Chapter 23

"if you love me let me go"
- this is gospel, panic! at the disco

"Everything is slippery and wet," Piper declares. "I've officially given up."

"We haven't even put the bleach in yet."

"Exactly. And I'm done."

Annabeth appreciates Thalia and Piper. She really does.

Except now they're being right pains.

She's trying to bleach her hair from brown back to blonde. When Annabeth had asked Chiron if he could buy some bleach for her, he had kindly suggested maybe letting the brown hair dye either wash or grow out to avoid doing any more damage to her hair, but Annabeth was adamant. She wants to scrub Lois right off of her. She never wants to see Lois ever again. And to do that, it's back to blonde.

"This is not a smart idea, Annabeth," Piper advises mildly. "Your hair is going to be so fried it's ridiculous."

"I got Lou-Ellen to buy me a bunch of quality shampoos and conditioners. The ones that are supposed to 'treat' and 'heal' damaged hair."

"They don't work."

"At this point I don't even care. I just want to be Annabeth again."

"I mean, fair enough," Thalia says.

Piper glares at hair. "You be quiet."

"What?"

"You're not the one with your hands balls deep in bleach."

"You're acting as if you've never bleached hair before," Annabeth tells her. "Which you have."

"Yeah, but it's difficult. And my hands feel weird."

"You're wearing gloves."

"Still."

"You do realise your hair isn't going to be properly blonde," Thalia tells her. "It's going to be white."

"I do realise that, yes. But white is closer to blonde than brown."

Thalia watches her, her head tilted. "You really want to go back to Annabeth, huh."

"I'm just so sick of Lois. And I'm meeting Percy today. I've lied to him enough." She nods firmly at herself in the mirror. "I'm showing him Annabeth. I don't care about anything anymore. I'm done with lying."

No one says anything for a while. Thalia sits in the bathtub suckling at a lollipop, while Annabeth perches on the toilet seat with Piper brushing bleach onto her hair. Everything smells of coconut oil, which Piper insisted she apply before the bleach ("to avoid completely burning your hair off your head," she had claimed) and Annabeth watches herself in the mirror as gradually the brown of her hair disappears.

Finally, Piper pats her head. "You're good to go."

"How long do I have to keep this in for?"

"Around half an hour. Then I have to tone it."

"Cool."

Annabeth takes the raincoat off from where she had draped it around her shoulders to avoid ruining her T-shirt. Piper twists her wet hair up into a bun and then snaps a shower cap over it, and then Thalia squashes up in the bath so Annabeth can wiggle in next to her.

"How are you feeling, pal?" she asks, rubbing her shoulder.

Annabeth nods. "Okay."

"You sure? How long has it been, two months?"

"Three."

"Three."

"It's gonna be okay, Beth," Piper promises, rubbing her leg. "I swear."

"I hope so."

"How's your leg, by the way?" Thalia asks.

"It's good."

"You still need crutches, though."

"Yeah."

Piper gives her a disapproving look. "That means you bring them with you."

"Yeah, yeah. Of course."

"Don't give me that, Annabeth. Promise me."

Annabeth smiles at her and squeezes her hand. "I promise I'll take my crutches."

Spoiler: she doesn't.

Annabeth feels like she's going to throw up.

Which is chill. Totally chill. You know. Just a tad nerve-wracking.

She knows that the chances of someone from Marino recognising her are very, very slim, but as she walks down the road towards her old school she still feels an irrational sense of anxiety. She hasn't been here in so long – in fact, the last time she was here she was a completely different person.

She left as Lois and is now returning as Annabeth. It's more than a little bit terrifying.

She has to limp as she moves. Despite having the bullet removed from her leg more than three months ago, her leg still hurts. Probably always will, too, as if she needed yet another reminder of one of the worst days of her life. But she couldn't bring her crutches because sneaking out of a spy base wielding two clumsy sticks isn't really that subtle at all.

Besides, it's some sort of physiotherapy, right? She's exercising her muscles, you know. Getting them working.

She can already hear Chiron scream at her.

Annabeth has timed this perfectly. She knows that she won't be able to sneak in the building during school hours, so she decided to wait until the day was over. And she's done it perfectly. She's only a few metres away when the doors open and kids start to spill out, at first a huge flood of the ones who want to get home immediately, and then a slow trickle of the rest of the school as they idly meander down the steps to their bus stops.

Annabeth is so wrapped in the feeling of nostalgia and sickness at seeing her old school that she doesn't pay attention to where she's going and accidentally bumps into someone.

"Oh!" the person exclaims. "I'm so sorry."

"No, don't–" Annabeth's voice dies in her throat when she looks up at none other than Hazel Levesque. Hazel is smiling politely at her, her dark cheeks dimpling on one side, but there's no familiarity in her eyes. She's talking to a stranger and Annabeth feels her chest constrict. She swallows. "Don't worry," she finishes lamely. "It was my fault."

Hazel beams at her, a wide easy smile that makes Annabeth's heart ache, and then heads around her and starts to walk off. Annabeth almost calls after her, but then she thinks better.

She doesn't deserve Hazel's friendship anymore, not after all this time she's lied to her. Hazel is part of a life that died the second she climbed out of that hospital window, and she's going to have to accept that in order to get rid of Lois Watermann she's going to have to get rid of Hazel too.

She blinks back tears as she watches her walk away.

Come on, Annabeth, she thinks. Get it together, girl. You're so close now.

She takes a deep breath and then turns back to look at Marino. She can spot so many faces – Drew, Nancy, Silena, Frank, Leo – and it's almost enough to set her off again but then she catches sight of Percy and everything crumples.

He's talking to Jason Grace, leaning against the wall. His hair is longer and shaggier and he has shadows under his eyes, and his arm is in a loose foam sling that Annabeth knows means it's almost completely healed, but he's laughing and smiling like he doesn't have a care in the world.

But he does, and Annabeth can see it in the way he moves, and the way he accidentally jars his shoulder and winces. Just like her leg, his arm will always be a bit funny for the rest of his life. It'll always be a reminder of her and she hates herself for it.

Slowly, she walks up the steps towards him.

No one stops her. She doesn't think anyone cares. It's the end of the day. Everybody just wants to go home.

She waits a safe distance behind Percy until he finishes talking to Jason. Jason waves him off and starts heading off, and Percy is just about to follow before Annabeth kicks any sense she has to the back of her mind, stumbles after him and puts her hand on his shoulder.

Instinctively, he squares up, but when he turns to look at her his eyes soften. He doesn't recognise her.

She's not sure if that's a good thing or not.

"Um, hey," he says, a little uncertainly.

"Hi," she says. "Percy, right?"

She says it like she's not sure. As if she could forget.

Please.

Percy's eyes turn confused. He turns to face her properly, shouldering his bag. "Uh, yeah."

"Can I talk to you for a second? If that's okay?"

He looks a little surprised. "Um. Sure."

"Cool."

Percy hesitates. "Hey, sorry, uh– do I know you?"

Now or never, Annabeth.

She knows he's expecting her to say no and introduce herself. But he does know her. Better than he thinks. "Um, yeah, actually."

Percy seems a little taken aback. She sees him look over her platinum hair, her grey eyes, and then falter when he can't think of a name to match.

This could be her way out. But it's not, because she knows she needs to do this.

Behind her back, she digs her thumbnail so hard into her palm she starts to bleed.

"Lois?" she says softly. "Lois Watermann?"

And that's when she sees it hit him.

His whole body stiffens and his eyes shut down, like the curtains have been drawn. He goes rigid and takes a step backwards, clenching the strap between his hands so tightly his knuckles go white. The worst thing is that he knows that it's her. He knows it's not a joke. As soon as she tells him, she sees him zero in on her face as a whole and mentally add cheekbones here, a squarer jaw there, and realise that this the girl who got him put in hospital, and Annabeth is filled with self-hatred.

"No," he snaps coldly. "No, I don't want anything to do with you."

Annabeth feels her heart break in two. But she's not come all this way for him not to listen.

"Percy, please–"

"Stay away from me!"

"Listen to me–"

He whirls on her, his eyes furious. "Listen to what, Lois? What on earth do you have to say that will justify what you did?"

"How about you shut up and let me tell you?"

He looks surprised. Annabeth is not afraid to bring out her claws.

But as quickly as that happens, his expression closes again. He turns away, and starts to walk off. "No. I never want to see you again."

"Will you just listen to me?"

"You shot me in the arm!"

"It was either that or the heart, Percy. So if you would just shut up for a second and let me explain then maybe you'll see why."

She's stunned him into silence. She grips her elbows tightly as she waits for his response. It could be anything. He could accept or he could turn her away, and she'd have to let him. She can't force him to do anything.

She holds her breath.

Percy sighs. "Fine," he says coldly. "Fine, we'll talk, whatever."

He's harsh and firm and it hurts but Annabeth knows she deserves it.

"Thank you," she says softly.

He doesn't say anything.

They walk to the back of the school. Annabeth wants to do nothing more than to reach out and take his hand, lace their fingers, maybe press up against his side so he would wrap his arm around her waist, but she knows she can't because she lost that privilege a while back. Instead, they just walk a safe distance apart.

Percy seems to notice her limp. He presses his lips together. "You're walking funny," he says quietly.

"Hm?" Annabeth had almost forgot. "Oh, um. Yeah."

"The news said you got shot, too."

"Yeah."

They don't say anything until they find a bench. They sit at opposite ends.

"So." Annabeth uncomfortably stretches her leg. Her thigh throbs a little and she presses down against it, as if trying to smother the pain out. Naturally, it doesn't work. Percy sees her doing it and she stops. "Um. You probably have some questions."

"Understatement of the year."

His tone is unkind. Annabeth hates herself.

"What do you want to know?" she asks, trying to keep her voice level.

He sighs. "Oh, I don't know. How about the reason for almost a whole year you had the whole school convinced you were called Lois, then suddenly you get me kidnapped, shoot me, disappear for three months and then reappear out of the blue with blonde hair and grey eyes?"

Annabeth flinches at his tone. He's angry. He's really angry.

She doesn't blame him. She's kind of angry at herself, too.

"Goodness," she says in a weak voice. "Um. Where to start."

Percy's jaw tightens.

She sighs and closes her eyes. "Before this, I lived in Georgia," she says in a quiet voice. "But then I was put in danger, so to keep me out of harm's way I got relocated to New York."

Percy watches her. Annabeth can't look at him.

"So you became Lois," he says.

"Yeah."

"You lied to me."

"I had to."

"Not to me you didn't."

"I had a psychopath on my trail, Percy. If I had told anyone who I was and it got out he could have tracked me down within minutes."

"But he did anyway."

She sighs. "Yeah."

"Brandon."

"His name is Luke."

Percy swallows. "Right, so he was undercover, too."

"Kind of."

"Anyone else? The headteacher, perhaps? Leo? Hazel?"

Annabeth clenches her jaw at his tone. "This isn't a joke, Percy."

"No, it's not. I just want to know how many other people lied to me."

"I didn't know about Brandon. Not at first."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?"

"Percy–"

"What about Tess? Georgina? Agatha? Were they undercover, too?"

His voice is nasty. Just for that, Annabeth decides not to tell him Georgina and Agatha are the same person. Don't worry, she knows how petty that is too.

She closes her eyes. "Yeah."

Percy throws up his hands. "Well, fantastic."

"They were looking after me."

"Looking after you or looking after Lois?"

He's hit the nail on the head. She flinches.

He notices and sighs. "Sorry."

"No. No, it's okay." She shrugs helplessly. She thinks her eyes are beginning to get a little wet again, and internally she swears because she's been doing far much crying recently. "I mean, you're not wrong."

Percy presses his lips together. They're quiet for a while.

Then: "Are you undercover now?" he asks softly.

Annabeth shakes her head. "No, um. This is me."

Percy watches her closely. She sees him properly take in the new shape of her face, the way her lips curve, the colour of her hair and eyes, the way everything is sharper and pointier about her.

Which she's always kind of hated. She wishes he'd stop looking at her nose. She knows it's weird, all right.

"What's your real name?" he asks.

She could get killed for telling him this. She doesn't particularly care.

"Annabeth," she says. "Annabeth Chase."

Annabeth Chase.

It feels good to say out loud.

"Annabeth," Percy says. It sounds nice coming out of his mouth, and Annabeth closes her eyes because in an alternate universe they'd still be together but instead of Lois she would have always been Annabeth to him. "It's a beautiful name."

Annabeth smiles wistfully at him. "Thanks."

"It's okay." Percy tries for a smile, too, but it doesn't come out right, and he starts wringing his hands together. "Um, also," he ventures. "Can– can I ask why?"

"Why what?"

"Why were you in danger? What did Bra– Luke, sorry, want so badly? Why–" He pauses. "Why did you shoot me?"

This was the question she hadn't wanted to answer. She chews on her lip.

"I– I can't tell you that," she says finally.

"It's the least you owe me."

He's right.

She sighs and crosses her ankles. She uncrosses them a moment later. "I know some stuff," she says after a while. "Important stuff. Think Government secrets. It would be awful if any of it got into the wrong hands. The world could be tipped upside down if someone who wasn't an ally got hold of it. Well. Luke wanted it. He should have got it but he didn't and now he wanted it because he claimed it was 'rightfully his', and he knew the only way he'd get it was off me. So he must have followed me here. Used you as my bargaining chip."

"He took me to get to you?"

"Yeah. Fun times, you know."

"So–" Percy swallows and looks at his arm. "That's why you shot me?"

"He thought I had shot you in the heart. I kicked him down before he realised."

"But he shot you too."

"Yes. Well. That." She picks at her cuticles. "Turns out broken ribs can't keep him down for long."

"You broke his ribs?"

"I've done a lot worse than that."

Percy's mouth opens in surprise, but he doesn't say anything. She's said too much anyway. It's better if he doesn't ask. Otherwise she's going to have to explain all those other times, like a couple years back when she almost got hit by a moving train but sabotaged the tracks within seconds so it would change lanes and miss her.

That was fun. She kind of misses that.

Neither of them say anything after that. Annabeth knows Percy has much more he wants to ask and she has a lot more to say but she can't, because she knows there's an invisible line with spies about what you can and can't tell. She's already overstepped it by miles. She can't afford to say anything more – even though she so desperately wants to.

"Will I see you again?" Percy asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

Annabeth shakes her head. See, now she's starting to cry again. She widens her eyes and looks up at the sky to try and stop her tears from spilling. "No," she says. "Um. I leave for Oklahoma in the morning."

"Oh." He swallows. "So. I guess this is goodbye, then."

A tear runs down her cheek. Crossly, she wipes it away.

"Yeah," she says. "I guess."

Percy nods.

She stands up, and so does he. Her leg aches as she puts weight on it, and as she looks in his eyes she remembers what happened all those months ago, what ended their relationship in the first place. She's kind of glad her leg still hurts. If it didn't when she looked up at him she would have forgotten they had never broken up and kissed him.

Annabeth knows she has to separate herself from this goodbye, or she'll never be able to leave.

"Well." She scuffs her trainer against the ground. "Um. Goodbye, I guess."

Percy gives a small nod. "Yeah."

There's still so much she wants to say. But she can't.

He shoulders his backpack and starts to walk away.

And Annabeth is so, so weak.

"Percy, wait," she says desperately.

Percy turns around. Annabeth thinks she's going to start to cry.

"Look," she says, her voice trembling. "I know– I know you don't owe me anything. I'll forever be in your debt, for– for everything I've put you through." She swallows, and it burns as it goes down, a solid lump in her throat. "Um. But, um– I was wondering–"

She doesn't finish her sentence. She can't.

But Percy seems to know what she means. He always has. He takes three big strides towards her, takes her face into his good hand and kisses her.

It's nothing big or glamorous. It's small and innocent, merely a pressing together of their mouths, but he tastes of chocolate and peppermint and it feels like coming home, and with a constricted sob Annabeth throws her arms around his neck just as he's pulling away.

Call her selfish, but she just wants to hold on to him for a little while longer.

Finally, it ends, as all things do. When he pulls away, Annabeth's face is wet. Her chest feels tight. There are so many things she wishes she could tell him.

But she can't, because she's kept him this long. And now she needs to let him go.

He takes a step backwards. It looks like he's trying to hold back tears, too.

"Goodbye, Annabeth," he says, and Annabeth's heart hurts.

Annabeth.

"Goodbye, Percy," she whispers.

He nods one last time – and then he's gone.

Annabeth cries all the way home.

A/N well this was the moment you were all waiting for

sorry?

i hope you liked that. sorry it's so angsty. HOWEVER i promise this is not the end. we've got a few more chapters until the end and percabeth will make its grand appearance once more so apologies for doing this to you guys

and thank you guys SO MUCH for 360 reviews AHhhHh that's so crazy thank you all so so much. literally i appreciate you guys to the end of this earth i love you xxxxxx

as always shoutout to ma baes rachel and helena for being awesome and fantastic and just lovely and also to mariam for being phenomenal and so lovely to me and to everyone who has ever reviewed because you guys are just the best i love you xxx

anyway! that's all i have for now. as always please tell me what you thought and i'll see you next week! xxx