ImPORTANT NOTE: Brief descriptions of wounds. I dunno if that requires a note, but I'm putting it up anyway.
Chapter Six
I sat there on the couch with Josh, trying to control my nervous and pained breathing as we sat there in the large living room. Zack found his seat in the nearest chair.
"So." Josh spoke up after a few silent moments, "How old are you?" I had to remind myself that they really had no idea who I was. All the conversations we'd had over the years had never happened.
"Nine." I mumbled tightly in reply.
"Same as Zack." Josh smiled a little, "I'm eleven." I knew that, but I nodded anyway. I felt sick, and not really up to talking much. I hated getting yelled at by Jack.
I really had to think now. Tuning out whatever they said after that. My one hope had been Heather, and if she could somehow help me here. That was the whole reason we tried so hard to get here.
It began to sink in, what Ken was saying before. I was out of options besides going to the hospital, and he'd made it quite clear that I wouldn't make it there. I couldn't tell anyone that he would be refusing to take me there, and I couldn't tell Carlisle that Heather couldn't help me. Despite the fact that I knew he already knew that. That's what he'd been trying to say before when I wouldn't listen.
I knew before we left that this would probably be a one way trip, but now that I knew how it would all end, definitely not what I expected, it bothered me. It made me restless inside while I stared at the TV. Something like panic made it suddenly hard to breathe. I was having a hard time coming to terms with that.
"Leandra?" Zack brought me out of my thoughts.
"I can't." I whimpered to myself, standing up and moving for the closest bathroom. I just needed a minute. Some time to think it over. To find another way out, because I would rather die on my own terms than let Ken take my life.
I stepped into the bathroom and quickly locked the door behind me, turning to face the toilet but throwing up would have to wait. I covered my mouth, stifling my breathing choked in a sob that started many others.
The truth was I really didn't want to die, and I was having a really hard time facing the fact that I had no choice. I was scared, as I had no idea what dying would really be like, but what Ken had told me crawled through my head. To be so cornered scared me most. I had no way to avoid what was coming.
I couldn't ask Heather for help, and I couldn't call on Carlisle for help either. I knew better now than to expect Jack to ever stand up to his dad. Ken was the one person who could boss him around. Apparently, even when it came to me.
I caught sight of myself in the mirror over the small sink next to me. What stood out to me first were my eyes. They were so red from crying, the green in them more clear. My nose was pink as well, slight color in my cheeks, but the rest of my complexion was pale. My eyes held the emotion I felt inside, and reading my own expression only broke my heart more. I couldn't believe anyone would ever believe me when so much was clear just by looking at me. How could no one ever see?
My suffering showed in my pale skin, dark circles under my eyes.
I turned away from the mirror, closing my eyes.
I crumbled even more, fighting to keep my sobbing silent as I crouched and fell on my butt. Doing this hurt more than I could comfortably ignore, but I figured what did it matter? I might as well get used to the pain, and who knew? Maybe if I ignored the pain long enough it would kill me faster. As fearful as I was of dying, I was more afraid of what would come next, because I knew full well that there were lots of things worse than dying.
I remembered very vividly what Ken was like when we were alone together. It was coming, and I couldn't run. Not only just because I was so hurt. I'd put myself here.
I wasn't sure how long I was hiding away in here. Probably at least half an hour before a light knock at the door had me jumping, swallowing back my emotion.
"Leandra." It was Heather, "Honey, are you okay?"
"Please go away." I wasn't trying to be rude, but I was having enough trouble handling what I faced. I was kind of in the middle of an emotional breakdown at the moment. I didn't need her tempting me to accept her kindness, and making it harder for me.
"Sweetie, please let me in." She was still there. I didn't answer this time.
Moments of silence later, a louder thumping knock at the door had me flinching again.
"Open up." It was Jack, "Let me in." I whined in dread, biting back more sobs. I was letting him down. I was doing exactly what I shouldn't. I jumped again at yet another knock, "Leandra."
I forced myself to my feet and reached for the lock. As soon as it was unlocked, Jack pushed open the door and walked in quickly, pushing me further into the room and shutting the door behind him. Relocking it.
"Pull yourself together." He growled quietly at me, but that just made me cry more, "You're pissing me off."
"I don't wanna die." I sobbed as quietly as I could, "I thought I was doing good." He rolled his eyes.
"For the love of fucking god." He groaned, "Grow the fuck up. You're not gonna die. As soon as I leave here, he's taking you in."
"No he's not." I replied, "He lied to you." He hesitated for a moment before sighing hard in irritation.
"Get it together." He told me again, "And hurry the fuck up." He didn't believe me. He rounded, opening the door and leaving the bathroom. Shutting the door firmly behind him.
The fact that Jack didn't believe me wasn't surprising, but it still scared the hell out of me. Jack had been the last hope I didn't know I had before it was gone. He may not have believed me, but I didn't believe him either. I believed Ken more than I believed him, which was probably right where Jack was too. Thinking about it like that, I couldn't blame him for not believing me.
It took me several minutes before I was all cried out. Several more minutes before I could come back out and seem somewhat okay. It took a whole lot of cold water to make my eyes less puffy, but I still looked like total shit.
As soon as I left the bathroom, Josh and Zack were there. To my relief, they weren't here to demand why I was in the bathroom for so long.
"Wanna go outside?" Josh asked me, and I immediately nodded.
"Don't go far, guys." Ken called after us, having overheard. Them for different reasons than me. As soon as we were outside, I turned and walked along the side of the house. Puzzled, they followed me.
I needed to comfort myself with the sight of that black car. I needed to know that I wouldn't be completely alone when I died.
I almost sobbed in relief as I spotted it closer. Sitting under the shade of a tree just two houses up the street. I held it together, thankfully, my heart pounding in temptation. It would be so easy to just run over there and tell them everything, but I knew I couldn't do that.
I couldn't help myself, though.
"Guys.." I whispered, my eyes on the black car, "I'm in trouble." Just admitting that tried to force more tears forward, but thankfully, I had a distraction.
"For what?" Zack asked, having overheard, "For staying in the bathroom for so long? Nah, you're not in trouble. Uncle Jack said you're not feeling good."
Looking back at them, I still couldn't believe how much they had changed by my waking up.
"So, are we like cousins, or what?" Zack asked, bending over and picking up a rock, "I think we're cousins."
"Not by blood." Josh answered him, "Duh."
"Not by blood." I sniffled, agreeing with Josh, "Just because Jack adopted me when I was little."
"It's still cool." He replied, "I thought we only had cousins from dad's side." He tossed the rock to the side, "Let's go back to the backyard. I wanna see the beach."
I glanced back over at the car, knowing they were watching me, but I hesitantly gave in. I knew it was better for them if we went back, just so nobody would notice them should they come looking for us.
I followed them back into the back yard, but I wasn't up for much playing. I just stood there for a few minutes, and I took it easy while I watched them play.
I ventured further away from the house, though. Ken's house was situated several yards from the ocean, quite a distance from the actual water, but I walked that distance. I made it to the water, the boys gravitating with me. They weren't paying much attention to me as I stared at the waves coming and going, barely reaching the toes of my shoes before retreating backwards.
I crouched carefully, letting my hands rest in the retreating water, watching it come back to cover my hands against the sand.
I watched the waves coming and going, and my thoughts started to slip. What if I just started walking forward, into the water? What if I just walked until I couldn't reach the ground anymore, and I started to swim? What if I just swam until I was too tired to swim anymore?
"Wanna go swimming?" Zack brought me out of those dark thoughts, "I think they'll let us, because it's warm enough."
"I can't." I replied, "I can't swim."
"We won't go far." He reasoned.
"Plus I don't have a bathing suit." I added, looking back down at the water. I wouldn't be allowed to wear one anyway.
"You can borrow a pair of my shorts." He said, "And just wear a shirt." That didn't sound half bad, and I considered it for a second. Until I remembered that I had bruises on my lower legs too. That made me sad.
"Thanks," I said, "But I can't." He shrugged.
"It's an idea." He replied, standing up and walking away.
Out here, the breeze played with my hair. It cooled me off, but in a slightly unpleasant way. There were a few people out on the beach today, just walking or letting their babies play in the waves, but not many.
The sand was warm, the water was cold. The wet sand was firm under my hands, yet my fingers left imprints. The sound and feel of the beach was something I never got used to, and it was soothing.
A shrill whistle from behind me told me we were being called in. I ignored it as long as I could. Whoever it was calling us in was grounds enough to hesitate, and I glanced back. It was Ken standing in the back door, but another had me turning around a bit more.
"Come on." Zack called from several feet away, "I'll ask."
"Coming." I mumbled in reply, looking back down at the water. I watched the water for another few seconds before turning around and following him. He glanced back to make sure I was following before speeding up into a jog. I stayed at my normal pace, walking slowly through the uneven sand.
"Good job." Ken smiled at me once I reached him, so I knew I did something good. I nodded, slightly out of breath as I stepped passed him into the house. He patted my head lightly with his hand as I passed him, but otherwise left me alone.
"Leandra," Heather approached, "Are you hungry, sweetheart?"
"No." I mumbled quietly, "Thank you though." Jack gave me a look from his seat at the table, but I ignored it. Giving him a look in return that probably pissed him off, but I walked right by him.
If he didn't want to help me, I didn't have to listen to him anymore.
As I was walking away, heading for the living room, I came up with the stupidest idea. Maybe if I were to provoke him enough, he would change his mind about listening to his dad. If I acted the part good enough, maybe I could get out of having to stay here.
I literally had nothing to lose.
"Leandra." My chance presented itself as Jack stood up, "A word?"
"No." I muttered, sitting down in the closest open chair. I didn't dare look at him as I saw him come to stand beside me.
Zack and Josh both looked over, interested.
"Excuse me?" Jack asked, his tone a forced calm.
"I said, no." I repeated, "Deal with it." I was pushing him too hard too fast, but that was my goal. He couldn't beat me here in front of everybody. I glanced over, noticing the clenching of his hands.
"And I said.." He reached down and took my arm, "I'd like a word." He yanked me out of my chair. Stupidly, I fought him.
"Jack." Heather watched from the kitchen.
"Stay out of this." Jack barked at her, but dragged me forward anyway. Toward the stairs. I clenched my teeth, dragging my feet, and did something I knew I'd regret. I placed my free hand on his arm and dug my nails into his skin as hard as I could. Pulling as I did so. I felt the skin give way under my nails, so I clawed harder. With every ounce of hatred I had for him.
He stopped with a growl of pain, taking my other hand and clenching his fist around my wrist. He stared at me as I stared up at him, and just the look was enough to make me stop struggling.
I was challenging him, which I'd never been brave enough to do before. At least not to this extent. I knew never to hurt him, and I'd just drawn blood.
Josh and Zack had both turned in their seat to watch.
"Come on." Jack hissed at me, dragging me up the stairs. His grip was painful, the pressure only increasing every struggle I gave. I was so sure this was the right thing, and my only hope was pissing him off enough that he decided to drag me home just so he could beat me in peace.
"Jack." He paused and we both looked back at Ken's call from the foot of the stairs, "Let me deal with her. You clean that up." Jack glanced down at his arm before almost shoving me away.
"Fine." Jack growled, and my heart sank, "You sort her out."
"H-Hey wait.." That really wasn't the outcome I was looking for. They passed each other on the stairs, Jack descending them and Ken ascending them toward me just as Heather appeared at the foot of the stairs, looking up at us. I was scared, but determined. I would do the same thing to Ken if I had to.
"I hate you!" I shouted after Jack, but he didn't even look back.
"Heather." Jack called her attention firmly, and I winced at his tone.
Without a word, Ken took my arm, but before I could scratch him, he captured my other hand. I was pretty sore from resisting Jack, so I didn't have much fight left to fight Ken. He hauled me the rest of the way up the stairs easily, up the hall a bit and turned me a bit to push me against a wall.
Before he could even start talking, I spoke first.
"You lied to him." I said, looking up at him, "You lied to Jack. You said-"
"I know what I said." He shut me up, "I told you. I take care of my own, and if that means lying to them, then fuck it, but I swear to God if you blow this-"
"You can't do anything to me." I sniffled, glaring at him, "I'm already gonna die. I don't care anymore."
To my surprise, he chuckled, "There it is."
"It's not funny."
"Oh, but it is." He laughed, crouching in front of me, "I was starting to think Jack was full of shit with how he talked about you. You have no idea how much I love a challenge."
"I don't care." I grumbled, looking away. Reaching up, he placed his hand on the side of my face and forced me to face him again. Rubbing firmly, before sliding his hand back and rubbing the back of my neck.
"You will." He assured me, tugging at my hair, "You know, I did like the idea of making you disappear, but.. Well, now I'm rethinking that." I frowned a little, looking at him in confusion, "I could keep my word to Jack, but only if I get to keep you. I like you." The way he pulled at my hair made me nervous. I wasn't sure why, as he wasn't hurting me. It was a little like the way Jack had done it that night in the truck, but different. I could feel his tension, yet he was somewhat gentle, but it made me deeply uncomfortable.
"If I'm gonna be okay," I said, "He'd never let you keep me."
"I raised that boy." He replied, "You couldn't imagine the amount of work I put into him." I hated thinking about it, so I looked away until he forced my face forward again, "What you're not understanding, is that he'll do what I say when I say to do it. He'll leave you here for the rest of your life if I tell him."
"No he won't." I countered, "Ask him. I bet you."
"It's already done."
"You're nothing but a liar." I glared at him, "I'm not staying here with you."
"Oh," He laughed again, but the sound was thick with seething irritation as his hand balled in my hair, tugging harder, "It's a good thing you're cute. I suggest you be very careful with how you talk to me, Leandra. That pretty little mouth of yours is going to get you into a lot of trouble with me. Jack might let you get away with that smart ass attitude, but I won't."
"Whatever." I muttered, jerking my head away. To my surprise, it worked and his hand fell away, so I went on, "Remember? I don't care. Or are you deaf, and didn't hear me before?"
"Keep it up." He growled this time, standing up.
"You don't scare me." I snapped, looking up at him, "You make me sick."
"You have no idea." He replied almost silently, his eyes hardening the way Jack's always did, but more pronounced. His tone was dark, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't scare me. I wanted to reply, but he went on, "I'm going to make you eat every single one of those words, babydoll."
Right then, our conversation was interrupted.
"Leandra." It was Heather, thankfully, coming to check on me. I shoved Ken back enough for me to get passed him. He continued to stand there, stiffly shaking his head, no doubt trying to control his rage. She reached the top of the stairs just as I started down.
So far I had dodged every punishment I should have gotten, which was saying a lot. It felt a lot like trying to cross a lake of lava with uneven stepping stones. One wrong step, and I'd get burned. It made me nervous to think about what would happen when my luck ran out, but I'd come here, set in accomplishing a goal. No matter how hurt I was, no matter how sick, or scared, or tired I was, I would accomplish it. It was all I had left.
I made it downstairs, stopping once I looked up and saw the look Jack was giving me as he dabbed the still-bleeding scratches in his arm with a wet paper towel. I knew he wouldn't bother to cover them, but he was still pissed. I shuddered, my welts and bruises aching at just the thought of what I knew he wanted to do to me.
"Oh, boy." Mike noticed me too, "Hey, uh.. Let's all go back outside." He could see Jack's expression as well. Gesturing me forward, Mike gave me a small, nervous smile. I walked forward, giving plenty of space between Jack and I as I passed him. His eyes followed me, and I cringed a little.
Both Josh and Zack stood up as well and followed me. I was grateful for the help from Mike right then.
A loud thud from upstairs had me missing a step in the kitchen, jumping as I looked back. Josh accidentally bumped into me in my sudden stop, looking back as well.
"Keep going." Mike urged us on, herding us through the back door. I stepped outside first, followed closely by Josh and Zack last. As soon as Zack was through the door, Mike closed it again.
"What the heck was that all about?" Josh asked, surprised as Mike walked away from the door. He looked to me, and I looked down.
"Long story." I mumbled, stepping off the porch onto the grass, "I don't really know."
"I've never seen Uncle Jack that mad before." Zack admitted, following me.
"Yeah." I sighed, sitting down carefully, "I wanted to get him that mad."
"Why?" Zack asked, sitting next to me.
"Because I don't care anymore." I answered quietly, staring down at my hands gently tugging at the grass, "I'm sick of being nice to him." My fingernails still had quite a bit of blood under them, but I chose to ignore that.
"Why does it sound like there's things you don't wanna say?" Josh asked, coming over to sit with me. I'd almost forgotten how observant he was.
"Because there is." I replied easily, "There's lots of things I don't wanna say."
"I mean," He said, "It just seems weird to me. None of us knew you were coming. You guys show up, and now everyone's mad."
"I'm good at that." I skirted around his point carefully.
"So.." Zack muttered, "What do you wanna do?"
"Sit here." I answered, and Josh looked over at me, "I'm tired."
"That's boring." Zack said as he stood up, and I shrugged a little, "Josh? Wanna go throw rocks at each other?" If I didn't know them so well by now, I would have found that suggestion rather odd, but since I did know him so well, I would have found it odd had he not suggested something like that.
"You sure you don't wanna come?" Josh asked and I shook my head.
"You guys go ahead." I said, and he shrugged. Standing up as well, he followed Zack out toward the sand. The sun beating down on my head oddly felt nice. Without exerting myself, it was warming me in a pleasant way. I hadn't realized how continuously cold I'd been this whole time, but now I did. I never even felt the slightest bit hot earlier while we were out.
It seemed weird to me that I felt cold, considering Ken's observation earlier about my being too warm. I probably felt cold because I was tired, I reasoned with myself. I always felt colder when I was tired.
I closed my eyes, resting them for a minute. It felt nice. Almost like I could just fall asleep sitting right there. Just in case, I leaned forward just enough to rest my head on my hand. The last thing I wanted was to fall over. Braced like this, I could relax without worrying.
I didn't actually fall asleep, but I must have sat there for over thirty minutes before the back door opened again. I looked up lazily, before suddenly growing nervous again. Ken had come looking for us, and though he did give me a glance, he mostly focused on whistling for the boys to come inside.
My stomach protested as I sat upright, a stab of pain stiffening my whole body. I gasped out, gaining Ken's attention as both arms came to hold my stomach with a quiet whimper. A quiet huff of laughter had me look up at Ken's smug smile.
Sitting so still for so long before moving so much so suddenly was apparently something to add to the list of things I really shouldn't do.
The boys walked by me, looking down at me in concern at the obvious pain I was in.
Josh spoke up, "Grandpa-"
"Go inside, guys." He assured them calmly. They did as he said with another glance at me. With a sigh, Ken walked closer. I couldn't even let go of my stomach, much less stand up until the waves of pain passed.
I looked at him, watching as he crouched in front of me.
"Well, well." He chuckled quietly, speaking quietly, "What's wrong?" I bit my lip, looking down, "Where's that smart mouth now?"
I panted in my pain, squeezing my eyes shut against tears. It hadn't hurt this bad yet, and I wasn't even sure what I'd done to make it worse. I was just sitting there!
"What you pulled earlier?" He murmured, "It only made my point. He's not fit to handle this situation, and he knows it now."
"You're wrong." I mumbled, shaking my head, "And you'll see. He won't leave me with you."
"Keep telling yourself that, honey." He smiled, "If it makes you feel better." I looked back down bitterly. I wasn't sure what else to say to that. Reaching forward, he took a strand of my hair between his fingers, taking a breath, "And between you and me, I really think you should take all the comfort you can now, because after tomorrow, you'll never see it again." I looked up, steeling my gaze in an attempt to hide the fear I felt, "The last you'll see of Jack.. The last you'll ever see of Heather or Mike.. The last time you'll ever see the sun, or breathe fresh air.."
How calmly he was listing these things off really scared me. He smiled a little, tucking that strand of hair behind my ear.
"I haven't decided yet." He admitted gently, "Just how I'm going to-"
"Honey?" Thank God. I glanced to the door and watched as Heather stepped outside and came over to us. The boys must have told her my condition.
"I'm okay." I whimpered, forcing myself to straighten out. I ignored the way my voice hitched at the end and a sudden stab of pain.
"Let me get a look, sweetie." She murmured, smoothing my hair a bit.
"Please don't." I mumbled, and her eyes grew more concerned, "I'm fine. Really." She still seemed doubtful so I went on, "I'm probably just hungry. My stomach always hurts when I'm hungry."
She sighed, "You should have eaten something earlier, sweetheart."
"I know." I replied, forcing myself to my feet as calmly as possible. Ken stood up with me, his gaze on me, and I swore he could see the way my stomach turned.
"Well," She said with a reluctant sigh, "Lunch is ready. Go on in." I nodded. I couldn't exactly turn it down now after using that excuse, so I would have to choke down some food.
As soon as I walked into the house, though, I knew I didn't have long before I would have to throw up. Again, as calmly as I could, I made my way to the bathroom. I walked in, closed and locked the door, turned on the sink faucet, and immediately threw up as quietly as I could.
It was so hard to stay quiet, especially with the blackish-crimson sight in the water below me, but nobody came knocking.
I took a few minutes after emptying my stomach, just to make sure I was okay. The pain had lessened significantly, to my relief, and I could stand up again without wanting to curl up in a ball. I rinsed my mouth thoroughly, making sure no traces of blood stayed around, and I left the bathroom like nothing had happened.
The boys were already eating, but I hesitated. Really unsure about testing my already turning stomach. Heather was watching me, though, so I had no choice.
I made as plain of a sandwich as I could, mostly nibbling on the bread, but she seemed to accept that. I kept my eyes down most of the time, letting my thoughts wander.
I couldn't help part of me wondering what in the hell I was doing. I might not have anything to really live for anymore, but I was single-handedly trashing everything. I hadn't pissed Jack off enough yet. That much I did know, so I needed to keep trying. I needed his focus on me, instead of what his dad was telling him to do.
Anything I ate felt like lead sitting in my stomach. Heavier than it should feel, but I did manage to take a few relieving sips of water.
"Feel better?" Heather asked me as I placed my plate on the counter. I nodded a little, turning to walk away, but she caught me. I looked up at her, clearly noting her concern before she spoke again.
She sighed, "Sweetie, I know it's hard for you to trust me, but.. I promise you. It's the best thing you can do for yourself right now."
I looked down, "It's not that I don't trust you, because I do. I know you're a good person."
"What is it?" She asked, "I know you're not okay, and I'm very concerned." I knew that too.
"There's just more to it than you know."
"I can help you." She said, "If you'd let me."
"I can't let you." I admitted quietly, glancing over at Jack in the living room. He and Mike were both talking, but from all the way in the living room as well, Ken was watching me. Heather looked over as well, and he smirked. We both looked at each other again.
"I think I know what's going on here." She murmured softly, "But I really hope I'm wrong." I shook my head.
"It's easier if you don't think about it too much. Trust me."
"Honey, where is your mom?"
"I don't know where the place is." I replied, "But someone took her somewhere to help her stop drinking."
"I see." She nodded, "So she's going to be there awhile." I nodded a little.
"Until Jack finds her." I mumbled before I could stop it. She knew what Jack was like, though, so she wasn't particularly surprised. Only sad that I seemed to know what Jack was like. I needed to shut up before I let too much slip.
I hesitated for a moment, before I spoke again, "I just.. Think I need to rest for a little while. Is there any place I can do that?"
She nodded immediately, "Come with me." That, I agreed to. I let her take my hand, and she led me from the kitchen. Ken's eyes followed us the entire way through the living room and up the stairs.
The second bedroom on the right was apparently the one she was staying in. I took the hint, found the bed and crawled up onto it without much hesitation at all.
"Get some rest." She murmured, "I'll keep watch."
"Thank you." I mumbled, looking up at her. She gave me a small smile, and I closed my eyes as she left the room. It felt so nice to just rest for a few minutes. I felt like this whole day had just beaten the hell out of me, and I wasn't even done.
When the bed dipped, I expected it. I opened my eyes for a moment to look up at Alice as she sat beside me. It was pretty shaded on this side of the house, so I knew she'd feel comfortable with making a quick trip in here.
What did surprise me, however, was spotting Esme standing just beside the bed, and Carlisle back by the window. I hadn't been expecting Esme to show up too, and though I was glad to see her, I couldn't help feeling a little suspicious.
I gave a questioning look to Alice, who smiled sadly.
"She's heard a lot about you." She admitted. That made sense, and I knew what she meant by that. I took a deep, shaky breath, and sat up slowly.
"Hi." I greeted Esme quietly, almost shamefully. If she'd heard a lot about me, she knew how hard of a time I was giving Carlisle and Alice.
"Honey," She sighed. Her tone immediately told me I was right in that assumption, and I watched her sit down on the edge of the bed as well, "Please. Let us help you."
"I can't." I instantly said, shaking my head. Her being here was just a firm reminder of why I couldn't. It was hard to see her now and not remember exactly what happened before.
"You know what I'm going to say." Alice murmured next.
"I know."
"Why did you say you were in trouble?" Esme asked quietly, and I sighed. She'd been here that long. That would be pretty hard to explain.
"I hope I can fix it." I replied instead, "I'm trying to fix it before it gets that bad. I was just scared earlier."
"If your idea of 'fixing' things is making them both angry," Alice said, "It's working."
"I know Jack." I countered, "If I make him mad enough, he'll change his mind about leaving me here. Jack does whatever he wants, unless his dad tells him to do something, but if I make him mad enough, he'll ignore his dad and do whatever he wants."
"Hold on," She murmured, "You said he's actually thinking about leaving you here?" That was a huge change from what I'd been saying this whole time. I was a little hesitant to talk about everything with Esme sitting right there, but I figured she needed to hear all of this too if she would understand. I was hoping, however stupid it was to hope, that Esme would be on my side like Alice used to be.
"Just because his dad told him to." I answered, "You guys must not have been here for that part. Ken thinks.. That I can't be fixed without a hospital, and that makes him nervous. It makes him think that I'll die, and Jack will have to clean up the mess, or that if Jack makes me go to the hospital himself, they'll turn on him."
"They will." She replied, "So that concern is accurate." I ignored that.
"So Ken is telling Jack to leave me here." I said, "So that Ken can take care of me himself. To keep Jack out of trouble."
"I see."
"Yeah." I sighed, "But I hate Ken so much. More than I hate Jack. I would rather get beat by Jack every day until I died than stay here with Ken."
"And Heather?" She asked.
I shook my head, "I had to lie to her. Before she even knew what was wrong, she said she couldn't do anything to help me. That only a hospital could. If I would have told her the truth, she would have made me go the hospital herself."
"It makes sense." She agreed, "She's a nurse, and knows what she's talking about."
"I know." I replied, "I don't blame her. She's been doing what she can for me here, but I know I need to lay off on making Ken mad."
"I agree." She said, "Jack too."
"But he's not mad enough." I reasoned, and she gave me a look so I sighed. I hesitated for a moment before I spoke again, "I'm scared. I don't know what tonight's gonna be like, because they weren't this mad before."
She sighed, "I can help you."
"I know." I replied, "It's not that I don't have help. I know that I do, but I'm not done doing what I came here to do. I'm not done." I looked down at my hands nervously bunching in the blanket.
"I understand that now." She said sadly, "But.. Can we at least get a look?" I looked over at her at that question as Carlisle came closer. He'd been silent this whole time which made me hesitant.
"No." I mumbled, "You'll make me leave."
"We just want to know what we're working with." She assured me, and I hesitated. She hadn't said that before. Carlisle's expression told me he was even more against this than he was before. Borderline angry, which was odd enough for him. It bothered him so much, and I knew it would. I'd tried to warn them both that this wasn't going to be easy, but they chose to ignore that.
I looked back over at Alice. Giving Esme a glance too.
"Promise?" I requested quietly, and Alice nodded with a sigh. Esme didn't like it, but she nodded as well. So I readjusted, carefully straightening out and laying back down as Carlisle stepped closer. I raised my shirt over my stomach, avoiding looking at him as his deep concern only got worse.
"God, Leandra." Alice winced hard, shaking her head.
I looked down at myself instead. The bruising hadn't really gotten worse since I'd last looked at it, so that was a good thing, but it was worse than they'd seen so far.
"This part don't hurt that much." I mumbled quietly. I was trying to calm them down, but it was still bad. Two of the welts across my stomach were still open a little bit, glistening dark pink with a light color of blood against the blackish bruising underneath and all around them. It looked like the bruising was about done spreading, so it was mainly centered along my midsection. Maybe a bit around my side, toward my back on one side. My right side.
"Honey.." Esme's voice was tight as she shook her head, "No."
My stomach was a little bit bloated, and I felt uncomfortable. Like I'd eaten too much, despite the fact that I hadn't eaten hardly anything for the passed few days.
"How much blood have you lost, Leandra?" Carlisle asked me quietly, and I shrugged a bit.
"Not that much." I lied, and he shook his head.
"And Heather has yet to see this?"
"She would make me leave." I replied, "But I'm not done."
"This needs to stop." Esme told me, but before I could argue, Carlisle spoke.
"I cannot let this continue," He said, "No matter the risks you seem to believe there are."
"You have to." I argued, lowering my shirt and sitting up carefully, "You promised."
"I never promised." He pointed out, "Because I doubted my ability to keep a promise like that. Let's go." I shook my head firmly.
"I'm not leaving." I told him, "I tried to tell you if you couldn't handle it, then to just go home. You can't take me without kidnapping me." He obviously didn't like that thought. Shaking his head again, his expression hardening a bit in more frustration. I spoke again, "I'm used to this. It's not as bad as it looks."
"Leandra," Alice sighed, "He's right. It's really bad."
"It's not that bad." I argued again, "I-"
"You're either lying to yourself," Carlisle murmured, "Or under the false impression that we're blind. Either way, you need medical attention." I sighed hard, getting frustrated as well.
"I'm not changing my mind." I countered, "So you might as well just go."
"What will it take to change your mind?" He asked, "I don't think you fully understand."
"I get it more than you think I do, Carlisle." I replied, "Trust me. I don't think you fully get it if you have to keep asking me why I'm doing what I'm doing, or what you can do to change my mind. You can't change my mind. The more you keep trying to change my mind, the more I'm gonna do this."
"Now isn't the time to be stubborn, Leandra." Esme murmured gently.
"I'm not being stubborn." I shook my head a little, "You just don't know the things I know. None of you do."
Carlisle shook his head as well, "That may be, but-"
"Just stop." I whimpered, "I can't. It's not that I don't want to. I want to. I just can't. You don't believe me, but that's not your fault. You just don't know what it's like coming back here over and over. And I know what happens, and I know that I can't go through all of that again. This is my last chance to get it right."
"What do you mean?" Esme asked me, and I took a breath.
"The first time I woke up," I said, "Aro was coming back for me after he tried to kill me. The second time I woke up, Jack had me and was trying to kill me. Both times, everyone was trying to protect me. Both times, I had to worry about everyone else as much as I had to worry about me, and I had to feel like crap because I got you guys into that. You don't deserve that much trouble in your lives. You're too good of people for that. No matter what way I go or what I try to change, it ends up the same way. This is the only way."
It was silent for a moment after that, so I went on.
"You don't know what it's like," I mumbled, staring at my hands, "Knowing that everything you do makes the people you care about more than anything in the world have to worry, and that just by being alive, they get in trouble. Real trouble. Not just a little bit of trouble. I can't keep doing that to you.
"I have a chance now that I didn't have before now that I can remember everything in time to keep things from going wrong. I promised myself before I woke up that if I ever had the chance to change things, I would take it. I'm taking it, but.." I trailed off to catch my breath.
I did my best to ignore the stabbing pain in my stomach, keeping my eyes down so they couldn't see the pain in them. It took me a moment before I could speak again, because I knew my voice would waiver. It'd been doing it all day.
I flinched a little as my hand was covered, and I only then realized how tightly I'd been holding onto the blanket. I looked up at Esme, her hand covering mine.
"What you're doing.." She spoke softly, "Sweetheart, it's very admirable, but it's very dangerous."
"I know." I whimpered in reply, "But I have to fix it."
"What do you have to fix?" She asked sadly, "Honey, you've done nothing wrong."
"Not yet." I replied quietly, "But if I let you save me, I'll have done a really bad thing. You don't know how bad I want to be saved, but I want to fix everything even more. I never should have let Alice bring me back to your house that night. It was bad enough going at all when he told me not to, but I never should've let her take me back."
Alice, seated beside Esme, looked down. I hesitated before I went on, hoping to make them understand just a little bit more.
"I don't think it would be so hard for me if I didn't remember everything." I mumbled, my eyes on my hand in Esme's, "I been having a hard time with it all day, remembering things. All the things that happened last time. Everything I got when I just let you guys help me. Things I know I would have again if I gave in again this time, but then there's the other side of it. Then I think about what Jack does, and the things he tells me and how right he was to say those things. If I give in now, it would be the most selfish thing I could ever, ever do and I don't want to hurt the ones I care about like that. Not again. Just remembering everything I caused hurts me so much."
"You are the least selfish person I've ever met." Alice told me quietly.
"You say that now." I said, "You always say that, but I can't go home yet. Not when I know it would just drag Jack there too. Everyone who ever knows me, knows Jack too in some way, and that's not even it. The more I think about everyone in my old life.. All you guys, my mom and dad, Heather, the boys, Mikah and his family and Cole, Andrew.. The more I wanna protect them, and the only way I can do that is to just hold on. I know I can hold on just a little longer. You and them are all reasons for me to be doing this."
"Hold on." Alice frowned, "Your parents?"
I nodded, nervousness blooming in my stomach at just the thought, "My dad has another daughter. Her name's Lily, and she's.. Five, right now I think. Next year, his wife, Rachel, has another daughter. Jack finds out pretty easy about them, and he tries to use Lily against me."
"And your mother?" Carlisle asked.
"Are you kidding?" I asked, "She got away from him, so he's gotta track her down. Just like he tracked Heather down after she got away. I can't believe I never told you all of this. When I got away last time, he drags her around with him, which makes it hard for Alice to see what him and Ken are doing. That's how she has my little brother, Hunter."
I could see that I'd just given them a lot to think about. While they gathered their thoughts, I focused on Esme's hand holding mine again. It felt nice just to have my hand held. It comforted me.
I paused before I looked over at Carlisle, "Do you think I'll ever get to see my mom again? Jack killed her last time, so I have a chance this time to tell her that whatever happened wasn't her fault."
I wasn't looking for promises. I was looking for hope. I wasn't looking for someone to tell me how bad of shape I was in. I was looking for someone to have some confidence in me.
"You will," Carlisle replied, "If you allow us to get you out of here."
I shook my head, looking back down. Had he not heard a word I said?
"Leandra," He sighed, "What I'm saying, is I don't know yet how much longer you'll be able to hold on. Even I can't tell the extent of your injuries, but from what I have seen, it's.. Bad."
"I know it's bad." I mumbled, "I'm not dumb, but I know I can do this. I can hold on as long as I have to. I came too far to just give up now. I've hung on this long. I'm strong enough. I know I am."
"As wonderful as it is to be so confident in yourself, I need you to be realistic." Carlisle said, "Frankly, I don't know how you've held on this long."
"Then I know I can hold on a little longer." I argued.
"What exactly are you waiting for?" Alice asked pointedly.
"If I run away now," I said slowly, "He's gonna know it's you that helped me get away. He'll know right where to look for me, because of that call you made looking for me that night. I have to be sure he's not gonna look for you first thing when I run away, or it'll start all over again."
"And how will you be sure when it's okay to get away?" She asked.
"I don't know." I admitted, "But it's not now. Jack isn't stupid, but I gotta be smarter than him. I gotta be careful about what I do and when I do it. Whatever's wrong with me.. I-It's a whole different thing. It has nothing to do with what I'm doing now."
"That's where your thinking is wrong." Alice said.
"She's right." Carlisle added, "Leandra, you need to take your health into consideration." I looked down. I knew he was right, but it wasn't that easy.
"But.." I mumbled, "All those people. You guys. Jack.." I took a breath, "He punishes people for knowing me or caring about me. If anyone tries to stand in his way, or protect me from him, he gets right around them and hurts them while he does it. I knew this before, but.. I-I thought it would be okay. I just thought.." I trailed off, struggling not to cry.
"The solution is simple." Alice spoke up again, and Esme looked over at her.
"No it's not." I insisted, "You can't-"
"Leandra, someone that sick doesn't need to be alive."
"You kill him," I said, looking over at her too, "Where's it stop? Might as well go on, and kill everyone else like him. Might as well go out and hunt down all the humans that do the same thing."
"She's right." Carlisle repeated, but as I looked to him, he was talking to Alice, "There are other ways."
"I told you." I mumbled, "He won't stay in jail, if he even goes at all. God don't make me remember that.." I shook my head, looking down.
"It's different this time."
"No it's not." I replied, looking over at Alice again, "He came this close to killing me last time, and he got out after only a couple months. If Carlisle hadn't stopped the bleeding, I would've died that day. I actually did. Twice." That shut her up for the moment.
"And you're still convinced that Ken is worse?" Carlisle asked carefully, and I immediately nodded.
"He has more money," I said, "And knows more important people. He doesn't hit like Jack does. He hurts in.. Different ways. Ways that don't leave marks anyone can see. He's really good at what he does. He scares me. A lot. Without even hitting me." I shuddered through a breath, "I don't know how Heather lived for so long with him. He's.. He's the reason I ran away last time. It wasn't because Jack tried to leave me here like I said. I could have lived here if I had to, but.. It was something he did that made me run away." I shook my head, sniffling quietly. I couldn't continue on with that confession.
Turning around, Carlisle slowly paced in thought. Reluctantly, I released Esme's hand. I needed to lay down. Sitting up like this was really starting to hurt. I carefully laid back, wincing hard as I landed just a bit too far on my back.
"You can leave if you have to." I mumbled, watching Carlisle, "I know how much this is probably bugging you, and I know that it's hard for you to get why I'm doing this instead of begging you to take me away, but this.. Is something I have to do. Even if it's the last thing I ever do, I won't let him hurt you." I let my eyes close, "I won't let him hurt anyone for knowing me. You're more a dad to me than my dad ever has been."
"We're not leaving you, Leandra." Carlisle finally sighed, and I smiled a little. I knew there was more he wanted to say to that, but he didn't.
It fell quiet in the room again, and while I laid there with my eyes closed, I couldn't help thinking about the vision. All the memories I had of what wasn't supposed to happen. As much as I knew I needed to keep all of that from happening, it was nice to visit those memories again. It really gave me a sense of purpose, and I felt just a little less worthless.
Even if I didn't let myself fall asleep, it was still nice. I trusted Heather to keep an eye out for me downstairs, just to make sure nobody went up the stairs without the best of intentions, while Carlisle, Esme and Alice all kept watch on me in here. For hours. Just a few short hours of reprieve, but it was more than I could have hoped for.
I knew Heather was on her way up as Alice eventually sighed.
"We'll be around, Leandra." They needed to go, and I understood. Without opening my eyes, I nodded. I was very tired, and I had a feeling it was because of how much blood I'd already lost.
I wasn't done, though.
A/N: Blah. When will I stop making conversations last half the chapter? Who knows.
Anyhoo.. I'm sorry this is a little late. Little KNeu has been a little snot all day, and I'm pretty sure he's getting two more teeth. I finally got time to work on this while he naps, so.. Yay naptime!
THANK YOU! To my REVIEWER! You're awesome! I'm hoping you know that I eagerly look forward to reading your thoughts lol
Once again, chapter seven should be out tomorrow. (: It just needs a final go-over.
Until Seven, my friends!