Hey all. Hope you had a good holiday (or, if you're not American, a good week.) Mine was okay.
So the next chapter is up! Hooray. Not much happens in this chapter, it's mostly just a transition. An ending to Dipper's musings and some of his confusion. A lot happens next chapter, though, so look out for that.
Oh! So, I've not been able to do much writing on this story this week. I've hit a bit of a writer's block and my head refuses to pass it. However, I did write a one-shot! It has nothing to do with this story, nor does it have to do with Dipper or Bill. It's about Grunkle Stan while he was homeless. It's kind of an offshoot of my other Gravity Falls story, The Life of Pines, which is all about Stanley's life, but it can be read alone. It is called Moments in Time and can be found in my works if anyone is interested. Warning, it is pretty dark, as it deals with suicide (not Stanley's, not directly, but still.)
And... that's it. Thanks for all the reviews/comments last chapter. Please keep them coming. :-)
Enjoy! (And happy early Chanukah!)
A week. He had been on this ship for a week. A long, boring, confusing week. A whole week since he had been on his great uncle's ship, safe and sound. Since he had last seen his sister.
Dipper currently was sat in the Captain's office, listening as the demon rambled about a fight he had won against another pirate captain when he was younger. He had to admit that the captain was an excellent story teller, even if the story itself was a bit gruesome. But even with the dramatic story, the animated way the captain spoke, Dipper felt his mind wandering.
He didn't know where he stood on the pirate captain anymore. Sometimes he hated him with every fiber of his being, where just the thought of the demon would make him seethe and curse, alone in his cell. But other times... Other times he found himself wondering about the demon. The man. What he was, why he did what he did. How he could be so casual about something as horrible as murder and death, but then be so gentle when tending to his wound.
Ever since that day the captain had met him in the brig, piss drunk, Dipper had felt conflicted. When he had woken up and eaten the food the captain had ordered for him, he found himself, for the first time, feeling truly grateful to the demon. Which was sick, seeing as how he shouldn't have to be grateful for something as simple as food. Something that would have been a given, had the demon not been utterly and completely insane.
But he still started seeing the demon more and more as human. Not a particularly good human, but human nonetheless. And that was huge, for him. He remembered, distinctly, the night he decided that all pirates were scum. When not a single one could possibly have a shred of goodness or humanity in them. The night he had looked into the eyes of his broken sister and had known that he would never, ever forgive pirates for what they had done. It didn't matter if they weren't a part of his crew, it didn't matter if they had never even seen that particular monster. They all were evil; they all were monsters. And yet he was starting to see Bill as something other. Something different. Something flawed, but human.
And it wasn't helping that the demon had changed a bit since that day. That he acted less grandiose, less psychotic. Dipper could see now, as the captain spoke, that he seemed less on edge. He didn't grin as sharply, didn't look as angry. He didn't put on airs, didn't try and intimidate him anymore. Well, not as much as he had. He also was feeding Dipper now, once in the morning and once in the evening. That allowed the boy to heal properly and stopped his swimming headaches. Stopped the muddled thoughts he had been having.
And now here he found himself, a prisoner for only a week and yet already feeling his opinion of the captain changing. It was utterly terrifying. This was the same demon who had possibly killed his great uncle, who had at least been seconds away from ending the man's life. The same demon who had nearly killed him, who still had 'big plans' of selling him. Those were the things that had caused him to think of him as a demon in the first place. So why, on Earth, was he starting to change his opinion? How could he allow himself to even entertain the idea that this demon could possibly have any humanity in him?
He let out a soft sigh, running a hand through his curls. This was all so very confusing. The demon was practically the only person he had spoken to in a week and it was messing him up. He was actually starting to believe the captain's lies. Starting to believe that he wasn't a complete and total monster.
"Hey Pine Tree, you listening? It's rude, you know, to ignore a person who's talking. Don't they teach that to you upper class people? Respect your betters, or something like that?" The demon stated, interrupting the boy's wandering thoughts. In response to the question, Dipper screwed his face up in annoyance.
"They do. Not my fault, though, that your story's so boring. And you're not my better." He claimed, with a raised eyebrow. He watched as the demon rolled his one eye, a sardonic grin appearing on his face.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I boring you? Want a more interesting story? 'Cause I've got a lot to share. How about the time I managed to escape the noose by using the intestines of my cell mate? Or the time I killed an entire room of naval officers who were attempting to take me down?" Upon seeing Dipper's disgusted face, the demon chuckled. "No? Then allow me to finish my daring tale of heroism. Now, as I was saying…"
That was another thing that was disturbing him, he thought as he watched the pirate continue his story. How easily he spoke to the pirate now. How he was practically asking the demon to get angry at him for his insolence, to get the demon to show his true colors. Yet the captain didn't. He would just grin and shoot a quip back. Yes, he would usually add a casual remark of his murders, but even that wasn't scaring or disturbing Dipper as much as it used to. It should. It really should. The pirate captain was a menace. He killed for fun. He repented nothing. He shouldn't be speaking so casually to him. Like they were friends.
What would Mabel think, if she were here? If she could see him now? Would she be disgusted in him? Would she understand why he was feeling what he was feeling? She always did try and see the good in people. Maybe she wouldn't think him insane for wanting to believe that about… about Bill. But then, Mabel also hated pirates. More so than he did. When she spoke of them, those few times that she did, it was always with vitriol. With complete and total loathing. So perhaps she wouldn't get it. Get his changing feelings. Maybe she would hate him for even thinking that Bill could be human.
Oh, he hated this. Why did the demon have to be kind to him? Why couldn't he have just locked him in his cell and thrown away the key? Yes, that would be terrible, but at least he wouldn't feel so conflicted. So confused. It was like the demon was purposely torturing him this way, by acting so human.
Dipper, with his thoughts churning, watched the demon speak, watched him grin and watched him move. It was fascinating to witness, to be honest. How open the demon's face was while he spoke, the excited and triumphant gleam in his eye as he told the part of the tale where he defeated the pirate captain once and for all, which had made him infamous amongst pirates. That little smug, self-satisfied grin the demon got as he sat back, turning his attention back on him. Such a bizarre look, on a pirate who was meant to be ragged and gruff. He's not supposed to have such a normal facial expression. He's not supposed to feel anything other than cruelty and hatred. Dipper just didn't know why he did.
Dipper watched, then, as the demon stood and grabbed the bottle of herbs that he kept on his desk, his eye locked on Dipper's as he moved towards him. Dipper, his thoughts still racing and confused, simply followed the demon with his eyes, his mind burning with the questions he had. The demon tilted his head to the side as he reached the boy, gazing down at him with a curious look, before kneeling slowly. Dipper wished he wouldn't. Didn't want him so close, because up close was when he always was kind. Dipper didn't want him to be kind. Didn't want to think good of the Yellow Demon of the seas.
"Something on your mind, Pine Tree?" The demon muttered as he carefully rolled Dipper's sleeve up, his fingers trailing lightly on the skin below, causing goosebumps to raise on the boy's skin. Dipper felt his face flush just a bit at the hooded look the demon was sending him, not quite sure what to make of it. "You look perturbed."
"N-no. I'm just... Just thinking." He replied, stuttering just a bit when the demon lightly brushed his fingers over the mostly healed wound. The captain hummed softly.
"I see." He muttered, taking a bit of the herbs and spreading them on his fingers. "Your wound's getting better. Should be completely healed in a week or two."
Dipper felt himself nod as the captain began rubbing the herbs onto the healing cut, glad he hadn't continued asking him about what he was thinking. He didn't want to admit that he was conflicted on the demon's morality. He didn't want anyone to ever know that, least of all the captain himself. He turned his attention then onto his wound, looking down at it as the demon gently rubbed the medicine into it. He tried his best to ignore the demon and focus only on the cut, not wanting to think of the captain. It was making his head hurt.
The wound really was getting better, he thought as he stared at it. It still hurt occasionally, when he moved it too suddenly or when he slept on it awkwardly. The worst was over, though, the herbs and cleaning helping the infection to die. Funny how just five days ago it felt like his shoulder was going to fall off with pain, and now it barely hurt. Whatever herbs the captain had must be extremely potent, he mused. Whomever he had thieved them from must have been very rich.
The process of putting the medicine on didn't last very long now, since the demon no longer needed to clean the wound out. The demon remained kneeling before him, however, even after the medicine was fully distributed, staring at him.
As the moments passed, Dipper began to feel uneasy, not sure what to think. Sitting there, the captain made him feel nervous and disturbed. Because no matter how friendly the demon acted, Dipper noticed that there was always a spark of darkness in the demon's eye that he could see. Even as he mused about the demon's morality, he knew that the captain would never be a good person. He would always have that darkness inside him. And seeing him so close, staring so intently, made him feel trapped and afraid. And… wrong. Like the darkness in the demon would somehow be able to eat him whole. Like that was what the demon wanted. Almost like he, himself, wanted it too.
He let out a shuddering breath of relief when the demon finally stood and walked away, over to the wall, where he stood facing the large map that resided there. Minutes passed in silence as he simply watched the demon stand, not sure what to say. If he should say anything. The demon confused him and he didn't know what to think around him. Didn't know if he should be terrified or relaxed. It was exhausting.
"Tell me, Pine Tree," the demon began after a while, turning back to face Dipper slightly, "are you afraid of me?"
"Yes." Dipper said without any hesitation, not needing to even think to answer. And it was true. Dipper was terrified of the demon. Almost even more so now that he was beginning to think of him as human. Because that simply opened a whole other line of problems, he was realizing as he stared at the demon. Such as, if the captain was human, how could he do such terrible things so simply? If he had the capability to be human, why would he choose to be a monster?
Well, there was always one explanation. One he had thought of briefly, but never seriously. But now, watching the man watching him, the thought popped into his head unbidden. Yes, the demon might be human. Yes, he might have some goodness in him. While he may be terrible, and quite possibly evil, he was still human. He just had a darkness in him. An evil that he couldn't escape. Human, but not good. And this thought made him feel panic.
Because there was another thing that he felt. Yes, he knew the… man was not a good man, but part of him wanted to see past that. To see more of the… of the goodness that resided in the pirate captain. To see more of that humanity. Oh, how he wished he didn't feel that way. That he could forget the thoughts he had been having. That he could simply hate the demon, that he only saw him only as a monster. Because monsters were only that, monsters. This was so much more complicated and made him question everything, including his own morals.
"Good," the demon claimed after a while, staring at the boy with an emotionless eye, "you should be."
Silence pervaded then, thick and stifling. Dipper shuffled in his seat a bit and stared at the ground. Everything was so confusing. He thought the captain was a demon, but he also thought he was human. He thought the captain was a terrible person, and yet still wanted to know him better. To figure him out. It was frustrating.
"Hey Pine Tree, I've got another question." The demon stated, minutes later, turning to face him completely then, a grin on his face. Another abrupt change in conversation, it seemed. Dipper looked back up and scrunched his eyebrows in confusion.
"Okay..." He said, frowning just a bit. His recent revelation was messing with him. That the captain could be both human and a pirate was baffling. Perhaps it shouldn't, because logically it made sense, but to him it was. Because for over a year he had convinced himself that pirates weren't human, that they were monsters. That there was nothing good or clean in them. Changing that view was startling and terrifying, and Dipper was going to have to evaluate it later when he was alone. But not now. Now, the captain was looking at him and asking him a question, a question he would need to answer. He mentally shook himself and focussed on the words.
"Call me curious, but I was wondering, what interests you? Back on that ship of yours. What does an upperclassman like you do for fun while at sea for weeks and months at a time?" The demon (man? Should he call him a man now, with what he had realized? He didn't know. He didn't know) asked, his grin wide. Dipper blinked at the question, it not having been anywhere close to what he might have expected, before thinking it through.
"Uh, well... I guess I like to read?" He began, before trailing off, not sure if he should keep going. This question was a personal one, wasn't it? Should he give personal information to this demon of a man? To this man who acted like a demon? He wasn't sure. But, judging by the expectant look on the captain's face, the man (?) was looking for a more elaborate answer. So Dipper continued carefully. "I, uh, also like to draw, sometimes. Or-or watch the ocean, when it's calm. And uh, I suppose I like looking at the stars, when the night is clear. And, you know, other various things..." He trailed off, hoping that was enough of an answer. He didn't really want to continue that train of thought, since the one thing he did most while on The Mystery was talk to his sibling.
Dipper watched then as the 'man' lit up, his eye bright with interest and humor as he looked down at him. It made Dipper's breath catch, the look so strange to see.
"You like to stargaze?" The man asked, head tilted to the side slightly. Dipper blinked at the question, having not expected it either. Seemed Bill was full of surprises that day.
"Uh, yeah. Do you?" He questioned back, thinking that perhaps that was why the man looked so enthused about it. But, the captain only shrugged, grinning.
"As much as any captain does. I find that it is fitting for you, though. 'Cause of that peculiar little birthmark of yours." The man claimed, his eye darting to look at the birthmark that Dipper usually hid, but must have become exposed as the days passed. He felt himself flush as he brought his hand up to cover it. He had never liked his birthmark, always having gotten teased for it as a child. The captain didn't look like he was about to mock him for it, but who knew. His movement, though, did make the captain chuckle.
Before Dipper could speak, to defend himself or anything, a knock was sounded at the door, which caused the captain to look up and grin.
"Excuse me, Pine Tree." He said, before sauntering over to the door to get the food that he always got delivered at this time. Dipper followed the captain with his eyes as he spoke shortly to the pirate on the other side of the door. Ever since the man had started giving him food, Dipper tended not to stay while the captain ate. He wasn't quite sure why, but he supposed it was because Bill didn't find any amusement from it anymore.
So it didn't surprise him when the captain opened the door and let the hulking pirate in, who began to chain his arms while unchaining his legs from the chair. It was a bit jarring, their conversation ending so abruptly, but he had gotten used to that by now. The man never really bothered to end conversations at the end of their meetings. He just stopped and expected everyone else to be satisfied with the sudden conclusion.
"See you later, Pine Tree!" The captain grinned as Dipper was pulled up and marched from the room. He was only able to nod once in response, before he was dragged out and away, the cool sea air hitting his face as he moved across the ship's upper deck. He didn't have much time to enjoy the salty breeze before he was pulled into the doorway to the below decks. He tried not to feel disappointed, like he always did when he was brought back to his cell. So close to freedom, and yet so far. At least he was able to see it briefly twice each day, he thought morosely as he was dragged.
Once in his cell, the hulking pirate removing his ankle restraints and chaining him back to the wall, Dipper could feel his mind returning to the revelation he had had earlier, before the captain had changed the subject. The one that had changed everything in his mind. He didn't really want to examine the thoughts, but knew that he had to. It would eat at him otherwise.
So, the captain was human. He couldn't deny that anymore. The man had feelings and emotions just like anyone else. He understood this. It sort of made sense in his mind. If he was being honest, he had mostly come to terms with that the other night, when the man had spoken to him so casually while in his cell.
However, what didn't make sense to him was the thought that if Bill was human, wouldn't that possibly mean that every other pirate was human as well? That they all had emotions and feelings too, that they were people? That made something in Dipper rebel. The thought that those monsters- the same monsters who almost… hurt him, who had taken his parents from him- could be human too? That they deserved the same courtesies that every other human on the planet deserved? It made him gag, the thought too unpleasant to even entertain.
But wasn't that what he was doing with Bill? He knew that the captain wasn't innocent, that he had murdered and would probably murder again. He was just as bad as any other pirate in the world. So why should he get to be human, but the others don't? That was also baffling. That also didn't taste right.
Ugh, this was all so messed up, he thought as he buried his head in his arms. He didn't want to think of pirates as human. That was why he had stopped thinking of them as such. But Bill... Bill was human. He had to be. And yet he was also twisted, and sick, and morally wrong. And a pirate. Bill was human, and he was a pirate.
Stupid Bill Cipher. Dipper scowled at his arms as he lifted his head. It was all his fault. He changed everything. From the moment he had seen his image on the poster he still carried in his boot, his life had been rocky.
Dipper could feel his mind starting to churn, could feel his thoughts begin to worry the subject, and knew that he needed to change topics now before he drove himself mad. Because he knew he would, given the chance. He'd keep thinking and thinking and thinking, until he had twisted his thoughts up into knots of confusion.
So he thought of something else. Anything else. His parents. His sister. His life back at home. Anything was better than the morality of pirates.
Because pirates were scum, human or not human.
And Bill was no exception to that.
(Even if he wanted him to be.)