A Strange Adventure: Big Mac The Bounty Hunter

By NocturneD

Note: Meh an okay turn out for the first chapter.

Chapter 2

"Well Sweet Apple Acres could use the money." Apple Jack rubbed her chin after Big Mac explained what the job consisted of. "But to handle fugitives in that fashion?"

"You'll get tasers." Big Mac held out a stun gun to his sister.

"Stun gun it is." Apple Jack took the defense tool from her brother and pressed then button to see a spark fly out. "Awfully neat I tell you what."

"Oh how barbaric." Rarity sneered.

Apple Jack frowned and shocked the hell out of the posh pony as she screamed. Rarity laid down on the ground twitching as she lost control of all her muscles and became numb. She also pissed all over the floor.

"Mighty fine tool." Apple Jack twirled her stun gun in marvel. The blonde smiled the reminded, "Don't forget. We have to pick up cousin Braeburn from the train station."

"Oh right. The gay cowboy." Big Mac muttered.

"He's not gay. Just overly excited about things." Apple Jack smirked.

Later that day. They picked up their cousin who arrived from Appleloosa. Still smiling like the turd he is, he greeted his cousins and Cheerilee.

"Well howdy cousins!" Braeburn waved.

"Hey dick face." Big Mac greeted.

"Cousin Braeburn!" Apple Jack smiled.

Braeburn turned his attention to Cheerilee. "Well hello."

"Nice to meet you too." Cheerilee smiled. Big Mac took out his pepper spray and maced Braeburn who fell down on the ground, screaming while covering his eyes.

"AH! SON OF A BITCH!" Braeburn shouted, "WHAT THE HELL?"

"She's my bitch." Big Mac smiled.

Cheerilee took out her stun gun and zapped Big Mac in the testicles. He fell over on the ground and started sharking. "Not so fun now is it?"

"Big Mac is now a bounty hunter and wants to put together a team. That's why he's got the mace." Apple Jack explained, then frowned, "He's been macing ponies all day."

Braeburn opened up his red eyes, "Oh... well that explains everything cousin."

They asked Braeburn to join the team. The cowboy agreed. Then soon they are off onto their next step. To buy a car. After wasting so much time at the car dealership they decided on a black sports utility vehicle that basically costs sixty to eighty bits to fill every time at the gas station. Yes apparently gas is also expensive in Equestria. They got the vehicle pretty cheap because some pony died in it and it smelled like pee.

Big Mac drove the crew over to a clothing store. "If we're going to be bounty hunters. We got to look like bounty hunters."

"But... isn't that going to give us away? Dressing all in black?" Braeburn brought up.

Cheerilee walked out of the dressing room wearing only a tight black tank top. "Um. Big Macintosh. I get that we have to look tough but why do I need to put balloons in my shirt?" The camera zooms down to her chest area showing two obvious mismatching colored balloons stuffed in her shirt.

"Because Dog's wife has big hooters." Mac chewed on a piece of straw.

"I can't even see my hooves." Cheerilee frowned as she looked down.

Apple Jack came out with a bullet proof vest on along win sun glasses. "Now how do I look?"

Braeburn and Mac nodded, "Pretty bad ass." The two males settled on pretty much the same thing. As well as Big Mac getting stupid tassels for his hair and cowboy boots for his hooves which greatly decrease his running speed. He only bought them because he thought they looked cool, they really didn't.

"Okay gang. Now to go to the post office to find our first criminal." Big Mac explained. They reached the post office and looked at the WANTED posters. "There it is gang. Each criminal worse than the last. Bring them in alive and we'll get big money."

"Let's see who they got." Apple Jack looked at the posters. "Smelly Mcgee, Big Balls Billy, The Toilet Breaking Bandit, Crazy Earl, The great and powerful Trixie, Nigel Ratburn, Prince Blueblood, Lucky the No Legged Pony, Vash the Stampede, Lauren Faust, John Wayne Gacy."

"Wow. Some pretty crazy names here." Braeburn observed.

"Maybe we'll go after the easiest one." Big Mac pondered. "Ah... Trixie sounds easy."

"You sure?" Braeburn scratched his balls.

"She only has a reward of five hundred bits compared to every pony else up there." Big Mac looked at the bounty reward. They ripped Trixie's poster off the wall, they went around asking questions on where Trixie might be. They must of asked about one pony and deemed it impossible.

"Damn it we'll never find her!" Big Mac shouted.

"We only asked one pony." Apple Jack frowned.

"Well maybe this blue unicorn will know." Braeburn turned to ask the blue unicorn waiting in the line to ship out a package. "Excuse me Ma'am we're looking for this fugitive."

"The great and powerful Trixie does not answer questions to urchins." The blue unicorn held her nose high.

"Oh you dumb asses that's her!" Cheerilee pointed.

"FREEZE!" Big Mac brought out his pepper spray.

"WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?" Trixie held her hooves above her head as she shouted. Big Mac sprayed mace in her mouth. She started to choke. "AGAGHHHHHHHH!" She held her throat and mouth open wide as she collapsed to the floor.

"Good work team." Big Mac smiled. Apple Jack hoof cuffed Trixie and lead her to the car, her mouth still burning from the mace. Cheerilee gave her water, since she was the mother figure of the group anyway. "This is what happens when you skip on bail Trixie."

"Can't believe how easy that was." Braeburn tipped his hat. The ponies in line didn't really seem to give a damn anyway.

Apple Jack drove while Big Mac was sitting next to Trixie who was still upset, more likely crying of being humiliated again. "Now Trixie. You know what you did?"

"No." She mumbled.

"I'm going to give you a big lecture then." Big Mac nibbled on his straw, "Apple Jack take the scenic route."

"There is no scenic route." Apple Jack said. "We're already at the station."

"Oh well drive around ten more times." Big Mac instructed.

"Honey. Honey, you know what you did was wrong." Cheerilee tried to calm Trixie down.

"Trixie just couldn't... come up with the money." Trixie cried, "her shows were failures and Trixie can't make ends meat." She sniffed while Cheerilee handed her over a hankerchief, "Trixie wished she didn't rob that store."

"It also says here you shot Mr. Cake in the shoulder." Braeburn read off the wanted poster. "Then the leg, then emptied the entire clip into him, then reloaded, and emptied it again."

Trixie cried harder, "Trixie is sorry!"

"Would you like a smoke?" Big Mac offered.

"Anything to calm Trixie's nerves." Mac placed the cigarette in her mouth and lit it. Trixie inhaled a bit and took the cigarette out of her mouth to exhale, "It smells like pee in here."

Apple Jack turned a hard left, then a hard right, left, then right, then hit a coke machine then finally stopped in front of the police station. "Alright let's get on with it."

Big Mac and Cheerilee escorted Trixie to the station. Trixie felt guilty but hopefully this will make her learn a valuable lesson if any after shooting Mr. Cake thirty two times. Apple Jack pushed the seat back and relaxed, "You know what the most insane part is... she wasn't a very good shot so she wasted so many bullets."

"To bad. Thought she was kind of cute." Braeburn smiled.

"Just hope when she gets out she doesn't try to shoot you." Apple Jack farted, "This is my seat now."

"Well good thing you hit that coke machine." He reached out the window and pulled out a couple cans of coca-cola. He gave Apple Jack one, "Cheers." They tapped their cans together.

to be continued...

note: yeah yeah yeah. obviously making fun of Dog the bounty hunter.