Bella's POV

Yesterday I held my baby for the first time in months. And I actually left the house with Edward. It was a crazy day. I still love him so much and I realize how much I miss him now. So I felt that much guiltier when I ended up with Jasper today. I really went to tell him it's over, I want to fix things with Edward and I can't do from his bed. But he told me he loves me and even though I don't love him I felt so bad, like I've been leading him on and one thing lead to another.

I'm a slut and a cheater and a terrible wife and an even more terrible mother. I have to tell Edward about Jasper. Even if he leaves me over it, he has to know. Maybe if he can forgive me it will give me the strength to actually end it. But he'll probably just leave me and take my kids away from me. Rosalie will raise them and they'll all be happy. Rosalie is already raising them anyways.

Suddenly I feel so overwhelming guilty I get out of bed, get dressed and run home. Jasper tries to stop me but I just run. I go inside, straight to my office, ignoring Cora trying to get my attention, and break down. I cry and scream and throw stuff at the walls. I don't want to lose Edward and I don't want to lose my kids.

Rosalie knocks on my door and when I let her in she tells me I'm scaring Cora and Jason. Because that's what crappy mothers do. They throw fits and scare their children. I tell her I'm sorry and shut the door and cry, but quietly. After what seems like hours later, I finally get up and walk out.

Cora and Jason are sitting on the couch watching Toy Story. As much as I hate that movie I sit down in between them and pull them both as close to me as I can and watch it with them. This is the most time I've spent with them in months. After the movie we sit and they talk and talk about everything in their lives and I learn so much.

Rosalie calls them for dinner and they ask me to come eat with them. I absolutely hate Rosalie's cooking but I can't tell them no when they look so happy just to be near me. So I suffer through dinner of baked fish and steamed veggies. I feel like a guest at the dinner table.

"Rosalie, I can take it from here tonight. Why don't you go out or something? I'm sure you would like to see Emmett somewhere besides your room…" And then I feel bad because I realize she never has any time off. She looks worried but she finally calls Emmett and he picks her up. Cora and Jason flip out when she leaves but I promise them cookies and they settle down.

Addie wakes up from her nap soon after Rosalie leaves and starts screaming when I go in her room. Too bad I can't just give her a cookie. Then it occurs to me I actually have no idea what she does eat. I know she takes bottles, but is she on any solids yet? Holy crap I am in over my head. I pick her up and start singing to her again and just like yesterday she goes from crying to laughing. I should be offended.

I take her downstairs where Cora and Jason are finishing their cookies and Edward has just come home. This is the second day in a row he's been home at a decent time. Maybe he really is trying to change. I wonder what's going to happen after I tell him about Jasper.

"Where is Rosalie?" He asks concerned.

"Um, I told her she should go out. She hasn't seen Emmett in a while; we keep her here too much. I really think we should give her some set time off. Do you have any idea what Addie eats?" He doesn't .

"After this nap she eats a bowl of mushy fruit and a bowl of mushy veggies. Rosie mushes it and puts in the fridge." Cora tells me. Of course Rosalie wouldn't give her jarred baby food.

I sit down to feed Addie and Edward takes Cora and Jason upstairs for their bath. Maybe we can actually do this. If only I didn't have to tell him. I have to tell him tonight, I can't keep on wondering like this, it will kill me.

Edward's POV

I left work at a decent time today once again hoping to spend time with the kids before bedtime. I get home to find Cora and Jason with tear streaked faces eating cookies and Bella coming down the stairs with Addie. I'm thinking something must have happened with Rosalie but Bella tells me she let her have the night off. This is a huge step! She asks me if I know what Addie eats and when I have no idea Cora tells her what she eats and where to find it. We obviously have a long ways to go.

While she feeds Addie I take the kids upstairs to give them a bath. I end up just as wet as they do, but we had a blast. I feel so bad for missing out on all this stuff. After their bath I get them ready for bed and we all go downstairs where Bella is cleaning Addie up and we watch TV until bedtime for Cora and Jason. I play with Addie while Bella takes them to bed. It takes a long time probably because she has no idea what their bedtime routine is. Finally she comes down, takes Addie and sits down on the far side of the couch from me. She looks guilty and scared.

"What is it Bella?" She's scaring me.

"I have to tell you something. And I'm pretty sure you're going to kick me out or leave me and take the kids away from me and I don't want to lose them or you but I deserve to." She has tears rolling down her cheeks and she keeps wiping them away like I won't notice.

"I know about Jasper." Even though she's cheating on me I hate to see her suffer.

"How? When?"

"I saw you once, coming from there. And then I asked Rosalie and she played dumb and I threatened to fire her so she told me everything. This was a couple of months after Addie was born. How long has it been going on?" I'm not sure I want to know but I need to.

"Since a few months after Rosalie started." Well at least Addie is definitely mine. Though I never seriously considered her not being the thought had crossed my mind. "How do you still want to be with me?"

"I abandoned you Bella. When you needed me the most I threw myself into my work. Do you love him?" I don't know if I can handle it if she actually loves him.

"No. And I'm not going back to him. I was with him today. And I realized how much I have to lose. I promise you I won't go back to him. I only want you. I'm so sorry." I hope she can keep the promise.

"We should move. That way he won't be right there. That has to be hard. We can move anywhere you want to go. I can get a job anywhere." It's the perfect solution.

"What about Rosalie?"

"She's just the nanny!"

"Tell that to the kids. Neither of us have been there for them, do you really want to take away the one person who has?" Well when you put it like that, no.

"Maybe she can come with us?"

"She won't leave Emmett, he's in school here. He's almost done." She knows more about Rosalie than she does the kids.

"You can trust me Edward, but if it makes you feel better maybe we can just move neighborhoods or something." Right I can totally trust her.

"I don't know Bella. Let's just see how it goes." Then Addie starts crying and we're done talking. We just sit on the floor with her like we did last night and play with her until she seems tired. Then I take her upstairs and rock her to sleep. When I get back downstairs, I'm hoping to spend the evening with Bella but she's in her office.

But we've made some progress in just a day. That's a good sign. I think holding Addie yesterday really did something to her. And watching her be a mother really did something to me. I want my family to be OK and I will do whatever it takes to make it OK.