Rodney hadn't left his quarters all day. He didn't feel the need. He stayed in bed all day, initially because of the hangover, but then didn't want to get up afterwards anyway. His mind was just going in circles, and he felt a great weight pressing down on his chest making it difficult to breathe. Not in the physical sense, he still could take in gasps of air when he needed it, but he just had the overwhelming emotional feeling of it being too much effort. This kept happening to him… the same thing, over and over. When he somehow managed to pull off a miracle, no one cared. They certainly never cared at what cost to him. But when he fails… people die, and it's his fault; or people's lives are threatened and it's his fault… and he's just scolded and distanced from everyone.

He heard the tone of the doorbell, and muttered "come in". It was barely audible, but it was the mental concept that the door needed to open.

"Rodney? You've not moved all day!" exclaimed a certain Scottish doctor. Rodney didn't feel the need to answer.

Carson had to admit, he was a little concerned as to what state he'd find his friend in. He was glad that he was still in his room at least, and guessed it was as good an outcome as any that Rodney stayed in bed. He walked over and sat on the edge.
"Are you…" He was going to ask if he was alright, but it was obvious he wasn't, and so changed his mind half way. "… still feeling unwell from the alcohol?"
"No." Rodney answered, and Carson could hear the hopelessness in his voice.

"That's good then." he said, while patting Rodney's arm a few times. The scientist seemed to shy away from the contact, and Carson feared he'd taken objection to being called 'love' earlier today. It wasn't that long ago that Rodney had kissed him, and while it had been something Carson had dreamt of for some time, he knew it wasn't really Rodney. He was worried, however, that Rodney thought he was making something more of it only because of thinking Rodney wanted it. Now might not be the best time to try confessing his feelings to the pressured scientist. On the other hand, it might be exactly the right time - giving Rodney something close to hold on to. Would that be taking advantage of his friend's vulnerable state? Would he still want to be with him after feeling better about himself? Did he want to put himself (and Rodney) through that? Would Rodney even be open to that?

"Carson?" Rodney asked, and Carson directed his attention back to the man in the bed. He'd not realised that he had been sitting there in silent contemplation for a minute or so.

"Aye love?" dammit, he did it again.

"Why are you taking care of me?"

Hm, well that was a loaded question, Carson thought to himself. He opened his mouth to speak, but Rodney beat him to it.

"And I know it's not just because you're a doctor. You could have pawned me off to any of your staff."
"Well, it's because I care, Rodney. I doubt you'd remember us having this conversation last night."
"Oh. Sorry. I don't, no." Rodney stated, sighing afterwards. He waited for Carson to continue talking, explaining whatever it was they'd discussed while he was intoxicated, but there was just silence.

"Well aren't you going to tell me?" He questioned, sitting up a little to look into Carson's blue eyes. Carson hesitated for a moment. Before Carson had decided what to say, having concluded he'd best just be open and honest with the man, Rodney groaned and flopped back on the bed.

"I didn't, did I? Well that'd explain why… look, you don't have to placate me, Carson, I'm perfectly capable of handling rejection. Just say it and we'll move on; don't do me any favours. I'm not worth that."

Carson just blinked, his mouth still agape from when he was about to talk. Now he was really confused. What was Rodney talking about? Placate? Rejection? He thought he was the one about to get rejected. It occurred to Carson that Rodney was talking about his suicidal feelings. Carson took a breath and looked directly at his friend.

"Listen to me, Rodney. Stop saying you're not worth my time, because you most certainly are. I want to be here for you, you hear? I'm not doing you a favour, I'm doing it because I actually do care."
"You… you do?"
"Aye, Rodney… you're important to me, more than you know, and I'm not going anywhere."

Rodney processed the information, and sat up to be eye level with Carson. Given how things have been for him lately, it was strange to think something was going his way for once. If he had known Carson reciprocated his feelings, he would have confessed them sooner. He might not have needed Cadman to kiss Carson for him…. although, knowing himself, he would have been too scared. He had reacted rather defensively when Carson had mocked his going out with "a woman", trying to hide the fact that he wasn't interested in her much but just too scared to decline. Cadman had been right; he didn't know anything about women. But he didn't really need to, not when he was infatuated with the bases' male chief medical officer. Cadman had gotten frustrated with him, tried to give him the chance to come clean before things got too far, but he was ever the coward. He was glad though, albeit a little shocked, when Cadman forced the kiss between them. Rodney suddenly looked sheepish at the thought that it had just taken enough alcohol to get the truth out.

"So, uh, you're… you're ok with it?"
"I'm glad you told me, Rodney. I prefer to know about these things, even if it's a bit awkward to talk about."
"Good… good." Rodney could feel himself blushing with embarrassment.

"Hey, don't be embarrassed love, I'm sure there are others on the base that feel the same as you do sometimes."
"Well statistically it should be at least 10%…." Rodney blurted out, grasping at anything factual to try and feel a sense of solidity beneath his feet. Carson raised his eyebrow, unsure if that was entirely accurate. He hoped not at least… but then again, their predicament did often seem hopeless so perhaps it was right.

"I'm not really sure, that's more a question for Dr Heightmyer."

There was an awkward pause, just briefly, before Rodney broke the tension with more conversation.

"Last night, did we… did I do anything?" Rodney hoped dearly that he hadn't blurted out his affections and then immediately try to feel Carson up.

"We just talked, and you mostly slept and vomited."

Rodney felt a wave of relief. The gaping hole he felt in his stomach seemed to fill in a little.

"I'm sorry I have to ask, I wish I could remember… did we decide on anything? Like where to go from here?"
"Not really, you weren't very coherent even by the time I arrived. Speaking of which, I don't want you drinking that much again, you hear?"
"Alright. I'll try." Rodney conceded. He couldn't promise he wouldn't, but at least he honestly didn't want to feel as bad as he had that morning again.

"Thank you." Carson said with a smile. "But I've been thinking about it today. I don't know how much you want the rest of the base to know for now?"
"Preferably nothing. I don't know how well that'd go down." Rodney said, eyes shifting to the side. As open minded as the scientists were, there would be no doubt some trouble makers and he didn't really have a clue about how the military would handle it. The last thing he needed was another reason for everyone to hate him.

"Alright, we can see how things go for now. But I will warn you that others might find out, those close to you, if things progress as they are."
"Um I guess that'll be ok when it happens?" Rodney responded, a little confused. Carson noted Rodney's unease.

"Look, we'll just aim to meet up every day or every other day and talk for a while, then we can get a better idea of everything. Things might just sort themselves out, so don't worry too much." Carson offered, happy to take time out of his day to help Rodney. It might not be the kind of interaction he'd prefer, but any time was worth it.