Carson released Rodney under his medical custody once his shift was over. He'd made it very clear to the scientist that he was to remain under his careful watch at all times, and the room would be sealed so he couldn't escape during the night… and that his life sign was being monitored, so should he manage to escape he'd be caught immediately after. Rodney had rolled his eyes at the talk, but said nothing. He wanted to make snipes back at Carson, but rethought his words after his visit with Radek.

It had been a while since John had left that Radek came by to see him. He'd grumbled that he didn't want to see him, but Radek insisted. He'd then been told about what had happened since he took the pills and collapsed in front of Carson. Strangely, no one had said anything about it up until then, and he'd not thought about it. He had listened silently, albeit begrudgingly at first, as Radek described how they'd brought him in to the infirmary, how he'd watched Carson try to resuscitate him, which ended up in him being on a ventilator. That explained the dry painful throat. Then Radek said how Carson had pumped out his stomach through his nose, and then pumped it full of charcoal. That also explained a few other things. He couldn't help but notice the hurt in his fellow scientist's eyes as he said how they just had to wait, and hope, that the treatment was enough.

It was after this that Radek had shuffled closer, and spoke softly to him. Surprisingly to Rodney, Radek actually knew a lot about how he felt. And he knew how to talk to him so that he wouldn't just feel worse. But he did, eventually, feel worse. Radek mostly talked of Carson, and how he wasn't coping well with what had happened. Rodney felt a twang of guilt in his stomach that his mind couldn't quell with any amount of selfishness. His partner had been physically sick, and then gone into shock, over the suicide attempt. He didn't know exactly why, or how, but Radek talking about Carson's suffering from his actions made all that anger and hatred he'd felt before towards him just disappear.

Rodney had burst into tears, and mumbled how he was sorry for causing all that pain, and how he just wanted it all over. He didn't want to hurt Carson, but there just wasn't any other way. Radek had been supportive and comforted him. Rodney was fairly flabbergasted at how readily this man that he constantly put down and snapped at was so caring towards him. In fact, the reactions from all his team had been far from what he'd envisioned. They'd all been so understanding, and no one was scolding him. For the first time he'd felt guilty over trying to end his life. Radek could tell, and had told him that being guilty won't solve anything. He needed to trust in his friends, and his partner, to get through it together. Sure, Rodney was still skeptical, but he agreed he needed to help Carson however he could.

It was obvious that Carson was highly anxious. Even as they both sat there, on the couch in Carson's quarters, Carson's body felt tense and his pulse rapid. Rodney could tell he was trying to control his breathing rate to make it seem like he wasn't tense, but he wasn't doing a good job of hiding it. Not, at least, when he was holding Rodney against his chest. Rodney was broken away from his thought train of his conversation with Radek by Carson getting up and pulling Rodney's wrist to the bed.

Rodney wasn't tired, but his body was still achey. So he lay beside Carson wide awake, as the doctor wrapped an arm across Rodney's stomach and rested his head on Rodney's chest. Rodney felt another wave of sadness over what he'd done, as he saw his love drop asleep from exhaustion before him - but only where he could hear the reassuring thud of Rodney's heartbeat. The room was dark and silent, broken only by gentle breathing and the occasional snore. Rodney still felt like a terrible mess of emotions, but just breathed out and rested his hand upon Carson's back. He was torn between feeling like he should have the support and not give it, and feeling like he should help ease Carson's pain. Maybe he could do both somehow? Slowly, he drifted off to a light sleep.

"RODNEY!" Carson screamed, and Rodney bolted awake. He looked over to where Carson was, laying beside him and tossing violently. He was covered in sweat and his brow was furrowed tightly.
"Carson." Rodney spoke, his voice still hoarse. Carson didn't respond.

"Carson!" Rodney said, louder, and grabbed onto Carson's shoulder and shook it.

He stirred awake, panic still coursing through his veins. He opened his eyes, which darted about to gather information.

"Carson, it's alright, you were dreaming." Rodney spoke, hand still on Carson's shoulder.

Carson panted a bit, and started to calm down when he realised it was just a dream. He lay his head down onto the pillow while he caught his breath, and then rolled onto his side and clutched Rodney close. Rodney just lay there, letting Carson hold him as he needed. It was pretty obvious what the nightmare had been about.

"I'm sorry, Carson." Rodney spoke, barely a whisper. "I'm still here."

Carson soon was off to sleep again, still holding onto Rodney. Rodney drifted off again some time later, still getting an understanding of just how much Carson had been traumatised by what he'd tried to do.

Rodney felt utterly horrible. He lay in bed, curled up as much as possible. He wished he could cry, but he felt too depressed to have the energy. If he moved, it was like his entire day's energy was used - just to lift his head. He didn't want to do anything at all… he felt like if he stayed there, he would waste away to nothing. If only. His eyes flickered to the clock on the bedside table, and noticed that it was just about morning, and so Carson would be getting up soon.

Carson. That was half the reason he wasn't moving. Not in fear of waking the doctor, but because of the overwhelming guilt and horrid feelings that added to his already awful suicidally depressed mood. It hurt so much that he felt like he needed to vomit, but without the nausea - just the physical sensation of being crushed. And it wouldn't go away. And yet, he was feeling more and more anxious as he watched the minutes pass. Soon Carson would be getting up and abandoning him. Sure only for the day, but the entire day for him was far too long. It felt just as bad as if it were for longer.

Before long, Carson started to stir awake. Rodney didn't have it in him to turn around to face his partner, so instead just lay there as if he were asleep.

"Rodney?" Carson uttered, still bleary. When he didn't get a response, he jolted his eyes open and sat upright.

"Rodney?" He asked again, louder this time, and then shook Rodney's shoulder. He couldn't help feeling panicked. He tugged hard to roll Rodney onto his back, and was shocked to see the scientist's eyes wide open and staring back at him.

"Rodney, why didn't you answer? You scared me."

Rodney just averted his eyes and tried to sink into himself.
"Rodney… please talk to me." Carson said, trying to keep Rodney facing him.
"I can't say anything that will help." Rodney mumbled.

"You don't to help, love. We're here to help you. And just saying anything will help you."

"I don't know if I can express it."

Carson sighed, and started to stroke Rodney's arm softly.

"Doesn't matter if it's eloquent or even accurate. Just don't keep it all bottled up. Or…or is it that you just don't want to talk to me in particular?" Carson asked, needing to know even if the answer hurt.

"No, I … I just don't know … I'm sorry."
"Do you feel like you have to be strong for me? Is that why you didn't talk to me before?"

"What? No… um, maybe… kinda. It's all just a mess… but I did feel like I couldn't fall apart or sound like I was around you, cause you expected me to be strong like I used to…"

"Oh Rodney." Carson stated, and put his hand over his face to rub his eyes.

"You listen to me. I don't care if you break down. I'm a doctor, I can help with that… but I can't help unless you let me know. It doesn't matter if you look weak or whatever - you're dealing with things that are overwhelming and no one can have any say on it. You're strong by just staying around and trying to get over it. There's nothing wrong with needing help, and nothing wrong with falling apart. It doesn't change who you are, just means you're brave enough to let people see how bad it is so we can all help."

Carson kissed Rodney on the forehead, and then got out of bed. Rodney still felt awful, but Carson's words did help. He at least felt more comfortable with people knowing he wasn't alright, and so could probably talk about it more and not let as much stay hidden. He still felt the urge to harm himself, and to be in dangerous situations… but for the moment, the urge to seriously end his life had abated.