Chapter Three
Carlisle had seen my fear, but he had no idea what had caused it. I needed to be a better liar this time. The longer I could keep them from finding out, the better. I just needed a little bit of time to do what I needed to do.
So I looked away, closing my eyes again. I sniffled, carefully shifting so I could lay back down. I was so tired, I felt like I could sleep for days. The unending dizziness didn't help. I just forced my thoughts in a less distressing direction. I forced myself to stop thinking about what would no doubt be happening to me later on.
About the third yawn I let escape, Alice spoke again.
"Leandra," She murmured, and I opened my eyes to look up at her, "Is there anything we need to know right now?" At first, I worried she'd caught on, but studying her expression, I figured it out. She meant about the vision.
"I'll tell you." I mumbled, resting my eyes once more, "But just what you should know right now. Remember, we had a deal. And don't think the rest changes just 'cause this part will change. It won't."
"I know." She assured me, so I took a breath.
"The baseball thing I was talking about earlier." I said, "Don't do it. 'Least not with Bella. The others.. The other vampires hear you. That's not the problem." I hesitated, taking another breath, "Umm.. I don't know what happens, 'cause I'm not there, but I just know from what you told me that that one of them is a.. Tracker, I think you said.. And the way Edward gets all protective of her sets him on her."
"Noted." Alice replied.
"Are you sure?" Carlisle asked.
"I'm sure." I replied, "Just wait on it, okay?"
At his silence, Alice spoke to me again, "Anything else?"
I hummed quietly in thought. Searching my mind.
"I don't think so." I finally replied, "At least for now. That, and the whole.. Don't answer the phone thing.. I know Carlisle's number by heart, so that could get me into trouble."
"You've never seen it." Alice murmured. So I recited it. Without missing a beat, opening my eyes to see her reaction. That was clearly it. She seemed so amazed at everything I could remember. I knew exactly why that was, too. I recalled the differences in our abilities easily.
She had a broader view, but they were limited to key points. My visions only involved myself and people I'd interact with eventually, but almost limitless in what I could see. I could only see for myself, but I had a much deeper understanding of everything that happens in the vision. She just didn't know that about me yet.
"I remembered it a long time ago." I told her, "It changes in a couple months when we move to New York, but I know that one too. His is the only number I know, though. It was the only one I had to remember, because I knew he'd always be there."
A lengthy silence followed while I laid there with my eyes closed. I had quite a bit on my mind as it was. The pain in my stomach, as well as along my sides and back now and then hitched my breathing when I breathed too deeply.
Every breath I took, though, made me feel like I wanted to throw up. I was miserable, but it was tolerable. I just desperately needed to rest. To get through whatever the beer was making me go through. It was pretty hard to think, but I wished whatever this was was over with so I could know which part of this misery would be sticking around.
How did I not know about this before? This was a pretty massive detail that both of those visions left out, but then I thought about it. At some point, in both visions, I'd gone through something involving bleeding inside. In fact, this was how I was turned during the first vision. This same thing, except a whole lot worse.
I shuttered, remembering that whole scene. Cringing internally. Just thinking about all of that was upsetting enough without knowing exactly what happened next. It was such a nightmare.
It was strange, thinking back that far. Like remembering a whole different person.
"Are you cold?" Alice asked me.
"A little." I admitted, "But I'm used to it." Carlisle ignored that last bit, removing his jacket and laying it over me. I wanted to tell him not to worry about it, but I didn't bother. It was a small gesture, but it meant a lot to me. I curled up under it, a little surprised at exactly how much room I had under it. It was so hard to be so small again.
"This really sucks." I admitted with a small sigh, flipping up one side of the jacket and letting it fall back down, "I used to be able to fit this thing. It would be big, but not this big."
They knew what I meant.
"That must be so confusing." Alice offered.
"Not anymore." I sniffled a little in left over emotion, "It was pretty confusing the first time. Really confusing. Now it just pisses me off. I gotta go through all that crap again." If I lived that long. I left that last part out.
"I still can't believe how much you've seen." She said, obviously very interested in that. I smiled a tiny bit.
"Eight years." I said, "Twice."
"Twice?" She asked, and I realized I never explained to them exactly what was going on in my mind. They knew very little.
"I remember both." I explained quietly, "Remember when I said I didn't remember where I knew you guys from when I first showed up? That was from the first vision the other night. I lived a long time in that one. The one last night was a little shorter, but I'm so glad I woke up when I did. That one didn't end so good."
"What changed?" Jasper asked.
"For me," I replied, "I guess my mind grew. At first, it was really hard to even think about trying to remember everything, but the whole time I was stuck in last night's vision, my head would hurt. I think that was me making more room to remember more stuff. Now it doesn't hurt to remember things, and I remember everything. It just makes me sad."
I paused for a breath, before going on.
"Everything else.." I hesitated, "I dunno. Lots of things. Lots of little things changes the bigger things." Alice nodded a little, so I went on, "But sometimes, even though some of the bigger things change, a lot of the little things would stay the same, and it's.. It's hard to really tell you how different those two visions were, but still a lot the same."
"I understand." She nodded again.
"Something you don't know yet." I mumbled, "Something I learned this time, is our gifts are the same, but different."
"I'm gathering that." She murmured.
"You can see for other people." I said, "I can't. I just see for me." I paused, "And Aro too, I guess, but that's different. Because I can only see for me, I see things more than you do."
"How do you mean?" She asked, honestly curious.
"When I see things," I explained, "I live them. Everything is as real to me as right now is to you. I can't tell that it's just a dream until I wake up. For all I know, this could be one. I just don't know."
"Where were you when you woke up?" I knew what she was asking.
"With Jack." I replied, "He had a gift. One you don't want him to have, so trust me. Stay away from the three other vampires."
"How do they tie into Jack?" She asked. This was a little more complicated of an answer, so I stayed quiet for a moment to think. I forced my eyes to open, as leaving them closed made it too tempting to fall asleep.
"Well.." I finally mumbled, looking over at her, "When the one hunts Bella, you guys kill him. He has a girlfriend that's really pissed about that. So she finds someone else to help her make an army of newborn vampires in Seattle. You guys don't know about it until it's too late to stop it."
"I see." Carlisle frowned.
"You guys thought you had to clear them up yourselves, so Aro won't come looking around." I went on, "But that's not the part I'm talking about. Jack doesn't get a hold of me like he wants to. Almost. I would have been a goner if Edward wasn't there. Anyway, so he goes to hide away in Seattle. He gets bit there, and turned, but he doesn't want to be a part of that army. He thinks he's more.. Umm.. Useful on his own. It's all connected."
"And what was his gift?" Alice asked quietly.
"He strengthens bonds." I replied, "I don't know that much about it. I can't remember the word you guys used, but.. It's a little like what Chelsea can do, but only for himself. He can turn people against someone else, and turn them for himself. He did it to me twice and believe me, it sucks."
"You know Chelsea?" Carlisle asked, obviously surprised.
"I was there." I replied pointedly, "I know all of them over there. It's not like I could just tell Aro no, no matter how much I wanted to, but that's a long story. But.. Last time, you took me to Chelsea to try to fix what Jack did. It worked, but only a little. So Jack had something to build on when he got me back again after I had the baby."
"You were pregnant?" Alice asked sadly.
"Both times." I replied, "But the last time was.. Well, that's a really long story that I don't really want to talk about right now. It hurts my head just thinking about it. There's a lot I would have to tell you first."
"Okay." She said, "You don't have to right now." I nodded, appreciating that.
I left my eyes closed, grateful to be warming up. In the silence that followed, I fought back the heavy emotion at all I was giving up.
This time was different, and the realization that I was dying slowly scared me. I was so afraid I wouldn't have enough time, but I had to believe that I'd make it just long enough to fix everything. None of it had to happen. Nothing had to go wrong for them. The need to make things right was all I had. It outweighed everything, even the temptation of giving in and letting them help me again.
I couldn't do that, but I couldn't help the small sob. Knowing now that fighting so hard to get them back wasn't the way it was supposed to go. That even now, I shouldn't be letting them back into my life, and to help them, I would eventually have to say goodbye. I would only have them in my life long enough to tell them that everything was okay now. That I had fixed it. After that, if I even lived that long, I would have to walk away.
"Leandra?" Alice asked, concerned. She could easily see just how upset I was getting.
"It hurts." I whimpered, looking over at her, "I lived two lifetimes with you guys, and nobody even knows who I am. I won't even have the chance to get that back."
"Yes you will." Alice replied, "Do you really think we'd just abandon you after all this?"
"You have to." I cried, turning to hide my face in my arm, "It's the only way to keep everything from going wrong in a different way. I'm not good for you guys to know at all."
"Don't say that." Alice murmured, leaning closer, "At this point, I don't care what happens. I'm not going to just drop you and run."
"You have to." I repeated, looking over at her once again, "All I want.. All I want is to just make it right. You can't help me. It all depends on this trip to California, but no matter what they do with me, I'm doomed." Once again, I was trying to tell them what was going on without actually saying the words, but it wasn't working this time.
"No you're not." She told me firmly, "I promise. We'll figure something out when you get back, but you won't be alone." It wasn't that easy. She wasn't hearing what I wasn't saying.
I wanted to tell her not to make promises I knew she couldn't keep, but instead, I just closed my eyes again. My stomach was really turning now, and I worried what throwing up would do to it now that I knew it was damaged.
Over the next several minutes, I subtly felt that heartbreak gradually ease. For once, I was deeply grateful for Jasper's help. It helped calm me down, which calmed my stomach for the most part. It still hurt, but I wasn't worried about throwing up.
"Tell me about Mikah." Carlisle requested after my second deep, calming breath, and I couldn't help smiling. I knew he was just trying to get some insight on all I knew, just how much information I had stored in my mind by remembering a person I had no chance of knowing yet, but this subject was more than okay with me. This was a memory I didn't mind revisiting, even if it did make me sad.
"He lives in New York." I said, looking up at him, "In the same city we lived in for awhile, so I met him while we lived there. He turns sixteen in September."
"You said he gets turned too?" Alice prompted, and I nodded. Guilt stole that small smile I had.
"Because of me." I muttered, "I mean, it worked out okay, but I still feel real bad for it."
"What happened?" Carlisle asked, concerned.
I took a breath, gathering my thoughts, "His dad.. Well, first, he gets in a fight with his brother for saying something bad about me, so his dad breaks it up and takes Mikah somewhere else to sort him out. He beats him up and leaves him there."
"How horrible." Alice frowned.
"Mikah says his dad's done that before." I replied, "He gets found by.. Someone else because of all the blood. He would have been okay, but Cole turns him, thinking he's helping. Nobody really blamed Cole. He's such a good guy. It just really sucks because Mikah has two younger brothers and two younger sisters that he has to take care of, but couldn't anymore."
"How does he come to stay with us?" Carlisle asked.
"He follows me." I answered quietly, "Cole teaches him how to control himself, so Jasper doesn't kill him right away, but Mikah followed me because I'm the closest thing he had to his family. He couldn't have his real family anymore, but he could have me because I already knew what he was."
"That makes sense." Alice nodded a little.
"I don't know if I would be very comfortable with that." Jasper muttered.
"You weren't." I replied, "But.. Like I said, he was my best friend. He was a newborn, but he was still my best friend. He promised to hunt animals like you do if you let him stay with me." I paused for a breath, "And you do, because he's the only one that really gets me. We always said that he 'speaks my language'. He knew me better than I knew me. Like he was just a different part of me, like an arm or something."
They were silent as I caught my breath. Truthfully, talking about him made me very sad, and I would have loved to see him again or at least know that one day I would, but I couldn't let that happen.
"And I'm sad, because I never got to say goodbye to him." I paused for a breath and a sigh, "But.. It's something I'll have to let go of, because it's better for everyone that way."
"That's very selfless of you." Carlisle murmured quietly.
"I been through this twice now." I admitted, "By now, I know what things I shouldn't do to get the best ending, I guess. It's better for him if he can stay with his family. They need him more than I do. It's better for you if we never have to go to New York at all. I can keep all that from happening. You just gotta do what I say."
They fell quiet again, and I listened to the breeze around me. With Jasper's continued help, I held onto the feeling I had while thinking about Mikah. Even if I was sad, just the memory I had of him made me happy. Or as close to happy as I would ever be. It calmed me too, and it made all of this even more worth it.
"How did you meet Mikah?" Alice asked me quietly, and I smiled a little. I could understand why they would be curious about this.
"It's kinda a long story." I sniffled, "I met him when I went for a walk passed the park. The park just down that hill passed the back yard. He was working at that little store on the corner two streets away." I paused as she seemed to be thinking. She smiled as well, glancing over at Carlisle.
"I know which store you're talking about." She said and I nodded. It felt oddly nice to have it confirmed like that.
"I went in there." I went on, "I still wasn't used to being anywhere on my own, so that was as far as I went." I decided to leave out most of the details, so I skipped ahead, "I didn't find out 'til later that Alyssa is his sister. Alyssa is my friend too, from school. School there, I mean. Not here. Everyone here sucks."
"We know what you mean." She assured me.
"This boy meant a lot to you." Jasper observed.
"He still does." I replied, "He always will. I don't even have to talk to him. I'd give anything just to see him again. Well.. Almost anything."
"I'll take you." Alice offered, "Right now." I sighed, giving her a look.
"That's why I said 'almost anything'." I mumbled, "No, it's gotta be this way."
"It was worth a try." She smiled sadly.
"Besides." I yawned briefly, "I'm not supposed to meet him 'til October."
"So we're there in October?" She asked, and I nodded.
"We're actually s'posed to be there in September, after.." I hesitated, thinking before I frowned over at her, "Hey, wait a minute. No fair trying to trick me."
She smiled again, just as sadly, "I'm sorry."
"I can't blame you, I guess." I replied, "I would be pretty curious too."
"I need to know." Jasper spoke, and I looked to him, "You said we move to New York after something happens.." I understood where he was going with this. He'd overheard earlier when I mentioned why we had to move.
"What happened wasn't your fault." I told him, "It was.. Kinda my fault."
"How in the world would it be your fault?" Jasper asked flatly.
"Well.." I mumbled, "Couple days before it happened, I started to feel nervous. Like there was something I needed to remember, but I never remembered what it was until after it happened. That's what sucked the most about that. I didn't remember in time to warn anybody about what was gonna happen. That, and I talked to you right when it happened, so-"
"You were there?" He asked, surprised, and I hesitated.
"Yeah." I replied, "I saw the whole thing. 'Member? I can't see stuff that I'm not there to see."
"Please tell me." He said, "I need to know if she.." He trailed off, and I understood more of what he was asking.
"No." I replied, "She's fine. Well, mostly fine, but you don't hurt her."
"And you?"
"I'm fine too." I said, "You push me out of the way before you go nuts."
"See?" Alice smiled a little over at him, "I told you you're doing better."
"I think I kinda help with that too." I mumbled.
He shook his head, "But because of that-"
"It's Edward's idea." I replied before he could finish that thought, "To leave, I mean. Besides. That's fixable, remember? I just won't be there to distract you, so you'll be able to pay attention to not killing her."
Saying it like that made me sad as well. It reminded me of exactly what I was giving up. I tried to comfort myself, though, with the thought that I had so many memories of them and all the things they did for me. Even if none of those memories were real. They were real enough to me. That thought did ease me, but I knew when the time did come for me to turn my back on them, it was going to hurt like hell.
"I know it seems like I'm crazy." I spoke even quieter now, "I know it's hard for you to get it. Why I'm doing this. You just don't have the same memories I have. I wish I could show you what it's like living years with people who have no idea who you are. Caring so much about people who just met you two days ago."
"I can't imagine." Carlisle finally spoke again, having been silent for awhile and I looked over at him.
"It's hard." I admitted, "Before, all I wanted was to get back what I lost by waking up the first time. That was all I wanted, but.. What I saw last night proved I can't do that again. That's not the right way. I really want to, but I can't do that again." I quieted again, "I can't have anybody."
As hard as I tried to hide it, I knew that they could see how badly that last statement hurt me. As much as it hurt me to know I'd lost Mikah by waking up, it was taking me a little longer to realize just how badly losing my family was hurting me. Just as badly as it hurt when they left me. That pain was so suddenly very real to me, just as it had been when it happened, and I knew they wouldn't understand.
Here I was, this pathetic, heartbroken little kid, and they had no idea why I was hurting the way I was. They didn't know what I knew, and I didn't have the words to express exactly what it was like to live for so long, making memories with all of these people. These people that had no idea I even existed. Aside from my family, but they'd only known me for a few days. That didn't help me any.
The depression in my stomach clenched it painfully, only adding to the slow but steady cracking my of my already broken heart. I squeezed my eyes shut, doing what I could to steel myself.
"Don't say that." Alice murmured.
"It's true." I replied, looking over at her, "Plus it's just easier to tell myself that now, instead of waiting 'til later when Aro makes you guys leave me. He tries to say it's for my own good, but he's a liar."
"When does he say that?" Alice asked, obviously not liking that.
"Not 'til later." I answered, "He says that after you take me to Chelsea. He says it's better for me to be with humans, so I get left with Heather. She's the only one anyone really trusts to keep me safe from Jack. I just didn't know that you guys would actually leave-leave." I paused for a breath, "Dang it, I'm saying too much again."
"I promise, we're not trying to trick you." Alice replied, and I shook my head. I knew that this time. She laughed a little, "We're just curious."
"I would be too." I allowed that.
"Why would we leave you?" Jasper asked.
"What Aro says goes." I replied simply, "You guys knew that no matter where I was, I would wanna be with you guys, so you had to leave me there or I would give up and go back home like I did before. That couldn't happen again, so.." I sighed, "You left to take away the choice."
"It seems Aro is a larger part of this than we originally thought." Carlisle sighed, and I nodded.
"He's a big part of it." I said, "I'll tell you more about that later. Right now, he doesn't know I'm even alive. Which is a really good thing."
"How does he find out about you?" Alice asked.
"After we're in New York for awhile." I muttered sleepily, "So not 'til like.. Later. Next year. Edward didn't mean to do what he did, but because he did what he did, Aro finds out about me."
"So it's preventable." Jasper gave a small nod.
"Sorta." I mumbled, "I mean.. Aro could find out any other way. Since Carlisle left them a long time ago, he's been paying a lot of attention to him. At least that's how it was told to me."
They fell quiet for a moment, and that was really all the time I needed.
"I'll make everything okay again." I said, just resting my eyes closed now. I whimpered a little, shifting as I tried to get comfortable on the dirt. I stretched, my hip and shoulder popping audibly at the same time. It would have been a little humorous if it didn't hurt.
"Can you stay?" I asked hesitantly. My arm folded under my head, curled in a loose ball underneath Carlisle's jacket, "I'm afraid to sleep, but I think I have to."
"Of course." Alice replied immediately, and I didn't miss the glance she gave to Carlisle. Of course I couldn't fight sleep. I needed it so badly. Unsurprisingly, I found a heavy amount of comfort in her response. I knew for a fact that Jasper had a hand in that, but I also needed that so badly, I didn't fight it.
It fell silent around me, and I knew they were just waiting for me to fall asleep before continuing their conversation. It really didn't take me long. My mind desperately needed real rest, but I couldn't help being worried that I'd wake up and have to start all over again.
I ached in the worst way when I finally opened my eyes again. To my relief, I was still here, and my bruises protested because of it.
It was just passed evening already. I looked around me, slightly disoriented until I found Alice still here, kneeling in the same spot with Jasper still beside her. Carlisle standing behind them.
"How long was I asleep for?" I asked, a little panicked.
"A little over eight hours." Alice answered quietly, "He just woke up an hour ago. We've been keeping watch. Don't worry." That helped.
"I guess that's why he drives for so long." I muttered, pushing myself up shakily, "He slept all day." I shivered a little as the jacket slid off of me. It was cold out now that most of the daylight was gone. I spoke again, "Last time, I was stuck in there the whole time."
"Leandra, I worry." Alice admitted, and I knew Jasper felt the same way by his expression, "We've been talking, and listening." I wondered what they could have been hearing. I didn't particularly feel like I wanted to know, but I felt like I needed to know.
"Listening to what?" I asked hesitantly, "What'd you hear?"
"Nothing you haven't already confirmed." Jasper replied tensely.
"He spoke to his father." Alice added quietly, "Who advised him to get you there as soon as possible, so he can assess the situation further." I looked down.
"That's what happened last time." I explained, "He said it was because I've been noticed. When we get there, he's gonna try to convince Jack to just leave me there for awhile, until everyone forgets about me. He doesn't really want to until he finds the card. That's why I can't take it with me."
"I think we understand a bit better now." Carlisle replied, "Unfortunately."
"Why unfortunately?"
"Because it's so sad." Alice answered for him, "It's so heartbreaking the way they talk about you. Like you're not even human."
"It's been like that my whole life." I shrugged a little, looking down, "He talks to me like that too. I think Jack does that because it makes him feel better about the things he does to me."
I tried to act like it didn't really bother me, but the opposite was true. That had been one of the things that bothered me from the start. With Jack being my only role model for so long, all I'd ever wanted from him was some acknowledgement that I mattered to him.
The way Jack yelled at me hurt me more, knowing that to him, I was nothing better than some disobedient pet. Each beating meant something different, every look he gave me. It impacted me more, and I was sure he meant for it to be like that.
"I'll be okay." I assured them quietly, "He's not bad to me while we're getting there. If I just change that one thing, he won't leave me alone with Ken, and.. Well, maybe this time, we'll come home."
I knew I could hold out a few more days at least if nothing else went wrong. I'd lasted this long, so whatever was wrong inside me was moving slowly. Maybe if I held out long enough, it would fix itself. I could always hope.
I leaned forward, between Jasper and Alice, and peered around the side of the box as the kitchen light turned on inside the house, shining out into the back yard through the large bed sheets covering the three windows. A dread made my stomach ache, my heart speeding up in knowing he would be coming for me soon. An automatic reaction I'd had since I was young.
"You don't have to do this." Jasper told me, probably having felt the fear I felt now. I swallowed against the fear, leaning back upright. I nervously ran my palms against my jeans, whimpering to myself. He knew why I had to. I took a deep, shaky breath in and sighed.
Yes, I did. However, it was time now for them to leave. Anything that happened between now and when Jack and I left was going to be hard to endure, but I had no choice. I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay this calm. Just like when he brought me out here.
"Thank you." I whispered, "For staying with me."
"I'm staying with you." Alice promised, knowing I was halfheartedly trying to shoo them away, "I can't let you go alone."
I started to shake my head, "You can't-"
"He won't see me." She assured me, and that eased me. Somehow the thought of her being here, even if I couldn't see her, made me feel less alone. I took a breath, nodded, and looked back into the box. I really didn't want to go back in there, but I had no choice. I sighed, before I held my breath, and turned around. Now facing the small hole I had to crawl back into. I hesitated as I remembered what was coming.
"Don't watch." I whimpered, "Okay? Don't watch."
"Why?" Jasper asked, suddenly suspicious. I couldn't exactly blame him.
"Stay hidden." I rephrased it, "No matter what you see or hear. Whatever's coming, I've had a lot worse. I'll be okay." I went to crawl forward, but Carlisle caught my arm gently. Not expecting the feeling, I flinched a little. Jumping at the contact. Another reaction I'd had since I was young.
"Don't do this." He requested, and for the slightest second, I felt a little torn, "It isn't too late." This was the first time he'd outright asked this of me.
"You have to let me do this." I replied, shaking my head, "It's the only way. I promise, when I get back, I'll tell you everything you need to know. Just.. Let me make you guys safe again."
Short of kidnapping me, there wasn't much he could do, and I knew he would never do that. Not unless I asked for it. Not even if it was for my own good.
Of course, they could always call the cops, but they knew that all that would accomplish was making me hate them and I would lie straight to the cop's faces. So I'd still be stuck right where I was, and they would be less likely to be believed if they ever tried to report again. Not to mention the fact that I would probably refuse to trust them. I felt like I knew them well enough by now that I was pretty positive that they wouldn't go that route.
I didn't wait for him to agree. I wasn't up for arguing. I just crawled painfully back into the box, carefully making my way back toward the front in the extremely limited light. Passed spider webs and cans of gasoline. I was still pretty unsteady in my movement, but sleeping had helped me a lot.
I looked back as the first board went back into place. I knew this was bothering them, but they believed me. Where they didn't believe me, I left no option.
I kept my eyes closed, hoping that would hide the fact that I was in complete darkness. I curled into an upright ball against the front corner of the box, sobbing as quietly as I could. I was cold, tired, and in so much pain. I coughed a little, ignoring the slight taste of blood in my throat. It was very faint, not even enough to fully taste, only enough to add the slight metallic hint to the back of my mouth.
Knowing they were out there, refusing to take my warning seriously, and knowing they would see just a glimpse of what my life was like bothered me. More specifically, what they were about to see. Mostly, I tried not to think about it, but part of me couldn't help it.
I hated the thought of them seeing this, but maybe it would help in the long run. Maybe seeing what he could be like would give them more of an idea of why I was doing what I was doing. I mainly worried about their ability to resist intervening. It would be hard for them. I knew that. I couldn't blame them.
I wasn't sure how long I sat in there, as I snoozed a bit, until I jumped painfully at the sound of the back door opening. With a hitched gasp, I forced myself up. Scrambling up out of my ball, kneeling as upright as I could in the box. Whimpering wordlessly for mercy. I needed him to forgive me.
Please, I begged in my mind. Let me out. Please let me out. I hated it so much in here.
Each of Jack's steps from the porch came desperately slowly, as if he were taking his time. Enjoying the sound of my pleading whimpers. Across the ground until I heard him stop outside the box. I could clearly imagine them watching him coming closer, and I knew how badly they wanted to stop him.
For the briefest second, I wondered if he felt like he was being watched like I always did. Even if he did, I doubted he paid any attention to it.
"What do you say?" Jack kicked the box, and I yelped at the sound.
"I'm sorry." I whimpered through the wood, "I won't do it again."
"Yeah you will." He grumbled bitterly, but I heard the lock click open anyway. Seconds later, the door lifted open, and I stood clumsily to my feet. I leaned against the wood, catching my breath from my few moments of suffocating in there and the panic at how dark in was.
He studied me, "Damn, you look like shit." He gave a laugh, "I love this thing." He patted the wooden door and stepped back as I attempted to climb out.
I grabbed the edge with my hands and tried to lift myself up enough to climb over, but I really wasn't in the best of shape. It took me a few tries, but I managed to brace my shoes against the side and pull myself up, but actually climbing out hurt more than I knew how to express without sobbing.
Inside me and along the skin of my back. My back had taken the worst of the latest beating, so it hurt more than the rest of me did. The violently stinging, aching, nauseating pain that intensified the more I had to move.
I lost my balance, and my foot got caught on the edge as I tried to bring it over. Tripping in my haste and unsteadiness, and hitting the ground heavily. The sharp rocks in the dirt dug painfully into me through my clothes, and my wrist hurt from how I landed on it, but I just laid there.
I had to lay there for several moments, just to keep from throwing up. Nausea turning my stomach against me, making my head spin coldly in the fresh air I could suddenly breathe again. I hated this feeling. He stepped around me, circling me where I laid trying to catch my breath.
"I bet you're freezing." He pointed out, "It's pretty cold out here tonight."
I braced myself. I knew what was coming next, so I stiffened my body as much as I could.
His heavy boot landing against my stomach made keeping my nausea back impossible. Just once was all it took for me to lose my breath in a loud cough and the contents of my stomach at the same time, choking audibly on each attempted breath in. I opened my eyes long enough to look at what I'd just thrown up. The color was a bit off, and I saw the red in it. Just enough for me to notice. Anyone looking would think it was dirt.
With that one kick, I knew what he was saying. I'd fucked up. Badly.
Knowing it was coming didn't make it hurt any less. The impact was full of hatred, and I felt every bit of it. I hated that they'd just seen that, but the scent of the blood I'd just thrown up could be coming from anywhere. I probably reeked of it.
He forced himself to stop at just one, stepping back. Away from me before he could keep going. I sobbed into the dirt, hiding my face with my forehead pressed to the ground. Both arms clutching my tight stomach, in case he decided to come back for another kick. My trembling breath didn't hide the pain in my sobs, despite my effort.
"Let me tell you something." He spoke instead, "I don't know where you got it into your stupid fucking head that you're worth more than I give you, but that shit stops now. You were warned!" I flinched at his raised tone, "I told you exactly what would happen if you ever pulled the shit you pulled yesterday. I fucking told you!"
I just sobbed, not bothering to reply. Anything I tried to say to that would just piss him off more anyway. I did have to say one thing, though.
"I'm okay." I whispered into the ground, "I'm okay."
"You thought you got away, didn't you?" He snapped, not hearing me, "Thought you got away, and you'd never have to face the consequences, huh?"
"No." I answered shakily, "I was going to come back. I tried-"
"Like I'm supposed to believe that." He scoffed harshly, "You're pathetic. I don't even know why I try with you."
"I was going to come back." I insisted, firmer now, "I'm not that stupid."
"You're pretty fucking stupid if you thought leaving at all was a good idea." He snapped. I thought fast.
"I knew it was stupid." I argued as I slowly pushed myself up with my arms, "But I did it anyway. It was my idea to go. I just wanted to see what it was like, going somewhere besides school. After you took me to get clothes, I liked being out of the house for once."
I turned it around on him. Without even meaning to. I was mainly just grasping at anything I could to force his focus back to me.
"I knew I should have chained you up like a fucking dog." He shook his head, "Especially after what your bitch of a mother pulled." It was working. He was back to threatening me with things he'd only ever do if he was really pissed.
"So then wouldn't it be your own fault?" I asked, looking up at him, "Maybe you should have." In one smooth movement, he kneeled and gripped my face again. Jerking me closer to him, his blue eyes glaring into my green ones.
Whoops, I thought fearfully. Too far.
He didn't speak right away, just warning me with his eyes, and that was how I knew I needed to shut up. When he was angry like this, I could see just a hint of the crazy he held behind his eyes.
"I'm gonna tell you this one time." He finally spoke, his tone dark and slightly gravelly, and I strongly preferred his silence, "I will not put up with your smart mouth the entire fucking trip. I'm not against drowning your ass in the bathtub and calling it an accident, just to be rid of you. Say. One. More. Fucking. Word." Instead of doing so, I bit my lip.
At my silence, he went on, "I'm giving you a fucking chance, you little bitch. Don't fuck it up." Instantly, I shook my head as much as I could. I'd change my tone drastically from this point on. Pushing him too much more right then would be really stupid. He threw me away from him and I barely managed to reach both hands back to catch myself. I was glad I did, because landing on my back would have been unbearable.
"Get your ass up."
I felt his hand close on my arm when I didn't move immediately, but I didn't even try to fight him as he jerked me to my feet. Jarring every bone in my body as he swung me up, and shoved me toward the door. A loud cry escaped as he did so, leaving me before I could stop it. Being moved like that hurt.
My knees and palms hit the ground again right at the bottom step of the porch. I paused for a few breaths, but I recovered as fast as I could. Reaching for the railing to pull myself back to my feet, ignoring the pain in my shoulder now.
"I'm not sitting for hours to smell you." He growled now directly behind me, "Get your ass in the house and clean yourself up. You're disgusting." I hesitated to take deep breaths, but scurried forward as he slapped the back of my head, the sound making my ears ring.
"Go on! Let's go. Move it, stupid." I wrestled open the door and scrambled inside the house, him right on my heels.
"Hurry it up." Jack barked from behind me, which only made me move faster, "I don't have all night, so make it quick."
I nearly tripped on my way into the bathroom, but saved myself by grabbing the door. I shed my clothing in probably record time. At war with myself over not wanting to stand in the freezing cold water, but also really not wanting to piss Jack off even more.
I couldn't help crying. The water hurt so much. Scrambling to get everything done while trying my best to dodge the water until I had to endure it, but that wasn't anything new.
It surprised me to see blood in the rinsing water, though, so I looked at myself. I usually made it a point to not look at myself if I could help it. Mostly because it was a horrifying sight, and I just didn't like seeing it as well as going through it. Looking at it made it worse. Like a cut you didn't know you had until you see it, and it only then started to sting.
The kick he'd given me had opened two of the welts over my chest and stomach, which ached almost unbearably. The bruising spread out now, the dark patches covering my side and down my stomach. The welts themselves weren't that deep. Hardly skin deep, where the skin had been damaged enough to split. It took a lot of effort to split the skin through clothes, but Jack wasn't exactly known for putting forth less than his best effort.
That wasn't there before, I told myself, gently pressing over the bruising. That must have developed over the last few hours. It didn't hurt too badly, but I knew if I were to press harder, it would hurt a lot more. I knew it was more than skin deep, and I had to wonder how bad the damage was inside.
Shaking my head, I went on with my task. I knew I could just get away with washing my hair and rinsing the rest of me to get the dirt off. That would be good enough.
"Good enough." I jumped at Jack's voice filling the bathroom less than a few minutes after getting into the shower, "Get out." I grit my teeth through one last rinse to get any residual shampoo suds off and jumped out soaking wet and freezing cold. Sliding a little on the smooth floor, but running passed him.
"Hey." He called at me, and I turned in my bedroom doorway. Getting a rough towel tossed into my face.
"Thanks." I told him, already drying my hair. I was actually prepared to get dressed while still wet. Just to avoid him yelling at me even more. Of course he didn't notice the new bruising I had. As much as he liked to see the damage he caused me, he never looked too long while I was fully naked. I was grateful for that.
I hated this rush. I knew what he was rushing for, but I wished he would slow down just a little bit. Sure, we were a day late, but he barked orders at me like the house was going to blow up at any moment.
I knew why now. That conversation with Ken was what was rushing him.
Not giving me a chance to breathe, much less stop and gather any thoughts. I was still very disoriented from the rush, but I had to shake that off if I wanted to somehow stay at least somewhere near his good side.
He threw my old clothes at me, "Hurry it up."
I caught them, tossing them into the closet while trying to catch my breath and shiver violently at the same time. My teeth chattering the whole time. Yanking open my top drawer while trying to keep the dresser itself from falling over, I grabbed a pair of socks and underwear at the same time. Holding the pair of socks in my mouth while getting the bottom half of me dressed.
"Hurry up!" He was back in the doorway just as I grabbed my sweater off the floor. The cleanest one I had. Thankfully, it was black, so I could bleed into it all I wanted to.
"It's been thirty seconds!" I couldn't hold that back, no matter how much I should have.
"Don't take that goddamn tone with me." He shot back, "It's your fucking fault we're late. Get moving!"
I took a deep breath, yanking my light sweater over my head and grabbing my shoes on my way to follow him. Fighting with my wet hair the whole way. He grabbed me, though, right outside my bedroom and shoved me back against the wall. What the hell had I done now?
I looked up at him, and he looked down at me in the sudden still moment in all the movement.
"How long's it been?" He asked, and I hesitated. He got irritated when I wouldn't answer, "How long?"
"How long since what?" I knew what he wanted to know, but I had to ask anyway.
"Since you've eaten, stupid." He clarified, "How long has it been?" He must not have noticed anything odd when I threw up earlier. I silently thanked myself for deciding against eating that morning.
"Five- No, six days." I answered immediately. Admitting I'd eaten anything sooner than when he decided I could was a very good way to piss him off.
"You didn't eat wherever you went?" He frowned.
"You told me not to." I answered immediately, "So no. I didn't."
He seemed to appreciate that answer greatly. I could tell by the way his hand loosened significantly, allowing the circulation back into my arm.
"I'll get you something later." Jack replied, "You've gone longer." I had. He sighed, giving me a nod and taking a fist full of my sweater. Tugging me away from the wall with a quiet yelp from me.
He ignored that, though. Dragging me through the house, out the front door as he slammed it behind him. I took a few seconds to breathe, trying to pull my socks on as he locked the front door and started forward again. I hesitated until he turned back around to reach for me.
"Just wait a second." I whimpered, which he ignored. Gripping my sweater again, and pulling me along with him down the steps. I gave up trying to put on my shoes and socks, just carrying them along with me. Running barefoot through the damp yard to the truck hurt the bottoms of my feet, but I literally had no choice but to keep up. It was either that, or be dragged behind him.
He yanked the drivers side door open violently. The bags were already in the backseat, I noticed, as he practically tossed me into the truck head first. I was getting so tired of being thrown around.
"Ow." I gasped.
"Shut up." He grumbled in response, "Stop bitching. You're lucky you're still fucking breathing."
"Lucky." I muttered sarcastically. Gaining a full open-handed slap, and a pretty effective boost out of his seat and onto the passenger side floorboard.
"Watch the tone, bitch." He sat down as I struggled to right myself. I grunted in discomfort, but I was alright, "Get in the back."
I immediately did as he said. Scrambling my way between the front seats. Settling into the small open spot in the back passenger seat on the backseat bench, the bags beside me actually making me feel more secure.
We left the house behind quickly, practically tearing up the dirt of the driveway. I knew Alice was following me this time, so I sat staring out the window, but I didn't see her. That was a good thing. If I couldn't see her, neither could Jack.
"I'm okay." I whispered silently, and I hoped she could hear it, "That was it."
It was warm in the backseat, which I deeply appreciated. I could finally start truly warming up. I couldn't help being a little excited at seeing Heather again. And Mike, and the boys. I'd missed them already. I was deeply dreading seeing Ken, though. I was torn both ways.
In sitting still, my stomach hurt worse now. I knew that kick had done more damage to my already injured self, but I'd never know how much. All I could do was stay quiet and deal with it. A tickling in my chest had me cough again. Sure enough, I had more of a taste of blood. Enough to tell me that it actually was blood I was tasting.
As a test, I spit a little bit into my hand to look. I didn't see any blood, so I knew I still had time.
I looked back out the window as I wiped my hand on the seat next to me, watching the road blur by in the dark. The headlights of Jack's truck barely reaching the trees on either side of the road.
"I'll be okay." I murmured under my breath, once again hoping she heard it. I knew Jack wouldn't hear me over the sound of the radio on in the front. Knowing Alice was following, wherever she was, was actually pretty comforting to me. Maybe I wouldn't die alone.
Closing my eyes, I rested my head against the window. All I could do now was wait. Until I remembered what was coming later. She would see that. It could be worse, I reasoned.
"You know," Jack spoke up, taking my attention again, "If I wanted to, I could have the whole lot of them thrown in jail." My heart dropped, "Yeah, I looked up that number." Fuck.
I didn't know what to say to that. I'd forgotten about this part. It just told me I would be having a harder time accomplishing my goal than I thought before.
"Kidnapping is a serious crime, you know."
"I went on my own." I mumbled quietly.
"I don't give a fuck." He scoffed, "The point is, they had no right to take you anywhere, much fucking less keep you all night. A week or two in jail would teach them to keep their fucking distance. Worse if I decide to find a bruise or two, and point the finger their direction. One of them would take the blame for that."
"They didn't do anything." I grumbled, getting quite irritated. I wanted to turn it around and threaten to tell the truth, but I knew that wouldn't go over very well.
"Then you best be glad we're doing this now." He snapped, "Before I lose my fucking patience with them, and you ruin their lives. You don't want to get them into trouble now, do you?" If only he knew.
"No, sir." I replied instantly.
"That's what I thought." He fell quiet for a moment, "What's the nosy bitch's name? The one that called that day? She's the one I'm focused on, but I know that wasn't her number." It made me nervous to hear him asking about Alice now, knowing what I knew.
"She's not a bitch." I muttered, "She's my friend."
"I don't give a shit if she was queen of the fucking world," He was getting pissed, "What's her goddamn name?"
"I won't tell you." I mumbled, hardly daring to breathe.
"It'll be a lot fucking worse if I have to find out on my own." He barked, "You know this. What's her fucking name?"
He and I both knew he could easily get it out of me if he really wanted to. I watched his hands, slowly leaning back out of his reach. His hands, clenching tight to the wheel, were one of the things I feared most about him. His hands and his eyes were usually enough to fill me with pure fear.
"I won't tell you." I repeated, keeping my tone as calm as I could.
"Bitch," He snapped loudly enough to make me flinch, "You're pissing me off. Tell me!"
"No!" I shouted back at him, "Why should I? You have me!"
"Is this really how it's gonna be?" He asked sharply, "God you're lucky we have somewhere to be." Lucky wasn't the word I would have used to describe what I was.
"Fuck it." He said again, "I'll figure that out on my own, but I can tell you that you'll never fucking see any of them again. Do you hear me?"
"Yes, sir." Keep him happy. At least as happy as I could.
"And the next time you tell me 'no'," He added, "I'm going to knock your teeth down your throat."
I decided not to add to that.
I just went with it. Sitting back in my seat carefully. That was all I could do. Despite how I would have preferred to stay, anywhere was better than in that box. Especially considering Jack had the heater going.
Jack didn't seem to mind letting me sleep. For a little while, anyway.
The radio was on low, playing some old rock song. Listening to him singing along with it under his breath, and the quiet roar of the partially open window was the white noise I needed to sleep. This was normal. I knew this. I settled back into this role and my seat with something like ease.
Opening my eyes for a final time, I looked up out the window. The interstate was bare this time of night, aside from truckers or another random car. I tried to wait, but I couldn't stay awake for very long.
Smelling the cigarette smoke that managed to waft back at me, I actually did manage to sleep. As much as I hated him, he was the only family I had. As much as I hated him, I couldn't help feeling something like comfort when I was with him.
He was familiar, and I felt like I knew his behaviors well enough to know when I needed to be cautious. He seemed satisfied for the moment. Content, almost, now that we were on our way.
My stomach tumbled in nervousness and nausea as I thought about exactly where he was taking me. I knew full well I had a hard few days ahead of me. I doubted there would be any amount of preparation good enough to make it easier.
A/N: Chapter three - Done! :D
I apologize for this not being out yesterday. RL responsibilities had me away from this literally all day long, but I'm getting this out now. (:
THANK YOU! To my reviewers of last chapter! Side note, I do know who you are, newest reviewer lol but it still counts!
Chapter four is also written out, so it won't be long either. (: I'm taking a rest day between the heavy lifting, so I'll have plenty of time to work on editing it one more time. (hopefully lol)
Until Four, my BEAUTIFUL readers! (: