17

Unstable

…

Toshiro woke up. The first thing his eyes met was the ceiling. Hadn't he fallen asleep on the roof? The sun peaking through the window told him that it was morning. He stood up from the futon, confused, until something smacked him in the back of the head.

Blinking, Toshiro bent down to pick up the soccer ball. He turned to the door. Karin leaned against the frame, glaring at him. Instead of pushing the matter, she turned and stalked away. As she left, she called, "Ichigo's downstairs. You might want to go thank him."

Vaguely wondering what he did to irritate her so much this time, Toshiro stepped down the stairs slowly, as if he didn't trust them to not fall out from beneath his feet. He saw Ichigo sitting on the couch, the TV on. He glanced down at his feet.

"Thank you," he mumbled.

"What happened?" Ichigo asked.

Toshiro simply stared at the floor. He continued to do so even when another pair of feet entered his line of sight. He felt Ichigo's hand on his shoulder.

"Toshiro…"

"I…said some very cruel things to Hinamori," he admitted. "She was trying to be kind and I threw her words back at her."

"We really have to work on that with you, don't we?" Ichigo chuckled. His voice was little more than a whisper.

Toshiro nodded, not really paying attention. His conversation with Hinamori, his childhood friend, played again in his mind. To block it, he replaced it with his dream from last night. His brow furrowed at the strange visions. Although, he realized, Katashi had told the truth about one thing. It was not a memory and it was not the nightmare he'd become so accustomed to over the last few days. They had stopped, just as Katashi had promised. It only took his brother's death to do that.

Toshiro shook Ichigo off. He walked toward the door.

"Ne, Toshiro?"

"I need to speak with Captain Ukitake," the boy answered.

"He left for Soul Society last night," Ichigo informed. "He's going to look for Ulquiorra."

Toshiro took out his phone. His fingers stumbled slightly over the keys. Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

"Hello, Captain Ukitake?" Toshiro said.

"Toshiro!" Ukitake exclaimed on the other end. "Is something the matter?"

"I need to discuss a theory with you."

Ukitake seemed hesitant. "If this has to do with Katashi…"

"It does."

"I'm looking for him as we speak," the elder said.

"Kurosaki told me as much, however, I was wondering if there might be a factor we didn't include."

"What's this all about?"

Even Ichigo seemed interested in what Toshiro had to say.

Toshiro prepared himself to explain. "Last night, I had a dream. Katashi was in Soul Society, but he didn't look quite like himself. Ukitake, what's the possibility that Katashi's hair could turn white like mine—or yours, for that matter?"

"That's a good point you have," Ukitake admitted. "Truthfully, I didn't think about that."

"What are the chances?"

"Now that you've brought it up? High."

Toshiro nodded. "Also, can you do me a favor and search around First District? The Captain Commander has me stationed in the Living World until all of the other Arrancar are taken care of, but…"

"I understand," Ukitake answered. Toshiro sensed that he was smiling. It was that sympathetic, somewhat sad smile that had been gracing his face a lot lately.

"Thank you," Toshiro said.

"You're welcome."

Hanging up, Toshiro massaged his forehead. For an instant, Ichigo saw the mirage of an old man cover the young body. A loose cloud of vapor. It was so fragile that the slightest wind swept it away. Ichigo's voice became that wind.

"If that's the case, it's going to be really easy to tell that you're related," Ichigo jibed. "How are you going to keep that one a secret from the rest of Soul Society?"

"They can tease all they want, but it can't be proved," Toshiro informed. "In any case, the memory loss that occurs upon entering and residing in Soul Society would allow us to continue acting as if we did not know each other, which might become true should Katashi's memories falter as they are supposed to. Also, even if the truth was exposed, it would not be as incriminating seeing as Katashi would no longer be an Arrancar."

"Ah, speaking of which…" Ichigo motioned his head off to the back right. "There's a box for you in the kitchen. Ukitake left it."

Toshiro looked curious. At this, Ichigo seemed sad.

"I'll be upstairs," he said.

Ichigo knew full-well what it was. He just couldn't bring himself to say it. This was a moment Toshiro would need alone.

The orange-haired boy disappeared. At his suggestion, Toshiro searched for the box. It was sitting on the table ever so innocently. He crept up to it and pried open the lid. Immediately, he wanted to slam it shut again.

The box wasn't very large and it wasn't very full. Yet, its contents were overpowering. Toshiro looked down into the box of Katashi's old possessions, however scarce they were. Yet, Toshiro could tell that it was everything his older brother had owned. The monotone mass at the bottom were clothes, not that they would fit Toshiro. He wondered why they'd been included, but then let the thought slip his mind at the two items on top.

Photographs. Framed. Toshiro nearly choked. The first was the oldest. In it, he and Katashi were young and happy and human. They had been so much alike with their black hair and teal eyes, their skinny and short-statured bodies. It was a copy of the one Toshiro had seen in their file. The second picture was recent. He remembered this being the one Urahara had snapped secretly a month ago. The two of them had their arms wrapped around each other in goodbye.

Toshiro closed the box, placing his head on the top. Hinamori was right: he had only been reunited with Katashi for a month. Still, why did this hurt so badly? It was always painful to lose people. This was a fact of life he could not deny. He was also aware that had Hinamori or Granny died, it would feel like a sword through his heart. He'd sworn to himself to always be in control, though. The incident on the overlook…that showed no traces of there being any sort of control. He'd simply lost it.

Straightening up, Toshiro composed his face. Control. That's what he needed. His lips became a firm line. His eyes became cold and hard, ill fitting on such a young face. It was a mask he'd used many times before. He clung to it now. Clung to it desperately. He wouldn't lose himself again. He was a Captain of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads and it was time to start acting like it.

He placed the box on the floor in an out-of-the-way corner. He would ask Ichigo where to put it later. Once he was back in the safe confines of Tenth Division, he could hide it in his room. Some deep, dark place where it could be out of sight and out of mind until he needed it again.

Somewhere he could throw all of the emotions that accompanied it as well.

Toshiro walked out of the kitchen. Although he'd just woken up, he wasn't hungry. What he really needed was to find Matsumoto. They had an Arrancar-hunt to plan. Ideally, they would convince the renegade group of a better life in Soul Society. As far as Toshiro Hitsugaya knew, though, they were still trapped in their gigai, so the fight would be quick were one to occur.

Then, once that was settled, he would be able to return to Soul Society. Ichigo and his friends would return with him as part of the relocation plan, if they were not moved sooner. With any luck, Katashi would be discovered quickly following these events. And if not…

If not, Toshiro would have to suck it up and move on.

That was his job as a Shinigami.

He better d— well do it.

…

Matsumoto tapped her foot, shifting her weight restlessly. She knocked again on the door in front of her to make sure the occupants heard her.

"I'm coming! I'm coming!"

A smirk came to her lips. Ah, same old…

"Ichigo."

The teen that opened the door scratched the back of his head. "Rangiku? Ah, Toshiro's upstairs."

"Thank you," the lieutenant said. She walked in past Ichigo. Without comment, the substitute Shinigami began to guide her.

"He's been quiet for a really long time now," Ichigo remarked.

Matsumoto's eyes widened a bit. That wasn't a good sign. "How long?"

"Ever since he got that box from Ukitake. About three hours."

She urged him to pick up the pace.

"Rangiku, I know he's upset, but I think he'd be fine for—"

She pushed open the door frantically. Toshiro looked up from his spot on the floor of Ichigo's room. He had a map spread in front of him, points on it marked. Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

"What are you doing?"

Toshiro went back to scribbling on the map. "Hello, Ichigo. Hello, Rangiku. I'm strategizing. These are the points the Arrancar will most likely be hiding in. I will be searching later today."

Rangiku approached her young captain carefully. "Captain…?" She placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Yes?"

She frowned. He'd called her by her first name. He wasn't shrugging off her touch. Also, he seemed…fine. Completely unaffected by everything that had happened.

She shook her head. "Never mind. So we'll be searching them out later today?"

"Wait, no!" Ichigo protested. "You're not seriously going to…"

"I am," Toshiro interrupted. "Their fate is in Soul Society. Once their souls are purified, they will be much more content. Seireitei will be holding patrols to look for the Arrancar after they enter as they may become valuable assets."

"But Nel..."

One cold look stopped Ichigo. Then Toshiro, without any infliction in his tone, ordered simply, "Deal with it."

Matsumoto stared at her captain long and hard. On the surface, he seemed fine, but it was all wrong. He'd abandoned himself to rules and regulations. Logic, it appeared, had taken over his life again. Somehow, she missed the irrationality.

"Captain Hitsugaya," she called.

He ignored her.

She puffed out her cheeks. "Toshiro Hitsugaya."

One eye twitched.

"You little brat, look at me!" she demanded. Her hands latched onto his shoulders and she shook him viciously. He slapped her hand away.

"Let go of me, woman!"

Ichigo and Rangiku gawked at him. Had he just called her…?

He folded up the map and stuffed it in his pocket. Glaring at her, he said, "I don't see what your problem is. Now, if you don't mind, I would like to be able to plan in peace. I will leave alone in an hour. Lieutenant Rangiku Matsumoto, you are ordered to stay in Karakura. I do not care what you do, so long as it does not interfere with my mission or the division budget. Do you understand?"

"Y-yes, Captain," she stammered.

"Good."

He stalked out of the room, leaving a chill in his wake. As if frozen by it, the two lower-ranked Shinigami stood there in perfect, silent stillness.

Finally, Ichigo spoke.

"I think we've lost him."

…

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