Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.
Claimer: I own Evyn Dolrson. Clearly.
In this chapter, Loki is feminine and uses "she/her/hers" pronouns. Odin and Evyn do not know this and refer to Loki in "he/him/his" pronouns.
Evyn sighed as soon as the door closed behind Loki, slumping in his chair and rubbing his eyes. I need a drink, he thought and stood, walking over to the cabinet and pulling out a bottle and a glass, pouring himself a generous amount. He then sat back down and took out Loki's file.
Inferiority complex, he wrote, most likely stemming from brother (and father?). Adopted, possibly no aesir relation. Resentful of brother. Evyn paused, chewing on the end of the pen as he thought. Seems angry about the adoption being kept secret.
Evyn finished writing and sighed, closing the file and taking a gulp of wine as there was a knock at the door. He swallowed, coughed, and called "Come in!"
The door opened and Odin walked in, eye lingering on the drink. "Hard day?" He asked in greeting.
"A bit," Evyn replied, smiling and sitting up. "What can I do for you, Allfather?"
"You know what I want," Odin said. "How is he doing?"
Evyn considered. "You know, Allfather," he said. "I think we've make a breakthrough."
Odin sat back. "Explain."
Evyn sighed. "Well, he's starting to open up, which is good. I think he has a wound that has been festering for far too long. But we're beginning to clear it up."
"And how long will that take?" Odin asked.
"It depends on how long the wound has been there," Evyn said. "My guess is that it has been there for a long time. Therefore, it will take time to clear it." He took a sip of wine before looking into his glass, swirling the content. "Emotions are a difficult thing to understand, Allfather. Anger doesn't come from nothing, it is a secondary emotion. I've barely scratched the surface, but I have suspicions about the roots."
"What has he said?" Odin asked. Evyn looked up at him, a sharp look in his eyes.
"He has said enough," Evyn replied. "And that is the most I am at liberty to say."
Odin nodded and looked down. "You must think me a terrible father," he murmured. Evyn narrowed his eyes.
"You are both a King and a father," he said to Odin. "I have been neither and therefore cannot say how difficult those jobs are sure to be. But there are differences, Allfather. I'm sure you did the best you could." But if you ask me, Loki could have used his father more and his King less, he added in his head. He watched Odin for a moment before saying "Do you love him?"
Odin's head snapped up, an indignant look in his eye. "Of course I— How dare you suggest otherwise!"
"Then I suggest you tell him," Evyn said, standing. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Allfather, I've a book I would like to finish before I take my supper."
Loki woke in the night, still feeling like a girl.
Usually when she awoke like this, her body Changed into a more woman-like figure to match this feeling. Loki could generally Change back into a masculine form to avoid questions, but on the rare occasion, she didn't have the energy, or simply decided she didn't care enough.
With a sigh, she sat up and rubbed her eyes, glancing at the time. It was still dark out and she was still quite tired, so after glancing around the room, she laid back down, pulling the blankets around her.
After an hour, it became clear she wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep. She got up and pulled a blanket around her, shuffling from her halls and to Frigga's study, knocking on the door. She didn't expect Frigga to be there, so it was no surprise when there wasn't an answer.
Frigga was one of the few who knew Loki changed genders every so often. Almost in silence, Loki went into the study and closed the door behind her, leaning against it as she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as Frigga's perfume surrounded her.
She then went to lay down on the sofa, leaning her head on one of the soft pillows and closing her eyes, burying her face into it to breath in more of her mother's smell. Finally, she fell back to sleep.
It was often said that Loki's favorite place in the palace, besides her own hall, was the library.
This wasn't exactly the truth.
Though it was true she spent most of his time in the library, her favorite place was Frigga's study.
Frigga's study was really more of a parlor when one considered it. The walls were a light purple and though there was a desk, it was off to the side, the middle of the room taken up by two sofas facing each other, a short, long table between them. There were flowers arranged around and floor-to-ceiling windows that led out onto a balcony overlooking the gardens. There were bookshelves with Frigga's personal favorites, as well as the spell books she used most often.
Frigga knew of Loki's preferences for her study. When he was a child, she had placed children's books on the lower shelves of the bookshelf for him. He would come in while she worked to talk to her, or sometimes just to find some peace and quiet. Sometimes, though not as often, Frigga would find Loki curled up on one of her sofas, fast asleep. This has begun when Odin had told him that he was getting too old to wake them for his nightmares, or to say he couldn't sleep.
This was one of those mornings. Frigga walked into her study early in the morning—she was always an early riser—and stopped short when she saw the familiar bundle on the sofa, a foot uncovered from the blanket Loki had brought along.
Frigga gave a soft sigh, walking over to the sleeping child—for Loki was, in her mind, still only a child—and peered down, surprised to find a softer jawline. So it's a girl day, Frigga thought and hummed, leaving the child alone as she walked over to her desk, pausing only to put the kettle over the fireplace and open the curtains. The sun hadn't fully risen yet, so she lit several lights as well, glad when Loki only turned over and mumbled in her sleep.
Glancing at her, Frigga sat down and began her work, writing letters and signing documents that needed her approval. When the kettle chirped, she made tea, placing the teapot and an extra cup on the table for Loki to find when she woke. Frigga then went back to work.
An hour later, Loki gave a soft moan to warn of her awakening. Frigga glanced up and smiled, pushing her chair back and walking over to Loki.
"Good morning, my darling," she said. "How do you feel?"
"Mm 'sphm..." Loki mumbled and sighed. Frigga smiled and reached out, pushing Loki's hair away from her face, tucking it behind her eat and kissing her forehead.
"There's tea if you would like it, love," Frigga said, and Loki hummed, opening her eyes and blinking at Frigga a few times.
"Tea?"
Frigga smiled and said "Yes, love. There's tea."
Loki blinked and sighed, squeezing her eyes shut and pushing herself up into a sitting position. "Al'ight."
Frigga tried to hide her smile as Loki stretched, turning to pour her a cup of tea. She held it out to Loki, who accepted it and pulled her knees up to her chest, blowing on the tea before taking a sip.
"Are you hungry?" Frigga asked, sitting on the sofa how that there was room. Loki gave a nod and Frigga tucked Loki's hair back again. "I'll order us some breakfast then," she said and stood, walking to the door to ask a servant to fetch a tray of food. Frigga then returned to the sofa. "How did you sleep last night?"
"Mm-mm," Loki replied, shrugging and taking another sip.
"Did you have bad dreams last night?"
"Mm-mm." Loki shook her head.
"Have you been sleeping well?"
"Mm-mm." Another shake of the head and Frigga stroked Loki's hair.
"Then perhaps you should speak to Healer Evyn about it," Frigga said. Loki huffed and glared at her. Frigga raised her eyebrows. "Don't give me that look," she said. More gently, she added "That's why you have a healer, Loki."
Loki huffed again and went back to her tea.
When the food came, Frigga set it on the table and serving herself, handing Loki a plate. Loki peered at the tray, finding fruit, cheese, thin slices of meat, and breakfast buns, along with a pot of hot chocolate. Loki finished her tea and poured herself a cup, tearing the buns in half and dipping them in before eating them.
A few rolls eaten, Loki started in on the meat slices, ignoring the fork and eating it with her fingers. Frigga watched her eat, not bothering to correct the etiquette. Instead, Frigga abandoned her fork as well and ate with her fingers as well.
"Mother," Loki said, when she sat back, apparently finished. "Did you know that Alfheim has a community of jotnar?"
Frigga looked up at her in surprise. "I did, yes," she replied. "I've never met them, but I've known about it."
Loki didn't reply. "I'm not the only small one," she said at last. "Evyn told me that there are lots of them. They get sent to Alfheim because they can't survive the weather on Jotunheim as well. They're called 'smalls'."
Frigga watched Loki for a moment, unsure of how to respond. "Loki," she said at last, "would you like to go and visit?"
Loki's head snapped over to her, eyes widening. "No!" She said, her voice loud, but not shouting. "No."
"Why not?" Frigga asked, settling back, careful to sound genuinely curious and not reprimanding.
"Because..." Loki shuffled in place for a moment, chewing on the inside of her cheek. "Because... I don't want to. Not yet." Her eyes rest on the tray of what remained of the food and she groaned, closing her eyes and tilting her head to look at the ceiling.
"What is it?" Frigga asked.
"I forgot to take my medicine," Loki mumbled, turning slightly red. Frigga relaxed and smiled, putting an arm around her.
"You can take it a little later," she said. "Would you like me to remind you?"
Loki sighed and leaned into Frigga's embrace, nodding and keeping her eyes closed. Frigga kissed her forehead and murmured "Alright. I will."
Notes:
And with that, I have officially caught up to what I've posted to AO3. This is also officially the LONGEST fanfiction I've ever written and posted!
Also, I went back and edited the author's notes. Chapters where Loki is not masculine and using "he/him/his" pronouns will now state it at the very top of chapters.
Thank you to everyone who reviewed/followed/favorited!