A/N: so yeah I know it´s been a long time but here I am, back with a new chapter. It´s a little longer than the others, so enjoy!! Oh and by the way, guess who´s 18 years old now.... MEEE!!! It´s great, I´m no longer an underage!!! YAY for me!!!.... well enough rambling.... back to the story! Hope you like it.
Chapter 4. Self promises.
I'm very comfy in my bed and about to drift in a very peaceful dream after been struggling with myself about all that concerns Ashley and the very weird but warn friendship we share, and as I roll over to the side of the bed where she usually sleeps I wonder why she isn't here tonight, why she isn't here when we were supposed to be lying just watching movie after movie in our regular Friday movie night or just resting after spent the night dancing and laughing at all the pathetic attempts of the jocks to get us into bed with them. I wonder why her presence is so addictive to me and I inhale deeply at her essence which is all over my pillow… well her pillow really because I use her body like mine.
And just like that I'm once again tossing and turning endlessly on my bed.
While I wait for sleep to finally claim my name I let myself go back to one of the weird nights where she wasn't here… one of the weird nights like this one.
Ashley is unstoppable crying and I can't touch her or talk to her and I am confuse as to why I can't seem to do anything to make her happy, to make her better, to make her tell me why she's crying so badly. I am desperately trying to brake this glass that's keeping me away from her and I don't even understand why it's there on the first place, I just know I'm angrily hitting it with my close fists, hopping and prying to just break it down so I can comfort Ashley.
Right then I wake up, to find there's no Ashley crying and no unbreakable glass that kept me away from her. Thankfully I was just having a bad dream… a really bad one. I think I'm just stress out because she isn't here sleeping next to me, it's weird. I'm not really use to not having her around, but I'm soexhausted I just shake my head to stop thinking and go back to sleep.
I can't even close my eyes when I'm immediately distracted by my phone, when I recognize the song of My immortal from evanescence… I know is Ashley, that's her ringtone. I don't even wait a second to throw myself out of the bed and go get my phone, worry that something bad might have happened to her… especially for that awful nightmare I had a few moments ago. I grab my phone that's on my desk, next to a photo of Ashley and me and flip it open.
''Ashley. You ok?!'' I asked her and I'm aware that my voice is full of concern. ''No…'' she answers, her voice cracking a little with that single word "I need you with me" and I know something must be extremely wrong to make her brake down like I'm so sure she is about to do.
''I'll be right there'' I tell her as I grab the spare keys of glen's car and open my bedroom window, so I can climb down the tree that's right out there… I am so thankful for that tree; really, it's been used by me and her for many years now and my parents have no clue about it. I think that if my mom knew she would cut it down. As I make my way down I can feel one of the branches slapping my left cheek but I don't put attention to it, I'm more focus on Ashley.
When I finally get down I run to the car. In less than ten minutes I pull over at Ashley's house and make another run to her front door and when I get there I don't know if I should knock or go over at the side of her room and throw little rocks at her window but before I can finish my line of thoughts I see the door starts to open and I'm met with her beautiful brown eyes and in any other circumstance I would have a huge smile in my face for such an amazing view, the view that is her. But right here, right now I can't help but to let my heart break and shatter a little at the scene I have in front of me.
She's just there shaking and letting her eyes produce a significant amount of tears, the sight of it makes me immediately take her in my arms, holding her so close to me that I can feel her heart biting angrily against my concern heart. ''Ash, what's wrong? What happened?'' my voice sounds heavy with worry. "c'mon let's go to my bedroom. I'll tell you everything when we are there.'' She says with a weary and tired voice.
When we get to her bedroom, she takes me by the hand and leads me to her soft king size bed. When we sit she doesn't let go of my hand instead she sweetly strokes it with her soft hands. "Ash, c'mon you have to tell me what's going on. I'm really starting to freak out'' I make sure to not mention that I'm already freaked out. '' ok… I know it's not something to be surprise for. I could see it coming since a long time ago'' she talks to me with her head looking down to the wood floor of her bedroom and I feel more confused than I was before.'' sorry, what?'' I asked her, trying once more to figure out what the hell is happening in this strange night. "My parents are having a divorce'' she simply tells me and really it's something strange because like her, I did see it coming too but I never really thought it would become real… or at least I didn't see it coming so fast, well that's not the right word, maybe I just didn't think Christine would actually do it, cause everyone knows she wants to keep a wealthy life and Lord knows she can't do that by herself. It was obvious her parents were having problems and that's putting it in a nice way. They really didn't talk to each other for a period of five years and the few and strange times they did it was always to tell the other insults or to fuck up. I'm out of words so I just hold her close making sure to provide her with plenty of my warn.
"Like I said, it's not something to be surprise for… but is kind of sad, you know? Because, there was a time when we were all happy together. We used to do short trips when my dad ended his tours and we would be so happy to have him back at home and ready to go to the beach or the mountains or wherever we wanted. And then just out of the blew they started to have this awful fights… ok, maybe not out of the blew, but still it wasn't pretty'' I know what she's talking about and I also know their fights didn't start out of the blew.
I know Mr. Davies have had another daughter out of his marry life and somehow his wife accept it. But when the mother of Kyla died five years ago he had to bring her home with them, making a huge impact in their lives, well in Christine's life at least. She didn't like it one bit the fact that she was obligated to share her life and her husband's fortune with another person and I wasn't surprise, after all I think I always knew she was a selfish bitch. Ashley in the other hand clicked with Kyla almost instantly and seeing how her parents just put her aside like an old piece of clothing I was glad she didn't take it on Kyla, that's how I know she didn't mention her half sister to be the reason for her parents' divorce… after all, it really wasn't her fault.
"Ash, I'm so sorry… I… I don't know what to say'' I tell her truthfully but also feeling like crap at the thought of how useless I am. "don't worry, I just need you to be here with me, you don't have to say anything… just stay here with me tonight'' she says looking in my eyes and I think I'm going to faint for the intensity of her gaze. Then her hand comes dangerously close to my face and I can't help but to let my eyes close at the contact of her soft and warn hands with my left cheek, I think I'm about to let out a sigh when I hear her preoccupied voice '' Spence, you're bleeding, what happened to you?''
I take a moment to process what she just said. Oh yeah! ''I was worry about you so I climb down the tree that's next to my room, I didn't want my parents to catch me getting out of the house… because, well you know how they got the last time I went out without their permission… so one of the stupid branches of the tree must have done that to my face'' for a moment I believed I was just thinking that but apparently I said it out loud and by the time I realize my mouth was moving and making sounds I just end up rambling and now she's looking me all apologetics as she says "Spence I'm so sorry I didn't want you to rush out of your house almost getting yourself killed in the process" and now that I think about it, maybe I really did get almost kill, but not by some random tree but for who knows how many traffic laws I must have broken to get here so fast, I don't even remember the ride here. This are the things that I remember: awful dream, phone call, me playing Tarzan as I climbed down the tree, getting in the car… ummm, and then it's all black until I'm deciding whether to ring the bell or brake Ashley's window.
''It's nothing. I know I can't die from lack of blood in my cheek…right?'' I ask her really stupidly preoccupied earning a laugh and some little giggles from her, and I think that maybe I can make her feel better with all this situation, even if I don't have the right words to comfort her, even if all I can do is lame jokes.
And then it's all silent, so comfortable silent. We easily fall into our comfort zone because we don't even have to be talking, filling the spaces of silence with no usable words. Because this is how it goes for us. We feel so comfortable with each other that there's no need for those things in our relationship…or friendship is what I must really say, being more accurate to be described as that and nothing else.
She slowly starts to shift in the bed, placing her head on my lap and I can't stop the hand that is making its way towards her hair, knowing I won't make her uncomfortable because we are in one of those ''closer than normal friendships'' and always had been. But the bold move that it really isn't that bold but it happens to be just to me because of the way I now think of her –the wrong and inappropriate ways- feels so uncomfortable to me, so foreign. And I know why I feel it like that, I know it must feel weird because I have never touched someone before with all the emotion and heavy feelings I'm touching her, even if she doesn't notice, even if she doesn't seem to become aware of the feelings that lie within my heart, within my soul, within my whole been.
She sighs contently at the touch completely oblivious of the thoughts and feelings she incites in me with the simple action, letting her hot breath grace my thigh, making me feel goose bumps all over my arms and in the back of my neck.
''I don't want to end like them you know?'' she says to me softly. Somehow I know she has more to say so I let her speak without interrupting. ''I don't want to be as shallow as they were, they claimed they loved each other but guess what? It was never true; it was always just a charade. Speaking those three words only as something to say for routine but not because they really meant it. I won't ever do that… I will only say those words to the person I really care about, to the person I really need the urge to tell them. Not to someone just because of compromise, not because I feel obligate to… but because I really do feel it.''
And I know she is going to stick to that promise that she's making, mostly to herself than to anyone else. I completely agree with her words, I don't want to end like that… I don't want to lie to another person only because I'm suppose to say I love them though I really don't feel that way. So I quietly promise myself the same thing. I wrap my arms around her making a cocoon out of my body for her to keep her warn and protected, completely reversing our normal rolls.
I open my mouth to voice my agreement with her but I close it back when I see her soft and sweet lips move again. I let her speak ''I love you, Spencer''. And it takes me by surprise but I can feel she really means it and now more than ever especially because of her earlier words. I just stare at her and she shifts her body to look at me ''I really do love you'' she tells me with the sweetest raspiest voice I've ever heard. ''I know… I really love you too'' I tell her honestly. But I can't avoid feel my heart sinking a little because I'm thinking that her words aren't as load as mine are; they don't imply the same thing. Ones are full of pure friendship care and the others are full of more than friendship care. But I know she really means it and that's all that matters to me.
When I finally pull myself out of the memory I feel something strange in my core. And is not the usual pain that goes through my body every time I look back at those intense memories, the ones that seem very intimate even to a couple of old friends, the ones that make me think we are not your average best friends.
So I grab my phone and call her, praying and hoping nothing bad is happening to her. After four rings she finally picks up. ''Spence, are you all right?'' she says a little preoccupied but I'm happy to hear her. ''Yes, and you? I was wondering why you're not here'' I ask her same as preoccupied. ''Oh! Don't worry I'm fine. Just had something to do, I'll tell you all tomorrow at school, Kay?'' I stay quiet for a little while "Spence?'' oh! Yeah I have to talk I completely forgot about it. ''Yeah, ok. Tomorrow'' I can hear my voice dripping the disappointment and I curse myself for not being able to hide it, I've been slipping a lot this days. I always make sure to keep my feelings to myself, since one particular day when I almost blew everything out, since I almost told her I couldn't be just her friend anymore… but somehow I managed to stay quiet. Since that day I've been very careful. But here I am, slipping and tripping over the control of my emotions, letting show my all very wrong feelings.
''Ok, see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams, Spenchy!'' she tells me sweetly and I'm melting. ''sweet dreams, Ashy'' she hangs up.
But even now that I know she's fine the strange feeling doesn't go away; it almost feels like one of those bad hunches. From the ones you can tell something awful is going to happened although you don't know what it exactly is. That's how I feel right in these moments and it makes me anxious, it makes me scare.
I slowly start to close my heavy eyes, finally giving my incessant wondering mind the opportunity to have some rest before I have to get up and get ready to school, but most of all get ready to see her gorgeous face and stunning smile again…
A/N: I really hope you liked this chapter, and hope you´re still interested with this story! And among all the things I hope, I also hope you review! XD