Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.

Claimer: I own Evyn.

In the first half of this chapter, Loki is feminine and goes by "she/her/hers" pronouns. In the second part, Loki is masculine and goes by "he/him/his" pronouns.

"So," Evyn said, handing Loki a cup of tea. "How are things with your mother?"

"Better," Loki said, accepting the cup. "I apologized and..." She took a deep breath. "I said I'd go to Alfheim with Odin."

Evyn gave him a warm smile. "That's wonderful, Loki," he said. "I'm proud of you." Loki flushed and mumbled her thanks into her tea. "You also look quite lovely today," Evyn added, making Loki duck her head and put her tea down, grinning a little.

She had taken care to make her appearance slightly more feminine. It wasn't a lot; just a tunic and a necklace. She had taken the heart stone Madam Irva had given her and wrapped it in wire, putting it on a chain to wear around her neck. The tunic was, for the most part, in the style of her other tunics; long sleeves, a modest neckline, however it was embroidered with gold flowers around the hem and sleeves.

"Is it for any occasion?" Evyn continued.

"No," Loki said, looking down at the little flowers, bracing herself before adding "Sometimes I feel more, ah, feminine. I want to not be so... ashamed about it. Only Mother knows, I told her a long time ago."

"Ah, yes," Evyn said, nodding. "I recall you mentioning last session." He tilted his head to the side before asking "How would you like me to address you?" Evyn asked. Loki stared at him for a minute.

"As Loki?" She replied, unsure. Evyn smiled and shook his head.

"No, Loki, I mean..." Evyn considered. "Would you like for me to address you as a woman, using feminine pronouns, or...?"

Loki's eyes widened and she shook her head. "No, no, no," she said. "Just... no. Don't change how you address me."

"Very well," Evyn said. "But I am curious; does this have anything to do with your opinions of women when we first began?"

Loki frowned. "No, not really," she said. "I mean... maybe?" She shook her head. "People anyways said that magic was for women. There were so many times where I just wanted to Shift so that they wouldn't voice protest," she added. "But I knew that people would grab it and use it against me."

Evyn nodded, looking interested. "I apologize if you have mentioned this before," he said. "We only spoke of this briefly last session—When you say 'Shift," does that mean you can Shift into a more feminine form?"

Yes," Loki nodded and smiled a little. "Would you like to see?"

"Only if you are comfortable showing me," Evyn replied. Loki looked down, focusing for a moment before feeling the change. She let out a sigh of relief, tension she didn't even know she had leaving her shoulders. Evyn smiled and said "Very lovely, Loki."

"You're the only one other than Mother who has ever seen," she said carefully, her cheeks turning red again as she picked a little at her shirt.

Evyn's smile dimmed before his face turned serious. Leaning forward slightly, he said "I am honored to hold your trust, Loki. Thank you for showing me."

Loki smiled shyly. "You're welcome," she whispered, her heart aching with what she could only describe as joy as the rest of her body flooded with relief.

Thor was standing in the library again, a book under his arm as he continued his search for beginner books. It was slow; the library seemed to only have books for intermediate and advanced users of sorcery. It irritated him to no end.

Eventually, he came upon a small, old, leather-bound book, shoved between two bigger books. Frowning, Thor picked it out. There was no title on either the cover or the spine. Perhaps it faded off, Thor considered and opened the book, flipping to the first page. There was no title, but there was a name at the top of the page, handwritten.

Bestla Tornndottir

Thor frowned. His grandmother's name had been Bestla, hadn't it? He strained his memory, but couldn't very well remember what he had learned about her in history. Was this her diary? He wondered and turned it over. The pages were yellowed, but the writing was still legible. Thor licked his lips and glanced around. Should he put it back, or give it to Odin? It surely wasn't meant to be here, was it?

Thor tilted his head. What harm could come from reading a few pages? He thought. His grandmother had died before he was born; she wouldn't care. Would Father? Thor shook his head. If Father cared, he thought logically, the book wouldn't be here in the first place.

He went to a sitting area, settling down and placing his other book next to him before flipping to the first page of the diary.

April 28th, 3R-359Y *

It is time to start a new diary, the page began, and Borr gave me this one as a gift several weeks ago. It is a fine gift indeed, although I did mention that any book would do. Regardless, a blank book is what I asked for and a blank book I have received.

Óðinn began his weaponry training earlier this day. Borr is pleased to learn that he has taken to it instantly, though Vili wishes to join him. He watches instead, cheering his brother on, constantly asking when he too may participate. It makes Borr laugh and Óðinn assures him that it will be soon.

In the meantime, I find myself with child again! I have yet to tell Borr this news. Perhaps it is selfish of me, but I wish for this child to be mine and only mine for a little while longer. If it is another boy, Borr is sure to whisk him away to train him how to be a king. But if it is a girl—Oh, if it is a girl!—perhaps he will allow me to keep her.

April 29th, 3R-359Y

I have thought of the perfect name for the child within me! I will call zim Vé, which means "a sacred place" and comes from the language of my people. Borr will not interfere, as he knows how important names are to me and my people and has allowed me to name Vili and Óðinn as well. Vili of course means "will," while Óðinn means "frenzy," (a good name, I think, considering what he was like as a baby!) however, the people of this Realm seem to insist on calling him Odin instead. It is a minor mispronunciation, however I must bite my tongue not to snap out a correction. As Borr reminds me, Óðinn and Vili are not of Jotunheim, they are of Asgard, and as such, they will be raised as Asgardians.

But oh, how I wish to teach them of my homeland. I wish to show them what it means to be jotunn, and to teach them what it means to carry that blood in their veins. I think perhaps that they forget of their bloodline. How it makes me ache to know that they will one day spill blood in "honorable" battle and be revered for it. They do not think of themselves as jotunn, but as aes, although the amount of jotunn blood which runs through their veins is equal to their aes blood.

Sons of Asgard, sons of Borr, but never to be my sons. But perhaps that is too harsh and bitter of an exclamation. I love my children and my husband, but I fear that they will never truly understand what it means to be jotunn. And so perhaps this new child will remain mine. Perhaps ze will wish to learn of my people—for I can never think of the aesir as truly being my people, no matter that I wear their skin.

I will tell Borr of this child tomorrow. I have been spending more and more time in my own skin when I am by myself. I hope my Changing has no ill effect on the child.

Thor's eyes were wide by the time he had finished reading the second entry and he snapped the book shut, swaying where he stood for a moment. Bestla, the previous Queen of Asgard, his grandmother had been a jotun.

Does Loki know? He wondered, then dismissed the thought. No, of course Loki didn't know; how would he? He has to know now, he thought and hurried to Loki's halls, banging on the door.

"Loki," he called. "Loki! I must speak with you!"

The door opened and Loki leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. "What is it?" He asked. Thor thrust the diary under his nose.

"Loki, do you know our grandmother, Bestla?" Thor asked, breathless.

"I know of her," Loki said. "What about it?"

"This is her diary," Thor said, flipping it open. "Read the first two entries, please."

With an exaggerated sigh, Loki accepted the book and opened it, eyes flicking over the words. His eyes widened and he swallowed several times as he continued, stopping and looking up at Thor.

"Thor," he said, his voice a deadly calm. "Where did you find this?"

"It was in the library," Thor said. "I was looking for something and it was shoved, almost hidden, between two larger books."

Loki flipped through a few more pages before looking up again, a spark of something in his eyes. He grabbed Thor's arm and pulled him along. "Come on," he said."

"Wha? Where are we going?" Thor said, frowning as he followed Loki.

"Odin has some explaining to do," Loki said flatly. Thor's eyes widened.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" He asked and Loki stopped, whirling around to face him.

"That man," he snarled, "has clearly been holding on to more secrets than he lets on. Have you not realized what his means?" He held up the book and Thor blinked.

"That Father is part frost giant, I know that-"

"Thor!" Loki hissed. "It means that you are part frost giant! A quarter, to be precise, and that is no small amount."

"I know, Loki," Thor snapped back. "I know how bloodlines work. Still, I am unsure of whether we should even have been looking at this-"

"If Odin didn't want us to see it," Loki said, turning to walk down the hall. "Then it wouldn't have been in the library. You can come with me or not, but considering it's your grandmother, I thought you might want to know the reason why we were never told about this. Also consider," he added, looking over his shoulder. "We don't have an uncle Vé. So what happened to him?"

He continued down the hall. Thor hesitated a moment longer, then followed, hurrying to catch up as a knot of dread built in his stomach.

Notes:

*3R-359Y: This is the year system that Asgard uses (that I made up). The "3R" means that Bor is the 3rd Ruler of Asgard. The "359Y" is how many years Bor has been on the throne. (As a matter of fact, Odin himself is about eight years old in human terms. Think about it; an eight year old Odin waving around a wooden sword.)

Thank you to Silvermane1 on FFnet for suggesting in chapter 14 that Loki wear more feminine clothes. I've had about ten chapters pre-written at any given point in this story, so when I got the comment, this is where I was writing. Sorry this didn't come in sooner!

A note on the pronunciation of "Óðinn": the Ó is like a long O, like it is in the word "boat," while the ð symbol is "th," like pronounced in "father." This is, as far as I can tell, the original Norse spelling of Odin, and I wanted to create an irritation for Bestla.

Thank you to thephoenixandthedragon4ever on FFnet for suggesting that I tie Bestla into this. For those who don't know, Bestla is the jotun wife of Borr in Norse mythology. The explanation for why Thor and Loki don't know this will be in the next chapter.

On that note, I apologize for not updating sooner; there's an ongoing emergency in my family that's currently being dealt with, my Finals are coming up next week, and hey! I've just been told that there's a very good chance I have depression, since there's apparently a history of it on both sides of my family. Isn't that just lovely.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed and left kudos! They really cheered me up over the past week.