Chapter 6: Not Giving Up
Hiroki had slept all through Thursday and gone back to work Friday feeling refreshed. He hadn't, however, seen Nowaki since he left Hiroki's apartment Thursday afternoon, giving him room to breathe and relax. Hiroki had even walked from the university instead of taking the subway on the way home, but his only reward for his efforts was Akihiko beeping his horn and waving at him as he stood outside the flower shop Nowaki was not, apparently, working at that evening.
Hiroki flipped him the bird and continued on, ignoring the sleek, red sports car as it rushed through a yellow light and down the street. He did glance up before the car was too far ahead, and though he saw Akihiko's head of silver hair, there was a distinct lack of a brown-haired boy there in the shotgun seat. Hiroki arched an eyebrow. Misaki wasn't in any of his classes that day, but Hiroki had been thinking on and off since Thursday night that Misaki would have hell to pay for running away from Akihiko.
Akihiko hadn't always been so possessive. It was probably this fact that kept Hiroki there beside him. Even during high school, they would meet in their secret spot in the woods between their houses, just sitting out there as Akihiko wrote in one of his expensive, leather-bound journals, and Hiroki complaining about the lessons he'd been taking since he could remember.
It had been years since Hiroki felt like he could unload his worries on the man who was supposed to be his best friend. Those days, Miyagi heard more of Hiroki's complaints than Akihiko even though Miyagi was often the cause of his worries.
Akihiko's car disappeared behind a hill, and Hiroki stared at the spot a moment longer before tearing his eyes away. They landed on the flower shop behind him, though, and Nowaki still wasn't there.
Hiroki shook his head, hiking the strap of his bag up onto his shoulder. He had no idea why he was obsessing over the man. Sure, the kiss the previous day had been nice, but that wasn't much to base a relationship off. Nowaki clearly wanted one, though. Hiroki wasn't stupid.
Hiroki tapped his lips with his pointer finger once before continuing down the sidewalk. He'd drifted off while thinking about the kiss. He'd never lost his bearing while thinking about a man, not even Akihiko. His heart did sink, though, when Akihiko replaced Nowaki in his mind.
That was probably why he was so hesitant to accept Nowaki. No matter what, Hiroki had been in love with Akihiko for too long to just drop it like that. Just thinking about being that shallow made him mad at himself.
Hiroki was about to cross the street when a worker ran out of the flower shop, a bouquet in his arms. Hiroki pulled his beanie down over his eyes, but he'd already been spotted. "Kamijou-san?"
"…yes?" Hiroki pulled the hat away from his eyes. He didn't recognize this man and he had no idea how this man knew him, but then, the shop owner had recognized him the last time he was around, so maybe he needed to stop asking questions.
"Nowaki-kun wanted us to give you these," the man said. It was a bouquet of sunflowers, just like the last two times, and Hiroki just stared at them like he was afraid they were going to explode.
Finally he took them, though, frozen and unable to express his thanks. The worker didn't seem to care, though, and he bowed and went back to the shop.
There was a card on the side of the flowers. When Hiroki pulled it off, he saw that it said, 'Hiro-san, I'm sorry I couldn't meet today, but I had to stay late at the school. Have a good weekend!- Nowaki.'
Hiroki sighed. Any other man, Hiroki would probably call him clingy. But he found himself smelling the sunflowers, the scowl almost leaving his face. He was still in public, after all.
xxx
Hiroki passed by the flower shop again the next day. He'd had to go into the university to do some work, since he had some catching up to do after missing an entire afternoon and evening. It was about four when Hiroki finally decided that he couldn't put up with Miyagi's whining anymore. He hadn't expected Miyagi to be there in the office during the weekend; since the divorce was finalized and he didn't have to go home to his ex-wife, Miyagi had been spending more and more time doing work at home. But he'd been there as Hiroki was trying to do the research he needed to continue his translation comparison of Akihiko's books, and it was hard to memorize English verb forms when Miyagi kept going on about how lonely it was in his apartment.
Miyagi also, however, had kept bugging Hiroki about his 'boyfriend.' Hiroki had told Miyagi that it wasn't like that between him and Nowaki, but Miyagi just wouldn't shut up about it. Hiroki had finally gotten pissed off enough to gather up his materials and tell Miyagi that if he wanted to gossip, he could wait for one of the female janitors to come around because he was going home. Miyagi hadn't really appreciated that, but he didn't stop Hiroki, either.
Hiroki did his best to not look into the flower shop as he passed it. When it came down to it, he had no idea why he didn't take the subway back to his apartment. It was only a couple hundred yen, and it wasn't like he was strapped for cash. He didn't go out drinking a lot and he hardly had any other kind of social life. Though, when Hiroki thought about it, once his bills were paid, he mostly spent his money on books. He supposed he was used to his parents bailing him out if he needed money. His mother did it even when he didn't ask her to, which he hadn't done since high school. He had his pride, after all.
"Hiro-san!"
Hiroki tensed his shoulders, recognizing Nowaki's voice. The man was exiting the flower shop just as Hiroki passed it, untying the uniform apron as he went. He had a radiant smile on his face, and Hiroki found himself stopping so Nowaki could catch up with him. Plenty of people passed by them on the sidewalk as Nowaki ran up to him, but Hiroki told himself that the fact that every single one of them stared at him was just in his head. It wasn't like they were kissing right there on the sidewalk, after all.
Not that Hiroki, of course, wanted them to kiss right there on the sidewalk.
"Were you at work, Hiro-san?" Nowaki asked, following Hiroki down the sidewalk.
"…yeah," Hiroki said. "But it's easier to get things done at home. Fewer distractions." Then he eyed Nowaki, who just smiled as they walked. "Is there any reason you're following me?"
"I thought I'd walk you home, Hiro-san," Nowaki said like it had been the obvious thing to do. "I felt bad that we couldn't see each other yesterday, and my shift at the shop is over, anyway."
"About that," Hiroki said as the crosswalk light turned green and they were able to continue. "If I gave you some kind of impression that I wanted to spend that much time with you, I'm sorry. But I have plenty going on in my life without you trying to fit yourself in there, too."
Nowaki shrugged. He didn't seem to mind what Hiroki said nearly as much as Hiroki hoped he would. "I know you're busy, Hiro-san, but I don't mind."
There was silence as they walked the rest of the way down the sidewalk. Hiroki's eye twitched when he realized that he wasn't going to get rid of Nowaki that easily.
When they finally got to Hiroki's apartment building, he wasn't sure what to do. Nowaki still stood there, smiling, probably waiting for Hiroki to do something. When Hiroki just stared at him instead of entering the building's pass code, Nowaki seemed to get the wrong idea. Or at least, what Hiroki defined as the wrong idea, because right there on the sidewalk for all to see, Nowaki leaned down and kissed him.
Hiroki lost his senses a lot easier than he liked to admit. It only took a few seconds of Nowaki's lips gently pressed against his for him to just give in, returning the kiss in a hesitant way. By the time Nowaki pulled away, Hiroki had his arms wrapped around Nowaki's neck. It took a couple seconds for Hiroki to realize where he was and what he'd just done, and the dazed look was quickly replaced with a scowl as he pulled away. "Don't expect this kissing thing to be a usual occurrence between us," Hiroki muttered, punching the pass code into the number pad.
"Is there something you'd prefer, Hiro-san?" Nowaki asked, sounding innocent.
Hiroki scowled again as the door beeped, allowing him access. He didn't give that the dignity of a response, but he did say, "Did you want to come in?" because at least Nowaki could provide him company without making him want to murder someone.
Once they were up in Hiroki's apartment, Hiroki went to make tea and Nowaki just stood there in the living room, marveling at everything. "I didn't realize the other day how many books you have, Hiro-san," Nowaki said in amazement.
Hiroki ducked his head as he turned the burner on. "I've collected them since I was a kid. My mother always told me I should get rid of some I never read anymore but I can't." He looked up to see Nowaki nod in sympathy, but the man wasn't looking at him anymore. He'd gone up to one of the bookshelves that stood there in the living room and was staring at a particular section of it. Hiroki recognized it as where he put his Usami Akihiko novels. He also recognized it as where he put the multiple copies of Akihiko's novels that he always bought. Even Akihiko didn't realize Hiroki ever had that habit, let alone that he kept it going several years later.
"Hiro-san, where did you get the English versions of Usami-san's novels?" Nowaki asked suddenly, tilting his head. When Hiroki's expression made it clear he wasn't going to answer, Nowaki continued with, "I just… remember meeting a man in America who had a ton."
"…oh?" Hiroki asked, staring down at the slowly boiling water.
Nowaki nodded. "After I graduated, my friends and I pooled our money and went to America for a while. Somewhere in Arizona, we picked up a man by the side of the highway who said he'd been thrown off the bus he was riding."
Hiroki gulped when he heard this. He remembered finally being saved by a car full of people who happened to speak Japanese, which he'd only found out because when they stopped, Hiroki had been yelling insults in Japanese down the highway and the driver had rolled down his window and spoke to him in perfect Japanese.
"He never told us his name, or where he was from, but he spoke Japanese and I remember him having a lot of Usami Akihiko novels with him," Nowaki went on. Hiroki gulped, looking uncomfortable. Nowaki finally tore his eyes away from the bookshelf. "Is something wrong, Hiro-san?"
"Um, I'm guessing that was me," Hiroki said, refusing to meet Nowaki's eye. The water finally came to a boil, and he removed the kettle. When Nowaki didn't say anything, Hiroki continued with, "I mean, it matches up to something that happened when I was in America. Although I have to wonder why you got a doctorate and still went on to be a kindergarten teacher."
"I only have a bachelor degree, Hiro-san," Nowaki said, sounding confused.
"So you started college late?"
"No, Hiro-san. I took the high school equivalency test at eighteen so I started on time," Nowaki said, trying not to sound condescending, but he didn't really understand why Hiroki was confused at the point.
"…so you're four years younger than me," Hiroki muttered as if that were the entire point of the conversation. He proceeded to put tea bags in the two cups of hot water and brought one out to Nowaki regardless of where the conversation was going.
Nowaki smiled and took the tea. "Is there something wrong with me only being twenty-four, Hiro-san?" Nowaki asked. He took the cup of tea, but when Hiroki sat beside him on the couch, he put it on the coffee table instead of drinking.
"I guess not," Hiroki conceded, but he still looked a bit uncomfortable. "It's not like we're in high school anymore, after all." Then he eyed Nowaki, remembering the conversation they'd had not even a minute ago. "And I guess I should say thanks for what happened in America." He had a kind of pouty look to him, mostly because he wasn't used to using the manners that were pounded into him growing up anymore. He definitely didn't like using them if he didn't need to.
Instead of replying, Nowaki leaned forward and kissed Hiroki again, despite Hiroki's assurances that this kissing thing wasn't going to be a regular occurrence. That left his mind as Nowaki pushed his tongue into Hiroki's mouth, pulling a soft whimper out of him despite himself. Hiroki felt himself melting into Nowaki's arms, letting the man lightly touch him all over.
It was when Nowaki's fingers found the buttons on his shirt and started working them that a memory popped up in Hiroki's mind. When he'd slept with Akihiko, after the blindfold went on, the first thing Hiroki did was kiss him deeply. It had been his first attempt to get his feelings through, but Akihiko had said nothing, just proceeding to undress him.
Hiroki was thrown back into a clear state of mind so fast he got whiplash, and he pushed Nowaki away from him. Nowaki tried to push forward and kiss him again, but Hiroki said, "Nowaki, no."
Nowaki tilted his head. "Is something the matter?"
Hiroki looked to the side, licking his lips and gathering his words. Then he said, "I just… have a lot of baggage to deal with. So now's not the time, okay?" He expected Nowaki to be mad, to protest, but instead, he felt Nowaki run a hand through his hair. When he finally looked at the man, he was smiling.
"Okay, Hiro-san," he said like he knew exactly what Hiroki was talking about. Instead of pushing the point, Nowaki moved away from Hiroki and picked up his cup of tea.
Hiroki was still nearly lying on his back, and instead of immediately sitting up, he sighed and pushed his bangs out of his eyes. He almost felt guilty for pushing Nowaki away given how understanding he was being, but there was no way he was just going to let it all happen without a fight.