Not What You Need
In which we have a delightful mixture of bad poetry and a slaughtering of the English language
Minerva McGonagall rubbed her palm over her forehead. Her headache was powerful and she was just about ready to give up on life completely. She had a thirty-year long career behind her of crazy rambunctious children turning into reckless, emotional teenagers. Yet never, in her entire career, had she come across something as out of control and irritating as Harry James Potter.
"La la la la la la la , la la, la la la la la la la!" The boy sang loudly as he had been doing so for quite some time now. She supposed it was her fault, Ms. Granger had suggested that Harry resorted to humming if he heard something unpleasant and she had been off on a bit of a tangent about the "audacity of Dolores Umbridge". Coming soon to a theater near you.
"Mr. Potter. If you do not cease this instant I will give you detention for the rest of your school career." Said McGonagall.
"La—It's not really a career, is it? I mean don't you usually get to choose your career? Hey-yo."
"Why must you even exist?" McGonagall groaned, head back in her hand.
"That's not a very delicious thing to say." Harry said dejectedly, mouth forming a pout.
"I'm honestly at the end of my rope with you Mr. Potter. I cannot fathom what is going on in that deluded adolescent head of yours, and I can no longer figure out what to say to placate you. You were always such a sweet boy; I felt as though I was the guidance you needed that was missing from your life, and I can honestly say that seeing you in such a state is painful." McGonagall told him softly.
At this awkwardly honest speech, Harry once again took on the appearance of one close to tears. One could see Ronald pleading silently with McGonagall to stop the tears at any cost.
Voice heavy with emotion, Harry spoke. "I know I'm not what you-you need…but I will always love you."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I suppose I ought not to be surprised as it is you I'm speaking with."
"Hey don't blame me. I didn't write that harblegebarble. Hebedegidgidie. Harplemalarpary. Shoop-i-di-do-wop-she-do-ooh-ohh." Harry defended.
It really is funny how McGonagall's hair seems to fly more and more astray as she becomes increasingly exasperated. "For the sake of sanity and mercy stop talking."
"Yea, quit embarrassing yourself Potter," snarled an amused and pretentious voice from across the classroom.
"Oh ho-ho-ho oh. I almost forgot about you my little weaselly whiny weasel face."
Draco scoffed at the unridiculeable ridiculousness that Potter had become. "Great name potface."
"I've written a poem for you." Harry pronounced like a kid presenting a drawing to his parents…that is actually rather sad when you think about it.
It was apparent that Draco failed to see how Harry's announcement could bring anything but utter humiliation. "…dear god in heaven." He swore under his breath.
Harry walked to the front of the class, a jacked-up looking strip of parchment clutched in his hand, McGonagall was beyond words or actions at this point. Or so she would have her students believe...in actuality she was rather curious as to the contents of this poem. Harry began by dramatically, and somewhat gruesomely, clearing his throat. Because why would he suddenly do anything in an acceptable or normal manner?
"hmm-hmm.
Oh thorn in my eye
Oh hair on my tongue
Why?
Why when I suffer
Do you sparkle with joy?
Why do you look so
Happy as I cry?
…Dum dum dum dah
Your words make me sad
Your face makes me mad
It's so pointy and demonic
Not at all adorable like me
Hair on my tongue
Thorn in my eye
…You are a buttface
Oh and P.S
My parents may be dead
But at least I could tell them apart
The end."
Harry looked up from his parchment, which a few students sitting at certain angles could see was in fact, completely blank. He had a whopping 'little angel' look on his face, as if he expecting praise for his beautiful piece of art.
Draco was at first stunned into helplessness. When he shook himself, then registered and made sense of the insults Harry had made to him, he looked very indignant. Hoping to appear unaffected, he stated coolly, "I hope you burn in hell with your miserable weak parents."
Despite Harry typically breaking down hard-core whenever Draco tried to hit him with the whole 'your parents are de-ead, it must mean they didn't lo-ove you' spiel, Harry's emotions were as dead as his sanity and he knew how to handle this.
"I hope we get to share the same room in hell so I can lick your face while you sleep." He stated dryly.
The silence that followed Harry's comment was stifling; the only noise to be heard was the small gasp of shock that McGonagall managed to choke out. Poor spineless Draco was looking at him quite speechlessly; his ugly shocked mug was twisted in a disgusted grimace.
Harry shifted his eyes amongst his disgusted and horrified peers. His face shifted uncomfortably; and in an act of normalcy that was now considered highly uncharacteristic of him, gulped and sputtered a desperate attempt to break the awkwardness he had created.
"Well, I can sense I've gone a bit too far so I'm going to go ahead to the Headmaster's office now." He stated, edging to the door. He looked briefly to McGonagall, but she was far too dumbfounded to think clearly at the moment; he left the stunned class behind him.
Little did he know the consequences his actions would have on his life. As nearly every teacher had been subject to his spectacular and superior brand of disruption, there was a movement in the works—a movement that would aim to discover the truth of Harry's flimsy mental state.
A/n
Yes, I am an actual poet, thank-you for asking.
And I invented a new word: unridiculeable (un-ridicule-able) def: so insane that all inhibitions have left and no matter what is said or done to embarrass or hurt, no embarrassment or hurt is felt; such a great loss of sanity that the person is oblivious to situations of mortification and is unable to feel shame; not able to be ridiculed
Sue Me! I am beyond the prison that is the official dictionary!