Chapter 22
"someday, when you are further, i'll take a deep breath and i'll grow stronger"
- paint me black, ben hazlewood and mali-koa hood
"Hey, sweetie. Can you hear me?"
Annabeth groggily tries to blink her eyes open, and immediately recoils at the bright white lights overhead. Where is she? She tries to roll over but she can't, and is instead hit by a wave of excruciating pain. Panic wells up in her chest. What's going on?
"Hey, hey, shh," the voice says, and Annabeth screws up her face in agony as she tries to open her eyes as again. The lights are too bright for Annabeth to make out anything than a dark blob hovering over her. "It's okay, sweetheart. You're safe. You're in the hospital. You were in a wee bit of an accident. Can you breathe for me, love? In, out, like me."
Hospital. Accident.
Suddenly, everything comes flooding back.
"There we go. Deep breaths. See, you're doing it!"
Annabeth breathes heavily through her mouth to stop herself from having a panic attack. There's still so much that her brain hasn't yet caught up with and she's learnt that in order to understand she'll have to sift through it and process it, sorting it into boxes so that it's easier to comprehend.
She hasn't even begun to think about what happened. She doesn't want to.
And she can't know. Especially is a hospital. She needs to get out of here as soon as she can. If she started screaming she's pretty she would be certified at least another week for severe trauma and psychological damage.
The light gets easier to bear now, and when Annabeth blinks her eyes open properly she can finally make out the person leaning over the bed. She's got a soft, kind face with green eyes and a long brown ponytail, and she's wearing a blue nurse's robe.
"Hey, Lois," she says warmly. "How are you feeling?"
Annabeth nods. "I'm okay."
"Is your leg hurting?"
It is, and it's hurting like hell, but Annabeth doesn't flinch. "Only a tiny bit."
"Good, that's good." The woman smiles and pushes some of Annabeth's hair out of her face. "Can I ask you some questions now or do you want to wait a bit?"
"Um. Wait, if that's okay."
"Of course." The woman stands up. "I need to go to attend to some other patients, but if you need anything just press this button" – she pointed to a button on the side of the bed – "and we'll send a nurse straight up. Is that okay?"
Annabeth nods.
"Wonderful. Don't be afraid to push it, Lois. If your leg hurts, if you need some water – anything."
Annabeth's mouth is dry. She swallows. "Thank you."
"It's okay, hon. I'll be back in around an hour. Do try and get some sleep – you've had a tough few days."
Annabeth presses her lips together in what she hopes is a sort of the smile, and the nurse walks out of the room. She watches her as she goes; her hair has been pulled back immaculately, but there are stray hairs hanging around the base of her neck and it is beyond greasy. Her wedding ring is skew, and she had bags under her eyes.
Annabeth closes her eyes. She knows it's because of her.
It's not every day you get two teenagers rushed to hospitals with bullet wounds.
But right now she needs to focus, because also right now she needs to get out of here.
With a groan, she tries to sit up. Her leg is has been wrapped up in bandages, and it feels like hell. She's not sure if they've taken the bullet out yet, but either way there is a hole in her leg and judging by the way the window shows nothing but blue skies she's going to have to swallow her pain and climb two storeys down with it.
So, you know. Fun.
She swings her legs over the edge of the bed. She's remarkably exposed, in just a hospital gown that shows a lot more of her back than she would have liked (she also notices that upon sitting up she is not wearing a bra, and she's not sure if it's the thought of someone cutting her overpriced bra off of her or the thought that she's going to climb down a building with zero support that sickens her), but she's going to be even more exposed when the nurses come back in and ask for guardianship, medical and legal details if she doesn't man up right now.
She grabs onto the bedpost and heaves herself up. She's in so much pain she feels like she's going to pass out, but she grits her teeth and bites back tears.
"Come on, Beth," she tells herself crossly. "You can do this."
Swallowing her pain, she hobbles over to the window and heaves it open, peering outside. She's on the second floor, but the drop doesn't seem to drastic, thank goodness. She won't be able to just jump, though, especially not with an injured leg. She bites her lip and turns to look at her gurney.
Well. Here goes nothing.
She ties her bed sheets together into one big rope, securing the end of it against the gurney leg. It won't hold at all, because the gurney has wheels, but it's wider and longer than the window so until Annabeth's weight bends it in half it'll have to do.
She considers tying the other end of the blankets around her waist, and then considers how terribly that could go.
With a deep breath, she nervously twists the bed sheets in her hands. She wasn't the best rope-climber back at the Society for nothing. She can do this.
She lifts herself onto the windowsill with a grunt of agony. The cast is so big and clunky it's almost impossible to wrestle herself out of the window without completely toppling to the ground, so with a frustrated sigh she drags the gurney over so she can haul herself on top of that and then delicately slide onto the sill. She sits there for a few moments, her hands becoming slippery with sweat. She wipes them down her nightgown.
"Think of Chiron," she says aloud. "Think of Thalia and of Piper and of the Society. You can get out of here. You've done it before. I believe in you, Beth."
Unsurprisingly, it doesn't make her feel much better.
Whatever. She's a badass. This should be nothing.
Hesitantly, and with her hands tight around the blanket, she starts sliding off the windowsill. The gurney jolts against the window frame, bracing against the walls on both sides, and Annabeth only hopes it holds. Her cast is weighing her down. She's been able to climb ropes with bowling balls tied around her ankles but so little time spent on training has weakened her – not by much, but by enough for her to probably only be able to hold herself, and not an extra ten pounds of bandages.
She closes her eyes and thanks heavens that her room is stationed around the back of the hospital, near the staff car park, so no one can see her. It's a hell of a relief. At least if she dies she won't mortally scar any innocent children.
Slowly, carefully, she begins to lower herself.
She doesn't go hand-by-hand. Instead, she just lets herself slip. Her arms have locked in position, her elbows bent, keeping her from becoming completely flaccid and useless and crashing to the ground. It's a shock reflex. Sometimes pain can become so unbearable that you'll freeze, and she's relying on solely that to keep her from dying.
The sweat from her hands slowly moves her downwards. She closes her eyes and hears her heartbeat slam in her chest.
It doesn't take any more than five minutes but to her it feels like a lifetime, and when her feet touch the ground she collapses. She's shaking, she realises, she's shaking all over, and the pain in her leg is so bad she can't even pick herself up off the ground. Instead, she just sits there, in her flimsy hospital gown, her hands scrubbed red and raw and her leg wrapped in a massive cast, and she starts to cry.
She sits there for what seems like forever.
And then suddenly, a big black van comes out of nowhere.
Instinctively, she freezes. She's sitting at the edge of the staff car park – this must be someone who works at the hospital. And it really doesn't look good for her, because she's wearing a surgery gown, has a bandage around her entire leg, and also there's a rope of bed sheets dangling from her window, fluttering in the wind.
She pushes herself up, even though her leg flares with pain. She's ready to run if she needs to.
However, something odd happens. Instead of the van finding a spot to park, it drives so it's right in front of her. Annabeth watches it warily – but then something in her chest swells when the door slides open and a woman dressed all in black comes out.
Annabeth eyes her suspiciously.
The woman walks up to her. "Hey," she says in a soft voice. "Are you Agent Chase?"
Agent Chase.
She hasn't been called that in a very long time. Annabeth's eyes well with tears, and she nods.
The woman smiles. "I work at the Society," she says warmly. "We thought you might need some help."
Annabeth stares at her pathetically. "How did you know where I was?" she asks, her voice wavering. She thinks she's going to cry.
The woman's lips twitch, and she taps the back of her head. "A tracking device."
Annabeth flashes back to her first conversation with Piper in the kitchen all those months ago, and suddenly everything just seems suffocating. She nods, too overwhelmed to say anything.
"What would you say about heading back?" the woman asks softly.
Annabeth lets her tears spill. "Yes, please," she whispers.
She knows that this is it. She's not going back to Marino. She's not going back to the Pat-Pad. She's never going to see Hazel again, or Leo, or Frank, or–
She whimpers.
The woman helps her into the van, sweeping her off her feet bridal-style to carry her into it because of her injury. It takes Annabeth's eyes a few moments to adjust to the darkness from the tinted windows, but when she sees Piper and Thalia sitting at the back, Piper still in her uniform and Thalia in her pajamas, she completely breaks down.
The woman stations her in between them, and Thalia puts her head on her shoulder and Piper grips her hand and through their silence they comfort her with just their presence. The van starts to move, and, with a hole in her thigh and her two best friends on either side of her, she drives away from the boy she loves.
Annabeth waits outside Chiron's office.
She doesn't really know how she feels yet. She's still waiting for feelings to return, if she's being honest. They haven't arrived yet.
The past two months have been a blur. She doesn't want to pick through them, because they've all been jumbled up like spaghetti, but somewhere between arriving back and reuniting with all her old recruits she wakes up one day and realises she hasn't felt anything for a while. She'll smile and laugh when Piper and Thalia visit her in the sick bay and she'll nod her head yes and shake her head no when nameless people in long white lab coats ask if she's in any pain or if she needs an extra pillow, but she hasn't really felt.
It kind of sucks.
Piper sits next to her. "How you feeling?" she asks gently.
"Okay."
"Chiron wants to see you. I can tell him no if you want."
"No, I'll see him."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
Piper helps Annabeth to her feet. She'll be on crutches for the next few months, which kind of sucks, but at least she didn't die. That's an upside, she reckons.
Chiron is sitting at his desk when Annabeth limps in. He gives her a soft smile as she lowers herself into a chair opposite him and closes the book he's reading.
"How are you, Annabeth?" he asks gently.
"I've been better. I'm okay, though."
"That's good."
"More questions?"
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
Everything's been okay lately. Just okay.
It's been boring and beige and okay and because okay isn't bad that's a good thing.
"Can you explain to me what happened?" Chiron asked.
"I told you. Luke made me choose between shooting Percy and telling him the Olympian secrets. I chose shooting Percy but I shot him in the arm. Luke shot me in the leg and I broke his ribs. I dragged Percy outside and we both passed out."
It helps when telling it in staccato. Annabeth has learnt to become indifferent about these things when you detach yourself completely.
Chiron looks her in the eye. "Is that all?"
"Yeah."
"Are you sure?"
"I promise."
Annabeth doesn't tell him how when she was pointing the gun at Percy's chest she realised she was in love.
"Annabeth," Chiron says softly. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
"Answer me honestly, Annabeth. You can talk to me."
Annabeth stares Chiron's shoulder. "I'm okay."
"Okay is not 'good'."
"It's not 'bad' either."
"Annabeth, talk to me."
Annabeth picks at a jagged piece of wood on Chiron's desk. "I'm okay."
"You're not, though."
She sighs and looks at him. "I promise. I'm just– tired."
Chiron doesn't look convinced but he gives a soft smile anyway. "Okay."
Annabeth nods. "Okay."
"You're dismissed, Miss Chase. Take it easy, all right?"
"I will."
Annabeth hauls herself out of her seat and starts limping towards the door. However, just before she's about to leave the room, Chiron calls, "Miss Chase."
Annabeth turns around.
He links his fingers. "You realise you have suffered severe trauma, don't you?" he asks.
Annabeth swallows. Her tongue is dry with words she can't say. "Yeah."
"Talk to someone about it, Miss Chase. I understand you have a reason for not going into detail and I don't blame you. I will certainly not push you any further than what you are comfortable with. But– don't keep this bottled up. It is not healthy, nor is it safe for your mental health. Talk to someone. Piper. Thalia. Anyone. Promise me that, Miss Chase."
Annabeth looks at this old man with old eyes, sitting behind an old desk in an old wheelchair that squeaks too much because of old legs that don't work anymore. She looks at him right in the eyes and thinks about how many students he's seen been driven crazy by psychopaths who stalked their dreams, how many students walked out of the door and didn't come back. When she speaks next, it feels like a promise.
"I will," she says.
Chiron nods. "Have a lovely evening, Annabeth."
He doesn't call her Annabeth a lot. Annabeth gives him a sort of smile, the first genuine one in a while.
"You too, Chiron."
And then she's gone.
Piper and Thalia are playing Monopoly when Annabeth hobbles into their room.
"Ha!" Thalia shouts, pointing down at the board. "You owe me one thousand, sucker! Pay up!"
Piper grumbles as she shoves the money into Thalia's waiting hands. "That's not fair."
"Ahh." Thalia flaps the money against her nose. "The smell of victory is sweet."
Piper pulls a hideous face at her.
"Hey, guys," Annabeth says, collapsing on her bed.
"Hey, Annabeth," Thalia says distractedly. "Pipes, do you own Mayfair yet?"
Piper ignores her and gives Annabeth a warm, concerned smile. "How was it?" she asks. "What did Chiron say?"
"He just asked me some questions."
Thalia pulls a face. "I'm sorry, Beth. That sucks."
"Yeah. I guess. It's all right."
"Not really," Piper says. She abandons her spot at the board and throws herself next to Annabeth, wriggling up until her nose is pressed against the warm space between her shoulder and her collarbone. "I'm sorry, Annabeth."
"It's okay."
"Piper, I rolled for you," Thalia says. "You landed on Oxford Street. Pay up."
Piper shuffles around and sticks her tongue out. "I quit."
Thalia gapes at her. "What? But I was winning!"
"Boo hoo."
Thalia rolls her eyes. "Boo hoo," she mimics, crossly throwing her money in the centre of the board. "I'll shove a boo hoo up your–"
"Anyway," Piper says loudly. She looks at Annabeth with wide eyes. "Are you gonna crash here? We can get out if you want."
"No, you guys stay. Thalia, come join us."
"I don't want to be anywhere near her."
"Thalia."
"Fine. Piper, you stay away, you big fat sore loser."
"It was Monopoly, Thalia!"
"Yes, and I was almost winning. You don't understand. She was on the brink of bankruptcy!"
Piper rolls her eyes. "Come cuddle us."
"I will." Thalia clambers on the bed and tucks herself up against Annabeth's other side. "Move up, Chase, I'm not a matchstick."
Obediently, Annabeth shuffles herself a little and Thalia wriggles around so her leg is thrown over Annabeth's hip and Piper's thighs and her hand is absently twirling one of Annabeth's curls. It's not very comfortable because the three of them are skin, bone and not much else, and Thalia smells of sweat and Piper is wearing a long dangly necklace that is pressing awkwardly into Annabeth's stomach, but it's them and Annabeth wants to stay here forever.
With, you know, maybe one other person.
Speaking of.
"I need your help," she says against Piper's head.
"There's a chute down the left side of the building," Thalia says. "You can put the body there. It goes straight into the bins. Just make sure to put lots of raw meat and rotten vegetables in afterwards to cover the bloodstains and the corpse."
"Not to hide a body, Thalia."
"Oh. Well, that's boring."
"What is it?" Piper mumbles.
"I'm going to meet Percy tomorrow, and I need you guys to help me sneak out."
Thalia stares at her. "What? Is that a good idea?"
"Probably not."
"Does he know?" Piper chirps.
"No. I–I need to talk to him about some stuff."
"You can't tell him you're a spy, though," Piper says, shifting so her chin is resting on Annabeth's ribcage. "You know that, right?"
"I–I wasn't planning on it. I just– I have to do, this. You get that, right?"
Thalia hums against her shoulder. "Yeah."
They lay in silence for a while.
"It's just– the last memory he has of me is me pointing a gun at his face," Annabeth whispers. "I don't want that for him. For us. There's not even an us anymore but– I just need to."
"You don't tell us," Thalia says quietly. "Not if you don't want to."
"No, I need– I need to." Annabeth sighs. Piper reaches out and laces their fingers together. "Luke – he made me choose. You know that. He gave me a gun and told me that either I could tell him the password and he would let us go free or I could shoot Percy, and if I didn't he would shoot me. But– you don't get it. There was– there was a moment where I almost– I almost told Luke the password."
"Oh, Annabeth," Piper whispers.
Annabeth lets out a sort of hysterical laugh. "I realised then that I was in love with Percy," she says. She thinks she might cry. "Right then. When I had a gun pointed to his head ready to blow his brains out, that's when I thought to myself, I think I love him. And – and it hurt. It hurt so badly, you don't understand. I don't– I don't even know if Percy's okay. I could have ruined him. He's a swimmer. He's– he's really good and I could have killed that, I could have destroyed something and he might never be able to swim again and it'll be all my fault. And I still love him, you know? But he hates me now; he has to. He almost got killed. I almost got him killed by a psychopath with a gun. You don't know how hard it is. I– I don't want to be a spy anymore. I hate it all. But I can't do anything about it, can I?"
Piper squeezes her hand.
Annabeth closes her eyes. "I need to see him one last time. Just to say sorry."
Thalia looks at her with round, owlish eyes. Sometimes Annabeth forgets just how intense Thalia's eyes can be. "You love him a lot, huh?" she says softly.
Annabeth swallows. "Yeah."
Thalia nods. "I'm so sorry, kid."
"It's all right."
"No, it isn't. And because of that we're going to help you get back your man."
Annabeth tries for a smile. She's crying a bit but she doesn't mind. This is the first time she's felt something for two months.
"Thanks," she whispers, and when Piper hums against her ribs and Thalia blows cool air against the skin behind her ear she knows they hear the sincerity in her voice.
hey guys!
sorry this one was a tad boring and probably a little dull BUT i feel like this kind of had to happen because i need to show annabeth's recovery (because, like. she had to shoot her boyfriend and also got shot and was confronted by a serial killer it is a bit much) so yeah i hope you liked it!
okay
now
let's talk about how FANTASTIC you guys are
your comments were all so beautiful! thank you thank you thank you i love you guys so so much your reviews were like the best things ever and i cried at like all of them literally thank you all so much for the amazing feedback! also none of you seemed to want me dead that much so that's also a plus
as always credit where it's due thank you to my girls Helena and Rachel aka The Best People Ever for being so wonderful and amazing and also to my gal Mariam for just being blimming amazing i love you guys xxxxxxxxxxx
(Also my sister wanted to say hi:
Hey guys, this is India, Mias sister and manager – or as i like to call it her sisager, also she doesn't think she has a manager but i know the truth! Anywho, ciaozers y'all!
yes that was her i cant believe i let her write that)
anyway! i hope you guys all have a wonderful week! please tell me what you thought and i'll see you guys all next Saturday! byeee xxxxx