Waking, an awareness of where I am, and who I am with. Elation fills me. I have not lost him. My cheek rests on a bronzed chest, my leg tangled in his, and his musky scent surrounds me. I ache deliciously. As I breathe in the spicy musk, I feel myself responding, finally being allowed to respond to desire. Opening my eyes, he is smiling down at me. That is a relief, I think we can make this work. Sliding up for a kiss, which he quickly deepens, I am not the only responsive one. My inner self grins as I let my hands trail and explore his body. If I had thought we would have gentle lazy sex, Chakotay quickly disabuses me of that notion! Oh my God! 'Chakotay!' I breathe as my body hums and sings to his touch. He is masterful in his loving mastery of me. I am catapulted into exquisite anticipation and then th e fireworks, powerful explosions rip through me, and the stars belong to me.

As my breathing returns to me, I grin at him, his lazy smile and his warm eyes reflecting the bliss I feel. 'I love you, Chakotay' I hope that I will say this over and over for the rest of my life. His avowal of love returned would have me snuggling back in his arms, replete from the power of our lovemaking. However, the damned alarm is telling us it is time to get up and attem. I casually go to use his shower, grinning internally at the appropriation of the facilities and the hope he will join me. I give a bit of a sashay, presuming his eyes are gazing at their usual focus point. I nearly giggle as I hear the thud of his feet as he hops out of the bed too, and quickly skip into the shower.

Laughing together we finally dry and dress. Damn but it is good to be able to appreciate him directly. I note a smug grin as he catches me. I replicate a fresh uniform, but we will need to stop by my quarters for the pips. As I turn to jokingly tell him to make the best of me without rank, I notice a speculative look in his eye. it is the return of the captain, so i put the ball in his court. It is the least I can do. I am ready to commit everything, I have committed everything, but it is his call. He still is standing still, and I am worried that he is rethinking his choice. After all, my gift from the readyroom is unopened, and he must clearly know what it will be. I breathe through this, he hasn't rejected it, it is just too soon to accept. I have to reach out and touch him for reassurance.

My pips and makeup in place, the woman looking back at me from the mirror is worlds away, quadrant away even from the woman that looked back at me yesterday. She was entombed in her guilt, her need to fulfil a promise, and had buried herself in being the captain, it was all she had left. This woman, she has cracked that protective mask and is creeping free. She smiles and I can see the me behind the captain. The sparkle in my eyes, and the slight blush, they are all Chakotay. There is no way to breeze this off.

I leave my quarters to where I left him, lounging against the corridor, a smile on his face for every passing crewmember, and I think every crewmember is passing. I make a note to check the scuttlebutt. They are clearly wondering. In between though there is a hint of tightness around his eyes. I know you too well Chakotay.

His snap to attention and smart 'captain' I follow with an equally formal 'commander' and a nod as we walk to the turbolift. the professionalism is a bit dented when he whispers 'it isn't working Kathryn' into my ear, causing me to hop and then swat his arm. 'what isn't working?' i demand, hands automatically going to hips, chin up. he grins, 'the command thing, they are *all* watching' . 'so chakotay, what do you want to do? we aren't exactly on duty yet?' and I hope that he can sense where this is going . I am thinking either a turn and death glare, or a bit of gentle fraternisation - arm around me, kiss on the head. He grins, and bashes his commbadge 'chakotay to crew, thankyou for your interest. we are going to the mess for breakfast. Questions will not be answered' and then he twirls me in his arms and kisses me again as the turbolift opens and he steps us inside. i pretend not to hear the wolf whistles. 'well, he says, not on duty'

I am veering between horror and laughter, but i did promise chakotay i would do this his way. 'dammit chakotay! you are going to be a lot of work mister!' and I let myself grin at this behaviour. we can take today to relax on our ship. we deserve this. He looks relaxed in the turbolift. 'oh, was that too much Kathryn?'

I smile at him 'i love you' and my hand sneaks to his face. It is a joy to just feel his skin, the way it crinkles under my fingers as he smiles down at me. 'I love you too, kathryn' and I feel young again.

i'm not one to shy away from the hard facts though, and i think about that tightness around his eyes, the morning contemplation 'halt turbolift' here goes nothing

'Chakotay, are you happy though, with this? About us? Is it too fast? Too late? Too complicated? I know I am certain, but I've never been particularly good at this bit of a relationship, starting out, making accommodations. I am bound to get it wrong, upset you, misunderstand. just, just know I love you, and I want this to work. I can wait for you if I am rushing things, Chakotay, I know it wasn't any easy choice to make, and I can understand if... If you regret' my voice fades away after the waterfall of my thoughts have splashed out and I realise I am staring at his combadge, unable to raise my eyes. Not that I can clearly see through them.

'Kathryn' he breathes, raising my face up to kiss the the eyes that are refusing to shed tears. ' I love you, I don't regret this choice at all!' A gentle kiss and then his response is heartbreaking really. He stops still, and I see all the doubt flood into his eyes that I only glimpsed earlier as his words spill out around me. my proud maquis warrior, who can't trust himself to make a promise any more, can't trust himself to keep it. that with the combination of the delta quadrant and my choices, feels he betrayed his real path. he is so relieved that I am not expecting the immediate happy ever after prince that he so wants to deliver. That he can show doubt, not in our love, just... He needs time to become himself too, not to rush things, not to... He shrugs, and I think of my still wrapped gift and understand. He can't commit fully to me until he is sure of himself again. I know he loves me, we know that we have the love. we just need time.

we are just gently holding each other, comforting, when my comm goes off. it's B'elanna 'occupants of the turbolift, I cannot find a mechanical issue and will be overriding. I suggest you get your sorry asses up here to the mess' . I grin at Chakotay 'well, this will have fueled Tom's imagination at least! so, are we going in as a couple, or would you prefer the captain rewrite?' at least, a couple it is. I can let that smile out again. He waited, more or less, seven years. I can wait too, even if patience has never been my strongest suit. 'day at a time then, Chakotay' as the turbolift starts moving again, I drop a kiss on his cheek, and we are back, we can do anything as long as we are together.

So it is we walk in the mess, to be greeted with cheers and smiles. Chakotay peels off after a showy kiss on my hand to more applause and joins the long table next to Mike, grinning and loping with all the confidence of the man that has finally captured his captain. Cheeks stained pink as I truly realise the enormity of this, I keep busy talking, smiling, laughing with all my crew, doing my damnedest to ignore the ribaldry and back slapping from a certain table. It feels more like high school than a starship and I have my own moment of fear, but catching chakotay's eyes, and he was clearly expecting my reaction, I can see the love and concern. Our crew deserve the opportunity to celebrate with us. We are walk yesterday through all the ship, and the Party afterwards broke a barrier and forged a true connection. We can snap back into command when we have to, I am sure. I nod and he smiles, but the loudness around him diminishes. I imagine he is telling them not to scare me away, but I am never denying this love again.

I notice Seven, slightly separate and move towards her. better get the awkwardness over. 'seven' 'captain, i believe that you have been successful in initiating a relationship with the commander, may i offer my congratulations' i smile at her 'thankyou, Seven, that is very gracious, will you join me for breakfast? ' 'i believe that it would be considered socially awkward, captain. i have, after all, been the subject of deception' I wave my hands in the attempt to avoid an eye roll. Not quite so straightforward then. 'not deceived, seven, just a victim of a change of circumstances. join us, we are your family, and then come and talk to me when there is less... people, and more privacy.' 'that would be acceptable'