Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.
Claimer: I do own Evyn Dolrson. Clearly.
Healer Evyn Dolrson was younger than Loki had been expecting. He had a pleasant, heart-shaped face and brown-sugar colored hair, pulled back to the base of his neck, a few loose strands pushed back behind his ear.
"Hello, Prince Loki," he said, smiling as Loki walked in. "Have a seat." He indicated the sofa across from him and stood. "Would you like a cup of tea?"
Loki hesitated. "No, thank you," he said, sitting down and eyeing the room.
"Alright, then," the man said. He poured himself a cup. "If you change your mind, let me know."
Loki nodded and tapped his fingers against is knee. Healer Evyn took a seat across from him and stirred his tea. "As I understand it, this is your first time seeing my type of healer, correct?"
"It is," Loki replied, eyes focused intently on the healer's left shoulder.
"Then there are some things you should be filled in on," he said, placing his tea on the table next to him, taking up the documents instead. "Before we begin, I need you to sign these. Take as much time as you need. This is less of an official session so much as an introduction."
Loki nodded and leaned forwards to accept the documents and pen.
"This is an agreement of confidentiality," the healer explained. "I've already signed it, as you can see. This is a standard agreement. I cannot relay any information you give me to anyone outside this room, unless you give me written permission."
"Not even to the Allfather?" Loki asked, looking up.
"Not even the Allfather," Evyn nodded, picking his tea up again. "He has requested I inform him of your progress. But he will not be informed of what you tell me or what happens during our sessions unless you yourself wish to do so, or give me permission to do so. The only thing I must tell him is if you tell me something that endangers yourself or others. But all this is in the contract," he said and Loki looked back at it, eyes flickering over the pages several times to absorb all the information. Finally, Loki sighed and bent over the table, signing his name.
"Thank you," the healer said. "This is your copy of the agreement," he said, handing an identical copy over. Loki accepted it and put it in his pocket. The healer then sat back. "Now, I suppose we ought to begin," he said, smiling. "You may call me whatever you like, be it Evyn, or Healer Dolrson. I have patients who call me 'Ev' as well.
"This is a safe place," he continued. "You can say anything without fear of me repeating it to anyone else. But for this to work, I'll need your trust."
Loki gave a mirthless grin. "I'm afraid I don't really do 'trust,'" he said. The healer smiled and shrugged.
"Regardless," he said. "I'll be honest to you as well. You may say whatever you wish. Our sessions will be an hour and a half. I have had sessions done completely in silence and as I understand it, you didn't exactly come willingly."
Loki snorted. "Not exactly, no," he agreed.
"Alright," the healer said. "Would you mind if I asked you some questions?"
"Do I have a choice?" Loki asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Of course," Evyn said and took a sip of tea. "As I say, this is a safe space. If you want me to stop doing something, tell me. Communication is key here."
Loki nodded, jaw clenched. "Ask away, then," he said, leaning back in his chair.
"Alright," the healer said, smiling again. "What would you like me to address you as?"
"Loki is fine," Loki replied.
"Loki, then," Evyn said. "What are you interested in?"
"Magic," Loki said.
"How did you start?"
Loki narrowed his eyes. "Why do you want to know?"
"I would like to get a feel for you," he replied. "I do this with all patients."
"Did Eir not tell you anything about me? Or Odin?" Loki asked, frowning.
"Eir told me that you were possibly suicidal and the Allfather explained to me the terms ot this..." He waved a hand. "Focusing on getting better, was it? Beyond that, I requested they tell me nothing." Evyn placed his tea on the table. "I t is important tome to get my own, unbiased opinion of you. Eir may be your healer, but everyone views everything in a different way."
"I see," Loki said, nodding. "What do you know about me?"
"I know that you're the second Prince of Asgard," Evyn said. "You were King for several days before the Allfather woke."
"And I presume you've heard the rumors about me?" Loki asked. The healer smiled.
"I live in the country, Loki," he said. "By the time rumors spread there, they are so skewed and twisted that they're more fantasy than truth."
He's intelligent, I'll give him that, Loki thought. He remained silent, considering the man. "I started practicing magic when I was about a century and a half years old, give or take a decade," he said at last. "I found some books on it, thought it was interesting and taught myself a few simple spells."
"What branches of magic do you prefer?" Evyn asked.
"I like to deal with illusions," Loki said. "I mastered them early on."
Evyn smiled. "What else do you like to do in your spare time?"
Loki chewed on his lip. "I like to read," he said.
"What kinds of things do you like to read?" Evyn asked. Loki's lip twitched up.
"Books," he replied. Evyn's smile grew.
"Clever," the healer said, nodding. "What sorts of books?"
Loki hesitated. Was this some sort of joke? "It depends, sometimes," he said, picking at an imaginary loose thread on his sleeve. "But usually I don't care what the topic is." He paused again. "I like..." He hesitated and the healer waited. "I like knowledge," Loki finished, feeling idiotic. "I like... discovering."
Evyn nodded. "What's the most recent thing you've read?" He asked.
Loki shrugged again, looking at the floor. "It's not that interesting," he admitted. "I don't even know why I—" He shrugged again. Why was he so nervous? Why was he even saying any of this?
"Loki?" Evyn said. Loki blinked and glanced up. "You're in a safe place, alright? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. That's alright."
Loki nodded, feeling like a child. He hated it.
"What's on your mind?" Evyn asked. "You look a bit far away."
"Nothing," Loki said. "I'm not— It's nothing."
"Alright," Evyn said, picking up his tea again. "Do you like music?"
"Some," Loki replied. "Do you?"
"Oh, yes," Evyn said, smiling again. "I love music. I don't play an instrument, I could never find the time. But I quite like listening."
"I play a little piano," Loki admitted. Evyn raised his eyebrows.
"A good choice," he replied. "Did you teach yourself?"
Loki shrugged. "No, I had a teacher for a short while," he said. "But I stopped when—" He paused and bit his cheek. Evyn said nothing and waited.
"Thor made fun of me, for playing," Loki admitted. "He said it was too 'womanlike.'"
"But you still play?" Evyn asked. Loki nodded.
"Every now and then," he replied.
"Do you think it's womanlike?" Evyn asked. Loki hesitated.
"Yes," he said, nodding.
"Why is that?" Evyn asked. "There have been famous pieces created by both men and women."
"I know," Loki said. "It's just... Not manly."
"I see," Evyn said. He laced his fingers in his lap. "What else isn't manly?"
"Magic," Loki said immediately. "Not being able to fight. Preferring not to fight, tricking people, lying, being dishonorable..." Loki shook his head. "The list goes on and on."
"So not being able to fight is womanly?" Evyn asked.
"Yes," Loki said. Evyn nodded.
"Loki, I'd like you to make a list of everything that's not manly," he said. "Not this very minute," he added. "But when something strikes you, write it down. Next to it, I want you to write why it's not manly."
"Why?" Loki frowned. "I don't understand."
"Well," Evyn said. "You've just told me that not being able to fight is unmanly and thus womanly. Why is that?"
"Because—" Loki huffed. "Because it's true! Women tend to like battle less than men!"
"And why is that a bad thing?" Evyn asked, tilting his head. Loki remained quiet. Evyn took a sip of tea. "In my mind," he said, pulling the cup away from his lips, "there is nothing wrong with being a woman. Most are surprised that I am a man. I've been insulted for it, I've been called weak. This is, traditionally, a woman's job." He placed his cup down. "Things got easier when I realized that there's nothing wrong with being a woman."
"Well, of course there's not," Loki said, frowning.
"Then why are so called 'womanlike' traits looked down upon, yet 'manly' ones respected?" Evyn asked, raising an eyebrow. Loki didn't reply, looking down and flushing.
"I don't know," he mumbled. Evyn smiled.
"That's alright," the healer said. "And you don't have to keep a list if you don't like," he added. "That was only to get you thinking."
Loki nodded. Evyn leaned forwards. "Loki, you are young," he said. "And from what I've seen, you're intelligent. There are things that won't make sense now, but will later. We never stop learning, it's just a part of life."
"I know," Loki muttered. "It's just— People don't get it!" he said. "Magic isn't just— It's not just tricks," he said. "It's all sorts of things! It's power, it's strength, it's what I'm good at!"
"And that's why you use it," Evyn said, nodding. "Everyone has their own strengths and their own flaws. It's what makes us people."
Loki sighed. "IS there something wrong with me?" He asked. "People keep telling me I'm— I'm ill. I don't feel ill," he added under his breath.
"How do you feel?" Evyn asked. Loki's eyes flickered around the room.
"Time's up," he said, standing. Evyn turned to look at the clock.
"Ah! How time flies," Evyn said, smiling as he stood. "It was good to meet you, Loki," he said, walking him to the door. "I'll see you next time."
Loki nodded and left, starting to make his way towards his hall, but stopped and instead walked into the gardens, thinking hard and feeling very much like his brain had been picked at.
He felt like he was probably right.
Notes:
Thank you to everyone who reviewed/followed/favorited! I also want to mention that I've started my school semester, so I may not be able to post/write as often as I'd like.