A/N- The general idea of this chapter was bought to you by... Divergentshadowhunter02! So holy shit, thank this person for reading my story and coming up with an idea for me so I could get an update out for you guys, and check out her stories if ya never did before!

A field with bright green grass everywhere. The sky is an incredible blue.

Tris inhales sharply. No. Black.

Black?

Then she realizes why. There are black birds flying everywhere, and one slowly swoops down to Tris's eye level.

She cautiously sticks out a hand. "H-Hi. Good bird."

It softly pecks at her palm. Then harder.

"Ow! The fuck? Shoo!" She gasps while cradling her curled fist to her chest. It stings and she can imagine the blood that must be gathering.

Tris wipes her hand on her thigh before realizing that there were squawks sounding from around her, louder every second.

Then it hits her like a bullet searing into her chest.

"Holy mother of God those are crows. A lot of them." Tris says, voice bitter.

She barely has time to duck before they all swoop down over to her, little shrilling screams that freak the hell out of her. She only starts screaming as well when they begin to peck at her flesh and bite.

"Get off get off get off me!" She repeatedly yells while trying to punch them off her body. She gets a few off, but there are too much and she drops to the ground as they continue to peck her to death.

It was hurting so bad, the pain was incredibly real.

Real?

This is not real- Tris declares to herself in realization.

Tris feels around her. A dream, it's a fucking dream, control it. She wills for a weapon to show up.

When her fingers curl around one she is surprised at the feel of cold metal. She considered a safe weapon a gun?

Not even caring anymore, Tris begins to shoot randomly and slowly feels the cries of the crows lessen. Thumps sound from around her as dead bodies fall and she tries to drown out the death that's going on until finally, it's quiet.

The sky is a clear baby blue, the grass that was once a bright green was now covered with specks of black.

She traces the ravens on her collar bone as she inspects her surroundings, and her tattoo begins to sting.

When Tris finally wakes up she shoots up into a sitting position and gasps for breath.

She was mildly sweating, but it was the least of her problems compared to what she just saw. Did she really just control her own dream? How'd she summon a gun?

And why does my tattoo hurt? She thinks as she runs a finger over the ravens. It didn't hurt, it just felt like someone was pressing something hot on her skin.

Tris wipes at her bleary eyes as she gets out of the bed and turns on the light, slightly wincing as her vision fights to adjust. However, she was too disturbed to be in the dark right now. She goes back to grab her phone and shakes her head as she realizes the time is 7 am. She'd slept for what? 5 hours?

She looks to her right to find that Four was not in his bed. But there's a white note on the pillow.

Tris walks the short distance to his clean bed and unfolds the paper, quickly scanning the words that are written in his handwriting.

Be back in a few. Sandwich on counter for you. -4

She purses her lips at that. He made breakfast for her? At 7 in the morning? How'd he even know she'd wake up now?

Tris frowns and runs a thumb over the ink, sucking in a breath at the way it clearly smears.

This was recent.

She shakes her head and makes her way over to the counter. She rolls her eyes as she realizes that it's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Tris rips off a piece and chews slowly, surprised that it was still soft.

He must've woken up and left seconds before she did.

She wipes at her face and rushes to finish the sandwich. All that horror with that nightmare had gotten her muscles tensed up. In fact, what did it mean? She'd heard somewhere a while ago that dreams sometimes had meaning to them. For example, if you got a dream where you ended up dying, that meant you'd live a long life.

Of course though, it depends on what you believed in. Like, superstitions, you believe in the fact that a black cat crossing your path meant bad luck if you passed it.

Tris shoves the last bit of the crust into her mouth before running off into the bathroom and changing into some shorts and a hoodie. She tosses her slightly damp and sweaty clothes under her bed before putting on her gladiator sandals. She was seriously starting to get tired of those. Some actual shoes or her comfortable combat boots would really be helpful.

Tris walks over to the counter to get some water after zipping up her sandals. Instead of using a glass for a drink, she crouches in front of the trash. She didn't even care if it was gross or unhealthy, she wanted to bring the water with her.

After finding an empty bottle she grabs it and swiftly cleans it out before filling in some cool water and popping ice into it.

Tris glances at Four's bed again. It was getting hard to properly talk to him, she felt as though she couldn't trust him as easily as anyone else like Uriah.

Telling him about her mom and dad's death was very tempting. He probably thought she was an innocent soul- when in reality she'd killed her own parents.

Maybe that's why it was hard to tell him. He was the only one who said things about her that no one else had. He was the only one that made her feel extremely special, so ruining that was just beyond stupid.

... Actually... It wasn't stupid.

If anything now, she seriously did not deserve him and the things he called or said to her. Maybe that dream really was a sign about that? Feeling more guilty than ever, she decides to finally spill the beans. It was the least she could do.

She was the reason for her parent's death, so why should she get happiness when she had ended theirs?

After getting her key and phone she steps out of the room to find Four.

Tris scrolls through the contacts in her phone as she walks, and she pauses when she gets to Tori's number.

How long had it been since she saw her?

It didn't matter, Tris didn't want to lay her eyes on a traitor any time soon. The only good thing about Tori was how she worked in the infirmary.

Tris continues to scroll through the contacts and again, pauses, this time on Myra.

She couldn't tell if asking for her number was just genius or not. Keeping the number meant a secret way to keep in touch with Group A, but it was risky as fuck to keep because 'cheating with the opposite team results in immediate disqualification.'

She exits the contacts and is about to stuff it into the pocket of her hoodie when instead, her phone goes flying out of her grasp as she bumps into someone.

Four.

Tris winces at the loud smack the phone makes as it hits the ground and slides straight into the wall.

They stand in silence, both just staring at each other, and then the phone, not knowing what to do.

"Shit, did it crack?" He finally speaks before walking over and scooping the phone off the ground.

Tris glances at the ground and also notices that she'd dropped her water bottle. She's about to pick it up when her attention is caught by Four.

When he turns it over, they both instinctively let out an exhale of relief at the sight of the smooth screen. He hands it to her and she slips it into her pocket.

Tris stuffs her hands deep into the back pockets of her shorts and shifts from one foot to the other, deciding to completely ignore the water bottle that was rolling away from them.

"Why'd you leave?" She decides to start.

He rubs the back of his neck briefly before meeting her gaze. "Just went out to think."

"Then how'd you know I'd wake up right now?"

Four frowns. "I didn't. I'd only put a sandwich and note there just in case you did end up waking up, but if you didn't I would've eaten it myself and thrown the note away."

Tris bites the inside of her cheek, trying to get her thoughts organized when she is interrupted suddenly.

"Look, Tris, I walked out to think, and I really need to tell you something. It's been on my mind for about a week now and I-"

It clicks in her mind instantly- The reason why she was here looking for him in the first place was to tell him the truth.

"I have to tell you something that's hella important and it can't wait." She rudely cuts off, completely ignoring Four.

He pauses. "If it's an apology, then seriously, it's okay. I was talking about-"

Tris shakes her head, then nods it. "Well, that too, I'm sorry for being a fucking jerk yesterday. But I have to say something else that's-"

"Wait, Tris, seriously, I just have to-"

No no no.

"Shut up!" Tris retorts, suddenly a nervous wreck. "Let me just tell you before I lose the nerve, please!"

Four gives her a troubled look, obviously wanting and needing to speak first, but then he just nods.

Tris lets out a shaky breath and leans against the wall behind her.

"Look, I've been delaying this for such a long time. I need to get it out, okay?"

Four opens his mouth to speak but then changes his mind and moves to stand next to her.

"Fine, go ahead. You first then."

She takes one last breath and takes in the way his eyes stare at hers before closing them. She slides to the floor, keeping the image of his blue eyes in her mind. The way they looked at her before they knew the truth.

Then she begins to reveal.

"Caleb, I will fucking murder you if you mess my hair up!" I declare, daring him to keep flicking at the curls cascading over my shoulders.

"Why?" He laughs.

"Because mom spent a long time on it. And I'll tell her if you touch it again." I smirk.

He immediately stops and sits back onto the chair. "Whatever."

I smooth my dark blue dress over my legs and cross my legs. It was a huge birthday party. Kids ran around while playing tag, adults enjoyed the drinks served around, and the birthday girl was soon to come.

Tris feels a tap on her shoulder.

"Hey, Tessa, What's up? Isn't it lovely here?" I greet.

She smiles. "Of course. But are you ready? We're supposed to be rehearsing for the pictures one last time!"

And then it hit me.

"Holy shit! Tessa, I forgot my freaking white shirt! The one we all were supposed to wear to match!"

She frowns. "Oh! Time is running up, we'll just have you stand in the middle of everyone so it looks like you were meant to stand out with your blue dress while everyone else has changed into the shirts."

I shake my head. "That's crazy! Everyone knows that little Elia is the birthday girl, she's supposed to stick out not me! And she's turning eleven! Why would I be sticking out when she's going to turn into..."

"An 'eleventeen year old'?" She asks, snorting and making emphasis using her fingers.

I blush. "Well, yeah, don't you remember how excited she was to learn she was becoming an eleventeen?!"

"But there's 10 minutes, Beatrice."

I wave her warning away. "That's fine. That's a load of time. Lemme ask my mom if I can go and drive the car, it'll take me way less than 10 minutes to get my shirt."

She nods and turns to leave.

"Wait!"

She looks back at me.

"I told you a gazillion times to call me Tris!"

She laughs lightly and turns away again. "See you soon, Tris."

I grab Caleb's sleeve. "Did you hear?"

He nods. "Yeah, Bea, just go already. Mom is at the porch."

I roll my eyes and nod. "Okay."

I run through the little crowds of kids gathered everywhere playing hand games and finally spot my mom. She was pretty today, and I almost turned to leave them alone when I noticed dad's arms wrapped around her waist, slowly moving her to the music playing in the party.

The way they were looking at each other today was rare. Affection was something they didn't really show in public except at home, however obviously today was an exception.

I suddenly remember the shirt and run over to them. "Mom!"

She breaks eye contact with dad and looks over at me, giving me a warm smile. "Hm?"

"Mom, I forgot my white shirt, the one we need for the pictures! Can I go drive quickly and-"

"-Beatrice, how could you forget? I reminded you three times."

I smile sheepishly. "I was playing Minecraft! I just got distracted!"

Dad laughs. "I know right, the new update is just out of this world, Bea, did you see-"

"Andrew!" Mom exclaims.

He shrinks away from her but still keeps his arms loosely wrapped around her. "Sorry, Nat."

"Beatrice, stay here. I'll go with your father and we'll get the shirt. It's next to your computer I assume?"

I shrug. "Um... yeah... I hung it on the back of my chair before I started playing."

She pats my head and pulls at dad's arm. "Let's get going then. It'll take us 5 minutes."

He laughs at her urge to leave right then and ends up kissing her lips. I take that as a sign to leave.

"Little did I know that their playful affection would be my last memory of them." Tris says shakily.

She glances at Four who's staring at her trembling hands with a tense expression.

I make my way back over to Caleb and notice Susan and Robert beside him.

"Hey Susan!" I interrupt. "Hey Robert."

"Hello Bea." They both greet.

"Tris."

"What?" Susan asks.

"Call me Tris, remember?"

Robert and Susan roll their eyes.

"They're getting the shirt?" Caleb asks.

I nod. "Yeah, mom and dad are both going. Mom wouldn't let me get it myself."

He nods while chuckling knowing very well how mom must've reacted and goes back to talking to Susan. Robert comes up to stand beside me.

"This guy. He's had a crush on me for so long, but I just didn't like him in that way. I couldn't. Which was why I always acted oblivious to his attempts." Tris exhales tiredly.

"Oh goodness, here they go again." Robert groans as we both watch the way Susan and Caleb politely flirt with each other. "How do they even tease each other politely? That doesn't make the least bit of sense."

I shrug with a laugh. "My brother is just a huge chicken I tell you. If we weren't raised like we were I swear he'd be all obsessed with her right now like he is with his books."

Robert laughs along with me. "Of course."

I grab the liter of coke from the middle of the table and unscrew the cap.

"Hold the cup for me?"

Robert holds the plastic cup steady as I pour the fizzy drink into the glass. I fill it right until the middle before stopping.

I drink from the cup as time passes, greeting everyone as they make hilarious jokes and sit around Caleb and I. Even Elia finally comes out of the house looking adorable with her purple dress that perfectly mixed with her short black hair. She wasn't wearing her glasses, so that toned down the nerdiness. Elia was an incredibly intelligent girl.

And then I finally felt a vibration in my purse. I quickly get up and walk a few steps away from the table from the large group of people gathered around. I pick up the call without looking at the caller ID.

"Who is it? Mom, is it you? Did you bring the shirt that I forgot?" I asked on the phone, a bit breathlessly from laughing so hard with my group of friends.

I fiddled with the blue napkin near me, smiling as everyone ran around in a good mood, passing out cake and coke for everyone at the birthday party.

"Oh, my name is Mary. I assume I'm using your mother's phone right now?" An unidentifiable woman answers, her voice polite and smooth.

"Uh. Okay, yeah you are, where's my mom? Is she with you?" I pried, a bit confused.

"Yes, I am so sorry. But... She's... been in a very severe car accident. And there's a man next to her, I think your father? I'm using her phone to contact any family members, and I'm guessing you're her daugh-"

"TRIS!" Someone yells as my body rushes to meet the ground.

I can usually tell whenever something is genuinely authentic. And this lady's voice with whatever she was telling me, was. genuinely. authentic.

I just wished and hoped that it wasn't true either way.

I push his hands away and grab my phone. I ignore the sudden cries of confusion and concern as I feel the tears stream down my face. Pulling Caleb with me, I kick off my heels and run.

"Bea? Bea talk to me!" He repeats over and over, but I'm busy trying to get that lady on the line again.

One ring. Two rings. She picks up. "Yes, honey? I'm so sor-"

"Where?"

She doesn't waste a second, already sensing my hysteric urgency. "I can't see the street name, but it's literally right in front of a coffee shop?"

I let out another whimper as I pull Caleb past a corner. I knew that shop. Dad and I would go there whenever it was cold outside and Caleb and mom went out. It was a four-way road split.

"Please, tell me this isn't real." I whisper to myself, though the woman on the line picks it up.

"Oh honey, I cannot tell you how sorry I am, but it is."

I hang up.

"Beatrice!" He uses my full name. "Where the hell are we going? What's going on?!"

But his answer is given when we turn the curb and are met with the most horrible accident I've ever laid eyes on. Five different cars are scattered around the place, however, only two are looking fatal with pooling blood.

I scream as one of those fatal ones I recognize is a certain gray car. Our car.

And it was upside down.

"NO!" A loud sob erupts from deep inside me, and I repeat the word continuously like a mantra as I run past all the police and firefighters and paramedics trying to block the scene.

Footsteps are right behind me, and I assume they are Caleb because two strong arms hold me back from jumping into the pile of glass, all stained with red or pink.

Blood.

Then I see his arm. Dad's arm. Sticking through the window along with the fractured glass around him. It's raw and a reddish pink. It's completely lifeless.

The arm that used to pick me up. The arm that'd buy me whatever I wanted. The arm that I used to hold. The arm that was wrapped around my mom and pulling her to the music of a certain party about 8 minutes ago.

I did this. I sent them back. I put them in this position.

"It's my fault, It's my fault." I weep over and over again as I drop to my knees. My heart felt like it would explode and rip out of my chest.

"Hey! Kid! Your knees and feet! They're getting glass stuck in'em." A man calls as he tries to get to me but I ignore him and pull Caleb with me. Straight through the yellow caution tape and right next to the car.

I can't see anything, Just pieces of crushed metal.

Then Caleb lets out an excruciating groan and I look over to see what he's looking at.

There's just a small hole. Small, but big enough to notice what Caleb was agonizing over.

Looking past the blood and bones, I can see that Dad's other arm was wrapped firmly around something. Or someone.

My mom's body.

And she was doing the exact same thing.

In those last moments of their lives- they tried to protect each other- so both of them ended up dying. They both completely missed the airbags or any other type of protection that could've kept themselves alive because they had tried to help each other before their self.

This is what happens when you're selfless.

And it just so happened to prove that I, Beatrice Prior, was the most selfish being that ever walked on the face of the earth.

"I'm so sorry Caleb." I snivel, trying to speak past an incoming sob. "It's my fault. I can't believe it."

He says something but I can't even hear because we were then being roughly separated by the paramedics, injecting us both with something that completely knocked us out cold.

"Tris-" And that tone he uses is filled with so much concern and pain that she didn't deserve to hear it.

Tris buries her head into her knees and lets out a deep and searing sob of complete misery, interrupting his sentence from going any further than it had.

"Don't you f-fucking understand?! I asked for the goddamn shirt that wasn't that important but because of my stubbornness they w-went and they got killed!" Tris weeps. "I did it, It's my fucking fault and they didn't deserve it at all!"

Tris can feel a roaring in her ears from the blood rushing pass, and she just wants it to leave.

A warm hand softly grazes at her shoulder but she immediately rips away before he touches her anymore.

"No! Don't touch me! Why do you even want to comfort a shitty piece of trash like me?!" Tris blubbers, "Did you not even hear what I said? I freaking ended their happy lives!"

"Tris, listen to yourself! You didn't end their lives, they just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, it's nowhere near your fault!" He tries to tell her, but she shakes her head.

Tris tries to stifle her sobs but fails. "If I had just." She pauses and takes another shaky breath. "If I had just gone myself, none of it would have happened."

Four captures her body in his arms before she can get away this time. "Tris, just calm down and-"

"What do you mean?! I can't!" She yells as she tries to wiggle out of his grasp, but he just pulls her close and she, defeated, slumps against him.

"How are you even looking at me? How are you touching me?" Tris whimpers, but his arms tighten around her and though she wants to pull away she can't deny the comforting waves radiating off his body.

"Because what happened isn't your fault and if anything, you shouldn't be around me." He finally answers gently after a pause of silence.

Tris just continues to let out little quiet whimpers of guilt and she closes her eyes at the comfort of Four.

It stays like that for what feels like days before Tris can finally breath properly.

Tris opens her eyes again and suddenly feels like she's been punched in the gut.

She was alone.

He left her.

Tris should have known. She was expecting him to leave anyway, but there was this little hopeful stubborn voice in her head that had told her Four would stay. But of course he didn't, she was a fucking monster.

Tris pushes herself up onto her shaky knees before suddenly hearing footsteps.

"Shh, sit down." He tells her as he walks close.

Then she feels stupid as he helps her sit back down. Four had only been fetching the water bottle she'd dropped earlier.

He unscrews the cap and smiles sadly at her as she takes it from his grasp. Taking a few sips, she hands it back to him and leans her head against the wall, feeling drained from having cried so much.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asks as he brushes his thumb against her cheek and puffy eyes to get rid of the tears.

Tris naturally leans into the palm of his hand, and he tenses before gently stroking her cheek.

"No. I'm not."

He removes his palm from her face and Tris almost frowns at the coldness that she suddenly feels. He helps her stand and steps closer, brushing a light kiss on her forehead.

Then he pulls away as they hear sudden footsteps walking down the hall.

"Because I want to throw some knives!" Uriah says with sass in his voice.

Someone snorts. Marlene. "You just wanna show off again, couldn't we eat first and then come here?"

"Well, no, that's because none of us know how to cook except Tris and her food is amazing compared to the packaged food." He answers.

Tris feels a small smile curl on her lips. They were getting along well.

"I hate to admit that it's true. And you'd think all of us here would know how to cook wouldn't you?"

Their voices disappear down the hall as they make a turn to get to the training room.

Tris takes another step back and furiously wipes at her eyes. Her voice was slightly on the raspy side as she spoke. "Guess I'll be making breakfast instead of sleeping again."

His chuckle is deep and genuine, and Tris feels a pleasurable warmth fill her insides at the fact that she made him laugh.

"So do I look like I've been crying?" She asks as she rubs at her cheeks roughly.

"Hmm." He leans in close, narrowing his eyes like he's inspecting her face. A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. Then even closer, so that she would be breathing the same air—if she could remember to breathe.

"No, Tris," he says. A more serious look replaces his smile as he adds, "You look tough as nails."

She looks away to hide her small smile, and pulls away from the proximity. They both begin to walk back over to their room, and that's when a memory hits her.

A long time ago, Caleb read her a book about symbols.

And in Europe, the raven meant sadness, loss and death.

Her dream meant sadness, loss and death.

Just earlier she had grieved to Four about her loss. About her sadness. About two deaths.

When she was getting her tattoo of ravens, she'd had a general thought about it.

Slightly shuddering from the sudden realization, she leans toward Four and is surprised to feel his hand brush against hers. Fingers curl around her own, and she feels a light squeeze as they walk further down the hall.

When she glances at him, he wasn't looking at her at all, but she caught the smile tugging at his lips, mildly amused.

A/N- So, Tris's past has been properly cleared out. What do you think, is she right with feeling like it's her fault or no? Cuz if it was ME I'd definitely think it was my fault.

It's been like, 19 or 20 days since I've updated. And I'm so sorry. I had the worst writers block ever. If you read the beginning, then you know that it was so bad and I was so incapable of writing a new chapter that I had to ask someone to help me. (Thank you so fucking much, btw)

I didn't even wanna put an author's note to tell you guys anything because um, well, I absolutely hate when an author does that. I seriously cannot and do not know how to express how sorry I am, I feel really shitty but yeah, I hope you enjoyed this chapter?

I'm seriously so sorry, though, I hope I never have a writers block that bad again! I would sit on the computers for like, an hour each day and then come up with NOTHING! It was SO BAD.

ALSO, sorry that this chapter wasn't as long as I always write it, it's about like, 4,900 words, I usually write more than 5,000 words for a chapter.

Please follow, fave, review if you already haven't! And yeah, I put Fourtris for u guys because I felt really bad for not updating in so long. And if there's grammatical errors, sorry, I literally JUST finished and I wanted to post the chapter right away.

Anyway, BYE! I. LOVE. YOU. ALL. Remember to review! Don't stay mad at me forever! :'(