Rodney leaned in towards Carson and rested his head against the doctor's shoulder.

"I'm glad I have you."

Carson just smiled and stroked Rodney's back.

"Don't worry, Rodney. We'll get through this." Carson said soothingly. Rodney, however, jerked upright.

"What do you mean, 'through this'? I thought you wanted…I … I guess I thought you… but you don't…I understand. I mean sure, I'd prefer friends to nothing. I don't know why I thought someone as amazing as you would want someone like me with them, I'm sorry, I just assumed…" Rodney started to panic. Carson was suddenly very confused.
"Rodney what are you talking about? Of course I want to help you through it, how could you think otherwise after what I've just said? You're important to everyone on the base, Rodney, not just me. And even if not, I'm a doctor, it's my job and duty to help."
"Wait, duty as a doctor? Why would that matter?"
"Well I help people, save lives… I can't just sit idle as anyone, especially a friend, is struggling so much that they wish they weren't here…" Carson couldn't understand why he was having to explain this, or why Rodney was so confused. Rodney was starting to hyperventilate in his panic, and so Carson turned his attention to that.

"Deep regular breaths, Rodney…"

"Oh god…" Rodney rasped out. He was starting to realise that he'd revealed something else entirely to Carson last night. All this time he was talking about confessing his love, Carson was talking about suicide? His body was shaking, and Carson's concerned back strokes weren't helping. He revealed something rather serious, and to be honest he would have actually preferred to have made a pass at Carson and been willingly 'helped through it' at this point.

"It's ok, Rodney, just breathe." Carson lulled, still having no clue what brought about this sudden panic attack. Although, it had seemed that Rodney was talking about something else. Maybe he had wanted to keep this a secret? Carson mused to himself. He didn't care, however… things like this need to be addressed, and hiding them only makes it worse.

"I… I'm… I'm sorry." Rodney said between breaths.

"What did you think we were talking about?" Carson asked, trying to focus the scientist's mind.

"I… I don't think I should say."

"Well you thought it was fine to talk about before you realised I wasn't following." Carson rebutted. He didn't really like to push the matter, but if there's one thing Rodney likes to do, it's retort.

"Yeah cause I thought you were fine with it! I don't know that now, do I?" Rodney snapped, his attention focusing back on Carson. The doctor was pleased it was effective in easing the man's panic attack.

"And you won't know if I am unless you tell me." Carson said, inviting retaliation.
"I can't, it's too personal. It's bad enough you know about … wishing not to be here sometimes. And I stress… sometimes. I'm not about to go walking up to the wraith."
"Well no, that'd be an awful and difficult to execute way to die."
"Obviously! Besides, we're not talking about this. OR that other thing."

"Please tell me love, you seemed to be so content a moment ago."

Rodney froze his onslaught he'd prepared. There was that word again: love. Why was Carson saying it all of a sudden to him now?
"Why do you keep saying that?"
"What?"
"Love. You keep calling me that."
It was Carson's turn to be awkward now. He looked down at the bedsheets and shrugged.

"I call all the people I am close with that. It's a Scot thing."
"No, I don't think so, Carson. You can't just change and have no reason. Is it because you want me to feel wanted so I don't kill myself?"
"No! Well, that would be nice yes, but that's not why… I just, I feel…"

There was another awkward silence. Rodney stared intently at the doctor, awaiting the continuation of that sentence. He was perhaps a little too hopeful that the remainder would reciprocate his own feelings, but he was also terrified it was to do with his mental health. Carson looked about sheepishly, unsure what to say. No words came to mind. So he said just one.

"Closer."

"You feel closer?"

"Aye. To you."

Rodney's heart was still pounding, and he was starting to have trouble simulating a regular breathing rhythm. He really wanted to just say it… he thought he already did last night, and it was sounding more and more like Carson would want to know for positive reasons. He took a deep breath, and gathered courage.

"It was me."

"I'm sorry?" Carson asked.

"Cadman did it because of me."

Carson shook his head slightly to make sure he had heard right. He waited for Rodney to continue, since at least he did like to fill silences.

"She found out about my feelings for you, and tried to get me to 'come out' as it were, that night at dinner. But I was too scared, it was all so fast. I mean I'd only made the date because I was too scared to say no in the first place! Cadman was the one kissing Katie, more to just get me out of there. But when we were about to die… she took pity on me, and so took control and gave me that one moment."
Carson looked stunned. That actually made a lot of sense… Laura hadn't said why she couldn't stay with him, and just had said 'because of Rodney', which he had assumed meant it was an argument or issue, not that Rodney liked him. His head was reeling.

"Carson? Are you alright?" Rodney asked, having expected a fast response to his ramblings. Instead the doctor looked to be in shock. Carson slowly looked up at Rodney.

"You bloody git, I'd been dreaming of kissin' you for months before that, and you lead me to believe that was all I'd get? One from Cadman via you?"
"I …er… what?"
"I liked you before that … incident."
"You did? Why didn't you say anything?"
"Probably for the same bloody reasons you didn't!" Carson snapped back, not annoyed but still feeling rather strongly about it all… hence the swearing.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know…" Rodney said, hoping the doctor wasn't too annoyed. He wasn't sure why he would be, but wanted to avoid any conflict anyway.

There was silence again, as the two men sat on Rodney's bed.
"So, what are we going to do now?" Rodney asked, hoping Carson would take the lead and make a decision. He was alright with just being friends, but if Carson reciprocated his feelings, he'd rather try something more. He didn't break his gaze from the Scot's blue eyes, and felt an adrenalin rush as he saw Carson move closer and kiss him gently.