This is not an actual journal for any of the people listed here. Nor will it ever be. This is a journal for my muses.

The people you'll see here include Amazing Red, James Storm, Haylee Jacobs [OC], Frankie Kazarian, Trent Barreta, Tina Corino [OC], Sierra Hickenbottom [OC], Rydell Borden [OC], Scotty Rechsteiner [OC], Alex Shelley, Evan Bourne, Danielle Brooks [OC], Ariana Hart [OC], Regina Ellington [OC], Jayden Black [OC], Crimson, Edge, Cody Rhodes, and probably others I can't remember.

January 31st, 2012

Tonight I feel so alone, this sorrow takes hold

They say absence makes the heart grow stronger, but well fuck that. By now, Caleb would be in Tennessee, visiting with Jayden. Jayden was in a severe car accident, and because of it, she barely remembers stuff. Caleb, being so close to her, knew he had to go see her. I knew it too, but at the time, I was sleeping so I didn't know what was going on until he started yelling at me.

Yelling is something we do a lot in our relationship. I'm not even certain why. Well, I shouldn't say that. I know why we fight. It's my own fault most of the time. I've always been a selfish guy. A lot of the time, I only focus on myself, but I mean, that's just how I am. You tend to get like that when everyone that's supposed to care for you, and take care of you, doesn't do that. They just let you fall.

Anyways, we fought yet again. I guess I should have noticed he was stressed out, but it was hard to see past how crappy I was feeling myself. Just a day or so before, I had gotten jumped by AJ again after the match he had with Chris. I don't know why AJ continues to jump me, hurt me, he just does. For a guy that loves me so much, it's kind of weird. So, he jumped me, I got a mild concussion from it. Nothing too bad, I'd be fine by the end of the week. At least it's better than last time when I had to lose some of my precious hair over it. It was a horrible time for me.

So, we fought, hell we even started shoving each other. We've never gotten that bad, but I was just so tired of being yelled at when it felt like a knife was ripping through my head. I gave up after I started feeling horrible, and got my pills taken and some food in me. After that, we laid around in bed for a while, just talking. That's what we needed, just to talk. It didn't last long; my pills wear me out pretty easily. We made love and I passed out right after, only I didn't stay asleep long. I woke up multiple times throughout the night from nightmares, crying and sweating like crazy. But, I never told him. I didn't see any point in it. I'd just be called selfish again, I didn't want that.

Once it got to a reasonable morning hour, I got out of bed and went to do things. I called the airport, got him a ticket to go see Jayden and one to come back to me before Thursday. Then I called up the girls, the knockouts that he's the boss of, and helped them out. After, I went and woke up Caleb, telling him all I did. He was so happy, and while I love seeing my baby happy, it still hurt knowing he was going to be leaving me alone in my condition.

And that leads us back to now, and where I'm at. I'm plopped up in our bed after having woken up from my third nap of the day. That's all I keep doing, sleeping. He hasn't called yet, or at least, I don't think he has. I don't know how to check the phone for voicemails; he didn't show me before he left. I barely know how to answer the phone nowadays. I should call the girls, find out what they want to do with their boyfriends, but it's hard, so hard, when your own boyfriend is miles upon miles away. I think I might just go back to sleep after I eat, that's the only way to pass along the time until he comes back to me.

Each moment you're gone, is a moment too long in my life

Frankie Kazarian