14

How A Heart Breaks

…

Karin, to say the least, was very confused when her brother walked into the house, soaking wet, with an equally drenched Toshiro slung over his shoulder.

"Toshiro!" Karin shouted. "What happened?"

Ichigo's frown deepened, not in anger this time, but in sadness. He dropped the boy on the couch. Then, he grabbed Karin's shoulders and looked her straight in the eyes. "Karin, we're going to have to be very…careful about Toshiro for a while. He's very unstable at the moment."

"Unstable?"she repeated.

Ichigo sucked in a deep breath. "He's been overly stressed lately and…and his brother was just killed. He snapped."

"So that storm…" Karin trailed, glancing over toward their Shinigami friend.

"Unfortunately," Ichigo confirmed. "His reiatsu caused it, but he released so much that he passed out before we got back. Captain Ukitake, the one who was taking care of him, said that might happen. Toshiro hadn't been sleeping much and he's already collapsed several times. I offered to keep him overnight because Ukitake is sick and…and because his older brother asked me to before he died. I'm sure dad will be fine with it."

"Dad's not here," Karin informed. "He said he had to leave right away on a business trip. Yuzu is at a friend's house."

"Even better," Ichigo sighed.

"Ichigo?" Karin asked. "Is Toshiro going to be okay?"

"I—"

He was cut off by the doorbell. With a faint curse, Ichigo ran over to open it. He jolted upon seeing Ukitake.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" the carrot-top inquired.

The man gave one of his signature gentle smiles. "Ah, but how could I rest until I knew that little Shiro was alright?"

Ichigo nodded toward the couch. "Well, there he is. Out cold."

"Interesting choice of words," Ukitake teased. "I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time."

"No, only Karin and I are here," the teen answered. "Actually, Captain Ukitake, I wanted to talk to you about something."

The man's face suddenly became grave. "Ah."

Karin watched as the two shuffled off toward the kitchen.

"Karin," Ichigo called. "Keep an eye on Toshiro for me, would you? Tell us if he wakes up."

"Okay," Karin agreed, watching as her brother vanished.

In the secluded area, Ichigo offered Ukitake a seat before taking one himself.

"Are you sure you made the right choice?" Ichigo asked.

"No," Ukitake responded, "but the other option may have been even worse for Toshiro. I am well aware that you do not agree with my methods."

"I'm only saying that it feels wrong to replace Toshiro's memory," Ichigo said. "Why let him think he killed Ulquiorra?"

"For closure," Ukitake answered. "Ichigo, you haven't known Toshiro as long as I have. While this memory may have hurt him, it will be better in the long run. With Katashi having eliminated himself, it is unsure whether or not he will arrive in Soul Society as planned. This way, there can be justification behind the actions and Toshiro can know that Katashi wanted this and that doing so would help him. There will be hope, even if it could prove to be false. Also, Toshiro will continue to be considered loyal to Soul Society."

"Do you think he would have felt guilty?" the Substitute Shinigami questioned.

"To know the truth?" the captain assumed. "Yes."

Ichigo held his head in his hands. "I still can't believe this is happening."

"Katashi only wanted the best for Toshiro," Ukitake answered.

"He didn't have to kill himself!" Ichigo exclaimed.

Ukitake looked away from the teen. "It is regrettable. I have already told you that Soul Society was planning on purifying Katashi in any case, but I agree that his actions may have been rash. He understood what Toshiro would lose by protecting him and how conflicted the issue had his younger brother. To him, this seemed the only logical answer. He must have been planning it ever since he heard the news. When revisions to the plan were turned down, he found Toshiro being asleep the perfect time to take action. I don't think he realized the guilt it would have caused Toshiro to know his older brother died for him again."

Ichigo's eyes drifted to the table. He understood. After all, how long did he blame himself for his mother's death? Still, he didn't see how implanting the memory of Toshiro killing the older himself while the boy was actually sleeping innocently was much better.

"He's never going to forgive himself either way," Ichigo mumbled.

"Give him time," Ukitake advised. "It will be for the better. After all, it's not the first time I've had to do this."

"Ulquiorra used to say that there were some things better left forgotten," Ichigo mentioned.

Ukitake's features softened in remembrance. "Yes, I can think of one instance in particular."

"He said it would have probably broken Toshiro," Ichigo answered. He almost winced at the intensity Ukitake's kind brown eyes gained.

"The memory of Katashi's initial death is a punishment that boy could never deserve."

…

Her hand gripped the doorknob tightly. Any more force and she would break it: a feat she knew would be entirely possible in her actual form. Inside her ribcage, her heart was trying to imitate one of those weird devices that those humans called "stereos." It was loud, turned up to the highest level, and emitted a frantic beat. Her chest became the walls that the "music" bounced off of, occasionally shaking everything else in the process.

But a stereo was only machinery and could not feel hurt.

Ichigo had lied to her. She kept telling herself that he probably didn't know, that he would never do this, but then she saw the pained expressions on his face again. Maybe he'd thought she was better off not knowing. Her death would be swift, unexpected, and painless. She wondered vaguely if Ulquiorra's death had been painless. She'd felt his reiatsu fluctuate, tremble with momentary conflict, and then vanish instantly. She'd also felt a Shinigami in that area. Then, just a little while ago, Urahara had come to warn her of the plan and offer her an escape. He told her that Ulquiorra had been killed.

She had to grow up, she told herself. Jerking the door open, she slid out. Pesche and Dondochakka followed closely. She had to look after them. After all, she owed them for taking care of her for so long. That was what friends did.

The night was warm. The air was sweet. The rain had left everything clean. So perfect, yet so contrastingly horrible. It should have been pouring like it had mere hours ago, even if that would make travel harder. Apparently, it was not her turn to receive the sky's tears for her sadness. She wondered whose turn it had been; who cried in rhythm with the falling water droplets.

"Where are we going to go, Nel?" Pesche whispered.

"Urahara said to get as far away as possible," she answered, "while it's still dark out."

"Aren't the other Arrancar out there somewhere?" Dondochakka questioned.

"They must be miles ahead of us," she reasoned. "There's a slim chance we will encounter them, not that we need their support. We'll do just fine on our own."

Pesche and Dondochakka exchanged a look. Nel was hurt. It was obvious enough by the steel in her eyes. She was relying on her old self. She could be ready for battle in a split second, if the need came. She did this so that she wouldn't cry. She couldn't afford to be a child now.

It's time to grow up, Nel.

They became little more than shadows. At this hour, they would remain unseen. Soon enough, they were at the edge of town. They stuck to the side of a long road, where the trees grew thick enough to hide them. No one spoke.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" a taunting voice sang.

Out of instinct, Nel's foot flew out to kick her attacker in the face. He dodged. During the swift movement, she caught a flash of purple hair.

"Oh, relax," Kaeliel said, making himself fully visible. "It ain't my job to babysit you anymore, brat. Hey, guys, she's over here!"

"Nel!" two voices squealed.

She was about ready to throttle the two darting figures who tugged on her arms playfully. It was only when she saw the smiling, innocent faces that her muscles relaxed to some degree. Still, she kept herself defensively in front of Pesche and Dondochakka.

"Kaeliel, it does not help for you to antagonize her or her accomplices," Grimmjow's even voice remarked. A tanned arm reached out of the shadows to push Kaeliel back. The blue-haired man stepped out. "Hello, Nel."

"Grimmjow," Nel said, facial features tightening. "What do you want?"

"They told you of the Shinigami's plan to eliminate us, right?" Grimmjow asked.

She nodded. "Yes."

"We have formed a sort of…renegade party in response to this," he replied. "Would you consider joining?"

"Please!" the twins begged.

"Why?" she inquired.

She thought she saw Grimmjow smirk for a second. "Some of us are in it for revenge, but the main reason would be to get what we came for. The Shinigami just need the right motivation. When they're at their weakest, we'll strike. We'll prove to them that they need our help as much as we would appreciate theirs."

"I don't care," she muttered. "Keep your stupid battle tactics. We're out of Hueco Mundo. The chaos isn't our problem. Shouldn't that be good enough? Why would you want to go back?"

"So you don't want to see your little Shinigami friends again?" Grimmjow asked.

Nel's fists clenched. "Ichigo lied to me."

"Eh, don't blame Mr. Orange Hair," Ira said.

"He didn't know," Ari finished.

Despite this, Nel protested, "I don't want to fight anymore, Grimmjow."

"Then you can do it for peace," he responded. "Besides, haven't you been getting hungry? It's only a matter of time before your Hollow appetite catches up to you, especially now that Urahara can't slip you those little reishi-packed tablets anymore. You'll have to go back to Hueco Mundo. So, do you want to get back to complete chaos and the threat of another Aizen taking over?"

She bit her lip. "Fine. I'll help you. Pesche, Dondochakka, you can do as you wish. But Grimmjow, just let me ask you one question."

He nodded. "Shoot."

She reached out and grabbed his left arm, stroking the skin where it should have been bone. "Why are you doing this?"

"Hueco Mundo is our home," he stated. "I don't want to see it fall to another Aizen. Yet, at the same time, Hueco Mundo is a cage. It would be nice to have the door opened every now and then."

Nel's grey-green eyes blinked at him in surprise. For a second, she simply stared him down, their gazes interlocking. Somewhere, buried deep under that cold blue, she could see the old Grimmjow fighting to get out. She tightened her grip on his arm.

"Okay."

…

She didn't want to do this.

Matsumoto took a deep breath and knocked on the door in front of her. Orihime opened it, cheery smile perfectly in place.

"Rangiku, what brings you out this late? Come in!"

The younger girl hadn't become worried until she saw that Matsumoto wasn't smiling.

"Orihime," Matsumoto said, "I…have some bad news. You might want to sit down for this."

She really didn't want to do this.

…

Their whole living room had turned into one big sleepover.

Really, Ichigo thought, what did he expect? His eyes scanned over the room's odd assortment of occupants. It was a good thing his Dad wasn't home. He wasn't sure whether that would lead to trouble…or relentless teasing.

Toshiro had not been moved from the couch. The only changes were the towels under him to stop from ruining the furniture and the light blanket thrown over his body. He was mostly dry now, but they couldn't help anymore until he woke up.

Yuzu had come home awhile ago. When she caught sight of their unconscious houseguest, there was explaining to be done. Karin had helped by adding that he was one of her friends who couldn't really go home at the moment. Yuzu bought into their little bit, automatically assuming there was a sob story attached—which there actually was for once. Being the big, responsible brother he was, Ichigo had tucked her and Karin in.

This lasted maybe an hour.

Soft footsteps padded down the stairs. Ichigo looked up blearily from watching Toshiro to the sight of his black-haired sister appearing out of the shadows. She sat silently by the foot of the armchair.

"Couldn't sleep?" Ichigo asked.

She shook her head. "How's Toshiro doing?"

"Hasn't even moved," Ichigo answered. "I had to check his pulse."

Karin yawned and rested her head against Ichigo's legs. Her eyes closed half-way.

"I thought you couldn't sleep?" he teased.

She glared weakly at him.

"You should go back to bed," Ichigo insisted.

"No," she refused. "I'm staying…right…here."

Ichigo chuckled at her persistence. "I'll be right back."

Karin watched her friend's sleeping form while her brother disappeared up the stairs. He was disturbingly peaceful. Yet, she knew from the storm that, mere hours ago, he'd been a mess of inner turmoil. Her eyes began to close again. She was about to drift off when something soft was thrown at her head. She found herself holding her sleeping bag and pillow.

"I know you're not going to move," Ichigo said, falling back onto the armchair again, "so at least make yourself comfortable."

She scowled at him, but he knew the action was appreciated nonetheless. She settled down in her spot and promptly fell asleep. Ichigo smiled and ruffled her hair.

Not ten minutes later, he was alerted to Yuzu's awakening. She appeared at the top of the stairs, asking Ichigo why Karin was down there.

"She was worried," Ichigo answered, "but if she heard that I told you that, she'd kick my butt."

"Oh," Yuzu said.

"You can come down, too, if you want," he offered.

And that was how he ended up with the sleeping twins by his feet.

Toshiro still hadn't moved.

"That kid must have really been drained," Ichigo whispered to himself. He leaned back in the chair, eyes beginning to close. "Speaking of drained…"

Darkness closed in on him.

…

Matsumoto sighed, holding the young girl close to her on the floor. Orihime was still sobbing.

"H-How can Ulquiorra be dead?" she cried. "H-How…?"

Hours had passed and she was still in denial. Matsumoto didn't think she would ever get Orihime's expression when the news was delivered out of her head. It was like she just…died. The light in her eyes flickered off, her facial features falling into perfect shock. Then came the denial. It was well past midnight and Matsumoto was still here with her. She couldn't leave the girl alone, not after that.

The older woman remembered all the pain she went through with Gin. However, she reminded herself, he was still alive. Both of those men had caused pain in their lives, but they'd also brought on some degree of happiness. In Soul Society, Matsumoto had been working tirelessly to help Gin see the light again. She wanted him back on her side. She wanted to have her childhood friend back. Orihime had tried over and over again to help Ulquiorra find his heart. It was obvious to everyone that the two had grown into friends.

And now he was dead.

And Gin was still incarcerated.

"Thank you," Orihime sniffled, "for staying with me, Rangiku."

"Of course," Matsumoto replied.

"I-I feel so bad for c-crying all over you like this," the girl chuckled humorlessly. "U-Ulqui-Ulquiorra taught me to be stronger. Why can't I be stronger now?"

"Because your heart is broken," Matsumoto whispered. "I'm sure he couldn't blame you for that. After all, you made him find his heart again. I bet he would've understood and it's not like there's anything wrong with crying. Cry all you want, Orihime."

At this, the girl began shaking again.

"All I can remember," she whispered, "is the way he smiled the other day. I'd never seen him smile like that before. I-It made me so happy."

"I think that's how he wanted you to remember him," Matsumoto said. "Ulquiorra knew he was going to die for a long time. Maybe he wanted to remember you smiling, too."

"No," she said, shaking her head and letting out that sad laugh again. "Ulquiorra's never seemed to care about that."

Matsumoto touched the girl's face gently. "I think he was just too stubborn to admit it."

Orihime smiled, tears falling heavily down her face still. "I wish that could be true. Do you think I'll ever see him again? In Soul Society?"

"With reiatsu like that, he'll probably end up at the Shinigami Academy before long," Matsumoto answered. "If he's anything like Captain, we'll have to drag him out of Rukongai, too. I think I'll leave that to you this time. I've already had enough of arguing with the Hitsugayas."

"But he won't remember me," Orihime sighed.

Matsumoto hugged her in comfort. "Who knows? I think you'd be a rather hard person to forget."

"But what if remembering…makes him sad?"

"Orihime," Matsumoto said, "you could never make anyone sad."

Orihime hugged the woman harder. "Thank you."

…

Speaking of 'thank you's, thanks to: -SoManyUpsAndDowns-, Windschatten69, Hatsune-chan, fan girl 666, and justjoy. You guys are awesome!

And as a side note: I just read Bleach chapter #423. I am now speechless.