ImPORTANT NOTE!: It gets a bit intense in this chapter, but you probably expected that. Regardless. Proceed cautiously.
Chapter Eight
The anger I felt toward Alice was quickly fading into something else.
I knew I had no reason to yell at her like I did, but my fear pushed me to do it. I was afraid of giving in after so much time spent preparing myself for this. I knew I would be okay. I had no choice.
I wasn't even sure I'd have a chance to apologize to her for what I said. I wasn't even sure if she wanted me to apologize. It really wasn't that I wasn't grateful for her help, and for staying with me, but her placing pressure on me to leave with her was making it that much harder on me because of the pressure I was putting on myself to stay and deal with whatever I had to deal with until the time was right.
The pressure was just getting to be too much until I felt squeezed. My heart sped up at just the thought of making it until morning. I just had to hold on that long. It was just one night, right? It'd be easy. Right?
That doubt stayed, despite my attempts to calm myself down. I knew better than anyone just how much could change in one night.
Turning off the light, I crawled back into bed, right back into the same spot and position I was in before. I rested my eyes closed as soon as the bathroom door opened. I really couldn't help being nervous, though. Part of me wished I had asked for some sort of heads up about what could be coming, but I had a pretty good idea what was crossing Ken's mind. I knew him well enough to know, and if what happened earlier downstairs was any indication, he didn't leave a lot of need to guess.
I kept my eyes closed as silence followed the light turning off, but I knew there was no way he would believe I was really asleep. The silence in the room was heavy, like trying to breathe underwater. I grew dizzy with my effort to even out my breathing, instead of letting fear make it tremble.
I'd be fine. I'd be fine.
That small spark of doubt started to grow, to join together with the nervousness constantly pooling there, speeding up my heart beat and tightening my breathing. My eyes were closed, but I was far from relaxed, and I listened hard for any sound in the room.
Despite being curled in a ball underneath the blanket, I felt completely exposed. Open, vulnerable. I wondered if this was how all prey felt when they knew a hunter was looking right at them.
I wasn't stupid. I knew Heather had a reason to be worried for me, and as much as I tried to deny it, I did care a little bit about what would happen to me.
"I know you're not sleeping." His quiet, whispering voice in front of me completely shattered the silence in the room, and I jumped, knowing he stood there beside the bed. He sounded different, all previous efforts to make his tone comforting was gone now. Like a whole other person.
"I'm sorry." I whispered back, squeezing my eyes shut, "I'm trying to. I swear." I listened to him sigh, and movement.
"Open your eyes." I did as he said, looking right into his eyes. He'd kneeled beside the bed, looking at me in the dark as he spoke again, "I want you to know, and to understand right now that no matter what happens tonight, it's your fault."
I wasn't sure how to reply. The way he said those words left little room for hope, breaking those lies I'd been telling myself in half. He firmly believed those words, and it only fed that spark of doubt.
"You know why, right?" He asked gently, his voice almost silent as he reached up, smoothing his fingers lightly through my hair, "Because you didn't listen earlier. Because you acted out. I wanted so badly to let it slide, but if I did, you'd think that behavior was okay. It's not, and I have to teach you. Do you understand?"
I didn't reply, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. I just looked at him, watching his every move. The darkness only making things worse for me.
He went on as if I'd agreed, "I just want you to remember that you brought this on yourself."
With a warning like that, I wasn't even sure what to do. Maybe he was bluffing. I knew it was stupid to think that, but it was the only hope I had right then. Part of me was tempted to beg him to leave me alone, but I knew with him, it would only make things worse. I couldn't do it. So I laid in silence.
"Okay." He murmured softly, removing his hand from my hair and standing up.
More silence lasted several seconds before I felt the bed dip slowly behind me, the blanket being lifted as he settled in. I was so tired, but I knew I couldn't let myself fall asleep.
I laid in a very tense little ball, my back to him and my eyes now open as I blinked in the darkness. He was still at first, and for a moment, I actually thought they were wrong. I actually thought he'd changed his mind or something, because he didn't move anywhere toward me. So I relaxed a little. Just enough to close my eyes.
What a stupid move that was.
After a minute or two more of just laying there, he sprung like a snake, grabbing my neck from behind me and jerking me back toward him. I didn't even have time to cry out before his large hand was covering my mouth. I gasped in breath as much as I could in the position he had me, his other arm ensnared my waist, yanking the rest of me back against him. Forcing the breath from my lungs with how tight he held me now. I whimpered a fearful cry from behind his hand, a delayed reaction to being caught so far off guard.
This definitely wasn't like how he'd acted before, earlier in the day. This was forceful. Scary. Before, I still had a hope of getting away. Now, I didn't even dare to breathe, much less hope.
"Not a sound." He whispered into my ear, and that was really when my trembling began. He didn't even have to add a threat onto that. His voice was a threat enough and it held ice, I was sure of it. It chilled me, causing pure terror to tear through me in waves. My limbs numbed in response, and I just froze. His voice reached a deeper part of my mind than Jack's ever had. It forced me to lay still.
There went my previous plan to plead with him, with his hand tightly over my mouth, smothering me as my breathing raced. Right out the window. Right out the same window Alice had gone.
At that chilling thought, I gave a very brief struggle, but he just squeezed me tighter until I stilled again. I knew full well that he could kill me right here if he chose to, and that thought terrified me. Especially given his threats earlier. I was sure he did that on purpose, planting those threats in advance so I would understand a little better now.
Keeping me pinned to him, he rolled forward, smashing me into the mattress as he settled his weight directly on my back and forcing me onto my stomach. I whimpered, and fought for a brief moment for a breath, but otherwise, I laid completely still under him.
If I thought it was hard to breathe earlier, it was a thousand times harder to now. His knees trapped my hips in place, and he laid over me. One hand pinning my head to the side. Panic held my eyes open, tears escaping and my breathing racing in panting gasps under his weight. I panted through sobs, trying to stay quiet as he bit at my neck. Just like I'd seen him do to Heather. His breath was hot as his teeth literally pinched at the skin of my neck, hurting me, and I attempted to turn my head to stop him. He bit harder, and I tried harder to squirm away.
"Ow." I gasped, tears flowing freely from my eyes now.
"Shh." He hissed sharply into my ear. I was so scared, so I just sobbed as silently as I could. I couldn't help it anymore as his hand snaked up my shirt, along the side of my body to grip my throat. I felt every move of every muscle in his hand slowly tightening on my throat, and that was the feeling that just snapped my resolve in two. I'd found my limit, and had run full speed passed it.
No, I yelled in my mind. No, no, no, no.. I sobbed.
"Shut up." He growled a whisper into my ear.
My breathing hitched in my throat, my eyes wide as my hands clenched in the sheet under me. Releasing my throat, he moved his hand away, but he readjusted his hold on my head. Balling his fist tightly in my hair and pressing down, flattening me harder into the mattress. I wasn't sure what he was doing with his other hand, but I was suffocating. Tears flowed freely now, trailing steadily from my eyes to pool on the mattress pressed against the side of my face. My cough was muffled, choking on my sobs, but he seemed to allow that.
My panicked thoughts once again raced a million miles a minute, and wouldn't slow down to allow a coherent thought to cross my mind just yet. I couldn't breathe, which only increased my panic.
The welts along my back burned and screamed in pain as he pressed against them, probably on purpose, but it was the thought of the fact that those welts would be the least of my worries that pushed me to give in. In a split second decision, I gave in and allowed the first coherent thought through.
Okay, I thought, shouting in my mind. Help me. Please. Help me somehow.
Half a second after that thought was even through my mind, a very loud shattering of glass echoed in the room behind us. I flinched hard, allowing a louder sob out in my surprise.
Ken was off of me in just as much time, having rolled away from me. Allowing me to breathe. I sobbed in relief, taking in an audible breath as emotion closed my throat and staying on my stomach for a moment. Letting out a few of the sobs I'd been struggling to silence.
"What the fuck?" Were his three words as he moved to stand up. Turning on the bedside lamp. Now nervous, I rolled over to look across the room as well. Nobody stood there, so I was puzzled for a moment, thinking someone had come in to kill him.
Ken stood up and went to investigate as I watched, trembling where I sat. Leaning down, he picked up a very solid brick from off the floor, and I realized what they'd done. God, they were brilliant.
"Thank you." I whispered very lightly under my panting breath.
A knock at the door had me jumping, "Leandra?"
It was Heather. The sound of the window breaking had been loud enough for her to hear. I pushed myself off the bed and scampered across the room. Adrenaline moving me as fast as I could go, and making it possible to ignore the pain. Ken seemed distracted enough by the brick and peering out the now broken window to not care. I unlocked the door, yanking it open. I landed against her, hugging her instantly. I couldn't help it. She was such a welcome sight at that point, and my trembling wouldn't slow down.
"Are you okay?" She demanded, pulling back and kneeling down to look at me. She looked me over as I shook violently in front of her. I tried to form some sort of reply, but I honestly couldn't yet. Unfortunately, without any pajama bottoms on, she saw first hand the bruises along my legs. Her eyes widened, and she looked closer.
Her eyes darted back up to mine, taking in how upset I really was. Moments from a full on break down. Looking at my face, though, brought her attention to my neck. She reached up quickly, moving my tear-damp hair away from my neck as she looked at me. I must have had a mark there.
"Can I sleep in your room tonight?" I whimpered instead of answering her unspoken question. Oddly, for a moment, I worried that she would somehow blame me for choosing to stay in here when she'd come by earlier to get me. I worried that she'd say I'd brought this on myself, or toss in a firm 'I told you so'.
Instead, her eyes immediately darkened as her gaze darted over to Ken. She heard my tone, and what I wasn't saying to her. It didn't take a genius to figure out why I was so scared if she already had her suspicions.
"Go on, honey." She murmured to me, smoothing my hair briefly. I didn't hesitate this time, stepping around her and scooting across the hall toward the open door. Passed both Josh and Zack standing in the doorway. Mike was standing also, watching me practically jump into their room.
I was a wreck, but he looked closer as well. My bruises weren't hard to see.
"What in the hell?" Mike asked, watching after me, but the way I sobbed must have told him not to ask any more.
"Stay in here, guys." He told us as he walked out. Closing the door behind him. I could hear very loud arguing coming from across the hall between Heather and Ken, but I did what I could to tune that out. Mike was there, too, so Ken couldn't hurt her.
"What happened?" Josh asked as soon as the door was closed. I attempted to swallow my panic a few times, trying to answer, but all that could come out were sobs as I broke down. I was safe in here, but I knew my panic was panicking them.
I ran across the room, straight to the window. I looked out into the dark yard below, but I couldn't see anything.
"If windows are breaking," Zack spoke up, "You probably don't wanna be over there." I ignored him. The only way they would have known to do that was if Edward was still here too. I felt a little bad for making him come here and miss his chance to stay with Bella, but I wasn't really thinking about that. I was more concerned about my rising guilt over having to be rescued at all.
Unless it was just the fact that Alice was down there, unable to let me put myself through that. She could have just met her limit of what she was willing to put up with. As glad as I was not to be there anymore, I couldn't help feeling like my choices were being forced. They knew, no doubt, that if given the opportunity, I would dive for the closest form of safety I had in this hell. So they made an opportunity.
What was going to happen now, though? It was more than obvious that Heather wasn't going to let this go. Not with how upset I had been, and definitely not with the bruises she had seen on my legs. I could hear it in her quiet, angry voice across the hall.
I didn't have much time to wonder, as I heard Jack's bedroom door slam open, and my heart dropped. He was going to blame me. I knew it. I struggled to catch my breath. For the briefest of seconds, I considered jumping out the window, but the sharp drop to the ground below changed my mind. Still, though. The thought of hitting the ground and dying was more appealing than the thought of staying here and waiting for Jack.
Sure enough, the door opened forcefully and Jack looked right to me.
"I didn't do it." I immediately sobbed as he walked in. Gripping my arm, he pulled me out into the hall.
"No," He told the boys as they tried to follow, "You guys stay in there." He shut the door in their confused faces before tugging me up the hall and into his room. Heather was still arguing with Ken, but Mike was just heading down the stairs. Probably to go take a look outside.
I worried for her until Jack closed the door, and I looked up at him. His anger was very evident, and there wasn't really anywhere for me to go. I looked up at him, whimpering as I backed up a few steps.
I tried to speak, "I didn't-"
"I don't know what the fuck is going on," Jack growled as soon as spoke up, "But I know you had something to do with it." He wouldn't be completely wrong.
"No I didn't." I whimpered, a sob escaping with a few tears, "How could I?"
"I don't know how you did it," He replied, "I don't care. I just know this is your fault. What did you do? And for fuck's sake, put some fucking pants on! Have you lost your goddamn mind?"
"I didn't do it." I cried, gasping through deep panicked breaths, "All I know, is that h-he was on top of me-"
"Wait," He jerked me a little by my arm, shutting me up and I looked up at him, "What?"
"I couldn't have done it," I replied, "'Cause he was on me-"
"On you?" He asked.
I just nodded, and before I could even really reply, he turned around and left the room.
"B-But.." I couldn't help following, crossing the hall right on his heels, so I got to see Jack walk right up to Ken and punch him in the face. Just to the right of his nose. Heather, shocked, stepped back a bit to watch.
"I told you to wait until I fucking left." Jack snapped at Ken as he recovered, "You couldn't wait one goddamn night before you started that shit. No wonder she's scared out of her fucking mind. No wonder she's freaking the fuck out."
"What did I tell you, boy?" Ken asked in reply, chuckling, "You knew full well what was going on here."
"As soon as you're alone with her, you pounce on her like she's some piece of meat." Jack went on incredulously, "What the fuck is wrong with you? I told you to wait, or she'd freak out. Pace yourself. Damn."
They'd actually discussed this? Just that thought tried to turn my stomach.
Heather had heard enough. Rounding on the spot, she walked right for me.
"Come on, honey." She offered her hand, and I immediately took it. To my nervousness, she led me back into Ken's room and straight for the window.
"Mike?" She called outside, but I was busy watching both Ken and Jack watch me. I really didn't like the way they were looking at me. Jack looked more pissed than I'd seen him in a very long time, but Ken looked determined. A slight smile on his face.
Once again, I considered jumping out the window and taking my chances. As it was, we were both cornered with nowhere to move but toward them.
"Yeah." I heard Mike call from down below the house.
"Get back up here." She said, "We're leaving. Now."
"I don't think so." Ken chuckled, and she turned to look at him. Jack shook his head with a sigh, turning around in irritation. Ken spoke again, "If you want to leave, go for it. You know where the fucking door is, but that one is staying here." He pointed at me, and I flinched as if he'd thrown something at me.
"That's not happening." She replied, "I'm not letting her stay here with either of you. She's coming with me, and I promise you'll never see her again. Now get out of my way." With that, she pushed her way passed Ken, but he wasn't about to just let it go like that. As she passed him, he reached out, grabbed a violent handful of her hair and twisted her around to face him.
She released my hand to fight him off in time for Jack to grab me up in his arms and back us up. As much as I knew I shouldn't, I knew I needed to help her, so I kicked. I kicked backward, as hard as I could.
The first thing I felt was the heel of my foot hitting him hard, and I was suddenly falling. I caught my fall on one knee and both hands on the floor. His loud shout had me glancing back, but I pushed myself up and rushed forward as quickly as I physically could. Placing both hands against Ken's stomach, I shoved him. In surprise, he released Heather, only to catch a hold of me.
"Wait your turn, runt." He laughed, easily tossing me aside. I stumbled with the force, hitting the floor just as Jack reached for me. His hand closed on my wrist before I could get back up, and I was violently jerked back across the floor. A rough slap across my face as soon as I was within reach stunned me long enough for Jack to get back up. Bringing me with him.
"You fucking bitch." Jack growled, more to himself than to me, "You're lucky you have shitty aim."
I was able to focus on them just as Heather swung the brick right at Ken, but he was prepared. Yanking it from her hand and swinging it himself, landing it against the side of her head.
I flinched hard as she hit the floor, and didn't get back up.
Everything suddenly stilled, only about a minute having passed. I struggled to catch my breath, staring at Heather. Waiting for her to get up, but when she didn't, it started to sink in.
I sobbed loudly, attempting a small struggle. I wanted to go to her to see if she was okay, but Jack held me tighter, and we watched as Ken dropped the brick on the floor right next to her. Slightly out of breath as well, Ken nudged her arm with his foot before kneeling down beside her. Just like that, my fight was gone.
My cheek burned and throbbed with pain from Jack's slap, but I hardly felt it against the returning pain from my stomach and welts.
"See what you caused?" Jack asked me sharply, shaking me a little. He backed us up a bit more just as Mike made it into the room. I kept my mouth shut, trembling in Jack's arms as I watched Ken pull the biggest charade of concern I'd ever seen from him.
Truthfully, I couldn't not see what I'd caused. I couldn't look away from it.
I wanted to say something so badly, but what would I do if Mike got hurt too?
Apparently, she'd "tripped" and hit her head on the brick on the floor. She was out cold, and bleeding pretty bad from a giant cut along her hairline, but still breathing, so that was a plus.
Jack was right. I'd caused this. If I had just been tougher, and not asked for help, this would never have happened. If I hadn't tried to help her, this would never have happened.
The guilt I already felt became debilitating. This sort of thing was exactly what I was trying to avoid. Seeing her laying there like that was hard enough without Jack whispering that that was my fault.
Despite Ken's insistence that they just take her to the hospital themselves, Mike called 9-1-1 immediately, unsure about moving her. He was worried that she might have hurt her neck when she 'landed'. I was hidden away in Jack's room as soon as the ambulance came with a firm warning to stay put and stay silent.
I only had enough time to sniffle deeply fighting back more tears as he slammed the door shut. Jack was still convinced that this was my fault. He believed it, so I believed it too.
Almost as soon as the door was closed, I wasn't alone anymore. I wasn't particularly surprised this time. Not after what all had happened tonight. Not with everything they must have heard down there. Not with all the chaos and pain I'd caused.
"I know what you're thinking." I closed my eyes briefly at Edward's quiet voice by the window, "Leandra, you couldn't be more wrong."
I stayed silent, though. Looking at the door as I couldn't help thinking about what I'd caused. I knew he was seeing every thought through my head, but that didn't slow them down. I was more tired than I had been in a very long time. In every way.
I was so worn down. Exhausted, weak, but I still thought more about Josh and Zack than I did about myself. What would happen to them if Heather never woke up? I'd never regretted a split second decision I'd made more in my entire life. The guilt I felt made me nauseous.
"Leandra." Edward tried again to break me out of those circling thoughts. I finally looked over at him, blinking a few stray tears from my eyes.
I couldn't help crossing the room and hugging him. The last time I'd actually seen him was that night Alice brought me back to their house. Yet another choice I never should have made.
He returned it gently, though, which I appreciated.
"They called you?" I asked, only needing confirmation. I needed to know how much I should be embarrassed about, but clearly, he'd been here to hear everything. He had heard the desperation in my thoughts, the snapping of my resolve when nobody else would have.
"For many reasons." He replied, "Mainly because they needed to know exactly what you were thinking. I'm glad I came."
"I was too at first." I whimpered, stepping back, "I-I didn't know that would happen. I-I.. I didn't think.." I broke through a sob, "I didn't know he would do that to her. I never wanted her to get hurt because of me."
He sighed, crouching in front of me, about to speak, but I had to turn away. In quick search for the bathroom, I moved for it as fast as I physically could. Embarrassment wouldn't keep me from needing to throw up, as much as I wished it could.
I sincerely hoped while I threw up that it would be normal, but opening my eyes briefly, I could see it was far from normal. As embarrassed as I was, I was ten times more embarrassed as I glanced back and saw Edward standing there in the open doorway. I turned forward again in shame, trying to hide what I knew he already saw.
My head spun uncomfortably now, more than it had the whole time, and I knew if I were to release my grip on the toilet, I would fall. I just needed a minute, so I closed my eyes, resting my head briefly on my arm.
I was now perfectly aware of the fact that I was running a fever. I felt too hot, but I shivered uncontrollably. Because I was aware of that, though, Edward was now aware. I knew full well that that was as bad of a sign as throwing up blood. Especially the amount of blood I was losing. It wasn't horrible, but any amount wasn't good.
I forced myself back, choking back a whimper.
"Leandra." Edward finally spoke, having stood silently through my suffering, "I know your reasons for putting yourself through this, but it's done now. It's gone on long enough."
"Not yet." I mumbled, "You don't know yet what Jack is like."
"I think I've heard enough." He replied, "The very thing you're so afraid of is the one thing you're headed for if you don't let me get you out of here. Right now."
Dying.
I didn't reply as I stood up shakily, flushing away all the blood before turning for the sink. I was trying to figure out a way to word my response as I rinsed out my mouth. I couldn't deny that it was getting harder to stay upright. To keep standing when all I really wanted was to just lay down. I'd already made a huge mess of everything I was trying to do. I didn't have much of anything left.
"I know it feels differently to you," He said, following the gist of my thoughts, "But you're only nine years old. You have your whole life ahead of you."
"Maybe it would be better." I mumbled, glancing up at him as I left the room, "I might be scared, but maybe it would be better if I die. Then maybe nobody would get hurt because of me again."
"What happened tonight was not your fault." He stressed, "I don't care your reasoning." I looked down. I really wasn't up to arguing about it. I knew he was wrong.
"I know you know. Every single word Jack has ever told you has been a lie."
"I know." I mumbled, "But that don't help me. You know why I gotta do this."
As I looked at him, my reasons crawled through my mind. A quick skim over all the events that brought me to this decision. One by one, each memory of all the stress and pain Jack causes everyone over the many years I spent with them scrolled sluggishly through my mind like a movie. One thing that hadn't ever happened to me before, though, was the fact that I had to go back and forth, piecing everything together when it got confusing or when I got mixed up.
His expression changed as he listened to me, gathering all the information I could give him in such a short time. His eyes narrowed, his brow furrowing in concern.
Towards the end, I turned away and sat on the bed.
"Leandra," He spoke after our minute of silence, "I completely understand your reasoning, but there is one thing you've been missing this entire time."
"What?" I asked quietly.
"All of that is preventable." He replied, "Every single moment of it."
"How?"
"The same way everything else is." He said, "Just by showing me all of that, we know what not to do. We can change it. Alice might be willing to sit back and let you throw yourself to the wolves for your cause, but I can't allow it. We're going to do this right."
For really the first time, I started listening. I was sure it had a lot to do with what waited for me once everyone was gone, but once again, I felt my resolve thinning. Maybe he was just that good at making me listen, because he was the only other person on the face of the planet that knew my thoughts as well as I knew them.
"You're very selfless." He continued, "And I deeply admire your bravery, but this isn't the right way." I stayed silent, looking toward the door at the sound of the paramedics getting Heather ready to go. They were in the hall now. I was running out of time to decide.
"But," I muttered, "Every time-"
"It's different now." He reasoned, "You've shown me all I need to know to keep any of that from happening again. All you have to do is trust me, and let me get you out of here."
I stood there in silence again, debating. He knew not to push me any more, as I needed to come around on my own. I started going over things in my head.
If I were to disappear now, all Jack would assume was that I ran away, but then there was the fact that I'd been talking to them before we left. We would be right back where we started. I was confused, but I knew I was still stuck.
"I can't." I whimpered, "No matter what I do, it won't be enough."
"I can take care of them for you."
"No." I said, looking over, "I don't want anyone to do that. I don't want you to go back on everything you stand for just for me."
"As noble as that is," He replied, "That isn't what I'm talking about. Come with me, and I'll explain." He offered his hand, and I hesitated.
"Where would you take me?" I asked, my nervousness increasing the more I considered it.
"Step one," He answered, "Is the hospital." I started to shake my head, but he continued, "Once you're there, they will protect you. Once they know the situation, neither of them will get through the front door."
"Even if they can't get to me there, they'll find a way once I leave." I countered, "This won't work. They know people."
"We can fix that too." He told me, continuing to offer his hand, "Please, Leandra. You're willing to give your life for us, yet you refuse to trust us?"
I continued to hesitate, until it occurred to me. It suddenly made sense why I was so tempted now, and it wasn't just because I was afraid of what waited for me.
"Jasper's down there too, isn't he?" I muttered, and he sighed.
"Yes."
At least he was honest.
"I could tell." I mumbled, "He's not very sneaky." I was still torn, however. I glanced to the door before looking to the window. I wanted to avoid having to suffer tonight just as much as I wanted to save them, but then I thought about how selfish that was.
"You're not being selfish." Edward answered that thought immediately, "You've given me all we need. We know how to be prepared."
My thoughts continued to slip, though.
Why was I doing this? To keep them safe, but for what reason? They meant the whole world to me, but as soon as I knew they were safe, I wouldn't get to have them in my life. To keep them safe, I wouldn't get to know them anymore. I would have to tell them goodbye, and that thought hurt me. I would have to let them live their lives without someone like me darkening it.
I couldn't know Heather, because that would just put her in more danger. Especially after just seeing what Ken was willing to do to get her out of the way. That scared me more than what I'd seen earlier today, and it was effective. I couldn't know Josh or Zack for the same reason.
I would never know Andrew.
I would never meet Mikah. He would get to live his life too.
If I were to accept Edward's offer right now, what would be the point? No matter where I ended up, the people I ended up with would never mean as much to me as my family did, but even if they did want to take me in, I couldn't accept it. That would be selfish. It would be the most selfish thing I could ever do.
"No, Leandra." Edward tried to tell me.
Also, no matter where I ended up, I'd still be running from Jack. Or Ken. I would never be safe, but I didn't want anyone to take them out. I cared about my family too much to let them do that to themselves. Even if they wouldn't feel the slightest bit of guilt, I would always know that it was my fault they went back on everything they stood for.
The whole point of this was to keep them intact, and by doing that, I couldn't be involved.
Or worse yet, Aro. I could never live a normal human life, because try as much as they wanted to, there was no way to avoid Aro forever. He would find out about me sooner or later.
But by that reasoning, I really had no reason to run away. What would I be running to? More fighting, more stress, and torturing myself with thoughts of what I used to have until the day I died. That didn't sound appealing to me.
That was a very depressing thought to have. Nobody but Edward knew what this was like. Running circles in my head, trying over and over again to come up with a solution, but over and over again running straight into a wall. Like a mouse trapped in an ever-shrinking cage. There was only one way out, and that led straight to a waiting mouse trap.
"There was something I said before," I mumbled, keeping my eyes down, carefully sitting on the bed, "Before, during the vision, I mean." I could see that he knew I was talking myself out of it as we spoke.
"Nobody is giving up, Leandra." He murmured, "You may be ready to, but I won't let you."
"Jack is like a trap, waiting to close." I said anyway, "He's got the leash. My mom knew it, too, but she didn't know it until it was too late. I'm glad she got away, but he'll find her. He always does, and when he does, he'll own her again too. Heather tried to get away, and they found her."
"Leandra," Edward spoke, and I looked over, "There's no way we would abandon you."
"Then you haven't learned anything." I mumbled under my breath, "You don't get it either. Nobody does." That just made me even more sad. It made me sad to consider the fact that none of them knew just why I was doing this. They'd proven it repeatedly by how often they'd tried to get me away from here.
Realizing that just emphasized my point. I would probably always be alone. If I made it any further than tonight, they'd never really understand why I did what I did. To them, I still just some weird kid who would rather go through hell just to keep them safe. They knew the gist of what I told them, but they knew nothing of the emotion or my reasoning behind it. I could explain to them until I was blue in the face why, but they still wouldn't get it because I was alone in that bond again.
That was an extremely lonely feeling. Realizing yet again that all the memories I had of this family were my own, and nobody else's, was very depressing to come to terms with. A sadness settling just under the constant fear I felt tried to numb the nausea, and for the most part, it worked.
"Nobody knows." I repeated quietly, keeping my eyes down. I sighed, my voice quieting, "I wish I'd never woken up."
"Don't say that." He replied, "Leandra, just because we don't hold the same memories doesn't mean we don't care."
"I know." I mumbled, "But it's different for you. I told myself before that I would give anything to go back and change everything, but.. I didn't know that changing everything would make me give everything. I guess I just didn't know what was really wrong with me back then."
"Leandra." I heard Jack call from the hall. He was calling me to him. I took a breath and stood up.
"Don't." Edward murmured quietly, "Don't do this. Just come with me."
"I have to." I whispered back, "Please, just go. Please, just leave me alone."
With that, I forced myself to turn away from Edward's offered hand, and crossed the room to the door.
I opened it, just to find Jack about to open it himself. He grabbed my hand and jerked me out into the hallway. All the activity was gone now, Heather having been taken. He yanked me around, standing me in the hallway.
"I'm going with the boys to the hospital." Jack told me firmly, "You're staying here."
"Can I go too?" I asked quietly.
"Why?" He snapped, "So you can finish her off? No. God knows the chaos you'd cause in a hospital." I looked down, "Plus I don't need you puking everywhere. You're staying here."
Nervously, I glanced over at Ken standing in the doorway of his room before looking after Jack as he turned to walk away. I whimpered, "Please?"
"What part of 'no' don't you fucking understand?" He barked at me, and I flinched, "Stay."
"Please." I couldn't help it, "Take me with you."
"Ask again.." He warned, his tone tight as he pointed at me, and I pursed my lips. Looking down. I couldn't decide what I was more afraid of. Pissing Jack off or staying here with Ken. I glanced over as Ken joined us in the hall.
"Go." Ken told Jack, and I cringed a little as he placed his hands lightly on my shoulders, "We'll be here when you get back." As Jack turned again, I ducked away from Ken and darted forward before he could catch me again. I grabbed onto Jack's wrist as tight as I could, suddenly in tears.
"Please." I begged him again, and he was actually surprised as he looked down at me, "Don't leave me here."
With a sigh, Ken grabbed me up from behind, but I held on to Jack as long as I could before Ken jerked me away from him.
Jack hesitated this time, watching me. Jack knew exactly why I didn't want to be left here. He knew I knew what waited for me as soon as he left, and he also knew that no matter what he said to Ken, it wouldn't do any good.
I begged him with my eyes as much as I could through my tears, my breath too choked with sobs to speak anymore. I could see that some part of him was torn. Part of him didn't want to leave me here with him, because he did know what was going to happen the second he left the house, but there was that bigger, stronger part of him that couldn't give in. His pride.
He'd already told me three times, and if he gave in now, it would make him look bad.
Jack sighed hard, looking away.
"Go." Ken told him once more, and that seemed to do it. With a shake of his head, Jack turned, and descended the stairs. Despite the fact that my hope died a little more each step he took, I wasn't really all that surprised.
We continued to stand there in the hallway, listening to Jack leave.
As soon as the front door was closed, Ken hugged me tighter. Tight enough to squeeze my breath out in a quiet cry.
"What did I just get done telling you?" He growled at me.
As much as I tried to deny it, this fight or flight feeling couldn't be ignored anymore. With a loud sob, I arched as much as I could. All that did was hurt, so I didn't get much accomplished with that move.
"Please." I choked out, kicking as much as I could as he turned for the bedroom. As soon as it was within my reach, I grabbed onto the door frame, sobbing out my effort through clenched teeth. I was terrified. I was more afraid of what would happen if I didn't fight than I was of the consequences of fighting. Despite the pain it caused me, I held on just long enough to frustrate him into setting me down to try to get a better grip on me.
I turned, punching right for his stomach. Of course, I missed, but it was enough to move him back a step. I took that opportunity to turn and run. I wasn't very fast, and every step jarred the breath from my lungs, but I had to try.
I felt him reaching for me right at the top of the stairs, so I flinched forward. Unfortunately, too closely to the top step. My foot skidded off the edge of the step and my other leg crumbled under me.
Everything else happened too fast for me to follow. Half way through my tumble, I finally reacted enough to try to stop myself from falling by reaching for the handrail, but that only made me hit my head again against the wall. After what felt like much longer than a few seconds, I sprawled ungracefully at the bottom of the stairs. Too dizzy to focus on anything, so I shut my eyes and tried to gather my bearings again.
It took me a moment to realize exactly what had just happened. Thinking back to seconds ago, I could feel where I'd gone wrong. Instead of placing my foot directly on the step, I'd taken too large of a step. My heel had landed on the very edge of the step, so when I put weight on it, it had slipped. My other foot had been unprepared to catch me in my haste.
I did inventory while I laid there for those few seconds. I laid mostly on my side, my upper half laying chest down with my cheek against the floor. One leg was still resting on the bottom step, but the rest of me had hit the floor at the bottom of the stairs. Being twisted this way hurt more than I could ever begin to describe, but oddly, my head hurt more than my stomach did right then.
It took me several seconds before I even thought to move, the sound of Ken slowly walking down the stairs after me reminding me that I had to move. I honestly tried to get up, but the most I could do was roll over, clutching my stomach.
My head pounded hard now, and though I was focused on Ken coming ever closer, I also thought about the conversation I'd just had with Edward. As much as part of me really wanted to take his offer, to choose safety over this, I knew I couldn't, but I couldn't help wondering if I had just made the wrong decision. Yet again.
It had been the first time I was that tempted this entire time, and I knew it was more than Jasper's doing. It had been instinct pushing me to take Edward's offered hand, but I denied it.
I pushed myself up again, but once again, I wasn't strong enough. With enough effort, I pulled my legs to me, curling into a small ball. That rather jarring trip down the stairs had stolen a whole lot of my strength. Disorienting me, making me easy pickings for Ken, who finally came to stand right next to me.
A/N: I'm sorry this is so late today. Ugh lol it's been one hell of a shitty day. I got to this at every spare second I had.
THANK YOU! To my awesome reviewer of chapter seven! :D Yay! THANK YOU!
Busy weekend starts tomorrow. Officially. Please have patience with me while RL has my attention over the next few days. Monday, I probably won't have net as we transfer it to the new house, so I'll try to update either Sunday night, or whenever I can. Bear with me. (;
Until Nine, my friends!