Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

8 Weeks Pregnant

A few days later

Freddie's hasn't been the same for the past few days. He smiles a little, but it's not that smile. He laughs, but it's not his. It's kind of like how I felt in the beginning.

We were in his room. The first time I really got alone with him since he found out. It's been a little hard, waiting for him to come around. I knew he would, though.

I told him that Spencer knows, because he found out on his own. He was a little bugged that even Spencer knew before him. I told him Carly didn't know and I didn't want to tell her.

"So you've been keeping secrets from her, just like you have me?" He asked, dully.

I know we won't get past this for a while.

"What did you think? I'd tell her and not you?"

"You told Spencer and not me." He pointed out.

"No, Spencer found out."

He sighed, "Look, before it ruins your friendship with Carly like it did…"

He stopped himself, but I knew he was going to finish with, Just like it did ours.

I cringed, "You think I should tell her?"

He nodded slowly, looking at the wall. He's been really unfocused lately.

At iCarly rehearsal the day after he found out he was just out of it. He couldn't even remember how to work his camera. I thought he would lose it and throw it on the ground just like he did the vase the day before.

At first, he didn't want to talk to me that much. He didn't want to talk to anyone that much.

"So, you found out over a week ago?" He asked, sadly.

I was never going to get over the guilt. Every time he talks, it just hits me right in the chest. It made me feel worse and worse each time, and I couldn't do anything about it.

"Yeah..."

"Even after I asked you if you were pregnant… you just… lied?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, and cleared my throat.

"I don't know if you've noticed… but I tend to think I'm a lot stronger than I really am. But that's not it. My life was already complicated, and if I just put this whole thing into your life… well I didn't want it to screw yours up, too. You have grades to think about, and I don't. You have college to think about, and I have no idea what I'm going to do when I get out of school. You can have a great job… a great life, and I'm just stuck. I don't want to distract you and throw you off track a just mess up everything because of me. There were a lot of time when I really thought I would tell you, but I kept thinking about the things that can happen. There were good thoughts, and then I thought all the bad things that could happen if I told you. How it would affect you. I'm not trying to make me seem like the good guy, because I know what I did was really wrong, but I want you to understand that I was thinking about what would be best for you. Maybe I thought wrong, but I was trying to do what I thought would be best… and I thought I would be strong enough to go through this on my own, but I'm not as strong as I thought I was."

His eyes seemed sympathetic, and he shook his head, "You can do whatever you want with your life, Sam. You're not stuck, not now, and neither am I, so I appreciate how you thought about me, but I'm in this as much as you are. Just because you are holding the baby doesn't mean it's just yours to worry about. It's mine, too, so please… don't exclude me."

There was a quiet moment, and then Freddie cleared his throat and said, "You're not planning on… keeping the baby right?"

"No! Of course not! I'm seventeen. That would be stupid… not that we haven't already done stupid things."

"I don't think what we did was that stupid."

I looked at him, and he was serious.

"Well… that's not really what I mean. I just… wish those pills could have worked. I guess I took them too late. Or maybe just at the wrong time. I just wish I could erase everything that happened then; I wished we were perfect again. We are broken now."

"We aren't broken. There's just some rough paths ahead of us. It's life."

"Look, I don't think you are getting what's going to happen." I said, a little sharply. He doesn't know what he's going to be involved in. He doesn't want to be involved in this.

He looked up at me, a little surprised. I noticed he looked very tired. He probably didn't get much sleep in a while.

I sighed.

"Sam, I know what I'm getting into. I know this is huge, but I'm just saying we can get through it. Sure, we are seventeen. Sure, it might get worse, especially when you start to show. But, yeah, you are strong enough to get through this. You're the strongest person I know. You can't do it alone, though. You aren't broken, either."

I sat next to him.

I rubbed my eyes; I was exhausted, not just from all the stress, but I think it's one of those things that happen when you're pregnant. You sleep a lot.

"I just want things back to normal. Back to when I could laugh without crying on the inside, and back to when I could look at you, and not feel upset. I had nothing to worry about."

I saw Freddie flinch from the corner of my eye.

After a minute, he said, "Me too."

I closed my eyes for a minute, and next thing I knew I drifted off into a dream.

I was walking through the halls of Ridgeway. Everyone was always staring at me, and it was sad how I've gotten used to it. The only reason people used to stare was because I caused commotion, not because I was a pregnant girl. This was way worse. I thought my life was rough before, but I've never been wrong. I wanted my life back. I missed it the most.

The rumors were true. The ones that Heather started when I didn't even know I was pregnant. I thought it was so stupid, and that it would blow over when people realize I have no baby bump. But here I am.

I was so alone. Carly never wanted anything to do with this. I haven't talked to her in 8 months except for her calling me names in the hall.

You try to shrug it off, but it's actually hurting you deep inside whether you like it or not. Whether you believe it or not, it's still in your mind.

Now, I was with Freddie, but it was different.

He was miserable, and he was always being called names. He was flunking classes, and he was always so tired. He looked like he was thirty instead of seventeen. He should be a kid enjoying life. Driving around, going to parties. He couldn't though.

"I'm sorry, Freddie. Sorry, I made you stuck. You are trapped, and I'm so so sorry!"

I was suddenly being shaken, and I snapped out of whatever dream I was having. One minute I had it in my mind, and now I forgot about it. What was it even about?

"Sam! Sam, wake up!"

I opened my eyes, "What? What's wrong?"

"You tell me! What did you dream about?"

I looked around, and I was on his bed.

I wondered how long I've been here. Was his mom home?

He looked like he dozed off too; his hair was a little messed up.

"Sam, what'd you dream about?" He asked again.

I rubbed my eyes, "I don't remember."

"Well you were saying, 'I'm sorry, Freddie. Sorry, I made you stuck. You are trapped, and I'm so so sorry.' What does that mean?"

It took me a minute to think.

It sounded so familiar, and suddenly I remembered what I dreamed about.

"I don't know. I can't help what I dream about."

"Sam, just tell me. You usually dream about what's going on in your mind."

I shrugged, "I was just thinking… that once you're involved, than you can't get out. You'll be stuck; trapped."

I messed up his hair, frowning.

"Well, stop it. Stop thinking about me and start think about yourself, okay? I'm not leaving."

I'm not leaving.