Title: Mary Ann McGarrett

Hi, this is a new chapter of this story.

I wanted to say thanks to all of you who left me a review and you had given me something to think.

Thank you, amazing beta Jerseybelle, because without your help I would be lost.

Warning this is strong so be careful.

Mary was the youngest McGarrett. When she came into the family they already had her brother Steven.

Growing up with him was hard; he was perfect, tall, muscular and strong. He was their father´s son and she swore that her mother's eyes shone brighter when he was around. They had a very close bond that neither Mary Ann nor her father could touch. Despite that, she loved the freak, as she called Steve, but it was hard to compete with someone that made perfection seem easy.

When their beloved mother died, everything changed; their father shipped them out. Her brother suffered the most, she was always better at protecting her emotions. Steve, you just had to look at his eyes and you knew, Steve wore his heart in his sleeve.

Then everything changed again. Steve joined the Navy and later the SEAL's. He built iron walls to protect his heart. According to some of their father´s contacts, he became one of the best SEALs, but it cost him so much.

Then their father died and he came back home, but she didn´t want to know because he had left her too and she was still angry. She knew their father had been murdered and if she didn´t hate the man who murdered her father she would have pitied them. They had unleashed hell on themselves because she knew her brother would hunt them down.

Chin Ho Kelly and Kono Kalakaua had been OK to meet but it was Danny "Danno" Williams who left her with a feeling, she saw her brother and the Haole interact and it took her back to their parent's happy days, they were like an old married couple, they were amusing to see them, Danno ranting and her brother listening with a smile.

She, for the first time since their mother´s death, saw her brother´s eyes shine. Her freak was in love, but she could tell he was scared, too.

When she was kidnapped, he brought her back, but she never doubted that he would find her. When they found her she saw that even when Danno was angry NO ONE was getting close to Steve; he would guard him with his life. It was then that she knew that Danno felt something for her brother.

When he sent her away, she could tell that he was hurting but Danny´s hand in his shoulder told her that Danny would take care of him.

Then the freak started calling her, wanting to mend their relationship. They started their weekly chats, and after months he finally said to her, "I love him."

She heard him explain his plans, he was so alive, she felt hope for the first time because if he could maybe she could too.

When she saw those men at her door, she knew; she collapsed there, she couldn´t breathe, he was dead. Her big brother was dead.

She lost it, almost broke everything in her appartment, and then she called him, Danny was as broken as she was or maybe more. Mary would swear that the only reason he didn´t eat his gun was because of Grace.

Her brother's funeral was full of press and pomp that her brother hated, they awarded a post mortem medal, she almost told them where they could stick it, she just wanted Steve back.

Then she and her brother in law took him back home, where he belonged, and Steve wasn´t alone anymore.

Now her days were full of ghosts, she saw and heard him everywhere. She wanted to drink to oblivian, she was a broken woman and didn´t have it in her to fight. She wasn´t strong, she just wanted her brother back, the one who used to sing her when she was scared. She could close her eyes and hear him.

"Its´s OK Mare don´t be afraid."

"Song, please."

And he started her favorite song.

"A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep..."

Come back Steve, big brother, come back...

"In dreams you lose your heartaches

Whatever you wish for, you keep..."

He was giving her his bear hug, protecting her from the meanies of the world.

"Have faith in your dreams and someday

Your rainbow will come smiling thru..."

There were no colors anymore, just a gray space that made you claustrophobic; no music, just a deafing silence that drove you insane; tasteless food that made you want to throw up, and broken lives that made you want to close your eyes and never opened them again.

"No matter how your heart is grieving..."

She didn´t have a heart anymore, she had lost everything; desolation was her companion nowadays; desolation, pain, despair, anger, regret, sadness, guilt and that achy feeling that wouldn't go away.

"If you keep on believing

The dream that you wish will come true..."

So she closed her eyes; maybe if she didn´t opened them again he would be back. She closed her eyes, hoping that her brother in law didn´t followed her soon, so there would still be a McGarrett alive; she just couldn´t do it anymore. She sank in her tub dreaming of her home beach, and with a smile saw her mother awaiting for her.

Now she just had to find him and her wish would come true.

Author notes: Hi I wanted a little space to explain WHY I did what I did.

First, I´m a catholic woman and suicide is a sin for my religion, I don´t think that way, I don´t like it but I understand why someone would wish to end his/her life like that.

For me, even when Danny is devastated about Steve´s death, Mary is right, Danny has Grace and he would never leave his baby but Mary is alone, yeah she cares about Danny but it isn´t the same, Danny was Steve´s husband not hers and Steve was after their parents death her only family left and the one who carried her and now he was gone.

So, for her to make this decision, isn´t rare.

I´m sorry if I offended you but I tried to make this as careful as I could.