This is not an actual journal for any of the people listed here. Nor will it ever be. This is a journal for my muses.

The people you'll see here include Amazing Red, James Storm, Haylee Jacobs [OC], Frankie Kazarian, Trent Barreta, Tina Corino [OC], Sierra Hickenbottom [OC], Rydell Borden [OC], Scotty Rechsteiner [OC], Alex Shelley, Evan Bourne, Danielle Brooks [OC], Ariana Hart [OC], Regina Ellington [OC], Jayden Black [OC], Crimson, Edge, Cody Rhodes, and probably others I can't remember.

Dear Diary,

In just four days I get to marry the man of my dreams, the guy that's pulled me back from so much, my Jeremy, or Nick as he was born named. I just prefer calling him Jeremy, or Jer.

Over the past few hours, while watching him play with our beautiful daughter Jessica, I've been unable to stop myself from thinking back on everything that we've been through in the five or so months we've been together. I guess you'd think marriage after only being together for five months would be a bit of a rush, but we love each other, and I want to keep Jer as mine and mine only.

I remember when we first started dating. Jeremy had come by my apartment to visit, after running off from his brother. I hadn't really talked to him all that much while we were at work, well when he first came to the company, up until they forced all of us tiny guys into one big story. We were together all the time and we got to know each other pretty well. I remember thinking how adorable I thought Jeremy was, but I never knew he was gay or anything like that. Plus, at the time, I was taken so I couldn't really do anything even if I wanted to.

Anyways, he came over to visit and we just sort of hung out. It was within the few days, and by few I mean a couple days, I had realized my feelings for him were still there. At the time, I had broken up with Evan. Evan being Evan Bourne. Evan and I had dated for a lot longer than Jeremy and I have been together, and I had truly thought Evan was going to be the one for me. He was just like me, hyper all the time, into everything, all of that. But then he broke up with me. He left me one night while I was sleeping, and I woke up to a call the next day saying he was done with me. He's since gone to be with his boyfriend Jack, and I'm happy for him. I know he's happy now, and I'm happy too, but the pain of being dumped without knowing why was hard on me.

After Evan dumped me, I fell into a deep, dark depression. I began to drink, I stopped caring about work which was why I was hardly ever used, I began drugs, and I began trying to kill myself. During all of this, I found myself drifting from one person to the next. I got drunk one night and had an altercation with Bubba Ray. No one knew about it except Tommy, my big brother. He may not be my real brother, but he's close enough. The thing is, I never admitted what actually happened. While drunk, I willingly went with Ray to his room and had sex with him. I was just so empty and deprived, I took whatever I could get and that was Ray. He was brutal though, and the next morning I woke up pretty banged up in the bathroom. After Ray, I drifted to a guy that I absolutely hate, but love in the sense that he saved me once from murdering myself. Aside from that, I fell into my depression and continuously tried to murder myself. Jeremy doesn't know it, or at least I don't think he does, but the night before he came to visit, I tried to kill myself. I tried to throw myself off the balcony. But I didn't do it.

Jeremy and I began dating shortly after he came to visit. At the time, Jeremy was very shy and innocent. He loved kissing me, and holding me much like he does now, but he wasn't comfortable about the idea of sex or being naked around each other. I respected it, and looking at how he is nowadays, I can't believe that's how he actually started out. Being who I am, I began to find how hard it was to not want to jump on him and rip his clothes off. Not going to lie, that thought crossed my mind more times than I can count. And then, it happened.

I had gotten beaten up pretty badly, and I needed a prescription pill to keep me under control. Unfortunately, one night I ended up overdosing on the pills, and I nearly died. Without intentionally trying to kill myself, I nearly did it. Jeremy found me before it was too long and took me to the hospital thankfully. The situation caused a lot of drama for us, and even to this day, it still causes problems for us. The temptation to go down that path again has risen every now and again, but I haven't given in yet. I've got a daughter and a soon to be husband that need me.

After Jeremy had got me home from the hospital the next day, I decided it was finally time for me to take away his last bit of innocence. I blindfold him and handcuffed him to the bed that night, and well, we made love for the first time ever. I could tell how nervous he was, how unsure he was about it, but I went slowly, I helped him understand what was going to happen, and everything. The look on his face after all my teasing, my torture and loving was the beautiful sight in the world. I remember how engraved into mind the sounds that fell from that mouth were, how it took days for me to get rid of them. And from there, we kept up our loving making every night. Every night I made him scream my name, made him happier than any person could ever possibly be.

He became really daring after that. Like, I remember the one time he actually let me go down on him at a restaurant. It was so exhilarating and I think at the time he didn't think I'd really do it, but I did. One day I hope to get him to do it to me, but it'd have to be at a time when Jess isn't around. She doesn't need to see that.

After dating him for so long, I decided that there was no one else I wanted in my life, just him. Well, I mean, I didn't want to date anyone else. I wanted to marry that man, and damn it, I wasn't going to let some stupid gay marriage law stop me. Thankfully, we live in New York which allows it and I went out and got Jer a ring after researching all I had to do to get married to him. We had family visiting at the time, but I didn't care, I told him I had a present he had to tickle out of me. He did that and the box ended up falling to the floor where he found it and opened it to find the ring. I put the ring on his finger and we went back to the bedroom to celebrate. I don't think our family was too fond of that, but I didn't care at the time. That man was going to be mine soon.

And then there's Jessica, she's the most amazing thing that's ever come into our life. Jer and I had talked about having a family one day, and well I've never been one to wait for anything. I went to a local adoption center and found Jessica. She's a splitting image of the two of us. She's got my personality, but she's smart like Jeremy. She's got my smile, but she has his eyes. Then she's got strawberry blonde hair, Jessica is the most beautiful child I've ever seen. She knows when one of us is upset, she always finds a way to get us back together, and she hates when one of us has to leave. We take her everywhere; she's our pride and joy. We had a bit of a falling out prior to getting her though, since at the time I didn't think Jer actually wanted her. He made it seem like it was too fast too soon, but we got Jessica now and we don't regret it at all.

I've said a lot about what I and Jeremy have been through, but I think that's what makes us so perfect for each other. Jeremy is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I hate to think what would happen if I hadn't found him. I'd probably be dead by now, actually now that I think about it. I was so close to it all those times before; well I'd probably be dead. Yeah, I would be. Jeremy is everything I could ever ask for. He's the most beautiful man in the world, he's got the sweetest heart ever, the most adorable smile that I love to see every day, he's got an adorable laugh that makes me giggle every time I hear it, and when he holds me I feel safer than I have ever felt. It's cheesy, I know it is, but I love him, and I will always love him.

I'm marrying the love of my life in just four days.

Amazing Reddy