Sorry for the delay everyone, I hope to finish soon but there may be some more delays ahead - it's just when I get time to write! I'll do my best though, thank you for the continued reviews!
When there was nothing left to do but wait, the other medical staff vacated to leave Carson alone with Rodney. Carson sat beside the bed, looking up at the still body that lay there. His muscles were shaking, and the emotions swirled within his chest to a point where he couldn't keep it in anymore. He grabbed a hold of Rodney's limp hand, and leaned against the bed so that he could hang his head in his arms while still holding the scientist's hand. He then burst into tears.
He didn't know how long he was there crying until he felt a hand gently place upon his back. He looked up and saw Zelenka standing there, concerned.
"He's still not breathing, Radek." Carson mumbled hopelessly. Radek's eyes flickered up to the screens with Rodney's vitals, and then back to Carson.
"It's not lost yet, Carson." He spoke gently.
"Why? Why did he do this?" Carson asked while still crying.
"I don't know, Carson. I'm not that kind of doctor." Radek said bluntly, but rubbed circles on Carson's back.
"He left you a message." Radek said after some silence. Carson nodded.
"He said I… I was too late to stop him, Radek. I wouldn't have even found him in time to try save him without you. You have no idea how grateful I am to you."
"I need him too. He's a pain in the arse at times, but he's a friend."
Carson looked up at Radek, eyes red and swollen.
"How did you find out?" Carson asked.
"I saw him go into his lab, and then I didn't hear him for some time. I went to check in on him and he had left his computer running still. You know he likes to be sure to turn it off before leaving, so I went and had a look. Something just seemed off and worried me. I tried radioing him, but there was no response… so I looked at what was left on the computer and found the messages."
Carson just nodded. He was indeed grateful, but also hurt and hating himself. Radek just noticed something small like that and could have saved Rodney's life, whereas he had just thought Rodney was fine. Thinking back on it now, he knew that suicidal people often seem to be doing much better right before they make an attempt on their lives. He was so … stupid, and blind. He just felt like he deserved punishment, and could now understand more of Rodney's self-harming. He had a chance to stop Rodney, before even getting the medications… but no, he saw what he wanted to see.
The recent memories flashed before Carson's eyes, and he paled. He finally started to react to the situation as he saw it unfold before him. Finding Rodney in his room, seeing him drop to the floor, when he stopped breathing, threading the nasogastric tube into his stomach, watching the contents being drained, seeing the charcoal being pumped in, Rodney still not breathing on his own…
"Carson?" Radek asked, having noticed the doctor going still and pale.
Carson suddenly felt ill, and grabbed for the sick bag on the table beside Rodney. He promptly vomited into the bag, heaving violently. He panted a few times, sitting back upright, and tied off the bag. His skin remained pale, but now also had a sheen of sweat covering it. Carson stood and put the bag in the adjacent bin, and then turned to the inquisitive eyes of Radek.
"Bugger, shock." Carson just spoke, assessing his condition. His muscles felt weak and shaky, and he was having trouble breathing from a panic inside his chest.
"Carson, do you need me to get someone?"
"No I don't think so lad, I'm just going into a psychological shock reaction. Just gotta lie down." Carson spoke, trying to remain professional and in control. Radek helped Carson into the bed beside Rodney's.
"Are you sure you don't want one of the doctors?"
"Nae, though I would like a blanket if you'd pass that one over?" Carson said as he laid on the bed, pointing to the linen in the cabinet across the hall. Radek did as he was asked, but still went and got one of the nurses. Carson fussed that he was fine, but the nurse disagreed - much to Radek's comfort. One friend was in enough trouble, he didn't need another suffering.
Radek walked out of the infirmary to first talk to the senior staff, and then to get the message for Carson.
"What's happening Radek? We've been told to stay here."
"Yes, well, there's not much you can do in there other than be in the way." Radek responded to John's request. He wasn't unkind, but still felt resentment towards the colonel for his attitude towards Rodney before.
"Yeah, ok, but what's happening?" Sheppard continued.
"Rodney overdosed on something, I don't know what, and so now is unconscious and on a ventilator. Apparently there's nothing else to be done but wait until the stuff he took wears off. But his heart stayed beating which is good I heard them say… more likely he'll be alright. I just don't know if that's going to happen yet. And I think Carson doesn't either." Radek explained from his observations from the distance in the infirmary.
"Look, can we talk to Carson?" Elizabeth asked, wanting more information than Radek could give.
"No, I don't think so right now. He's not in a good way, Elizabeth."
The team looked at each other. It was turning out to be a rather bad day. John felt pretty guilty over the way he'd treated Rodney since the accident on Doranda, especially the parts regarding depression. He'd honestly thought Rodney was just exaggerating for attention - he didn't think that it was this serious. That all changed when he got called by Radek and told Rodney'd made an attempt on his life. And here he was, sitting in the waiting room, not sure if his teammate would survive. It was a rather abrupt awakening.
Radek excused himself, leaving the team sitting there to talk amongst themselves. Personally he was glad that John seemed scared; he'd not been all that kind to Rodney. It didn't take him long to download the message left for Carson onto his computer, and so was making his way back to the infirmary within a few minutes. He just wasn't sure it was the right time for Carson to see it.