19
Falling Apart Again
…
The phone rang. Once…twice…click.
"It's the middle of the night," Grimmjow answered. "What do you want?"
Pause.
"What does that mean?" Grimmjow felt emotion rise to his face. Shock, more specifically. "Understood. Midnight. We'll be there."
"Grimmjow!" Ira and Ari screamed, running into the room.
"What are you two doing up?" the blue-haired man wondered, ending the call. They didn't seem to notice the action from beneath their panic.
His head shot up as Kaeliel dropped onto the ground. Motionless. The twins quivered by Grimmjow's side, holding tightly onto the fabric of his T-shirt. However, the man seemed unfazed.
"So you're back," Grimmjow stated. "Good. We need another monster."
…
It was dark and late and they were all beginning to feel the sharp bite of fear. That night, no one went home. If you were tired, you found a nice spot to drop, preferably one that was out of everybody's way. Most, however, found sleep impossible.
Toshiro leaned against a wall, nursing an oncoming migraine. What kido technique did Matsumoto use? On the other side of the room, he noticed Karin clinging to her older brother. Ichigo was calling Chad and Uryu. The latter was planning an escape attempt. Orihime and Tatsuki sat quietly in the kitchen.
They had one last day to say goodbye to everyone.
Ichigo left the room, telling Karin to stay where she was for a moment. Her eyes drifted over to the white-haired boy and for a moment, she looked afraid of him. Toshiro turned his head away. People fearing him was what he was used to. Things were back to the way they should be.
He would play the bad guy again.
Karin debated disobeying Ichigo's orders. She wanted to be by her brother's side, especially now that her Shinigami friend had suddenly become so scary. Maybe scary wasn't the right word. He was intimidating. The bad mood hanging around him drove her to stay in the corner.
What was taking Ichigo so long?
Meanwhile, said teen nearly tripped over the box in the kitchen. The lid opened a little, just enough for Ichigo to catch a glimpse of a picture. Curiosity got the better of him and, after checking to make sure the young captain was occupied, he picked the picture up.
Wow, he thought. They actually used to be normal. It was almost hard to imagine Toshiro any smaller than he was. Equally as difficult as it was to realize that Ulquiorra had the ability to smile. The older Hitsugaya had to be maybe two or three years younger than Ichigo himself. He was skinny and kind of short, the dark hair hanging limp and messy across his humanly pale forehead. It wasn't very long, which allowed for small tufts to spike up around the bottom.
Toshiro seemed happy enough. Although, the black hair rather than the familiar white was a distraction. His skin was tanner than his brother's and he looked healthier. The comparison to the person he was today was enough to make Ichigo sad.
"I don't remember giving you permission to look at that."
Ichigo spun around, looking every bit like a guilty child. Toshiro glared at him, grabbing the picture.
"Sorry," Ichigo muttered.
"Like I care," Toshiro said. His eyes lingered on the old photo for a second before placing it back in the box.
Ichigo stared him down. "Is this whole tough and uncaring thing a way to get over what happened?"
"This is the way I've always been," Toshiro replied.
"My point exactly."
The younger shook his head. "Think what you may, but keep those thoughts to yourself."
"Would it kill you to care for once?"
The temperature dropped. "Don't give me that speech when caring was what got Katashi killed."
"Toshiro, he was your older brother," Ichigo said. "No one's going to blame you for missing him."
"Maybe not, but they can blame me for losing control and for shirking my responsibilities," the young captain growled back. "I am a captain. If I lose it, then more lives will be taken."
"You're scaring everyone."
"And you're doing that again."
"Doing what?"
Toshiro's fists clenched. "I will remind you this one last time, Ichigo Kurosaki. You have no right to treat me as if I am Karin or Yuzu. Stop trying to take Katashi's place. Also, stop inferring that I hold any sort of dependency toward him. I am perfectly self-sufficient. People have thrown rocks at my head and I've been able to get through it. You act as though I am some small child who needs someone to take care of them."
"It's not that. I just thought—"
"I don't need your d— help."
At that point, the silence decided to announce itself. Toshiro's rant had earned everyone's attention.
Disappointment showed on Ichigo's face. "You're really cold, you know that?" he asked. "If anyone even thinks of getting near you, you give them frostbite. And do you want to know the truth? There were times when you would say something or you would smile and I thought for a second that we were getting to know the real you; the one underneath the ice who actually had a heart. I guess that was my mistake."
Toshiro was taken aback at this, but tried not to let it show. "Are you done yet?"
"No," Ichigo answered. "There's something else you should know. If Katashi saw you like this, it would hurt him."
"You have no authority to make that conclusion!" Toshiro snapped.
"Actually, I do," Ichigo said. "He told me. It's kind of funny; he used to be a lot like you back when he was an Arrancar. Hard as rock on the outside, denying all emotions. Empty. Even then, though, he wondered what a heart was and I could tell he was becoming more human. I told him that and he attacked me. The thing is, after he came back, I was able to realize that the Hollow I first saw had been the fake and there was a real Ulquiorra after all: Katashi. He was overprotective and stubborn and determined, but he was a good person."
"Stop it," Toshiro muttered.
"Did you know that he hasn't been an actual Arrancar ever since he was reborn? He's been completely half Hollow and half Shinigami, as opposed to being more of one side. The thing is, he could force a lean toward either direction, except he only knew how to use his Arrancar powers, so he did. I know this because I was there when it happened. Not being able to control the Hollow bothered him, so he tried taking off the necklace to test his strength against it. He was fine until Urahara aggravated him. He reached his limits and the Hollow began to take over. Since I went through Vizard training, I tried to help and we subdued it long enough for him to put the necklace back on. The first thing he said to me was not to tell you. He didn't want to hurt you."
"That's enough, Kurosaki," Toshiro said a little louder.
"I talked to him before he died and you know what he said?" Ichigo's emotions were boiling now. "He said that he was thankful there were so many people who cared about you. He wanted to know that you weren't left alone when he was a Hollow and that you wouldn't be left alone anytime in the future. He also tried to make sure that you wouldn't become as empty as he had been or as cold as you're being now. That was the real Ulquiorra. He cared, Toshiro. He probably cared more than he'd like to admit."
"Shut up!" Toshiro shouted.
"Why? So you can go on pretending that it isn't true?" Ichigo demanded.
Toshiro's face turned red in anger. His fists shook. His eyes were glassy with either rage or despair, a difference that was becoming less apparent by the second. If tears had existed at all, they stayed lodged where they were, never allowed to fall.
Why was it that Ichigo always managed to break him?
"I know it's true," Toshiro admitted. "I know that the same way I know that Katashi only died in the first place because of me. I know that I should have been the Hollow instead of him. I know that everything is all my d— fault, alright? So just shut up!"
Everything became quiet again. Toshiro's chest heaved from heavy breathing. It was an intense outburst. Once it started, it became unstoppable. That idiot, Kurosaki.
Suddenly, arms wrapped around him from behind. Matsumoto was there. He could feel each person staring at him. Not in fear this time, but in astonishment. He resisted the urge to run away. Instead, he kept his eyes locked steadily on Ichigo.
The teenage boy only said one thing:
"It wasn't your fault."
And that was it. Toshiro wanted to strangle him. He wanted to scream until all of Karakura could hear him. Until they could hear him all the way in Soul Society so that maybe Katashi would recognize the sound. He wanted to slay a thousand Hollows and freeze everything around him in the process.
He wanted to act like a complete child.
"I know it hurts," Ichigo said, "but you'd never be able to get over it if you kept going on like you were."
"You have no clue what you're talking about," Toshiro accused. "Have you ever had to kill someone close to you with your own hands?"
"You didn't kill him!" Ichigo shouted.
"Of course I did," Toshiro said. "I remember—"
"Ukitake fixed your memory," Ichigo explained. "You were asleep that whole night. Ulquiorra killed himself."
"Why the h— would he change my memory?" Toshiro demanded. Matsumoto's "hug" was becoming more like a restraint now.
Ichigo felt himself taking pity on this boy. "He thought that it would provide closure and that you'd be at peace knowing he wanted it. I guess Ukitake was wrong."
"For what reason would Katashi kill himself in the first place?" Toshiro was calming down slightly now.
Ichigo closed his eyes.
"So you wouldn't have to."
…
I swear to you that this will be the last major argument that Toshiro and Ichigo have regarding this topic. The final fight should be staring soon.
Thank you: kyokun928, fan girl 666, and –SoManyUpsAndDowns-!