Chapter 3
I'm back.
Sorry that I've been off for so LONG. But I have reasons, ones that were very coincidental.
First thing is, for some reason, my connection was cutting off a lot so I couldn't really go online. Second is, Word was not working at all, I couldn't open the file and it was as if all the words I put in was gone. Then, my hand got injured and I couldn't type or write. When it healed I still had the problem of Word, then I accessed the files inside and I managed to get this back. But then I had a stomach pain, hurt a lot. THEN it was my neck. Sounds unbelievable now, doesn't it? Sorry guys, though.
It's been a few weeks since I've written that, and guess what?
Tests.
Word.
Damn it Microsoft.
Now I'm using OpenOffice, which is free! I recommended it too! Oh, and by the way; after this chapter, I'll have something VERY important to say.
Over 100 views already? Yosh! The rating changed to a T because… Kakuzu.
Disclaimer:
Me: Anyone available to say the disclaimer?
Sasori: Count me out.
Deidara: Me too, it's not even needed, all you needed to do was just leaving at the first chapter and you don't have to say it.
Hidan: I'll say it,
The owner of this story owns nothing.
Me: AHEM, the last word?
Hidan: Oh yeah… Enjoy.
Opening: Sanjou! Ginyu Tokusentai! (0:00 – 1:20) [Or you could just watch the whole thing for the true theme]
A Normal Video Game Store
- At HOMME -
"Umm, Deidara does know we mean that we have girlfriends, right?" stated Kisame as he looked at his crew, "As in, girls that are our frineds
"We don't have those by the way." Pointed out Kakuzu, "Excluding Konan."
"Does that make the over a hundred girls on Tobi's Instagram account just friends?" drank Itachi. He his choice of drink was a nice Fanta, oranges were his favourite fruit, well, when there weren't any apples left.
"…"
"…"
"Lucky bastard." Pouted Hidan.
"I actually have a 'true' girlfriend by the way." Stated Sasori.
"…"
"…"
"Lucky bastard."
- Namely where Tobi and Deidara are-
"Deidara-senpaiiiiiiiiiiiii… Wake upppppppppppp…" moaned Tobi as he carried the still-in-shook and white Deidara. Actually, Tobi was dragging him across the floor, the concrete floor.
Deidara started mumbling incoherent words under his breath as started working again.
"Now you're awake. We've walked yards! Jeez!" complained Tobi as he let go of Deidara's figure.
"Ow." Came a startled reaction, "This floor isn't soft you know." Deidara scratched his head.
"Deidara, where are we going?" Tobi interrupted around at the abandoned, cold streets that intimidated him.
A vein throbbed in the blonde's forehead, 'Son of a b- 'he stopped himself, then remembering Pein's words, he took a breathed in, then out.
"Pfft, I dunno." Deidara stood up, shaking the dirt off his shorts and shaking off that vein throbbing, also. "The video game store of course, stupid." He smirked. Deidara was, in this important-ish part of the story, wearing brown shorts from who-knows-where and a black t-shirt with three bear red scratch marks on its front. He wore light brown sandals too. "But we are also going to buy some stuff, at Walmart."
Tobi was wearing a grey t-shirt with 3 bears standing on top of one another, the bottom was an ice bear, on top of it was a panda with a brown phone, and the common brown bear on top. On the back of the shirt said, 'We Bare Bears'. Tobi also wore black shorts. Nike. "And where is that?"
"Somewhere, maybe it's over the rainbow." Joked Deidara as he started walking towards the direction of the very big Walmart store.
Tobi followed, "I don't get it. Sounds like something Pein would say." He thought for a moment, "Or sing."
"Don't jinx it."
- At HOMME -
"Somewhere~ over the rainbow~, way up highhhhhhh...~"
- Tobi & Deidara -
On the streets, there were lots of small, off-license shops that either sold food or clothes. One shop was a right rip-off of KFC, OFC. It was the usual blood red and had the sign of KFC but with OFC.Instead ofColonel Sander's head, it was replaced with… Barack Obama's. It's quite funny looking at it.
Tobi laughed at the Obama head, "LOL!"
"What's so funny?" inquired the bored blonde.
A man came out of the door of the shop, then looked at the two possible customers.
" 啊!你想尝试一些我们的鸡吗？奥巴马approves！(Ah! Do you want to try some of our chicken? Obama approves!)" the man said.
He started blabberling about how good his shop was compared to the "dump" called the father of chicken.
"Hey Deidara-senpai," Tobi started, his face turned to his senior.
"Hmmm?"
"What is he saying?" Tobi only knew some words of Chinese, all he got was "KFC" and "chicken.
"You don't know your home country's language?" Deidara squinted.
"Is it French?" Tobi asked?
"…" Deidara facepalmed, "No, genius, it's Japanese. What he's saying is, basically, KFC sucks, OFC rules." Then Deidara threw something.
"…" The man frowned and shook his hand at the blonde, then muttered some swear words in Japanese as he went into the store to go clean his head.
"Ha!"
Deidara formed the usual hand sign and the store exploded.
"Today, they'll be heartbroken, tomorrow, they'll be eating chicken from McDonalds." Then Deidara shrugged, "It's pretty much how people react to the news really."
"Deidara-senpai! You shouldn't have done that… It's not nice to kill people you know…"
Deidara squinted at him, "You can tell me what to do, I'm you're senpai."
"And I'm Tobi! Nice to meet you!"
"Why didn't I kill you instead?"
- A few minutes later -
After a few minutes of walking, Tobi started singing, silently, "We're going on a trip…"
Deidara was too busy thinking about what kind of romance game he would buy to notice the singing of Tobi. Should he buy a classic romance simulator? Should he buy a one with fanservice? One with harem? Polyamory? Sex simulation? You've got to know which one you really want.
"In our favourite rocketship…"
Still did Deidara not notice or listen. Now the blonde was thinking about whether to get one NSFW.
"Zooming through the skyyyy…"
Well, there was his looks, he could probably get to a threesome or foursome somewhere. But then he would have to give attention to all his girls, and that was too much work for him.
"LITTLE EINSTEINS!" shouted Tobi as he put enthuse into his most favourite part of the song.
Deidara immediately jumped in the air about a few feet, then came back down and collapsed on the floor. He didn't move.
"Umm… D-Deidara-senpai? A-Are you okay?" trembled Tobi as he looked at the unmoving figure. "Ummm… Oh no." Tobi started panicing, but was eased when he saw a slight twitch of an arm. "Phew! Thank goodness you're- "
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Deidara sprang up with two clay bombs at the ready.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Tobi was blown up, once again, and became a small twinkle in the sky.
A few more minutes later…
"Deidara-senpai!" started Tobi, the two team members stopped in front of a bookstore.
"Hmm?"
"Can I return my book?" Tobi held up a book, it was 'Harry Potter: The Blood Prince', first edition. It shone like diamond when it was sent out and a happy, wanting, feeling spread throughout the streets.
Suddenly, the streets were no longer empty and lifeless anymore. Tens of people appeared from nowhere, well, from the corners of some buildings, especially OFC. The people considered of different eye colours, hairstyles, and skin. But what they all had in common was their shirts.
"Oh, god no…" Deidara's eyes widened. "Nonononononoononononoonno…"
What they all had in common, was their Harry Potter shirts.
"Heyyyy, can I borrow that book?" asked one random person in the crowd.
"Run, Tobi. Run for your life." Deidara started walking away, then broke into a run with Tobi.
"HEY!" the crowd started chasing the two, screaming about their love for the Harry Potter franchise.
"Oh, my gosh, can I like, have that book plz?"
"Is that the NEW book with tha signature? OH MY GOS- "
"Mineminemineminemineminemine-"
"I LIKE, LOVE DA HARRY POTTER!"
"it is so coll-aidsss."
"GIMME!"
"I CALL DIBS!"
"I CALL DOUBLE DIBS!"
"How much bub- "
"SHUT YER MOUTH BOI!"
"My name's Justin B- "
"Dibs."
Well, not all of them. But they were sure annoying.
Then, at one corner, the two ninjas went into a dark alley and lost the fans, who passed them, thinking they someone became the Flash and might've outrun them.
Deidara and Tobi watched until the last person, a man using a wheelchair (they look so comfortable, just sitting on a chair sounds awesome). Then, only then, did they plop down on the floor and relax. They grasped for sweet air and listened to the still shouting voices of the fans.
"Tobi," Deidara panted, coughing a bit.
"Y-Yeah?" came the nervous reply.
"What kind of library allows you to take signed books?! The hell?!" Frowned the blonde.
"Ummmm… It was on display and I just burrowed it…" Tobi started shaking.
"YOU STOLE IT?!" Deidara's mouth fell.
"…. For a few dollars."
"And is there more?"
"…"
"…"
"And the whole of your savings…"
"WHAT THE F- "
"Deidara." Came a voice.
"WHO SAID THAT?" shouted Deidara.
"Guess who~"
"Oh, god no." Deidara started running away like mad.
"Oh! Hi leader-sama!" Tobi bowed.
"What did we say about responding to a voice that is only in Deidara's head and only to be replied by him?" came a feminine voice, probably Konan.
"Sorry, Konan-san."
"Good bye, now, can you chase after Deidara please? I think he think he's becoming mad, which he probably is becoming." Instructed Pein.
"Yes leader-sama!" Tobi ran after the blonde, who was already in the detection of the Harry Potter crowd.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- "
- An Hour Later -
Tobi and Deidara walked together, side by side, rode by horse and rode on road… Well, Tobi was riding the horse.
"I wonder what I should call my horse…" mutter the masked boy.
"Why the HECK are you riding a horse? How did you freaking get that?"
"…"
"…"
"Nature Style: Muffin Button Jutsu!"
A whisp of smoke appeared where Tobi was riding on his horse – err, stallion actually.
When the smoke cleared, what was there was… Tobi, riding on top of a muffin, with a horse face (Jean style).
"…"
"…"
Deidara was speechless. Then he threw something.
Then some things exploded.
"Awwwwww, come one Deidara." Tobi moaned, "You didn't have to blow up the muffin." He pouted, covered in muffin bits.
Deidara squinted at him, "You're going to make me mad one of these days. It's either you or," he shivered, "Tokusentai."
"It's TOKUSENTAI! Not, Tokusentai, Deidara."
"It's, Shut Up, stupid."
Tobi blinked, "That doesn't make any sense."
"Shut up."
"Ok."
- At the Shopping Centre -
"Sir, would you like to buy a trolley?" asked the lady at the what-it stand.
"Nope, I'm f-fine thank you." Said Deidara as he heaved a bag full of juice boxes.
"Deidara-senpai! You didn't have to get so many juice boxes!" complained Tobi.
"Tobi, listen to me." He set the bags down and crossed his arms, straining his neck to look at Tobi.
"Mhmm?" said the boy-man/ man-boy as he ate a rice ball.
"How did…" Deidara shook his head, "If you had to ask one thing I've learnt that has helped me my entire life," he picked up a bottle of Hetap, "Is that, to perform your best and stay at your best is," he opened the bottle, "Through plenty of juice." He drank the Hetap.
"Cool story bro."
- Back at HOMME -
"Itachi!"
"What do you want?" groaned the Uchiha, pressing the pause button on his controller and removing his headphones.
"You. Have. Got. To see this." Kisame gestured to follow him.
Itachi sighed, then got off his seat and followed the shark-man outside.
Once he was outside, the man looked for whatever he was supposed to look at, but just saw sky and some hills.
"Ovah HE-YA!" shouted Kisame from a few feet away, strange thing was, his voice was everywhere.
"Fire Style: Fire Dragon Jutsu!"
"But I'm half-shark and I'm in water…"
"…"
"…"
"Hey, Kisame."
"What?"
"Can you see what I'm doing?"
"Yeah, you're walking awa- "
THUD.
"You've closed the door, yeah I can see what you're doing Itachi."
CREAK.
"Now you've opened the door and you're carrying my pet fish, hello Jeffery!"
"You're also carrying a knife, too and a fork and a plate."
Kisame squinted from wherever he was.
"Now you're sitting on the grass and have put Jeffery on the plate… Now you're glaring at me, how did you find me?"
"Now your knife is nearing my still-alive fish's neck." said Kisame.
…
"Wait a second… This is an illusion, isn't it?"
"What?" came the voice of Itachi.
"My Itachi wouldn't dare kill my friend! That's how I know."
"No, this isn't a ill- "
"I know are your tricks, old friend! You can't fool me."
"Thanks, but this is actually- "Then he scowled, "Did you just call me old?"
"You look old..."
"I'm going to go play on my Nintendo Switch now."
Itachi walked to the door.
"Hey, can I play too?"
"The game's not 2-player."
"But it's Nintendo Switch..."
"I broke the second remote."
"I hate your Nintendo Switch."
- An hour ago, upstairs -
"Sasori, go get some fresh air." Sighed Pein.
"Ok." Came the reply, whose eyes were glued to a iPhone 7.
A few minutes later…
"Hey Sasori- "Kisame stopped in what he was saying to look at the object near Sasori.
"Hi guys." Came a muffled voice still on his phone.
"Why do you have an oxygen tank labelled, 'Fresh'? And why are you using it?" came Pein as he frowned on eyebrow.
"You said I should go get some fresh air."
"Where'd you get that? Inquired Itachi.
"Walmart."
"Phone Deidara and Tobi to get an oxygen tank for me please. It's going to be a long stream for me tonight and I need some oxygen atoms running around in my body." Commanded Itachi.
"You know, I've always wondered why you're more of a gamer than a scientist." Wondered Kisame.
"Maybe it's because I killed my entire clan?"
- Back At The Store -
Now, to drop these things off to their respective owners.
Deidara did a quick succession of hand signs, "Helper Jutsu!"
A large red bunny appeared out of nowhere, carrying a rucksack on its back. Oh yeah, it had blonde hair like Deidara too.
"Worst. Jutsu Name. Evah." Chuckled Tobi. "You should've could called it Dei-Bunny Jutsu."
"You were actually useful for once."
"Really?"
"No." Deidara deadpanned, "Now, DELIEVER," the blonde man brought a list, "The juice boxes to MY ROOM, the oxygen tank to ITACHI, the fishing pole to KISAME, and the bombs to HIDAN. DELIEVER."
"K, calm down." The bunny stuffed the packages into his bag and drove underground and just dodged a deformed clay spider being thrown at it. Then he appeared again and stuck out its tongue, "You missed, big time."
"Shut up." Deidara threw another deformed clay spider. Which missed.
"Your work of art is a work of not." Dei-Bunny dodged another clay spider, more deformed than the last one. Then he dodged an all but beautiful clay bird. "Now, that's just horrendous."
"Like you."
"How rude." Dei-Bunny disappeared underground when his male counterpart started doing something suspicious with the clay.
"Son of a bitch."
"Doesn't that make you his father then? As you made him?" Tobi wondered.
"…Forget I said anything." Groaned Deidara. "Look. There's the video game store!"
"Let's-a go!" Tobi said with an Italian voice.
Inside the store -
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there." groaned a feminine voice.
"Boo."
"Boo who?." the female at a dilapidated, creaking counter arranged her head onto a right hand.
"Don't cryyyyyy..." laughed the husky voice outside. Then it started coughing, "Ooops! Hehe!"
"Seriously, can you just go away?" the female leaned more on her hand.
"Maybe if you let me have a look at your- I mean the video games, then maybe I won't disturb you as much." You could hear the scratching at the door outside.
"Yeahhhhhh, no. Not after last week."
"Hmmm, I'll just tell you some more jokes!" the husky voice chuckled, "Knock, knock."
"I'm not opening the door."
"Knock, knock."
"Sigh." it was no use, the man would just keep on saying that. "Who's unfortunately there?"
"Yodel-le-hi"
"Yodel-le-hi-who."
"No, you say it like this YODEL-LE-HI-WHO!" the man shouted, then chuckled as he heard something smash on the floor.
"You..." Patience coming to an end, the girl stomped towards the door, steam flowing out of her ears and opened the door, "GET. OUT."
"..."
"Hey Deidara, you've already attracted someone!"
"Shut up." Deidara's fist was about to flame, sharing a personality like the woman looking at him.
Said woman suddenly blushed as she realized her mistake.
Said angered male suddenly calmed down at seeing the blush.
"Oh! Sorry!" the blonde feminine flicked the ponytail guarding half of her blue eyes. "Come in!" The girl started beckoning them to come inside, making them develop the dash towards the inside.
Fortunately, the man outside had failed to make the attempt inside. Although close, the door smashed before he could made a nose-length entrance inside the building.
Inside the store, there were many games of many prices. One example was Battlefield 1; Unoffical HACKED Edition with the price tag at $50.
"Where are there hacked versions of games?" questioned Deidara.
"Y-You don't need to know!" stuttered the blonde. "So, which genre do you like?"
"Psst, Deidara," whispered Tobi.
"What?" came the reflection.
"Have you noticed something weird?"
"Nope."
"Usually, a girl asks me first, not you." Realisation spread through Deidara's mind.
"Is something wrong?" inquired the other blonde in front of them.
"N-Nothing! Uhh, I like romance." said Deidara.
"Oh," the girl usually would either except an FPS or something pervy, "Anything else?"
"I like some action too." The girl saw this differently than what was meant.
"Okay...Which type of romance?"
"Wait, there's types?"
"Dating simulator, blah blah blah, blah blah-"
Deidara only grasped on the word 'simulator'. "The first-"
"How about action?" came Tobi, bringing a bowl of complementary peanuts.
"Where'd you go?" asked Deidara.
"I was hungry and this nice lady gave me some peanuts. Now I'm thirsty, can I get a drink?" explained Tobi.
"Idiot, the peanuts are making you thirsty." sighed Deidara, "And I thought video game stores didn't sell drinks.
"Glocalization. We actually operate in Russia." introduced a black-haired woman. "Name's Shizune."
"Oh! I've heard of you! You're that one person in the new-"
"What did you hear?" said Shizune with widened eyes.
"They said you stole something, blah blah blah, and you assaulted a policeman, blah blah blah." Tobi remembered, "Wait, I'm sure you're supposed to be in prison?"
"...No..."
"We'll not say anything if you give us a 100% off sale on one of these games." smirked Deidara.
"You could've been a jerk and asked for more you know." said the girl-blonde, then immediately covered her mouth.
"Don't worry, I'm not like that." smiled Deidara (Hidan: Wait, I'm sure he was smirked a couple of lines ago; lazy writing.)
The girl blushed, "N-Name's Ino, by the way."
"What game do you want?" sighed Shizune.
"I'd like to get a dating simulator for my brother." lied Deidara.
"I didn't know you had a brother Deidara! You're not allowed to keep secrets!" complaind Tobi.
"Says the person wearing the mask." Deidara rolled his eyes.
"The romance section is over here." waved Shizune.
Behind her was a large selection of games, no special editions, though. Most of them were for men, featuring explict content and.. other things.
"Is your brother a bit of a lowlife?" inquired Shizune.
"No, of course not." Deidara defended.
"Likes uncensored?"
"Nope." Deidara isn't that kind of guy, sometimes.
"Harem?"
"Possibly." Deidara always wondered what it was like to be loved by a lot of girls at the same time.
"Then I recommend this one. No refunds."
"You're always like this, Shizune." giggled Ino.
"Hmmm..." The game box in front of him was called 'Happy Love'. "I don't like the title. "Let's search for one, Tobi."
"Yes sir!"- Few Minutes Later -
"This one?" "No." "This one?" "No." "This one?" "That's a chainsaw." "This one?" "That's an explicit body part- wait. WHAT THE HELL? THAT'S POR- " "Huh?" Deidara jumped to cover Tobi's one-eye. "You saw nothing.""Saw what?"
"...That one's a bit late."
"Sorry."
"How about this one?" pointed out Ino, this one was called, 'Honeypop'.
"Sure, it looks good." decided Deidara.
"Do you mean the women?"
"No, no." defended Deidara.
"20 dollars." said Shizune as she packed the item into the bag.
"Sure-"
"No refunds." interrupted the black-haired assistant.
"Ok...Bye." Deidara waved.
"Bye!" Tobi waved.
"Come again!" smiled Ino.
The boys left.
"..."
"You know, I can of liked that Deidara guy." confessed Ino whilst blushing and turning her leg at a particular point.
"Him? Oh he was fine, first customer we've had in weeks, though."
At Home -
Deidara looked at his watch, just an hour in the evening. "Time to play I guess." He grabbed a VR Headest and equiped it, then, he shut the covers on his bed, closed his eyes, then waited for the familiar reassuring click, signifying that it was 'Ready To Play'.
"Link Start."
So...About this story...Don't worry, it's not that I'm cancelling the story, I'm just putting it on a hiatus for a while. I'm sorry but, I'm just not feeling the fire that was once there with this story. And if I keep on writing this but don't actually feel like doing it, then it'll be a bad read for you guys. This chapter, for example, was a pain to write. Sorry, again. Bye.