Disclaimer: I don't own Icarly.
Author's Note: The fifth reviewer for the last chapter was Kpfan72491, and she got to write the first line of this chapter, so the first line gets credited to her.
Ring, ring, ring. Dang it, Spencer; answer. Please.
Ring, ring rin- "Hello?"
"Spencer!" I was supposed to sound relieved, but when it came out of my mouth, it sounded a little panicky. I didn't know why I was calling; I didn't have a reason to call, but he's the only person I could talk to. He was the only one who knew.
"What's wrong? Sam?" He was concerned.
"Nothing, I'm just," I hesitated, "I'm not trying to bother you. You probably don't even want to have anything to do with it; nobody would, not even me. And if I were you, I wouldn't want anything to do with it, but you are the only person that I actually can talk to, and-"
"Sam, take a breath," He commanded, "Want me to pick you up?"
"I have a car." I said, "but I don't want to drive. I'm at the doctors for that "baby" appointment, and I can't do this. I just… ran out, and… and I don't ever want to go back in."
"Sam, you have to." He paused, "Look, I'll be there in a few minutes, it's the one on Sutton street?"
"Yeah." I said in a weak voice.
I didn't want to go back in, even though I knew I had to. I needed to know what to do, what to be prepared for.
I sat in my car. Well it was actually my moms beat up old car. I think my mom took my Porshe back, unless she's just using it for herself. I wouldn't know. I don't stop home too much.
It smelled like beer, and it made my head spin.
I might throw up again.
As I waited, I thought.
Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't think about anything but that. I couldn't go 10 minutes without thinking about it. When I talk to Freddie, I don't even feel like we are close anymore. It's like we aren't dating. I still act like I love him, because I really do love him, but if I can't tell him this, I feel like I can't tell him anything. I can't look him right in the eye for more than two seconds, anymore. I feel so detached from all our conversations and kisses. I used to feel something strong there, but now there isn't much. I don't love him like I used to. I wish I did, though. I really wish I did. It's all this damn baby.
And me. This wasn't his fault. This isn't the baby's fault. It's mine. Freddie could be here right now, holding me hand, kissing me, and I could love him. Everything could be okay, or at least a lot better than it is. And it's all because I think I can do everything on my own. Well I can't. I need Freddie.
I didn't realize I was crying until there was a loud knock on the window.
Spencer was wearing a sweater that was getting drops of water on it as the rain came down more.
I didn't even know it was raining.
I quickly flung the door open, and hugged him, getting wet as soon as I stepped out.
He was surprised at first, but then hugged me back.
"Let's go back inside, Sam."
"No."
"You have to."
"I want an abortion!" I shouted, "I can't have this. It's ruining everything!"
He grabbed my arm lightly, and tugged my to the building, "You don't want an abortion. Even if you swore to me you did, you wouldn't. Even if you signed papers, had everything ready, I know at least at the last minute you would change your mind. You couldn't do that."
"I can, and I will. I can't look at Freddie in the eyes, I can't even love him, anymore because of this."
"And that's your own fault, not the baby's. I know Freddie. He would be here right now if you told him. He wouldn't love you any less. He told you that, didn't he? He was probably concerned about you. And you know what I think you did when he asked? You lied. And now everything is supposed to be better, but it's not. Right?" He said, accusingly.
It scared me how dead on he was.
I looked up at him in disbelief.
"Thought so."
I didn't talk.
"So you know what you are going to do now," He says as he took me to the doors of the building, "Tell Freddie. Or I can."
I was still staring at him. How is he doing this? He can't tell Freddie!
"Spencer, no! You can't tell him!"
"I can. And you are going in here and learning all the things you have to know for pregnancy."
He got a good look at me, and then his face softened, "Look, I'm not trying to betray you. I'm helping you, and you will thank me later."
I started to tell him I would never thank him, but then knew that he was just being the parent I never had.
I didn't thank him, though.
"I'll tell him." I promised him.
"Good."
I walked into the building and he followed me. We told the crabby lady at the desk to get the nurse back, and she ran off to get her. Spencer put his hands onto the counter, "It will all be okay, Sam."
"It won't. I know it." I frowned, and looked at the wall. I didn't even want to look at him. I didn't want to be here.
"Sam," the nurse came down the hall, "why did you run off?"
"Nerves." I mumbled, and looked at Spencer.
He walked over to the hallway. He wasn't going to sit in that waiting room. There were either men with their wives, but none by themselves. He stood out in the hall.
The nurse took me back into the room.
I spent the next half our listening to her lecture me about the do's and don'ts of pregnancy, and she told me what I had to expect eventually.
I was glad I came back, though. At least now I know what's going to happen. She even told me about your water breaking and going into labor. That sounded horrifying, painful and disgusting, but the look on my face made her laugh.
She gave me pictures of the baby. I didn't really get a good look at them.
It was so small, but it will get so big. And I was scared of that. How does it fit in your stomach?
I showed them to Spencer, and he grinned at me. I sighed.
Now I had to tell Freddie.
Later
Freddie. Look, I'm sorry I never told you. I was scared, and I didn't want to ruin your life too. I hope you don't hate me. –Sam
I scribbled the words onto a piece of paper, and taped it to the pictures of our baby.
I stuck it under his door, and knocked.
I calmly walked back to Carly's. Thank god she wasn't home.
"I stuck the pictures under the door." I told Spencer.
"Good. Trust me Sam, you won't regret doing that. You won't live in a lie anymore."
"Yeah." I said, plainly.
"I'm going to get a smoothie. You want one?"
"Sure, Blueberry Blitz."
"Okay." I reached into my pockets, and looked up to Spencer, "Do you have any money?"
He laughed, and handed my five bucks.
On my way down, I ran into Freddie.
My heart sped up, and I hesitantly said, "Hi."
He smiled back half- heartedly, "Hey, can we talk?"
My heart stopped, but then, "Sure."
He leaned against the back wall, "What's up with you lately?"
"Me?"
"No, the man with the gorilla mask behind you." He said, sarcastically.
I sighed, but didn't answer. What should I said, Maybe the answer you are looking for is right upstairs underneath your door.
Huh, rhyming was never my intension, but alright.
"I mean, you've been really out of it. Are you… mad at me?" He asked, a little confused.
"Mad? No." I wanted to smile.
"Maybe, if this relationship isn't working…" His voice trailed off, a little upset.
My throat tightened. No Freddie, don't leave me.
"No!" I grabbed his arm, "Look, Freddie… I don't want to end this."
"We don't have to end it, really. I mean, you'll always be my best friend, even if you are my girlfriend. Even when you aren't my girlfriend, I'll be your best friend. I'm just thinking, maybe we were better as friends." He said, a little uncertain as to what he was trying to get to.
"Wait…" My heart dropped, "you're breaking up with me?"
He looked guilty, and sad, "It would have happened anyway. This relationship with us just wasn't meant to be I guess. I think it's been heading down this road for a little while."
"Freddie…" No. I can't let him go, especially since- oh god.
"I know you were meant to be in my life Sam. I think I knew that since day 1. Just not this way. Look, I'll see you for iCarly rehearsal tomorrow." He tried to smile.
"Umm…" I stared with pleading eyes. My hands were shaking, "Okay."
He looked a little upset, but he headed up stairs.
Oh no.