Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.

Claimer: I own Winnfrid and Evyn. Clearly.

In this chapter, Loki is masculine and uses he/him/his pronouns.

Loki spent a lot of time thinking about Loptr over the next few days. He had no idea who, or even what it could be. And so it was that he found himself looking around for the name, poking around the library and records.

Nothing. There was nothing. Loki looked everywhere he could think, but there were no records that said anyone called Loptr ever existed.

It was odd, he thought, walking through the gardens. If Loptr had been so important to Odin, then why was there no record of him? Unless Odin had erased the records? But why would he do that? Loki thought and shook his head, heaving a sigh. It was a lovely day, now that he was thinking about it; autumn had begun not long ago and the leaves were just beginning to change. Loki was grateful for that, especially since the summer was really too hot for him. He much preferred the coolness of autumn and spring.

He wondered if it would snow soon.

"Hello, Loki," a voice called and he turned to see Evyn walking towards him. Loki waited for him to catch up.

"Hello, Healer Evyn," Loki said, then paused, eyes widening. "I have a session today, don't I?" The session was supposed to be in ten minutes. Evyn just smiled.

"Oh, don't worry," Evyn said. "I was just heading back. But we can have it out here, if you like."

"Alright," Loki said. They walked on and Loki chewed on his cheek. "I never finished my story, did I?"

"No," Evyn said. "Did you want to tell the rest of it?"

Loki hesitated before giving a nod. "Where was I?" He asked.

"You had said that it started when Odin announced Thor's coronation?" Evyn said. Loki nodded.

"And so I've told you what an arrogant ass Thor is," he muttered. Evyn smiled.

"Something like that," he replied and Loki flushed.

"Well, I went to Odin to try and tell him my concerns," Loki said. "But he wouldn't listen. He kept thinking it was a bid for power, even though I kept telling him I didn't want the throne..." He shook his head. "And so I had to figure something out for myself.

"I went to Jotunheim," Loki continued, not looking at Evyn to see his reaction. "I talked to Laufey and said I could give him an opportunity to regain the Casket of Ancient Winters. As such, the jotnar broke into the Vault the moment Thor was just about to be crowned.

"Thor was furious of course. He wanted right then to go to Jotunheim and demand answers. He and Odin argued and Odin won, saying that Thor clearly wasn't ready for the throne, which only served to make Thor angrier." Loki paused for a moment, bending to pick one of the flowers. It was beginning to wilt, but it as fragrant enough. He twirled it around in his fingers as they continued.

"And so I did what I always did, I suppose. I tried to calm him down, saying that I fully agreed with him, then reminded him that it was illegal to go to Jotunheim. Thor being Thor... well..." Loki sighed. "He saw it as a challenge. He got his usual gang of idiots together and asked if I was coming."

"And did you?" Evyn asked. Loki rolled his eyes.

"Of course I did. Someone has to save his hide," he replied. "I stopped a guard before we left and told him to get Odin, to tell him what we were set off to do. And then we head off towards the Bifrost. Story short, we arrived and Heimdall let us go. We reached Jotunheim and Thor demanded answer from Laufey, even though we were surrounded by frost giants. I tried to tell Thor that we should go, but..." Loki shook his head. "He just told me to 'know my place'."

Loki let the flower drop and looked up. "Why does he do that?" He asked, to no one in particular. "I'm- Shouldn't it have been next to him? My place..." He sighed and shook his head. "Anyway, when Laufey gave us the opportunity to leave, I accepted on Thor's behalf and right as we were leaving, a frost giant said 'run away, little princess' and I knew that blood would be spilled that day."

Loki paused and swallowed. "A fight began," he said, his voice shaking slightly. "One of Thor's friends, one of the Jotnar grabbed his arm and it burned. But when one grabbed me..." Loki stopped walking, his fists clenched. "It turned blue," he whispered. "I'm jotun."

And that was it. The crashing realization hit him once again and he sat down on a bench, hugging his stomach, fingers grabbing his tunic. Evyn sat next to him and Loki continued "We were in the middle of battle, so I couldn't do anything about it. But then Odin came and Laufey declared war. Odin took us back and he banished Thor and— and—"

Evyn placed a hand on Loki's shoulder and Loki took a deep breath, closing his eyes and sitting a little straighter, hands falling into his lap. "I'm okay," he said. "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Evyn asked, voice quiet. "We can come back to it, if you like."

Loki gave a laugh. "If I don't do it now, I'll never finish," he said. Evyn nodded and waited. Loki took one more deep breath. "I went to the vault," he said. "Over to the Casket of Ancient winters. When I touched it, I turned again. It was then that Odin found me and told me everything.

"He found me, you see, in a temple. Abandoned. Laufey's son. He took me so that one day he could unite the kingdoms through me." Loki chewed on his cheek for a moment. "But then he said that those plans no longer matter. But I was angry and I shouted and before my eyes, he fell into the Odinsleep, there on the steps."

Loki gave a slightly hysterical laugh. "Do you know what it's like, seeing your father collapse in front of you? I thought I'd caused it," he said, rambling. "Of course, I called for the guards and Mother later assured me that it had been coming for a while, that he was putting it off until he'd crowned Thor. But then I was crowned instead.

"Thor's friends thought I had stolen the throne, I think," Loki mused, looking at his hands. "I told them not to get Thor and told Heimdall not to let anyone through the Bifrost, either in or out. It was only a few hours later that they had set off and Heimdall let them go."

Loki picked at a loose thread. "I changed my mind," he mumbled. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Okay," Evyn said. Neither said a word for the rest of the session. When the hour and a half was over, Loki stood and walked off, making his way back to the palace.

Winnfrid smiled as Thor walked in, closing the door behind him. "Hello, Thor," she said. "What've you been up to?"

Thor shrugged, sitting down. "Not a lot, I must say," he said. "I've... been trying to talk to Loki. Still to no avail," he added and sighed. "I'm not sure what to do."

"Well, what do you want to talk to him about?" Winnfrid asked.

"His adoption," he said. "Mostly. I understand finding out about it upset him, but I don't know why."

"Hmm." Winnfrid crossed one leg over the other. "Do you have any ideas? When did he find out?"

"When I was... away, I suppose," he said, letting his head hang back to look at the ceiling. "I'm not sure. And he didn't say a lot when I returned, just kept repeating that I wasn't his brother." Thor huffed. "After a thousand years, he just... throws it all away just because he's adopted! And he won't even tell me why."

Winnfrid pursed her lips. "Thor, you mentioned last session that Loki was different from most other people. Could you explain how?"

Thor sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. "He's... Well, he's bookish," he said. "And quiet, though he's good at speaking. He's called a silvertongue for a reason." Thor grinned for a moment. "He's shy and sensitive and not very good at fighting with swords. He likes magic, which is strange since he's not a woman..."

"And why is that odd?" Winnfrid asked, raising an eyebrow. "Men in Alfheim and Vanaheim practice magic."

"Yes, but they're not aesir," Thor pointed out. Winnfrid paused.

"Except that Loki is adopted," she pointed out. "Is it possible he could be vanir or alfr?"

"I-" Thor paused. He hadn't thought about it. He then flushed. "You cannot repeat anything I tell you, yes?" He said.

"That was in our agreement," Winnfrid said. "Under law, I am restricted from telling anyone anything you tell me, unless I am given permission from you."

Thor nodded, leaning forwards, his elbows on his knees. "Loki's hermaphrodite," he said at last. "It's... He doesn't like people to know." He paused and said "Are... Are there any species that are... That have both...?"

Winnfrid raised her eyebrows. "Well, it's not unheard of in any race," she said. "But the jotnar are almost completely hermaphrodite, in which both areas of genitalia may be used."

"I see." Thor's face was burning and he wasn't looking at her. "Well, I don't know about that..." He fell silent for a few moments before sitting back again, suddenly, as if an idea had struck him. "Are you- Do you think...?"

"What?" Winnfrid asked, a curious look on her face.

"Could Loki be...? No, impossible," Thor dismissed. "He couldn't be... Could he?"

"What are you thinking, Thor?" She asked. Thor shook his head.

"Could- Could Loki be a frost giant?" He said, brows furrowed.

"It's certainly possible," Winnfrid said, nodding. "As I've said before, the jotnar are known to produce smaller ones, usually called 'Smalls'. They're more apt to magic, which is saying something, since the jotnar are already very magic based."

Thor continued to shake his head, not looking at her. Loki letting the jotnar in, Laufey falling into is trap, Loki telling him he wasn't his brother ("I never was!"), Loki using the casket, Loki not telling him what his heritage was.

"Oh, Norns, what have I done," Thor whispered, horrified. He stood and said "I- I have to go, I have to speak with him, have to- I'll be back later!"

He fled from the room, leaving the door open behind him as he raced down to Loki's halls, pounding on the door. "Loki!" He called. "Loki, I must speak with you!"

No answer. Thor opened the door and walked in. "Loki?"

He wasn't there. Huffing, Thor went to the library, hissing Loki's name as quietly as he could and still getting dirty looks from the librarian. He went to the gardens and growled, calling "Loki!"

"He's not here," a gardener grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"Then were is he?" Thor asked, hand clenched.

"Try the kitchens."

Thor glared. "And why would he be in the kitchens?"

"You'd be surprised," the gardener replied and Thor went off again. To his surprise, he found Loki curled up in the corner of the kitchens, reading a book. There was a mug of tea next to him along with an untouched bowl of sausages and peppers.

"Loki? May I speak with you somewhere more private?" Thor said as he crouched next to his brother.

"No."

"Loki, please," Thor said, glancing around. Loki glared at him.

"What do you want, Thor?" He asked, closing his book.

"Not here," Thor insisted. Loki huffed and put the book down, standing and following Thor out to the back orchards. When they were alone, Loki crossed his arms, as if to protect himself.

"Will you tell me now?" He said, looking irritated. Thor glanced around and leaned in.

"Loki," he said, suddenly nervous. "Loki, are you... Are you a jotun?"

Loki froze, his eyes widening. Thor hurried on "No one told me, I swear! I just... figured it out." Loki continued to say nothing, his whole body tense. Thor glanced at the ground and took a step forwards. "It changes nothing," he insisted even as Loki shuffled back. "I swear, brother, if I had known-"

"I am not your brother," Loki said, his voice strangely detached. "I'm not."

"Loki, we were raised together!" Thor said, taking another step. "We played, we fought together. Do you not remember that?"

"I remember a shadow!" Loki hissed, stepping forwards, his arms away from his chest now, but his hands curled into fists. "I remember being in the shadow of your greatness. I had to fight tooth and nail for every victory and even then you had to shove be behind you! How many times, Thor?" He continued, voice raising. "How many times did you tell me to 'know my place'? How many times did it remind all who heard that I wasn't as good as you! I only ever wanted to be your equal and you pushed me away even when I-"

Loki paused, straightening and backing away, clenching his jaw and fists. "My place should have been next to you," he said, his voice returning to a lower level. "I see that now. I fixed your messes once too many times and lived with the consequences of your actions. You may have gained 'humility,' or 'worth,' or whatever it was the Allfather sent you to Midgard for, but you lost a brother. Who's fault is that?"

Loki backed away a few steps before turning, heading back into the kitchens and leaving Thor to stare at him speechless.

Notes:

Wow, it's been a while. I kinda wanted Thor to figure out that Loki was jotun without anyone explicitly telling him. I also thought it was important that he ask Loki directly, instead of having Odin or Frigga confirm or deny his suspicions.

This is really part one of this chapter. I'll post another chapter either today or tomorrow. Thank you to everyone who reviewed/followed/favorited!