BPOV
"Ready to go." I breathed as Carlisle finished wrapping my arms in the riders lounge. He helped me get my jacket on and Alice put the last touches into my hair before I stood up and looked at my placing on the list.
Alice was just before me and Emmett was after. Edward would be helping Alice, Emmett and Jasper but Carlisle had managed to put himself down as my caller instead of Edward.
"Let's go. You're on in twenty minutes. We might want to go down to the practice ring and warm our horses up." I said and Alice nodded before we ran down to the practice arena where Rosalie was waiting with Matrix and Edward was holding onto Superman and Wonder women while Jasper was on Robin Hood.
"Here Bella, I'll help you up." Emmett said and he picked me up by the waist and lifted me onto Matrix before climbing onto Superman and riding forward with me behind him.
We warmed our horses up quickly before all of us went to the entrance to the arena and watched Alice do her dressage in a small cut of area before going into her cross-cross country jumps course set up in the rest of the arena.
Once she was done I took a deep breath as the announcer called my name and told everyone a little about me and Hollywood Matrix of Cullen Mustang Ranch. When my music started for my dressage I though over the steps one step before I was to perform it before pushing Matrix into the routine perfectly.
After finishing Matrix and I made a quick trot to the start of the jumps and I sat up properly, waiting for my que before I shot forward, taking the flower box, stone walls and the mushroom as fast as I could before thinking ahead of the other jumps.
Before I had even realized it I was taking the faster rout on the course and I had already passed the Giant Squirrel tails and the cattle feeder. There were 30 jumps in total and the last jump was the gamekeepers brush. I felt my chest tighten and looked down at Matrix and closed my eyes before jumping the Tudor cottages, sizing up the gamekeepers brush.
As I came closer, unlike my dream, I did everything as I was supposed to, not looking down into the gap and we just barely made it over the brush part. I heard the crowds screaming and I took a deep breath as I passed the finishing line and listened to the announcer.
"Very luck for Miss Swan, our first year rider. Not a single thing scraped with her horses hooves and a perfect positioning all round. Hopefully this riders luck will continue as she rides the Cross-country race this afternoon." The announcer said as Emmett finished getting ready before he was called into the arena.
"Bella, you did it! You were amazing!" Alice screamed as she ran over and I looked down at her, giving her a shaky smile before looking at Jasper.
"Help me down please." I asked Jasper and he came over and helped me down, holding my weight as I stumbled slightly before holding onto Matrix's bridle and leading her to her stall alone.
"You did really well, Bella." I heard Edward's voice behind me as I gave Matrix water in her stall and patted her sweaty neck.
"Thank you." I whispered and I heard Edward start to say something before his foot steps echoed and I turned to see he had left me alone.
I closed the bottom half of the stall door and sat on the chair Alice and I had put in there earlier in case I mounted Matrix in there.
"All riders have a twenty minute break then we will be meeting back to start the cross-country race at the starting gates at 1.30." The announcer called and I closed my eyes and lay back against the wall, breathing steadily as Matrix ate and drank.
I grabbed an apple from my lunch box sitting in a cupboard outside the stall before eating that and putting Matrix's bridle back on her.
I mounted Matrix carefully in the stall and rode her out to the small practice arena, going in and walking her round in circles. Everyone had left us to do what they needed and now I finally let myself feel all the emotions I had compressed down.
I let Matrix chose where she walked and I smiled as she continued to just make circles around the arena.
"All riders to the starting boxes." I heard through the speaker and I sat up properly and made myself look presentable riding to the starting box and finding Rosalie who gave me everything I needed and put my stirrups up to the right place.
Rosalie led me into my starting box Beside Alice's as I adjusted my Helmet before Rosalie closed the doors and I looked at Alice happily.
"Whoever wins out of us two pays for lunch when we get home. Just the two of us will go out." Alice said and through the bars she touched my arm before we nodded and get into position, sitting correctly before shooting out of the boxes as the alarm rung.
"You won! You won the cross-country race and had the shortest time in everything!" Rosalie squealed as she ran over and led me away from all the other horses, riders and grooms.
"Did I actually win?" I asked and Rosalie smirked before shaking her head. "I don't know yet, they'll announce the winner, and if it's you, you'll have to go and collect a check for the prize money." Rosalie said and I smiled before suddenly feeling feint.
I looked up and everything started to spin before I looked around, spotting Carlisle as he ran over.
"Help me down, please." I asked and Carlisle grabbed me and slowly pulled me down from Matrix, taking all my weight as I collapsed slightly.
"Get me to the car." I breathed and Carlisle took all my weight, just letting me drag my feet as we slowly walked to the car where it was parked in the shade of a large tree.
As soon as Carlisle opened the back door to the jeep I fell into it and I pulled my Jacket off, looking down at my arms and seeing there was blood soaking through into the outer layer of the fresh bandages.
"We have a problem." I whispered and Carlisle grabbed his medical kit and started pulling my bandaged off carefully, putting them into a small metal bowl that he had pulled from his bag so the blood wouldn't stair the car.
As the bandages came off I looked at my arms to see I had ripped open the stitches on my left arm and on the right arm the cuts I had made after Edward had basically dumped me had caused the extra blood.
"Carlisle I think I need to go to hospital." I whispered and my eyes rolled back into my head as I fell back against the seat, unconscious.
EPOV
"Where is Bella?" I asked Rosalie as she quickly worked to sort out Matrix. "You would know if you weren't an asshole." Rosalie snapped and I stepped back a bit as Alice pushed past me and grabbed Rosalie's arm.
"Come on, Bella needs us." Alice said and I grabbed her arm and pulled her so she was looking at me.
"Why does Bella need you?" I growled and Alice winced slightly before pushing my arm off of her.
"She's in hospital. Carlisle drove her there and she's getting her scars glued. She doesn't want you there, she said she wanted me and Rosalie." Alice said and I closed the stall door and locked it before running after them, pushing into the car and Calling out to Emmett to collect the prize stuff if any of us got.
When we reached the hospital I followed Alice and Rosalie and they glared at me before we rushed into the A&E and they ran to Bella as she lay in the bed, getting her arms worked on.
"Hey Bella." I said carefully as I walked closer and Carlisle stood up and let Alice and Rosalie sit down as Bella looked over at me before looking down at the fresh looking cuts on her arms.
"Go away. I don't need you, Edward." Bella said and Alice took Bella's Left hand seeing as it was free and that arm had already been glued.
I went to speak but Alice pulled the curtain in front of me and I sighed before following Carlisle out to where Renee and Charlie were waiting.
I walked out to the car but not before I heard Carlisle utter one sentence to Charlie and Renee. "Bella opened up about everything to me." Carlisle said and I felt the pain in my chest before I ran to the car and stood beside it, kicking its tire before sitting against it.
BPOV-Two months later
I looked around the bedroom and sighed before closing my suitcase and placing my guitar on the bare bed.
I pulled the thin envelopes from my pocket and lay them under the strings of my guitar before I grabbed my bag and walked out to the car where Carlisle was waiting.
Everyone was busy on the monthly Mustang search and Carlisle had managed to come back and get me. I was going home today.
"Let's go." I whispered as I sat in the front seat of the car and put my seatbelt on. The drive to the airport was quiet and uneventful but when we got there Carlisle hugged me tightly.
"Thank you Bella. You are an amazing girl and I hope I hear from you again soon." Carlisle said and he hugged me before I went to board my plane and I watched everything vanish as I flew back to Forks.
EPOV
"Carlisle! Where were you? We waited for you to come back but you didn't!" I called out as I went into the house and saw Carlisle sitting in the Lounge alone.
"I had to drive Bella to the airport. She didn't want to have to say goodbye to all of you in person. Between Esme, myself and her parents we arranged for her to go home earlier than expected." Carlisle said and I looked at Alice before taking off in a sprint to Bella's room.
When I reached it I looked in and saw the room was bare of everything except her guitar and four envelopes neatly named and tucked under her guitar strings.
I picked up the guitar and carried it downstairs as I pulled the letters out. With the guitar placed on the coffee table I handed the letter's to their correct pairs before taking the one addressed to me and turning it over, slowly peeling back the tab and pulling out four sheets of paper with Bella's neat writing on it.
March 23rd 2011
Edward.
How do I even begin to explain everything? You lay all your trust in me to tell you everything and I know you thought I would be telling you in person when the time came but I can't. This is what you asked for but I'm sorry it came too late.
This is a short count of my life story, the way I haven't told anyone.
I was born on September 13th 1993 to my parents who were both in their teens at the time. By the time I was five I had been moved in and out of six foster homes before Renee and Charlie took me back and they became my parents full time. As I grew up they didn't know what to do so I was basically their experiment.
When Renee had found out she was pregnant her parent's had disowned her and she moved in with Charlie, not knowing what to do or how everything was going to work out.
I was the reason my mother never went to university. She wanted to major in Law and become a famous Lawyer to some celebrity like John Cena from WWE wrestling. My father didn't want to go to university but he still could have had a few years more of partying if I hadn't been born.
When I reached 10 I had moved school 27 times, thanks to various problems, gone in and out of 79 foster homes, each time being shifted back to my parents before finally Renee and Charlie took me back and I lived with them.
Just before I did a runner the first time in my life Charlie had just bought me home after catching me drinking alcohol and smoking weed in an alleyway with my boyfriend. He had taken me home and the words he said still haunt me. his exact words were 'Just another druggy. You're nothing, you're not even my daughter, I don't know who you are, and you're a disgrace. I wish I had nothing to do with you. Leave, don't come back and don't dare touch Alaric.' I left less than 24 hours later and didn't come back until Charlie dragged me back.
When Renee and Charlie had to go back to work I stopped school, only 14 at the time. I looked after Ricky all the time and made sure he had a better life than I had started out with. If anyone ever came knocking we never answered the door in case it was someone to take Ricky away.
My teenage years have been spent between drinking and doing drugs and looking after my younger brother.
When my parents sent me to live on the Ranch with you I thought they were trying to kill me. I thought the 'country folk' would eat me because I was just some skinny white 'city folk girl.' I laughed so hard when I realized how childish I seemed.
When I met you, I realized we weren't that different. Sure, your parents are stable and you've lived with them your entire live where as my life has been a disaster but in reality we were the same. You were so passionate about horses and I realized that your passion for horses was like my passion for music. Music used to get me away from the world and let me see it in another point of view, just like I imagined horses were your music.
You taught me about your passion and I soon started to really believe that maybe you could change me and now in know it wasn't you who changed me, it was me who had to change on my own, you were only there to support me the way my parents didn't understand to.
I remember you were so sweet to me when I first came, you had looked so jealous when you thought I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone and then you found out it was Ricky. I thought you were cute.
Even though we won't see each other again, I still wish I had fixed everything with you before I left. I suppose in a way this letter is me asking you to forgive me and in another way it's me letting you know that I forgave myself but I know one thing it does tell us.
This letter is my last goodbye to you. I'm not coming back, I'll avoid any competitions you guys are going to and I won't try to make contact. I know you said that you would wait for me but I don't want you to wait for me anymore, Edward. You helped me to see reality and in doing that you helped me to gain hope and begin to dream again.
Thanks to you and the rest of your family helped me to begin my life again. I'm going to go to the smaller competitions and start working my way up on Mystic. I'm going to let myself dream about having a life like I thought I would have when I was little, only this dream doesn't need fuel by music, this dream is fuelled by the living things around me that remind me that everyday I push on and continue to live a normal live is one more day I know that you might be proud of me, wherever you are.
When we last spoke properly you told me that you didn't think you could wait much longer, that I was still living in the past and that you promised to be my future. You told me you would wait for me and now I free you from that. You don't have to wait, you don't have to be my future. I'll work everything out eventually on my own but now I know what you meant when you told me that the past has to be just that, the past. If I don't let go of my past, how can I ever let myself have a future?
I hope you know I don't regret anything that happened between us, no matter how happy or sad and I know you will be an amazing boyfriend to the next girl you date.
Just know that you are still in my heart and I hope, however small a part it may be, that I'm still in your heart too. You might not be in my future, but I hope I'm contributing to yours. Please take care of my guitar, I left it for you in hope you'll learn an instrument. You taught me your passion, maybe you can learn mine one day.
I will always love you, even if I never told you.
With all the love in my heart,
Bella Swan.
"Bella left us a check for half a million dollars." Carlisle murmured and I looked up, wiping the tears in my eyes to see they had all long finished their letters.
"What?" I asked and I stood up, my letter still in my hand and I looked at the check made out to Carlisle for half a million dollars.
"She left us this and asked that this be her contribute to the future of Cullen Mustang Ranch." Esme said and I smiled, understanding what Bella had said about contributing to my future.
I sighed and looked down at my letter before running my fingers over her guitar before picking it up and slowly walking up to my bedroom.