A/N: I'm sorry this took so long! I didn't really had something to drive me to finish it until now. So here is the last chapter. Once more, forgive me for taking so long!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi or the storyline of Clannad.

We were on the train with no words mustered between us. Her eyes were glued to the scenery outside the large window of the transportation and my eyes were glued to the seat in front of me, my hand supporting my head as my elbow rested on the armrest.

A boy, not much younger than my own daughter, was jumping obnoxiously and tugging on his mother's sleeve to grab her attention and I had to grit my teeth to not make a scene in front of so many people.

"Hey, Mommy, come on, look!" The boy tried, the young woman trying to calm him down in a low voice. "I said hey!"

At the moment, Julia tugged on my sleeve, and I looked down at her, who was biting her thumb. "…Hey," she began, as if nervous.

"Hmm?" She kept looking intently at me and I raised my eyebrows. "What is it?"

"Play with me," she put simply.

I shifted on my seat, putting both my hands on my lap. "What do you do with Helen?"

"Read books."

"Do you have any with you?" She gave me a nod of negation and I sighed, biting the inside of my cheek. "What about with the old man?"

"Baseball."

I blinked at her several times, trying to grasp the idea. "Baseball?" I blurted out incredulously.

"Yeah. Look." She got up and walked to the aisle next to me and got into a batter position. "Babe Ruth."

"Pretending?" I asked myself, shaking my head at her.

"Not interesting?"

"Not at all," I deadpanned, her expression softening as she made her way back to her seat.

"Too bad," I heard her whisper as she sat on the chair that looked extremely large compared to her size.

Resting my elbow on the armrest again and plopping my chin on my palm, I closed my eyes. What has the old man been teaching her…?

"Mommy! Mommy!" The boy on the other side of the aisle shouted, tapping his mother's shoulder.

"Come on. Sit down now," Said the woman, patting her child's arm.

"Mommy! Mommy!"

"Silence. Don't you feel embarrassed?"

"Mommy! Mo –"

"Shut up!" I barked, glowering at the little boy in front of me, everyone becoming silent around us. "Mind the people around you!"

The little kid hugged his mom in a scared matter and the woman looked at me apologetically. "I'm sorry…" She whispered, holding her son in her arms as I closed my eyes once more.

"…Damn," I muttered, opening my right eye to see an empty seat next to me. "Julia?" I began. I got up, and walked down the narrow aisle towards the miniature bathrooms. "Where'd she go?" I wondered, a bathroom door opening to reveal the one I was looking for. "Geez…"

I walked to her standing figure hiding behind a corner and I scratched my head. "Hey now, if you want to go to the bathroom, go on ahead." She kept quiet and shrugged, making me furrow my eyebrows. "What's wrong?" I asked, and she looked up at me with stain red eyes. "…Where you crying?"

She shook her head at me and looked down at her feet.

"Don't lie."

"I was told not to cry," She mumbled, fumbling with her knee length, blue dress she wore.

"Huh? Who told you?"

"Grandma."

"Seriously? She's surprisingly strict," I said, mostly at myself.

"But she told me," she continued, clasping her hands together and looking up at me like a lost puppy. "She told me their where places to cry."

"Like where?" I asked, quite curious as to what my mother-in-law has been teaching her.

She kept quiet for many moments after until she finally answered. "…the bathroom."

I turned to my side, scratching my head and shoving my hand in pocket right after. "I guess if you cry there no one can see you. Isn't it okay to cry whenever the time is right?" I asked her, looking back down at her. "You can cry right here if you want," I sighed out, turning away from her.

"To want to cry but to not be able to…After all, there is a lot of that when you grow up."

We had arrived at a train station where we were switching trains. Walking next to each other without talking was quite troublesome and I remembered she hadn't brought anything to play with. Stopping in front of a small shop, she bumped into me and I smiled down at her.

"Hey."

"Eh?"

"You don't have a toy, do you?"

She nodded her head at me and we stepped into the store and she began to browse the limited toy section it had.

"Pick one. I'll buy it," I told her, looking around boringly as she looked at the toys in front of her, her eyes with a sparkle in them I couldn't decipher.

"Yeah," she nodded her head, biting her lower lip.

I looked at my watch and noticed the time. Looking around once more, I walked to grab a small robot toy and went to show it to her. "Hey," I called out, making her turn around to meet me. "How about something like this?"

She nodded without hesitation. "Okay."

We were on our last train of the day. Thankfully, this one was empty and Julia wasn't bugging me to play with her as she was playing with her robot, moving the arms from side to side. I glanced at he curiously, wondering why she hadn't rejected the toy.

Maybe she felt bad saying no? If so, Helen brought her up to be exceptional…

"Hey, don't force yourself."

She looked at me, leaving the toy alone for a moment shake her head at me.

"Well, a toy meant for a girl would've been better, right?"

"No," she contradicted, "this is fine. I like this."

I bit my lower lip and stared at her look at the toy as if it were the only thing important to her in life. "You even have weird taste," I mumbled, and I made her look at me once more.

"Hm?"

"It's nothing, go and have fun with that."

She kept on playing and my eyes fluttered close as I drifted off to sleep.

Will this be an enjoyable summer, I wonder.

…Yeah right, with just her and I.

She was stirring next to me and when I opened my eyes, she looked at me from the door with a tired expression. Julia and I had arrived at our destination and we had gotten our hotel, which could actually be categorized under a motel, and we unpacked and headed to sleep, all the time not speaking to each other.

Julia blinked from the threshold sleepily. "Bathroom."

"Eh?"

"I gotta go potty," she responded.

I got under the covers once more. "It's dark, so be careful," I instructed.

She began to open the door and when she did; I let out a groan and went out with her to the bathroom. She crawled down the stairs until she reached the bottom and headed to the bathroom as I stared out through a window to the small garden behind the motel with fireflies.

"I did it on my own," she said proudly, and I nodded at her as I head off upstairs.

She stopped on her tracks, looking outside the window I was staring outside through as well, and she gasped, pointing out.

"What is it?"

"What are those?"

"They're fireflies. You know what they are, right?"

She nodded her head and stepped closer. "First time I see one."

"…Though quite late in my case," I whispered, stepping closer as well.

I caught Julia's eye when she stared up at me and then back down at the floor. If she wanted to tell me something she could, but I guess those five years apart really did a number on her. I wouldn't be surprised if that's why she's always insecure to ask me things.

"What is it?" I wondered.

"Nothing."

There she goes, lying again. "Is there something on my face?" I joked.

She moved her body in negation and hummed a no.

"Then don't look at others like that," I said in a hurt tone. We stared at each other and she rapidly looked away. "What is it? You have something you want to say, right?"

She slouched her shoulders as a response and I put my left hand on my hip.

"Oh. Maybe you're still scared of me?" I kneeled down in front of her to be able to look at her directly in the eye. "Come on. I won't yell anymore, okay?"

She bit her lip, as if thinking of what she wanted to tell me. "Well…" she began, staring at me. "Tell me about Mommy."

I gasped and stood up, looking out of the window. "Ask Helen."

"I did, but she won't tell me anything," she said in an innocent voice that made my heart crack.

I scoffed, narrowing my eyes at the close by scenery of flowers. "And you ask me?" We kept quiet after wards and I turned on my heel and began to walk away. "Ask your grandmother. I have nothing to say."

"Julia," I called out to her as she walked out of the motel. "Don't fall asleep."

She nodded in agreement and rubbed her eyes with her left hand, her right hand holding the toy I bought her yesterday. "Hm."

I kneeled in front of her and fixed the hat she was wearing on her head to position. "Wear your hat right," I grounded her. "We have a lot of places to go to today." I looked far ahead to the horizon and squinted, getting up in front of my daughter. "Let's go."

"Okay."

We began to walk, the road endless. It seemed as if we could continue walking forever and never stop. At least that's what I wanted to do.

We both stopped at the same time when we came across a sunflower meadow, and I saw the excitement etched into Julia's features as we both gaped at the scenery and I gasped, "Amazing…" I looked down and then told Julia. "Do you want a better view?"

She turned to me rather quickly and blurted out enthusiastically. "I do!"

I walked around her and stood behind her figure. "Okay, spread your legs." She did, cautiously, and I kneeled between her legs and put her over my shoulders. She let out a shriek and held on to my hair. "You're quite light," I remarked, looking at the view in front of me. "Look!"

She let out a gasp in awe and her legs began to swing back and forth on my shoulders. "How is it?" I asked her.

"Wow! It's great!" She began to giggle on my shoulders and I then kneeled down and let her get off of me.

I told her she could go off and play as I took a seat under a tree and looked at her running around with her new toy. "Don't go off too far okay?" I yelled at her.

I guess it was good to come out here after all.

I smiled at myself when she stopped running and waved at me with a smile. I waved back, a smile on my lips, and she continued playing. Sighing, I closed my eyes, letting the memories of Clare flood my mind and a peaceful dream to take over me.

"Hmm?" I yawned as Julia woke me up with tearful eyes. "What's wrong?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

"I lost it…" She whispered. "The robot."

We were searching around the prairie where she was playing around with the toy and I stood up from my crouching position ad put my hands on my back and stretched, looking at Julia.

"You only played around here, right?" She nodded. "That's strange," I mustered, looking around me. "She didn't cover much ground." I then turned to look at my daughter, who was moving the flowers aside and ruining the greenery. "Julia, just give up. I'll buy you the same one on the way back," I suggested.

She narrowed her eyes at me and kept searching. "I want that one," she protested.

"We can't find it, so there's nothing we can do," I retorted, sighing at her persistence.

She didn't respond, so I closed my eyes and walked back to sit under the tree. Once sitting, I closed my eyes to rest when a nostalgic feeling washed over me and my eyes snapped open, a gasp escaping passed my lips. I gazed over to my right and then to my left and stood up, pointing down the rocky path we took earlier.

"Julia!" I called out to her, and she craned her neck to stare at me. "I'm going to take a walk that way. Don't move, okay?"

"Okay!"

And with that I began to walk. I wasn't sure where I was heading, but I had a premonition and it felt strangely odd. I began to pass by some houses, the sun setting already. What is this? I asked my self. I know this place?

Biting my lip, I stopped at the top of a small hill when I saw an elderly woman sitting on a wooden bench, staring off into the horizon. The elderly woman stood up, a soft breeze passing by as she did so. A smile adorned her face and she walked towards me.

"You're Elijah Goldsworthy, am I correct?"

I let out a breath I didn't know I had and I blinked at her. "Ah…yeah. You know me?" I asked quite rudely at her.

"Yes. I do." She bowed her head at me in a soft way and the looked at me once more. "My name is Hazel Goldsworthy. "

"Goldsworthy?" I breathed out.

"I'm your father's mother." I gasped at this and she turned to look at the setting sun and continued. "I received a call from Helen Edwards. She and her husband told me you'd come if I waited."

"So it was her plan all along," I muttered under my breath, my hands forming into fists and my teeth gritting together slightly annoyed at this fact.

"You've grown a lot," The woman said, looking at me.

I narrowed my eyes at her and she turned away. "We've met before?"

She bobbed her head in affirmation. "Right here when you were little. It was after your mother, Cece, passed away."

I bit my tongue and looked at the horizon and admired the birds flying in front of me and sighed. How I wished I were a bird to fly away form everything holding me to this world.

"Is Bullfrog still atoning for his sin?" She asked me this and I gave her a blank look.

I bit my lip. "No," I managed out. "He should be released from that hell hole and be living at home by now."

"I'm sure you went through an emotional rollercoaster." Her body turned completely so she could face me and my gaze stayed put at the scene in front of me.

"Not really."

"He was not always that foolish," she sighed. "Both Bullfrog and Cece were students so many people were against their marriage. Nevertheless, Bullfrog quit school and began to live in a small apartment with her."

I stared at her hard and long and noticed the parallels between my father and I. And it sucked that I had become just like him.

"Regardless," she continued, "it seemed he was having a great life. To live protecting the one he loved. That's all it took to make him happy."

I chewed the inside of my cheek, my eyes burning with agony as images of my marriage with Clare flooded my thought. I loved her. I love her. I'll never stop. And this feeling inside of me was horrible.

"Soon, Cece was pregnant with you. And you were born, treasured by everyone. But the happy life didn't last long." She turned to face the other side of the hill and I turned away from her as well. "Cece passed away in an accident. To him, it was an event too sad to recover from. But he couldn't let himself fall to the depths of despair."

By this point I felt as if she were telling me to get my self out of my imaginary world and to live life like normal again, but the thought was already too hard to process. How would I manage? How would I live with one kid without Clare? How would I live?

I turned to face her in a swift move and she turned around at the same time as me, and gave me a hopeful look. "Eli… He still had you to care for. He said he would raise you to be a man. That day you walked away holding hands. Do you remember that?" She asked as I turned around to look at the path I had taken moments ago to reach here.

"The days after that were the days he worked the hardest in his life. He was fired from many jobs ad moved from place to place," she explained in a dulcet, cracking tone. "Even then, he worked with you in his care. He would but you toys with the little money he had and gave you snacks. He sacrificed all his luck and chances for success."

I looked down at my feet, tears brimming my eyes as I remembered the moments with my father. How I'd play with one toy every day. How we'd walk under the falling snow to our new home. How he'd give me packs and packs of sweets to make me happy.

A tear rolled down my cheek and I scoffed as I continued to listen at my Grandmother. "At times, he was strict or violent, but it was all to raise you well. However, for your father, it was a very hard life. To relieve the pain from work, he indulged in alcohol. I heard there were times he was drunk and out of control."

I gulped loudly at this comment, remembering the time he swung his bottle at me, injuring my arm. I cursed at this and bit my tongue harshly and she continued speaking, my shoulders shuddering lightly at the anger and regret boiling in the pit of my stomach.

"Even so, he chose to live with you. And by the time you had grown and could live by your own way, Bullfrog had lost everything. Work, faith, luck, friends. Everything. I heard you're in a situation similar to his right now. It is a painful situation. But that's why I wanted to tell you this story," she told me, and with that I turned to face her.

"He often bought me snacks," I acknowledged. "We'd go on walks holding hands." I chuckled at my own foolishness. "Why did I forget about all of this?"

"Elijah, do you think Bullfrog was a bad father?"

"No," I finally admitted. "I'm an even worse man than him. I'm standing on the same place Dad stood that day. Yet I'm weak… I'm pathetic."

The woman let out a light laugh at my remark. "So is he. He's weak, pathetic, and clumsy. Still, he did his best for you. I want to hold him as my pride and joy. He had many failures as a person, but I believe he was a fine father."

I nodded my head. "So do I. I think so, too." I gave her a smile and she grabbed my hands in hers and let out a soft cry.

"Thank you very much," She cried out. "I feel relieved." Her right hand reached up and cupped my face and I blinked down at her. "Eli, he tried too hard. It's about time he should rest. Could you tell him to come home?"

"Of course."

"Julia!" I called out to her, and she stood up in the middle of the prairie. "Did you find it?"

She only shook her head and kneeled down to keep searching. My grandmother let out a small gasp. "Is she your…?"

"Yeah. That's Julia," I responded, and my legs moved my body toward my daughter. Stopping in front of her, my shadow covered her tiny body, and she stood up and stared at me. "Have you been searching this whole time?"

She bit her lip and grabbed the hem of her long, navy blue dress. "Yeah."

"I see," I muttered, looking away, a memory from long ago flashing in my train of thoughts. I walked closer to her and knelt down, making her cock her head to the side. "You know… we might not be able to find the robot. So I'll but you a new one, okay?"

I saw her jaw drop a bit and she looked down at her shoes. "But… that was the only one," she argued.

"Aren't there more at the store?" I told her, and she shook her body.

"Because you picked it and bought it for me," she cried, clutching her dress in her balled fists.

"Huh?" I breathed out, blinking at her.

"It's the first thing… daddy bought for me."

She said this in such a way that made my heart pound loudly in my ears. She was looking at me in such a pure and innocent way and I felt disgusted of myself all of a sudden. My eyes were wide and I let out a small gasp. Then, it was my turn to look down at the ground.

"Julia?" I felt her nod next to me, so I continued. "Were you lonely?"

"Hm…" She nodded her head furiously and I could hear her nod.

"Did you have fun on this trip?"

"I did."

"I see," I mumbled, biting my lower lip and looking at her. "Julia… would it be alright for me to stay with you? I've been a bad dad for so long…." I trailed off, and she only looked at me. "I'll be working hard from now on, so would that be okay?"

She gave a nod.

"Really?" I said incredulously.

"I want to," she told me enthusiastically and I smiled at her but then frowned at her facial features contorting with emotions. "But today I lost something really important. Daddy…?"

"Yeah?"

"Um… well… Is it all right? I don't need to hold it in anymore, right?" I raised my eyebrows at her as her voice cracked along with my heart. "Helen told me that… places I can cry are the bathroom and in Daddy's arm," she cried out, and I nodded at her, tears brimming my eyes.

"Yeah…" I whispered. "Of course."

I stared at her, and she stepped closer to me, her small arms wrapping themselves around my neck. She was shaking and I could hear her sob into my shoulder. She was silent for a second and then she let free.

A sob escaped her lips and she cried out in agony, and my own tears escaped my sockets. I clutched her with my arms, and rested my face in the crook of her neck and she cried to her heart's content.

"I'm sorry…" I began to whisper. "I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry."

We were on the train going home once more, Julia was staring out the large window as the sun set behind the horizon. My eyes soften at her and my lips parted to speak out to her.

"Hey, Julia?"

She craned her neck my way with a smile.

"Do you want to hear about Mommy?" She nodded and I patted the seat next to me. "Come over here," I said, and she pushed herself on the floor of the train and jumped on the seat next to mine and stared at me with an anticipated look.

"Let's see," I sighed out, my shoulders slouching. "Mommy was someone very emotional sometimes. When we first met you could really read her like a book. She would always put up a fight with Daddy, but a childish one. And guess what she'd call me? Annoying. That was her habit most of the time. The other was that she would close her eyes and think of things she wanted whole-heartedly. That would cheer her up with courage. Helen and Randal were going through some rough times back then so she had to rely on me most of the time. She would always come to me and she would talk nonstop. That's the kind of person Mommy was," I breathed out, looking down at Julia.

"And…" I continued, but failed. The tears were caught in me eyes and my breath hitched as I scratched the side of my head and my lips quivered. "Ah, um… And Mommy, she…"

And the tears came crashing down on me as I whispered her name over and over again. Her curly hair was still in my memory. Her blue eyes. Her vanilla scent. He curves, her warmth, her softness. It was all engraved in my memory and it would never leave me.

Isn't that right, Clare?

Julia jarred me out of my trance by pulling on the sleeve of my shirt and she was crying, too. I smiled down at her and wiped away her tears with the back of my hand. "And why are you crying?" I said, wiping away my own tears. "All right, I'll continue," I said, with a large smile. "Mommy wanted to become a writer at the time…"

Clare, I found it.

I got a hold of Julia's hand with mine and gave her a soft smile, and she giggled up at me, her eyes sparkling with delight.

I've finally found it. Something only I can protect. Something that can't be replaced that I have to protect.

It's… right here.

Fin.