I spent the whole night thinking everything through. We didn't convince Snow. The uprising in 8 proves that we don't have the numbers or force to stand up against the Capitol. People were dying. I don't want that violence to come to 12. To threaten Prim's life. We have to run away. It's the only choice I have left.
When dawn cracks through my curtains, I decide to go to the woods. I look out my window and notice Peeta's light is on. I'll talk to him when I get back. I slip on my leather boots and my father's old jacket, and walk out into the forest. My feet follow a familiar path. It's Sunday. I'm hoping my best friend is out here among the trees. I sit at our old hunting spot and drink hot tea from a thermos, watching the woods breathe. It's not long before Gale appears.
"Hi," he says gently, before taking a seat beside me on the rock where we meet. "I was hoping you'd be out here."
"Yeah, me too," I reply. I pass him the thermos and he sips from it pensively. He warms his bare hands on the metal, his jacket threadbare. He dresses his siblings, but with a family of five to care for, there is hardly anything left to barter to get himself clothes. I watch his fingers against the mug – scarred from our years in the woods, but strong, capable. Hands that have the strength and power to free coal from the earth, but delicate enough to set the most intricate snare. Hands I know. I dig into my bag and pull out a pair of soft leather gloves Cinna gave me. I offer them to Gale, who looks at them while attempting to conceal his contempt. "I don't want your fiancée's hand-me-downs," he replies bitterly, and I bury the gloves back in the bag. I don't know how to have this conversation.
"President Snow threatened to have you killed," I say, getting directly to the point.
"Anyone else?" he asks.
"Well, he didn't exactly give me a list, but I'm pretty sure both our families were included," I retort.
"Posy," he says.
"Prim," I add.
"Unless?" Gale leads. I look at him quizzically. "We'll be killed unless…"
"Unless nothing, now. I tried, but…" My words trail away from me. I've put his family in danger. I can't make up for that. I sit there in silence.
"Well, thanks for the head's up, I guess," he replies, brushing off his pants and standing. He's not taking this seriously. Or he's already resigned himself to defeat.
"I have a plan, you know," I add. We have to at least try.
"Oh really?" he says, giving me a devilish smirk. I shove his arm playfully.
"And those weren't Peeta's gloves. They were Cinna's," I say, trying to win back some points.
"Well give them back, then," Gale says, and pulls the warm gloves over his fingers. "At least I'll die in comfort," he teases, and I smile. "Okay, let's have it. What's the plan?" I start from the night Peeta and I were crowned victors. Haymitch's warning. The anger from the Capitol. The visit from Snow - how he knew we kissed. The threats. The murders in 11. The riot in 4. Seneca Crane's assassination. The red-headed Avox girl. The crowds, seething and furious. The unbreakable military base in 2. Peeta and my attempt to convince everyone we were in love. Our last-ditch effort with the engagement. Our utter failure. Gale doesn't interrupt, taking it all in. "I think we need to run away. Like we've talked about before," I conclude. Before I know what's happening, Gale spins me around in the air and I have to lock my arms around his neck so I don't fall. "Hey!" I protest, but we're both laughing too much to say more. Finally my feet find the ground, but Gale's arms remain around me, a smile overtaking his face.
"Okay, let's do it. Let's run away together," he says.
"Really?" I ask skeptically. I didn't think this would be so easy.
"Let's get out of here and never come back. I mean, it will be tough with the kids, but I really think we can do it. Are you sure, Catnip?" His eyes are hopeful.
"I'm completely sure," I affirm.
Gale drops his head and rests his forehead against mine. We stand there for a minute, bathing in one another's heat as the frigid early wind picks up around us. He smells like nature, like those winter days in the woods we spent together before the Games. Before everything changed. Gale's breath slows, and his voice drops to a hush. "I love you," he whispers, and presses his mouth to mine. I immediately push him away and he looks at me bewildered.
"I can't," I say, stepping backward.
"Why?" he persists, stepping toward me again. "Out there, you won't have to pretend anymore. We can just be us." I shake my head. I feel sick to my stomach. "Is this about Peeta?" he presses. I'm silent. "Look, you said yourself the engagement is fake. And I saw what happened last night."
"What?" I ask, the tone in my voice shifting to defensive.
"After the party was over, I walked up to your house to see how you were, but I saw the two of you out front. I saw you push him away," Gale says, reaching for my hand. "You don't have to pretend with him anymore. Once we run away, it can be different."
"I can't do this," I say, and he drops his hands from my waist, disappointment evident on his face. He turns away from me. I can't explain. Right now I just need to convince him to leave with me. If he stays behind he'll die. "All I can think about, every moment of every day, is how to keep you and Prim and my mom and everyone else I love safe. I don't have it in me to do this right now."
He sighs reluctantly. "My mother will take some convincing," Gale says, strain heavy in his tone. He's mad, but he's still coming. Maybe he thinks we'll figure it out once we are away from here.
"Mine too. But she'll understand. She won't want another daughter reaped." The mood has shifted between us. "Convincing Haymitch will be the real problem," I add.
"Haymitch?" Gale glares, turning back to me. "How big is this party you're planning?"
"I can't leave Peeta and Haymitch behind. Snow will torture them to find out where we are. They'll be killed," I argue.
"Oh so now your fiancée is coming too?" he spits.
"Stop calling him that," I say, frustration dripping in my tone.
"What about the Mellarks? His family will never come. I'm sure they'll be chomping at the bit to rat us out." Gale's tone is harsh. "And what if he decides to stay?"
"Then he stays," I say, but my cheeks are burning. I try to sound indifferent, but my voice trembles.
"You'd leave him behind?" Gale pushes.
"To save Prim, yes. I mean no. He'll come with me," I verbalize, my words a mess.
"And you want him to?" Gale asks, cold and quiet.
"Yes," I breathe.
"And would you leave me behind?" he says, his tone bordering on accusatory.
"Don't be stupid," I step back, giving myself air.
"If I can't convince my mother to drag three small children into the wilderness in the middle of winter... If I can't come, will you leave me behind?" he presses again.
"Do you think I'm kidding about this, Gale? Snow will kill you. All of you. He won't even give it a second thought. You are a pawn in this, and that's it. You are dispensable to him. Posy is dispensable to him. We have to go!" Anger seethes in my voice now. This is not about us anymore.
"Did you ever stop to think that maybe the president is just playing you, Katniss? Do you think he'd really kill you? Or Peeta? You are darlings of the Capitol. He kills you, there's no wedding. How would he explain that, huh? How would he stop the Capitol itself from rioting at his feet if he killed their precious star-crossed lovers?" Gale pushes right back, practically spitting in my face. I think of Peeta, bleeding on the ground. Watching him choke on his own blood. I think of holding him down while they cut his chest open. Gale has no idea what he's talking about.
"With an uprising in Eight, I hardly think he's wasting his time on my wedding," I cut back, venom in my voice. I instantly regret my words, but I can't pull them back. They hang between us. Gale stares at me.
"What did you say?" he asks. I shake my head. "What did you say, Katniss? What did you see?"
"They were rioting. Buildings burning. They were fighting back," I state. "People were dying in the streets, and it's my fault. For what I did in the Arena. Their blood is on my hands." My words grows weary. "I should have just eaten those berries and then none of this would be happening."
Gale's voice is gentler now, his hands reach up and stroke my cheek. He's touched me more in the last fifteen minutes than he has in the last fifteen years. "No, Catnip. You didn't kill those people. You gave them an opportunity. And they were brave enough to take it. There's already talk in the mines…"
"No!" I practically yell, pushing his hands away. "You cannot talk down there, Gale. It's not safe." I think of my father, buried in rubble, paying for his rebellious tongue.
"Safe? Nowhere is safe. And safe for what? Safe to starve to death? Safe to send our children to be reaped? This is it! It's finally happening. If they are fighting in Eight, then we can fight here!" Gale rambles in his excitement.
"No, Gale. You don't know what it's like out there. You haven't seen it," I insist.
"If I had, I wouldn't be running away. I can't do this. I can't leave, not when I can be a part of something. Not if the rebellion has begun." Gale pulls the gloves from his hands and shoves them back in mine. "I changed my mind. I don't want anything from the Capitol." He turns and walks away.
"Gale, your family is more important than some rebellion. You can't just abandon them because you're angry," I shout at his back. He spins around.
"Don't throw that in my face! I risk my life every day for my family. I work in the mines for my family. I'd die protecting them. But this is about more than us, Katniss. This is about more than Prim and Posy. We shouldn't have to live like this. You of all people should see that. And if someone is going to stand up, I'm standing with them. And you should, too," he adds before turning away again.
"I've already been in a war," I throw back at him. It's easy to talk about violence and death when you've never taken a life. Never been haunted by the casualties in your wake.
"You know this is the right thing to do," he whispers.
"I will not sacrifice Prim for it," I state bluntly.
"Well, then you are complicit," he says coldly, before leaving me alone in the woods. I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I can't see straight beyond the fire burning in my gut. I kick at the ground and break a branch under my foot. I give Gale a head start and my head time to cool off, but then I need rush back to my house. My prep team will be there soon. When I open my front door, my mother is already in the kitchen making breakfast. Prim must be asleep upstairs. She was up late last night. I need to shake off what just happened. Deep breaths.
"How's Gale?" my mother asks, assessing my attire. She knows I've been in the woods.
"Good," I say with forced apathy, slinging my bag on the counter.
"You were out with Gale?" Peeta's voice drifts in from the kitchen doorway. He's holding a plate of cheese buns, trying to act indifferent but his face betraying him. "Oh, I brought breakfast," he adds faintly, before setting the plate on the table and turning to go.
"Great," I mutter under my breath, and chase him outside, my mother following us with her eyes. "Hey, wait up," I call ahead, and Peeta stops, not turning around. I grab his hand and pull him back toward me.
"Katniss, I can't do this again," he mumbles.
"You're supposed to come get me, remember?" I push.
"Well, that's what I was trying to do, but –"
"Try harder," I say, and press my mouth to his. He immediately moves his mouth with me, his fingers sweeping up my cheek, knotting in my hair. I feel his lips caressing mine. His mouth is hot against the cold air. It's the first real kiss we've shared since we got home. We kiss slowly, deliberately, in the way that shows we know each other. We kiss to make up for lost time. This is not friendly, and it's certainly not private.
"You'd run away with me if I asked you to, right?" My voice is breathy between kisses, and I draw his bottom lip into my mouth with my teeth. Peeta is slow to open his eyes, a grin spreading across his mouth.
"Who's running? You and me? Prim?" He softens his kiss and pulls away to look at my face.
"My family. Yours, if you want. Haymitch," I list.
"What about Gale?" Peeta asks.
"Maybe," I answer noncommittally.
"Sure, Katniss. I'll go," Peeta says, giving me a rueful smile. "But I don't believe for a second you will."
"Then you don't know me at all," I reply, my voice biting. "Be ready. It could be anytime."
"I'll come," he says more seriously, and I lean my head into his chest in relief. "Wherever you are," he whispers, and I remember saying those words to him on the train. My room or yours? Wherever you are.
"Katniss, can Peeta come to breakfast?" I hear Prim shout down from her open bedroom window. I blush furiously as I step back from him.
"Can you come to breakfast?" I ask.
"Yeah," he replies, and he weaves his hand in mine.
"Good, because I think Prim is getting attached," I say.
"Oh. Prim is getting attached," Peeta says with coyness in his tone.
"Yes, and frankly I have no idea what she sees in you," I add.