I couldn't stop it, it swelled so quick-"

"That's okay, how about we talk a little bit about how you felt before that, and the seconds leading into the panic attack itself."

Kurt closed his eyes, not sure he was ready to face this yet. "Can we…" He closed his eyes. "I hate this."

"It's okay, you can take your time Kurt, we don't have to talk about this right now if you don't want to, how about this, you tell me what you want to talk about or if you even wanna talk today."

"I-uh," He closed his eyes, "I'm such a mess," He whispered.

"No, Kurt, you're not a mess, you're dealing with something big right now. That takes it's toll after awhile. Tell you what, I've got another client I'm going to check in on for about an hour or two, lives about ten minutes away. I'll call you in about an hour or so and if you feel like you want to talk, then we'll have a session, otherwise we'll wait until Wednesday. But you only get three passes on these sessions okay?"

"Thanks." He offered quietly.

Spencer smiled as he stood, he knelt in front of Kurt, giving the boy's hand a reassuring squeeze, "Don't lose hope Kurt, this is only the beginning. I have know doubt you're going to come out way ahead in the end." With another squeeze he stood up and left the teen alone.

Kurt closed his eyes, feeling alone again, reaching out to his father's bedside table, he grabbed his cellphone and dialed. "Yo Hummel," The greeting on the other line made Kurt smile a little.

"Are you busy?"

"No, suspension pretty much means that and since ma ain't home for the next couple days I don't really have to worry about it right now."

"What about Lil?"

"She's with ma, why what's up dude?"

"Stop calling me that."

"Sorry, what's up?"

"I…I could use a friend…and don't really want to face my prarents yet."

The chuckle on the other end told Kurt that Noah understood, "I'll be there in five Hummel."

Kurt smiled and hung up the phone, he didn't know what he and Noah had going on, and he didn't always feel confident about it, but knowing that the teen would soon be here made him feel a lot better.

When Spencer left the house, Burt was about ready to march upstairs and talk to his son, right when the doorbell rang again. Carole opened the door and her eyes grew at the sight before her. Noah stood, bruised lip and swollen cheek an' all. "Hey Mrs. H."

"Noah, what are you doing here?"

"I'm checking on Princess," He offered plainly as he walked into the house and took off his shoes.

Burt glanced over his shoulder, "What the hell happened to you Mohawk?"

"I took one for the team," He stated and he started to head up the stairs.

"Mohawk-"

"I promise Mr. H, nothin' funny, Kurt called." With that he disappeared up to the second floor.

"I don't even know what's going on at this point," Burt offered weakly as he closed his eyes ready to take a nap.

Unlike Spencer, Noah didn't knock, instead he opened the door, offered a smile at the boy who was curled on his side, and climbed onto the bed. He saddled up behind the teen and easily slid his arms around the smaller body. Kurt's back pressed to Puck's front the two cuddled. "Wanna talk about it?"

"I just kicked the pyschologist out-"

Noah chuckled, "I'm not a stranger, sometimes you need to talk to strangers…even though mom always said not to-and sometimes you need to talk to…well to Pucksters."

Kurt shook his head softly and chuckled, "What are we doing, Puck?"

"Cuddling."

Kurt gently slapped his hands that were pressed to his stomach and chest, "I meant overall, not right now. What…are we?"

"We're boys who like boys…or more specifically boys who really like each other. You okay with that?"

"I think so…"

"Dude…sorry, Kurt, I'm really sorry I hurt you, but…let me make it up to you."

"How?"

"Let me treat you like the prince…or princess you really are."

"You want to date?"

Puck nodded against his neck, "That's the general gist of it, yes."

Kurt manuvered carefully, rolling around to face Noah, he looked at the doe brown eyes for a long moment. "I think I'd be okay with that," He offered quietly.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Puck nodded, then scooted off the bed, "Right then, get dressed Princess."

"What?" Kurt asked sitting up on the bed and looking at him.

"You heard me, get dressed, nice pants and the shinest shirt you've got, we're going to breadsticks."

Kurt's eyebrow cocked slightly, "Noah-"

"Ah, call it food therapy, hate the carbs all you want, but they're comfort food and you just said I could date you. I have a job, I just got paid yesterday and you had a rough day. It's date night."

"It'll be busy."

"So if you get uncomfortable we'll leave and not pay," Noah joked grinning.

"Everyone will see us."

"So, we're a couple, we're allowed to do couple things, now go before I have to change you myself-and I don't play nice."

Kurt chuckled, but exited his room all the same. Noah headed into the bathroom to clean up slightly. He then headed downstairs, surprised to see Carole and Burt eating a light dinner of soup and biscuits. "Hope those biscuits are low fat and salt, otherwise Kurt will kill you," Noah stated.

"Why are you here, Mohawk?"

"Because you're son loves me, and there's nothin you can do about it," grinned Noah.

"Love is a very strong word Puckerman-" Burt began, but he was smiling slightly, not that Noah needed to know that.

"Ah, yes it is. We're going on a date."

"What?" Burt stated as he looked at the wayward teen. "He just had a panic attack, are you really sure-"

"Its fine dad," Kurt offered as he stepped into the hallway from his bedroom downstairs. "Really, it's not great, but…I don't need to talk, I need a distraction right now. I think I can handle this."

Burt narrowed his eyes at the two boys, "Back by ten Puckerman." He stated simply. "And I swear to God if you lay a han-"

"Dad, relax, stress test."

"You're my stress test," Burt stated again, causing his son's eyes to roll.

Kurt looked at Noah and smiled, "Better?"

Noah nodded, "Awesome, come on, we've got a date."