Carson joined Rodney at the end of the day, giving Rodney plenty of time to clean himself up and then get something together for dinner. It wasn't brilliant, but Rodney wasn't much of a cook. Not like Carson, at least. They both enjoyed the stir fry at least.

Rodney looked at Carson. He seemed exhausted, and a bit down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rodney asked. Carson looked at him and smiled.

"I know it wasn't my fault, but I was still the one that made the retrovirus, and I still told Zaddik about it which made Ellia take it. And now they're both dead. And now colonel Sheppard is in danger. He was infected with the retrovirus … and anything that happens to him is kinda my fault."

"He's infected? What's going to happen then?
"I … I don't know. We ran the test three times, and I can't tell anything from it. We called him and explained the situation, but there wasn't a lot I could say of what to expect. I just hope it breaks down in his system."

Rodney didn't know what to say. He knew Carson took a lot of responsibility (and blame) onto his shoulders, so talking him out of feeling guilty probably wouldn't work.
"You tried to help, like you always do. Anything that goes wrong is just something that happens. You try to fix it, you try to fix everyone affected. You shouldn't feel bad about being the great person that you are just because something you made went wrong, Carson. You weren't even pushing for it to be used in the first place… not like me."

Silence befell them both. Carson reached over and took Rodney's hand.
"I guess we all fall down sometimes. I'm glad that at least we both can understand that and help each other."
"I do what I can, Carson. I'm not … really, er… the the the best at this kind of thing but ahh…"
Carson quietened the babbling scientist with a kiss. Rodney began to panic again slightly, worried where Carson was going with the kiss.

"It's alright love, relax. Why don't we just … cuddle?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice. Maybe on the bed though, it's a bit roomier."

The pair moved to the bed. Carson took off his jacket, and sat down on the mattress. Rodney was glad that he had prepared for such an event, and had put on a long sleeved top underneath his jacket. He joined his partner, and returned the kiss. He enjoyed the closeness with Carson, and hoped to calm down what he assumed was a turbulent sea of emotions swirling inside his doctor. Rodney shuffled closer so their bodies were pressed against each other, softly stroking down Carson's back as they kissed. The Scot's skin tingled at the touch, and he returned the favour by running a hand down Rodney's side.

Carson could feel himself relaxing. The tension in his muscles was fading and the churning in his gut stopped as he focused on the gentle touches Rodney was giving him, and the tantalising feeling of Rodney's lips pressed against his own. He could even feel a warmth growing in his chest and spreading out to other areas of his body. He sighed happily, and without realising, his kissing became more passionate.

Rodney felt a bit trapped. He could feel the panic of what was going to happen - Carson was seeming to relax, which was good, but a little too much perhaps… and possibly wanting to go further? Rodney didn't know how to escape this one: he hadn't intiated it this time, true, but Carson was going through stuff right now too and he wanted to be there for him to help comfort, but he felt like he shouldn't have to do things he was uncomfortable doing in order to support and comfort the doctor as well. But that said, he was getting really into the moment as well. There was so much conflict going on inside him, he couldn't think what to do so just kept going as he was.

Suddenly, Carson's radio went off. He sighed.

"Sorry, love." Carson said, stopping all the kisses and touches and instead answering his radio. A rush of relief washed over Rodney, having gotten an escape.
"Yes colonel?" Carson spoke, looking at the wall.
"Alright, I'll meet you in the infirmary. Beckett out." Carson tapped his radio, and looked at Rodney.

"I'm so sorry love, but I gotta go. That was colonel Sheppard, he needs to see me. I might be back, but I might not…"
"No, hey, it's ok, it's your job. Look, don't worry about me, just go do what you need to and I'll see you tomorrow ok?" Rodney said, trying to smile sincere. He was sincere in not wanting to have sex tonight, but still wanted Carson around. He didn't realise how clingy he'd become to the man's attention. Carson returned the smile and kissed Rodney's forehead.

"Thanks love. Goodnight."

Carson grabbed his jacket and put it back on, and then left the room. Rodney curled up into a ball on the bed. He couldn't stop cutting himself, not now, and he didn't want anyone to find out - but he wanted to share intimate times with Carson.

"What am I going to do?" Rodney muffled to himself, and started to cry.

"What? Are.. are you serious?" Rodney asked, incredulous.

"We have no choice, Rodney. Without the Iratus bug stem cells, there's nothing we can do for colonel Sheppard. Now, I need your help to find everything in the Ancient database about the bugs so we have the best chance of saving him."
Rodney was hesitant, but nodded. Carson needed him. John needed him too. And if he couldn't help out when he was needed … well, he might as well be dead.

Rodney brought up what he could find about the insects. There was quite a lot of research actually, more than he expected. Nothing that said how to reverse a human turning into a bug though. They took the information to Elizabeth, who was reluctant to say the least. Rodney said nothing while Carson and Lorne convinced her to approve the dangerous mission. It didn't take long, not with both of them arguing for it.

"I'm coming with you." Rodney said as they walked out.
"I would have expected so." Lorne said, as he walked out to gear up. Carson looked at Rodney and patted him on the shoulder.

"That's good, love." Carson said, and indicated to follow Lorne down the corridor. Ronon and Teyla were already there, ready to go. Rodney froze and just nodded at them. He wasn't expecting to have to put up the brave façade quite this early. He quietly then began to gear up himself. Two more marines joined them, and before long, they were ready to head out.

It was a long walk, but eventually they found a cave. Rodney hadn't said too much on the walk there. He found it better to just avoid the potential of suspicious behaviour, and he felt too numb to try very hard. He was literally right beside Carson, but still felt lonely. He was empty inside, and couldn't feel anything for the danger they were walking into or the determination why they were doing it. It was much the same as when they were on the planet with Ellia and the other wraith - except he wasn't having a good time being out in danger.

Dread washed through him as he stared at the cave. The danger inside was very real, and he suddenly decided that death by Iratus bug wasn't going to be on his list of ways to die. Well, he didn't really have a list… but the idea was tempting. With the way he felt, he wouldn't mind having options. And he still felt glad that he could openly think like that without any negative consequences.

Rodney turned his collar upwards, afraid of getting bitten.

"You don't honestly expect that to help, do you?" Carson sniped to him.

"Yeah, well, when they see your neck before mine you won't think it's so stupid!" Rodney snapped back, meaning it playfully… but it might have come across as snarky.

Before they knew it, there were bugs everywhere. Hundreds. The pit of Rodney's stomach dropped, and Carson gulped.

"Good god… I think this is it." Carson spoke, skin crawling.

"So how do we want to play this?" Lorne asked.

"They'll defend their young." Ronon piped up, and Rodney suddenly had an idea.

"Maybe if we create a diversion?" Rodney said, and sunk into himself when he saw the team turn to him.
"Are you volunteering?" Lorne asked, and Rodney quickly shook his head.

"I'll shut up." he said quickly, and resolved to remain quiet again.

Of course they didn't want his input. The emptiness inside was quickly replaced with anxiety and a deep sorrow of rejection. He just watched as Carson bravely held his collecting stick, and doused the ground with saltwater. He saw Carson lifting up his collar, and suddenly felt annoyed at the previous poking fun the doctor did before.
"See? Not so stupid!"

Carson mubled for Rodney to shut up, and continued trying to collect the eggs. He was working very hard to suppress the panic building in his chest over what he was doing. Rodney held his breath as he watched his boyfriend get closer and closer to the eggs… when suddenly Ronon fired his gun, and then there was gunfire all around.

"Carson, run!" Teyla shouted, and Carson didn't need to be told twice. He dashed back to the group, and grabbed a hold of Rodney's arm to drag him towards the entrance. Rodney ran with him, and was followed by Ronon, Telya, and Lorne. Gunfire still echoed through the tunnel, and Lorne shouted for his men to follow. A gruelling scream answered, and everyone suddenly knew the other men's fate. Carson's stomach dropped when he realised the other men weren't coming, and then was stunned by the sudden grenade explosion.

They had failed. Carson knew he had failed, again. He didn't want to just abandon the search, he didn't want the deaths to be for nothing… but Lorne was right. Unless they had another way to get the eggs, the mission was scrubbed. They walked off, Rodney being the first to follow Lorne, but Carson was hesitant for a moment. He had been so sure they could do it. Sighing to himself, he joined the others back to Atlantis.